Category: Weekend Treat

  • 10 things a lady should do on her first date

    10 things a lady should do on her first date

    SO you are out on your first date with a guy you’re interested in. Nervous?  Don’t be. First dates are often that getting-to-know-you period that don’t require a lot of commitment. It’s like a job interview except even if you totally crash and burn, you won’t be missing out on rent money. That being said, the first date is a delicate game of chess that needs to be played properly.

    1. Don’t suggest a movie.

    I don’t know where the misconception arose about movies being a great date night activity. You’re literally not seeing or interacting with your potential significant other. Movies are best saved for later on down the road. You know, when words aren’t needed any more because you’ve already gotten to know whoever it is you’re watching that movie with. Or, if you need an excuse to make a late night visit to your already-significant-other’s empty home.

    1. Coffee is always a great way to start a date with a person you’re meeting the first time.

    In a blind date situation, never commit to any activity that will take longer than 30 minutes. This is a safety net for you so you’re not stuck with some douche bag you don’t want to spend time with. If coffee goes well and you guys hit it off, it is easy to get a guy to commit to a dinner and/or drinks. All you have do is be cute and say something innovative and groundbreaking like, “I’m hungry”.

    1. Eat.

    If you are in a meal-consumption situation, please consume the food like you are enjoying it. Unless of course the guy is an ass that took you to a horrible place to eat. Barring that, it is painful, and I’m speaking from experience here, when you’re there eating a delicious meal and your lady friend is taking rabbit-sized-bites out of a salad.

    1. Drop the phone.

    I think younger girls have a tendency to do this more often than older women, but it is horribly annoying when you are trying to have a conversation with someone that can’t take their eyes off their phone. This is also considered rude for all you kids that never learned proper manners while you were growing up. Be engaging and responsive.

    1. Be a conversationalist.

    After all if you are on a date, there’s only two people involved presumably. Don’t be the bitch that sits there acting like she’s bored. In addition, it isn’t always fun for guys if all they hear during your date are things your friends did. Chances are A) he doesn’t know your friends personally, and B) those stories aren’t half as funny as you think they are.

    1. Be diplomatic.

    There are plenty of ways to say, “Hey, this isn’t working out.” No need to be cold or a total asshole about it. Trust me, it feels just as crappy for guys as it does for girls. If all else fails, stick him in the friend zone. It worked for all the other hearts you broke. Who knows? Maybe you can torture him with stories about how jilted you feel because of all the asshole guys you fall for.

    1. Honesty is always good.

    Be straightforward and don’t put up a front. Why would you? This is the time to let your potential long-term-boyfriend know that you are human too and you have your quirks. Have bad habits? Let him know. Use the light, funny atmosphere to warm him up to the worst side of you. Unless you want to be the jackass that soaks your panties in his sink then asks me to get tampons at the market to assert your feminine dominance for no other reason than to brag to your girlfriends… I had some weird exes…

    1. Enjoy the buzz, don’t be that girl that falls and trips over herself.

    Guys only SAY that’s cute. It really isn’t. There’s nothing wrong with not being able to drink a lot. Just don’t push yourself until you pass out because that invites all sorts of trouble and… well it just isn’t appealing. Nothing wrong with having one or two drinks (or half depending on your tolerance). Remember, a date isn’t the same as hanging out with your friends. First impressions can never be made a second time, don’t waste the opportunity.

    1. Don’t kill the chase too early.

    If you do want that long-term situation, the worst thing you can do is give in to a guy’s advances too fast. Yes, it is a normal part of a relationship, but that doesn’t mean he shouldn’t work for it. Unlike other myths, this one is true. Guys love the chase and nothing that’s worth the wait happens in the first few hours of meeting someone.

    1. Have fun and show that you’re having a good time.

    Chemistry isn’t built overnight and love never happens at first sight. That’s lust and infatuation. Part of building that chemistry is enjoying each other’s company. Nothing kills a first date like a girl that acts like she has something better to do. If you DO have something better to do, go do it.

    Well that’s it. I won’t guarantee that every first date will be awesome, but if you do follow the road map above, they won’t be horrible. Unless of course the guy is utterly boring and ridiculously dumb. If that’s the case, just end it and walk away. Finding the “right guy” isn’t a one day job. Have the patience and the composure to keep searching. After all, if you are involved with someone that you don’t want to be with, that just removes you from the pool of potential girlfriends that perfect guy is looking for his other half in.

     

    Source: thoughtcatalog.com

  • Return of Mama Elero (2)

    WE just came from an Islamic forum where we listened to a man of God who is well respected in our community. The occasion called for celebration and to crown it all, the man used me as an example for other women. He called me a virtuous and hard-working woman fit to be the governor of a state, a dutiful woman with no time for gossip, either in the mosque or at home. Everybody clapped for me, Mukaila inclusive.  I was so happy on that day. The man did not lie.

    The expression was suitable for me. I danced well to the music rendered by the singers thus:

    Asalatu fonise nla

    Asalatu fonise nla

    E yonbo Anobi loke

    Asalatu fun Baba

    The music was so melodious that day and I was in high spirits, not knowing Mr. Monkey was waiting to get home to unleash terror on my happiness. No qualms, I have the grace of God to strengthen me on the days of trouble, and I thank God for the good manners that I had exhibited before that time to lift me higher from the lion’s mouth.

    We were even joking on the way home how Mukaila was lucky enough to have me as a wife. He did not say anything or betray any emotion. My children and other close relations were saying this. We got home and only for him four hours later to tell me he was selling the house we built together! Can you imagine that?

    “Ololufe, we need to talk,” Mukaila told me.

    “Hope it will bring money o,” I replied him jocularly.

    “It will bring more than enough money to make us happy.”

    “Hope you have not gone to be eyeing the daughter of the Prersident?”

    “Come over o jare, don’t let this moment fly away o.”

    I moved closer and sat down. He cleared his throat. And that is him for you. Whenever he wants to do abosi, rikisi or gossip, Mukaila has the habit of using such methods to start off. I have known him for more than 20 years, so his antics were not new to me. I was praying fervently that he would not announce that my mother was dead at home because my instincts told me it was a bad news item coming out of his mouth and mind. I am not a prophet, but I had the premonition,

    “I want to sell this house……”

    “Which house?” I didn’t allow him to finish.

    “This our house now, do we have another one?’ he replied me, looking up.

    “Please, tell me it’s an Asalatu joke!”

    “Not even a mosque joke; it is the reality of life. I am selling this house. We will relocate to the village and start life over there.”

    “Don’t get me upset; what will happen to your five children. I mean our children?”

    “They will relocate with us and start life there too……”

    “What of my business? Will I be selling butter to those who prefer natural food to the junk ones?”

    “No time for question; just listen to me and listen well.”

    “Mukaila, you are not yourself; I can vow. Please, stop this day-dreaming and let us say something better,” I pleaded almost close to tears.

    “What do you mean? By the time the Malian come to send you out to the street, you will know that khaki differs from real leather. I have the money intact with me.”

    “Can I ask a question? I now stood up facing him.

    “Yes, go ahead.”

    “Do you remember that I used 78% of the money to build and equip this house? Do you know that nothing warrants you selling this house? We have no problem with each other or with the tenants. And you didn’t even put me in the picture of such a deal before making the move, Mukaila!”

    “And so what? Is that the national anthem for the pepper grinders?”

    I got up and couldn’t eat that night. I was devastated. Imagine my own husband, selling our only house, with five children on ground. Children who were born and bred in Lagos State. The children that were in school session! Mukailaaaaaaaah!

    He did not put it into consideration that I had the larger share on that building. But all the papers bore his mane. I did all I could to make him happy to make him feel like a real man among his peers and family members. Love blindfolded me into believing that I was with the man of my dream.  I gave all that I had. I did not even think for a moment that one day the story would be different.

    I refused to pack my load when he started parking his belongings, and I equally addressed the tenants not to panic by moving their belongings. They are going nowhere. I told them.

    Mukaila went to our town to report me to his family members. I was summoned to come home. I sent an emissary back that I would come but not because of Mukaila.  I stayed back.

    A week later, the Malian that bought the house came and I called him aside and told him that I was not going to anywhere, except if they wanted me to die in that house.

    The uproar was much and the community leaders waded in. Nothing could change Mukaila’s mind. Nothing could change my mind too on the house that I laboured to build. The Malian who bought the house wouldn’t hear any turenchi or big grammar about his desire not to occupy the house. It was a real dilemma for all the actors. Mukaila didn’t see any Nigerian to sell the house to  a foreigner from Mali. Too bad! I am not tribalistic, but I would have preferred that he even sold it to a man from neighbouring Benin or Cameroon Republic. Well, too late to cry when the milk has been split.

    I was preparing to go home to meet our parents in accordance with what Mukaila told me when his sister came. She called me names. She molested and disgraced me in the pubic, telling me that I was not submissive. That what else did I want, after all, I have been told to go back to our town with the children. I was shocked. This was a lady that told me on many occasions that I was an asset to their family. His younger brother who stayed under me for many years called me by first name telling me how skinny I was before their brother married me. That I was an ingrate who have got to Lagos to go ga-ga! What an irony of life. These people knew the truth and ran away from it. Hmmmm!

    It was a problematic moment for me. I was sad and felt like swallowing poison. The community leaders under the landlords’ association rose up to help me. They never for once condemned me or my husband, but they called me one day that they had rented for me a room and parlour within the vicinity to be living. The Hausa man besides our house gave me one of his shops free of charge to be selling my wares. His wife told me that my popularity and kindness in that area were overwhelming. That if I should leave that placed many customers would be lost. Tears were coming out of my eyes. I cannot define what type of tears. Was it that a landlady yesterday became a tenant today? Was it that my own husband whom I gave all I had to sold me into slavery when there was no hope for me? Was it that of  a total stranger who gave me a place to maintain my business and take care of my children? Was it the landlords who gathered money together to rent a house for me?

    I left my case to God. I want him to fight for me because I was too weak to fight.

    It was at this juncture that Mama Aanu, one of our tenants told me about Supreme Microfinance Bank. Can you imagine that I had once gone to collect the key of Mama Aanu’s room from her one day without knowing that I was going to be a key customer of that bank? That day, Mama Aanu wanted to iron her clothes. She forgot to put it off . When NEPA brought light, the smoke coming from her room got all the tenants jittery. I had to rush down to the bank to call her. I saw customers coming in and going out. To me, it wasn’t my business. I felt what money do I need to borrow for a mere pepper-grinding and other food items. I was wrong. Capital wrong until the day Mama Aanu took me to the founder of the bank , Mr Jide Aremo, for counselling and to obtain from to be  lifted above others when I thought it was all over for me.

     

    To be continued

  • Why I still attend parties at 75 -Abah  Folawiyo

    Why I still attend parties at 75 -Abah Folawiyo

    For Nigeria’s doyen of style and fashion, Hajia Abah Folawiyo, today is not just like any other. It is the day the widow of the late Baba Adini of Nigeria, Alhaji Wahab Iyanda Folawiyo, hit the landmark age of 75. She took time off during the week to speak with KAYODE ALFRED about her life with and without her late husband, why she still goes to parties at 75 and why she is not a fan of elaborate wedding parties.  She also counters Nigerians, including Acting President Yemi Osinbajo, who believe that Nigeria’s jollof rice is superior to Ghana’s. 

    Congratulations on your landmark age of 75. What is the secret of your good looks at such an advanced age?

    I thank God for his mercies for keeping me in good health, which is also reflecting outwardly. There is really no secret to one looking good. I think it is something in my genes. What I do basically is just to keep myself fine.

    You clocked 75 in a clime where life expectancy is about 53 years. What would you say are the things that have worked in your favour?

    What has worked in my favour is being happy. I am a happy person and I always like to make the people around me happy. Living a quiet lifestyle has also helped.

    You look much younger than your age. What is your daily beauty routine?

    Thanks be to God. My daily routine is nothing big or special. Like I said earlier, I am a happy person and I am happy with what I do. Aside that, I like dressing well. I like to see people dressed up and looking beautiful with the dresses I make for them. Generally, I am a happy person, very accommodating regardless of who you are. I take people the way they are.

    You still honour invitations and create time to honour your friends. How are you able to keep up with all that?

    I don’t go to everybody’s party. I am very selective on the occasions I attend. I select the people I love and those that I know love me also, those are the people I attend their parties or honour their invitation. People see me and think I like to party. The truth is lots of people love me and want me around them. So to appreciate them, I attend their occasions when the need arises.

    How would you describe your journey through life so far?

    I thank God, because my journey so far has been very successful. I have been very happy and I have worked hard. And I believe that the sky for me is the limit.

    Tell us about your growing up years.

    I didn’t grow up in Nigeria. I grew up in Ghana with my mum. It was a long journey from Ghana, then coming here. My mother moved here, married a Nigerian, so we all moved down here. That was when my journey started.

    When I was in Ghana, I was making dresses. When I got here (Nigeria) I continued and it started booming. It became better than it was when I was in Accra.

    Can you still recollect the exact year you moved to Nigeria from Ghana?

    I don’t think so, because it’s been a long time and I was very young.

    Did you have to move to Nigeria?

    My mother got married to a Nigerian and I had to move with her.

    You are one of the people that pioneered fashion business in Africa. What inspired you to go into that line of business?

    I was born into fashion. My mother used to be a dressmaker in Accra in those days. My grandmother too was a dressmaker. In fact, my maternal family line was into fashion and dressmaking. Through helping my mother in fixing buttons and other things, it got into my head until it reached the point I could not see myself doing any other thing aside making dresses and fashion as a whole.

    Are there things about the business you wish you had done differently?

    Well, since I started at a very young age and all my heart was in fashion, I didn’t think of any other thing I could have done other than fashion and dressmaking. For me, fashion was an in-born thing.

    How has life been without the Baba Adinni?

    You want to make me cry this morning. Well, there aren’t many changes except that I miss him dearly. Apart from that, everything has been the same with me: people running around me, taking care of me, loving me. The children also all take care of me and love me like their father did when he was around. I’m also lucky to have amazing step-children and my son, Segun Awolowo, is always with me. So also are his wife and my grandchildren. Everybody is around me and they all make me happy. At times when I am down, I call one of my stepchildren and they make me happy. I don’t have any difficulty at all, and I thank God for that.

    If the Baba Adinni were alive, how do you think he would have celebrated your 75th birthday?

    Wow! The sky would have been the limit! Whatever I wanted, he would have done it for me. I remember my 50th and 60th birthdays were such big celebrations.

    What plans have you made for your forthcoming 75th birthday celebration?

    I am not going to do anything besides prayers and open house where my friends will come to have lunch and have fun.

    What do you miss the most about Baba?

    I miss everything about him. He is such a kindhearted man, prayerful, and he put me into it too. I am very prayerful as well. He made me the Iya Adinni of the Surulere Central Mosque. I am always there for prayers. We had a good life together. He loved travelling, going on cruises, and we always went together. We were very happy together and I miss that part a lot, especially the cruising.

    Before he died, on his sick bed, he was always asking me when we would be going on holidays and what we would be doing, and I would tell him, ‘Oh, let’s do this or that.’ The last time, I told him let’s go to Acapulco, and he said Acapulco koo Acapulco nii (laughs). But I knew if he had wanted to go to Acapulco, we would have gone there, although I don’t know where it is. He was that kind of person.

    How do you feel whenever you remember him?

    Any time I remember him, I cry. Any time I look at his picture, I cry, because I miss him a lot. He was everything to me. He really pampered me and he really loved me.

    You have lived a good life no doubt. You have had your fair share of success and adversity. What would you say has been the major highlight of your beautiful life so far?

    Maybe when I had fashion shows. I had fashion shows everywhere in West Africa. I had fashion shows in England when I lived there. And since that was and is my passion, it made me very fulfilled.

    In your younger days, although you were very visible on the social scene, you were still able to keep your home very well. It is unlike these days where divorce, separation and domestic violence is on the increase. What is your advice for the women of this generation?

    What I will say is that women of these days marry their work. Many of them don’t really care for their husbands; they have the attitude of once I’m making money, I don’t really care about him. But all that is not important. You need to care for your home first, and whatever your husband wants is what you should do. In my days, we didn’t believe in this large money we spend now. It was little money and we were happy. But now, ladies like big money. In those days, I made dresses for like N5,000 or N10, 000. But now, you can make a dress for N50, 000 or N100, 000, and I’m wondering, is it not the same cut and sew?

    It is believed in some quarters that many elaborate weddings end up as loveless marriages that soon crash. What is your take on this?

    Exactly! I don’t even believe in elaborate wedding. If you want to get married, go to the registry and get married, then go home to have a small get together. But these days, if they don’t have a big party, they won’t be satisfied. Many of such marriages end up crashing. We have to curb elaborate weddings. Let the children be together without all the fanfare. The money you spend in that party, you give it to them or put it in a fixed account; it will yield interest for them to take care of themselves and their own children.

    You have a strong bond with your son, Barrister Segun Awolowo. What is your relationship like?

    He is the only child I have, so we are very close. He is like my husband, my father. He tells me what to do. Whatever he asks me to do is what I do. He loves me dearly and we interact like he is my father, not like mother and son. Whenever something is bothering me, we sit and talk about it and same goes for him too. We are very close and he is a lovely son; very kind and caring. He’s very proud of me and I am proud of him also. And my son’s wife is super amazing. She’s the daughter I didn’t have.

    Are you still in touch with your Ghanaian roots?

    Why won’t I when my mother is from there? When you are born in Ghana, you are automatically a Ghanaian. I grew up there and have lots of family there. My mother’s sisters are all there. While some of them are alive, some are dead. I am very close to them. I always go to Ghana. It is my second home.

    What do you like about Ghanaians?

    We are very calm. We are not ‘go, go, go’ like Nigerians. We are very contented with what we have and we live quiet life.

    There was recently a debate on which is better between Nigerian and Ghanaian jollof rice. What is your take on the argument?

    Oh yes! Ghana’s jollof rice is better than Nigeria’s, maybe because of the rice they use in cooking it. The perfume rice/basmati rice and the way they cook it are different. In fact, all the caterers are copying Ghana’s jollof rice. It is the best. If I cook it for you, you will lick the plate with your tongue (laughs).

    What is happening to your passion for the fashion industry and Labanella especially?

    With Labanella, we made our own star. Labanella is well known everywhere. I have retired now. I retired at 60. But a lot of the designers dress me up whenever I want to go out. I just tell them make me a dress and they do it happily. While some of them charge me, some do it free of charge. I have lots of them who have been in Labanella for a long time. All the designers love and appreciate me.

    But you see, you can’t advise them these days. They tell you, you are old-fashioned and our thinking is different. Well, good luck to them if that makes them rich and happy. I appreciate all of them, but I will always tell them to stop the outrageous charges for making clothes.

    When you started your fashion outfit, did you foresee that the fashion industry was going to be big like this?

    When we started, I didn’t, because I was in there for the passion. We were not making so much money like they do now. I had my factory in Surulere. I had about 60 machines with good tailors and I was always there cutting and sewing. But we were not making so much money, and we weren’t even thinking about the money either. The little we got, we were satisfied as long as I was able to pay my tailors and keep the factory moving. But now when I look at the money designers make, I’m like wow, why didn’t I make this kind of money they are making now? And I don’t see what they are sewing that I can’t sew even better.

    Are you still part of FADAN?

    Yes, I am. I am their life Matron of Honour. Whenever there is a meeting, they call me and I advise them.  I tell them what to do. Even the president of FADAN is coming here today to discuss some things with me.

    What is your advice for the up and coming designers?

    You have to work hard and concentrate on what you are doing. You don’t leave it to your tailors. Be with them, tell them what you want and everything will be fine. Many call themselves designers and they are nothing near that. The tailors also have their association. They even create better than the so-called designers. Many of the designers are good, but majority of them are tailors. Don’t kill talent. Whatever a designer that went to designing school does, I can also do.

    I remember in England I worked with a designer. When they were on the table, I did straight cutting without using pattern or sketch, and they were amazed. When I first got there, the boss gave me a sample of dress that I should do the collar and sleeve. Before the man came back, I had finished the whole dress and hung it by the one they gave me. When he asked who owned the dress, I told him I made it.

    Can you still remember the name of the Fashion House in England where you worked?

    I will have to check my book because it has been a long time.

    Do you wish that one of your grandchildren takes over Labanella?

    All my grandchildren, even my last grandson, cut and design for me. I sell their designs in my shop. The first girl, Seun, is fantastic. Although they are all working and doing other things, I know they will retire to fashion. Especially Seun, because she loves fashion as much as I do. Seun already told me, ‘Grandma, just wait, when I’m ready, you will be surprised. And by the Grace of God, you will still be alive to see me do it.”

    How will you like to be remembered?

    Well, I will like to be remembered as the same ABBA, fashion woman that touched so many lives, and I’m still touching lives. Like Mrs. Remi Tinubu, since the very first time I made clothe for her, she loved it, because she’s a very simple person. Up till now, I still make clothes for her.

    You have lots of celebrity friends. Which of them are your close friends?

    All of them are my close friends. If I tell you this one is my close friend, the other one will be jealous. They are all close to me and I appreciate them. They all love me in return.

    How do you relax?

    I watch Nigerian movie 24/7, both Yoruba and English films. They help me relax.

    Who are your favourite actors and actresses?

    I have lots of actors and actresses, and I love all of them. If I choose one, the other will be jealous. They all call me mummy. They are all favourites because they are very talented.

    Do you have a foundation through which you touch people’s lives? Because when Baba was alive, he had lots of people he took care of…

    That was Baba. And because he had lots of money, I supported him doing that. I do my little things, like giving to the mosque, because I don’t really have that kind of money.

    You are very fashionable. Aside being a fashion designer, when you are spotted at an event, you always look gorgeous even at your age. How do you do it?

    Like I said before, fashion is all in the mind. When I want to go out, I just think of it like, what are they celebrating? The occasion determines what I wear. I don’t like to overdress or dress more than the celebrant. But at the same time, I like to look beautiful.

  • My frustrations as Odu’a Investments  boss -Raji

    My frustrations as Odu’a Investments boss -Raji

    The Group Managing Director/Chief Executive Officer (GMD/CEO) Odu’a Investments Limited, Mr Adewale Raji, was recently a subject of attack in the media by some stakeholders. In this interview with BISI OLADELE, Raji brushes aside the attack as a minor irritation incapable of forcing him to drop the goals of accountability and responsibility to shareholders, restoring business values and raising profitability. He also talks about the progress his team has made towards achieving those goals, concluding that his team would not rest until it adds to the portfolio it inherited.

    You are three years in the saddle as the Chief Executive Officer of Odu’a Investments Limited. How has the journey been?

    The journey since 2014 has been a very interesting. It has been three years of significant learning about things I had never experienced previously, especially as they relate to the public sector. I have come to learn a lot about the operations, the modalities, the intricacies of the public sector. In relationship management, I have come to appreciate the blend of focus, race for profitability and growth and now, other social and political dimensions that have to be considered in management. On the whole, I would say I am now a better person because I have acquired a lot of experience which in the previous world I was never exposed to. But I must say that in all of these, there has been a lot of turbulence also. But the element of what we call values of life and focus on the goal and support of the Almighty have made a lot of difference.

    Your response is really loaded because you said the last three years have been a time of learning. Would you say taking up this position has enriched you the more?

    Let me confirm in a very affirmative sense that it is ‘yes.’ Positively, I am a better person than I was three years ago. Three years past, what I knew was strictly running business in a predictable environment and circumstances – where competitors are known, and it is expected to be healthy and players play by the rule. In the past three years, there have been invisible competitors and within that point of view, what kind of provisions would one have made? So, most times, there are shocking surprises almost on a continuous basis. And from there, you just have to pick up your level and find your way out. This created some of the noise that probably you might have been aware of.

    Does it mean that your expertise is now a blend of both the private and the public sector?

    I will say reasonably ‘yes.’ I better understand both now. I better know now that the invisibles are all there, and that in order to achieve goals, the element of going beyond consultation and maybe also drawing from your reserve of anticipating what can be potential areas of challenges beyond normal areas that the private sector tells you. With that, I mean particular areas of interest that you don’t easily manifest or conceive that they exist but those things come in.

    You find a situation where strictly we have gone for merit, but a pseudo-business government situation still appears. You also have to put other considerations on the table. I know, for example, compelling decisions that people expect me to take, which would have been a very easy decision for me to make in the private sector, but there are other things that I have to put into consideration. For example, balancing up with state of origin is part of my business DNA now. But in the private business sector where I came from, such doesn’t exist. You are not just a Nigerian, where you come from does not matter, it is all about the business because there are expatriates all around. It is different now. In fact, I had instances where it even went to the extent of talking about senatorial districts within a state. But they are realities of life and you have to manage them.

    Still talking about your experience, when you came on board, you launched what you called the growth, profitability and sustainability (GPS) concept, which you said would help drive performance towards your goal of about 250 per cent increase in revenue. Considering the experience you just shared, can you share with us specific areas where you have succeeded in the GPS, and maybe a few areas where this experience has impeded your ability to drive your dream?

    I would say in coming in, we set the agenda and that agenda came from a retreat that was organised for members of top management and the Board of Directors. We looked at the figures and we looked at where we were starting from. We were starting from a very low base. We were starting from a situation in which the company in the period between 2009 and 2013 had only grown revenue by 3 per cent for five years. And in that period also, because revenue did not grow and cost went up, they had dropped profit by 36 per cent. That was what we met on ground.

    So, when we went to that retreat, we put it across that we had no growth and cost was going up. So, profitability was declining. We agreed that from our low base we could make a very significant trajectory rise with a 250 per cent increase, and we used what we called the growing indices of the private sector in making projections. We were quite aware that in making those projections, how we wanted to go about it, we knew that resource was very important in delivering this growth, so we put resource there. And when you talk about resource, it means that in the areas where you expect growth, you need to benchmark those who are already successful, take the attributes that are responsible for their success and implement such attributes. Part of it has to do with talents; experienced people in those specific areas that you might need to bring on board to join your team.

    So, we set those targets. But what experience has shown is that when it comes to execution, it doesn’t come that way in the public sector. At the end of the day, we said we needed to recruit resources to help, and we had approval to recruit resources. Three critical resources in the areas of property development, human resources and treasury and investment, and we had approval very early into my tenure for these, sometime in March 2015. I can tell you as I speak with you today that due to the intricacies of how the public sector works, we have only managed to bring on board one person out of the three we needed. And it was a lot of frustration even to achieve that. It was internal frustration that brought about our inability to achieve this.

    So, in essence, without resource, how can you deliver result? But we are getting over it. The board is supportive now and we have started the process afresh, and I do believe that over the next three to four months, we should get these two additional resources and we would be on a flying start.

    Three areas you also planned to grow revenue and profitability early in your tenure were real estate, hospitality and insurance. You have already addressed hospitality. What are you doing in the area of real estate?

    We have a very big focus on real estate. The strategy we are adopting is that we are privileged to have quite a lot of inherited assets that we need to unlock value on. What this requires is that we need to understand the entire landscape for real estate whether you are playing in affordable sector, middle income sector or luxury sector. There are residential, commercial building, retail development and also warehouses and industrial parks. So, we do believe that we need to put all these under our searchlights.

    So, our view at this point in time is that considering the very limited resources that we have, we adopted two approaches. First of all is that we understand that we need to attract the right resource that understands the market and the demands of the market and make sure that through that we are able to migrate from our current core competence area of property management, sharpen ourselves better there and move on to being also a property development company. So, in our own view, property development needs to be a high chunk of our portfolio. This has been an area in which we have not done very well in the past. In this period, we have taken a position to either participate through direct intervention by ourselves, that is, doing it by ourselves or getting on credible joint venture partners that can accelerate development in real estate.

    And here in Ibadan, as you can attest to it, we laid the foundation of Project Ace in August, 2016, and set a target for ourselves that we were going to complete it within one year. As we stand now, Project Ace at Jericho is there for everybody to see. By God’s grace we are already selling and people are already taking positions. By God’s grace, we shall commission it in September. That is one way of trying to set a benchmark of what Odu’a stands for in terms of real estate development. We want to use this opportunity also to say that we are open to joint venture partners who would want to deliver high quality, affordable real estate in whatever sector of the economy. We are ready to partner with them, believing that through our own direct activities and joint venture partnership, we will be able to accelerate our presence in new developments, not just in the legacies assets that we are managing.

    You mentioned earlier that profitability dropped by 36 per cent before you took over as the CEO. Have you been able to arrest this drop in the last three years?

    I want to answer it differently. Where will you pay dividends from if you have not addressed it? All I am saying is that the profitability of Odu’a in December 2013 financial year was N378 million. Financial year 2014, which was my first year, was N615 million (PBT) and in the following year, which was 2015 when we had already started having challenges with the economy, we had a profitability of N597 million. And, of course, even though our figures are not out yet, we have done better than that in 2016. By September when we shall be having the AGM, these figures will be made known to the public. We have done better. And in those two years that performance has been better, profitability has been enhanced. We have had cause to pay dividends. And it is not just declaring dividends, we are actually paying them out, and we are not owing any state.

    Very recently, the immediate past chairman of the board of Odu’a took out a page of paid advertorial in which he accused you of a number of things including that the dividends your management claimed to have paid, were all false. How would you react to that?

    The issue was how we demonstrated understanding of the situation. The essence of a business is focus on growing shareholders value and taking care of stakeholders. Shareholders are paramount. So, I inherited a situation where shareholders were relegated to the background, and I related with the board that there is no way we are going to make progress unless we are responsible and accountable to the shareholders, continuously engage them and meet their expectations. So, the things we have done is that I have brought it as a major burning platform during my time that we cannot ignore shareholders, which was what had happened previously.

    I must mention here that when I convened the first AGM in 2015, which was for year 2014, it was three AGMs that I did at once. This means this business was distancing itself from the shareholders. You cannot make progress without the approval of shareholders. So, if you have a backlog of AGMs, it is a problem. So, I brought it to the attention of the then chairman that these are the ways we are going to do things, but somehow we had disagreement in this area. And we had significant disagreements in the areas of understanding the role of the chairman of the board and the role of the Group Managing Director/Chief Executive. The immediate past Chairman, was in the habit of behaving like an executive chairman, and this brought about a big conflict. But more fundamentally, we had disagreements on principles, and because of my own background, I had to back the principles of running business. Where there was disagreement along that line, I stood my ground, and what you saw blowing hot in the newspapers amounted to that.

    I am quite glad that the shareholders were able to see in between the lines, because we gave responses to all the issues raised. And probably what was most fundamental is that the issues raised were things done with the appropriate board approvals. With what he painted in the newspapers, there was also the question that if things are going wrong and you are chairing a board like that, are you not supposed to make the corrections? Must you get out of office before you now start propagating that things are wrong? The immediate past Chairman served for three and a half years. In that period, he served almost three years with me as the GMD. So, what is this all about? Why was it that it was when he left office that we were hearing all these hues and cries? So, I have given the reason: the element of trying to usurp the powers of the chief executive was fundamental in the so-called couched-up crisis that he tried to raise.

    Every leader hopes to live a good legacy. What would you like to be remembered for as the GMD?

    I want to be remembered for making a mark on people’s lives, especially helping them in their world view as they relate to business and sustainability. Business survives only when they are able to meet their obligations and they continue to be relevant to consumers in terms of goods and services to the consumers. So, for me here in Odu’a, I want to be remembered as somebody who came, who refocused the organisation to what its essence is and also achieved that essence. And when I say essence, I want to be remembered as somebody who at the end of the day, when we say we have a hospitality business that was in comatose and post my era, we now have an international brand of hospitality business in place jointly held with partners.

    That is a sustainable one because any day, whether you want to talk about the big hotels either in Lagos or Abuja, they have been there for ages and people don’t even know who owns them. Many of these big famous brands give value for money and people pay for such values joyfully. We look forward to an Odu’a hospitality business being at that level in the future.

    Secondly, I want to also believe that we would by our action be able to make an impact on our youths in terms of building entrepreneurial skills and in terms of making sure that they are model entities that have been created during my time. I do know how important a few of the industries in our portfolio in Odu’a at this point in time are. We pride ourselves as being the major shareholder in a successful company being called Nigerite, and I look forward to beyond my time here where they will be able to look forward to where they will be able to point to investments that will rise like Nigerite that this partnership was created during Adewale Raji’s time and it is really successful like Nigerite. These are some of the things I want to be remembered for.

  • How to fall back in love with your husband

    IF your husband sometimes feels more like your roommate, best friend, and co-parent than your lover, we get it. You’ve listened to the guy snore every night for years, he knows your weekly grocery list by heart, and he could spot your top Netflix pick in seconds. And those are all beautiful things! But if you haven’t felt that heart-skipping-a-beat kinda love in awhile, try these eight easy ways to revive it.

    Take a trip down memory lane

    When you’ve settled into the rhythm of a marriage, the memory of your first date is eclipsed by other milestones: your wedding day, the birth of your first child, your five- or 10-year anniversary. But taking the time to relive the earliest days of your courtship can help revive those falling-in-love feelings. “We fall in love with someone for a reason,” says relationship therapist Jill Vermeire. “Daydream and get lost in the memory of those first dates in order to remind yourself that your partner is still that person. Pausing to remember what brought you together and looking at the life you’ve built together is extremely important. Appreciation can be an amazing aphrodisiac.” Vermeire suggests re-creating the list of qualities you were looking for in a significant other to remind yourself how long it took to find the right person, and asking friends to help you recall what you said (or gushed) about your husband when you were first dating.

    Don’t try to re-create the butterfly feeling

    While it’s a good idea to relive the happy beginning of your relationship, you don’t want to over-romanticize it. The early excitement of falling in love is a wonderful thing, but what you have now is even better. “It’s important to remember that those sensations are actually related to an underlying fear of rejection, so there’s an element of risk that creates excitement,” says life coach and relationship specialist Ellen Hartson. “The sensation that brings back excitement is a quieter, subtle connection that’s more even, steady, and fulfilling. While this feeling is less chaotic, don’t mistake it for certainty, because that can lead to stagnation.” Revel in the lack of butterflies. Appreciate the luxury and comfort of knowing you’re coming home to someone who’s totally committed to you.

    Paddle against the current

    The longer you’re married, the more likely you are to pay attention to the negative aspects of your spouse, rather than the traits you found adorable when you first fell for him. To counteract this tendency toward criticism, be more intentional about positive communication. In other words, work hard to stay in love. “During the courtship stageor the ‘Velcro stage,’ as I call itwe automatically focus on the positive and make our partner feel valued and chosen,” says psychologist Harriet Lerner, author The Dance of Anger. “The longer people are together, the more this selective attention flips. Don’t get lazy because the natural course of marriage is downstream. Fight the current.” She suggests ensuring your positive feedback exceeds the critical stuff by making at least two encouraging comments to your partner every day.

    Get physicaland not just in bed

    When you’re falling in love with someone, you constantly look for ways to be in physical contact with that personand we don’t just mean when you’re naked. Reincorporating everyday physical gestures here and there can help stir up those loving feelings again. “Start small with a gentle brush of the arm, a pat on the back, holding hands, just putting your hand on top of his,” says Hartson. Every gesture counts. The skin is the largest organ on our body, and physical touch is an important human need.” Before you know it, those little touches will translate to a deepened emotional connection.

    Be a mystery

    As much as you want to appreciate the safety of a committed relationship, it’s important not to get too comfortable. Investing in interests outside of your relationship creates a little breathing room, which stokes the flames of love and intrigue. “When two people know absolutely everything about each other, it’s not a recipe for romance,” says Lerner. “Develop a new passion outside the relationship. Get your blip off his radar screennot in a cold way, but in an I-have-my-own-separate-life way. The more passion you have for life outside of your relationship, the more opportunity there is to rediscover love within it.” Doing a 30-day workout challenge or signing up for a photography class isn’t selfishau contraire, it will likely strengthen your attraction and bond with your husband.

    Tell yourself you’re in love… again and again.

    Whether we acknowledge it or not, we talk to ourselvesif not out loudnonstop. That inner dialogue can have a big impact on our relationships, from creating tension or resentment to fostering a sense of love, joy, and intimacy. “The biggest internal shift we can make is to look at what we tell ourselves about our spouse and how we dialogue with our partners inside our heads,” says psychologist Vagdevi Meunier, founder of the Center for Relationships. “When one person is feeling discouraged in a relationship, the first thing I want to know is what they tell themselves on a daily basis. If you’re engaging in hopeless, negative, or judgmental self-talk, you’re actually having a stronger relationship with the spouse inside your head than the real person.” Shifting to more positive, vulnerable, empathetic self-talk with the partner in your head and in your lifecan help reframe your dynamic. In other words, instead of wondering, Do I still love him?, think, I love him because I choose to see all the things that make him wonderful.

    Remember that the chase is never over

    Even after he proposes, you say your vows, apply for a mortgage, and send the kids to preschool, it’s important to remember that your partner will never fully be “yours.” We’re not trying to scare you, but experts say that a healthy awareness that things can change on a dime may actually help you feel more in love with your partner on a day-to-day basis. “The truth is that there are no guarantees, ever,” says Vermeire. “At any moment a person can change their mind. That’s why a marriage needs attention and appreciation all the time.” We don’t want you to stress about a theoretical relationship apocalypse, but valuing your spouse and making sure he knows that you do goes a long way toward rekindling and reinforcing the love that you may, at times, take for granted.

    Let go of your resentments

    If you have a chip on your shoulder because your partner isn’t taking out the recycling often enough or helping you make weekend plans, those little bitter feelings could be grinding down the love and goodwill you’ve created over time. So take a hard look at the expectations you believe your spouse isn’t meetingbecause they’re your problem, not his. “One common cause of the spark wearing off is that we build up resentments,” says Hartson. “Expecting your partner to always be sexy, funny, reasonable, sensible, and accommodating is a set-up for bad feelings. To get the excitement back, first you have to get over your resentments and strive for acceptance.” Even if these aren’t the core issues, it’s important to hash them outfirst with yourself, then with your husbandso you can move on to discussing more deep-seated, long-term problems. Doing so will change the whole dynamic of your relationship, making it lot easier to communicate, connect, and feel more in love.

     

    Source: redbookmag.com

  • Record number of nominations received for ‘Uncelebrated’ Nigerians Awards

    Record number of nominations received for ‘Uncelebrated’ Nigerians Awards

    UK organisers of the Nigerian ‘Uncelebrated’ Awards (UNA) UK have revealed that they received a record number of nominations for this year’s forthcoming event following the closing of the exercise yesterday.
    UNA 2017 is due to take place at the Mayfair Banqueting Suite in Chadwell Heath on September 30 and will feature the handing out of 57 awards to unsung heroes and deserving Nigerians in the UK.
    Now in its second year, the event will be a classy gala dinner that will attract community leaders, guests from Nigeria and high commission officials. Organised to honour ordinary Nigerians in the UK who are excelling in numerous fields, the awards ceremony has been organised to honour ordinary Nigerians who have generally been overlooked in the past.

    Last year’s event saw 56 awards handed out and in 2017, the figure will rise to 57 in recognition of the number of years Nigeria has been an independent nation. Ronke Udofia, the chair of the UNA awards sub-committee, said:

    “Last year was a huge success as we honoured people who had hitherto never been given awards. This year we will be giving out 57 awards and set ourselves the target of getting about three times the number of awardees, so are very happy that we have achieved that.

    “Unlike other awards ceremonies that only honour public figures and VIPs, UNA recognises ordinary working Nigerians in the UK like bus drivers, teachers, care workers, train conductors, etc.

    Now that nominations have closed, we will go through the entries and shortlist the best 57 based on our scoring system.”Bola Ganiyu, the chair of UNA’s events management sub-committee added:

    “Now that nominations have closed, we will make sure UNA 2017 is the bomb. We have secured the hall until 4am in the morning and the night will be a mixture of awards, entertainment and fun.
    “Among the entertainers we are planning to bring include stand-up comedian Kenny Blaq, Whizkid and there will be a host of other entertainers performing on the night too.

    We will have DJ Kachif on the turntables and the food will be a true representation of authentic Nigerian cuisine.”Malcolm Benson, the chair of the publicity and marketing sub-committee added that for just £50 for standard tickets and £75 for VIP tickets, guests will be treated to an evening they will never forget.

    He added that one good feature of this year’s nominees is that there were a lot of candidates from the regions of England, Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland, so it will truly be representative of the Nigerian community in the UK.

    0rganising committee vice coordinator June Douglas, said: “With there unlikely to be an official independence day party organised by the high commission in the UK this year, UNA 2017 will be the independence day bash. Our event will run into the morning of October 1, so will serve as the main independence day event in the UK.

    “She added that among the distinguished guests who have been invited to UNA 2017 include the acting high commissioner Simon Ogah, the chair of the House of Representatives Committee on the Diaspora Rita Orji, the special adviser to the president on diaspora affairs Abike Dabiri-Erewa and the Ooni of Ife Oba Adeyeye Ogunwusi.

    According to Mrs Douglas,this year’s event will set a tone for future independence day celebrations in the UK.Ayan De First, the chair of UNA’s sponsorship sub-committee added:

    “We are keen to make this a memorable event, so have stepped up our quest for sponsors, to make it corporate and sustainable. We are also hoping that this sets a benchmark for how awards ceremonies are organised by the Nigerian community in the UK.”

    Chief Adebayo Oladimeji, the chairman of the Nigerian Council of Elders in the UK, added: “This is the second year they are holding this event and I think it is a good initiative. For the first time, ordinary Nigerians in the UK, who have nothing to do with showbiz, politics, commerce or sports are being honoured and recognised.”

    Dr Boma Douglas, the chairman of the Central Association of Nigerians in the UK (Canuk), added that his body is supporting the event wholeheartedly, as it provides a means of reachingout to many diasporans who were hitherto not involved. He added that Canuk will be looking to engage many of the awardees and nominees in its future activities.For more information contact:Agatha Ewruje

  • I had a fair share of girls as DJ on campus -UNIOSUN VC

    I had a fair share of girls as DJ on campus -UNIOSUN VC

    He was a popular Disk Jockey on campus back in the early 1980s. Young Olabode Popoola was there at various campus events, dishing out music at social functions. According to him, “I had great fun. I loved music and I had a fair share of girls too.” But it was not all play. He diligently combined play with academic work and left the University Of Ibadan with good grades. He became a Professor at 30 and is now the Vice Chancellor of Osun State University. In this interview with PAUL UKPABIO and JUMOKE OWOOLA, he speaks about the lifestyle that took him to the top of the ivory tower.

    Tell us about your journey to the office of the Vice Chancellor of Osun State University.

    I started out as a graduate assistant at the University of Ibadan. I completed my Ph.D at the age of 30. I took up an appointment at the same university and that was where I was until I came here in November last year. I rose to become a professor within 10 years of starting my academic career. I have been a professor now for about 15 years. I have had the privilege of holding every academic position you can imagine in the university system. I have been a graduate coordinator, a post graduate coordinator in a department, Sub-Dean in a department, Sub-Dean at the Faculty level, Sub-Dean at the Post graduate school level, head of department, Dean of the Post Graduate School, and I have been director of an International Centre. Now I am here as the Vice Chancellor of this university.

    What made you to merit the position of VC?

    The criteria for becoming a Vice Chancellor is quite well known. In the case of this institution, the advertisement was very clear. You must be a professor of 10 years standing. You must be a reputable professor who is known globally. You must be a professor who has won grants, a notable researcher and an academician who has held administrative positions. I guess they found me to merit this, as there was an application process, a shortlisting process, a thorough interview process, and I came first out of 13 people. So that was how I found myself here.

    You had worked in a federal university and now you are in a state-owned university. Can you compare both in contemporary Nigeria?

    I am happy the way you put the question, especially the mention of contemporary Nigeria. That implies the notion of people about what universities are and what the universities themselves think of themselves. That also implies what have the universities, whether federal, state, private or public, have to offer. My notion for years now is that I do not draw a line between them all. And I also do not draw a line between a federal, state and a foreign university. A university should be a university. That is the origin of the word itself. It means universality.

    A university is what you make of it: the caliber of people working there, the leadership, the quality of research being conducted and the image of the institution. So, you have state universities which have better image than federal universities. And that is why in ranking now, Covenant University, which is a private university, is ahead of several federal universities. So it depends on what you make out of the university. But perhaps in terms of comfort, state universities are closer to the people, from my experience. And they interface in the way things are managed. That is not so likely in federal universities because the Visitor is hundreds of kilometres away. So also, the Minister of Education is hundreds of kilometres away.

    But in the case of state universities, everyone is living in the same village so to say. However, I want to say that this university is exceptional in the sense that there is very little interface between this university and the government in the running of this campus.

    Yours is an off-campus system. How are you managing that?

    Well, the founding parents of this university had their reasons for making it a multi-campus institution. The objective, the way I understand it, is that the university should be close to the people. That is why we have six campuses in the six geo-political zones of the state, bringing education close to the people. In other words, bringing civilization close to each zone, because university is about civilization. It is about modernity. So the objective is very good. Maybe the challenge is about how to manage such multiple campuses. That is where the challenge really is. You find out that commuting between them all could be very challenging economically. Of course, in terms of man hour, so much time is spent commuting. There is also the issue of coordinating, which is not easy to do. It is very promising. The objectives are good. But managing it is a different issue entirely.

    Do you have issues with that?

    A lot of issues! Each of the campuses is like a university, and one person is superintending six campuses. Whether you like it or not, you have to have different characters in the different campuses. How do you put them all together to ensure that it makes sense? This is the context where it is challenging. So what I have tried to do is to create a directorate which is responsible for coordinating those campuses and also liaising with the public. We call it Directorate of Inter Campus and Public Affairs. There is a Director designate, so not everything comes directly to the VC.

    What about funding for a state university like yours? Is it a challenge?

    There is a very heavy challenge. A university of any kind is not a tea party. It is serious business. We always make the mistake of thinking that the university is just a place for admitting students, teaching and awarding degrees. Universities are supposed to be places where characters are moulded, where serious research that will impact society is conducted. It is supposed to be where public policy is formed. But in a situation where the resources barely pay salaries, it means that you have left out about 2/3 of other activities undone.

    But that is the situation in some universities right now; not just the state-owned universities. We just manage to pay salaries. And at the end of it, we cannot talk of ground breaking research. The table that we have here is an imported table. It is research that has made it possible to get such quality and product. About 20 years ago, you couldn’t conduct interviews with midgets and electronic gadgets. You probably had to write it down. So, that is what research does. And many of such researches are done in the universities. So it is quite challenging managing a state-owned university. You are only able to do a fraction of what you are supposed to be doing. Gradually though, when you have good leadership, it makes all the difference. What I am telling my colleagues here is that we have to write grant-winning proposals. If we can work out something that can bring in $100m grant, we would be in good business.

    As a child did you have dreams that one day you would seat at the top of an ivory tower like this?

    Maybe. Right from my primary school, the only thing I had hoped to be was a professor. So, that also helped me because I never stopped school for a day except when I went for national service. But not all professors can be vice chancellors, hence I don’t think I thought about being a vice chancellor. But I have always wanted to be a professor.

    Where did you grow up?

    I grew up in Inisan, a small town in Osun State. In those days in the 60s, every primary school in the South West was the same. No school was different from the other. You could have some of the best schools in a village. But in my case, after primary school, I left for Ibadan for secondary school, and after that, I attended the University of Ibadan.

    Who influenced your educational direction most between mum and dad?

    I really don’t know. All I remember is that I was usually top of the class. Many of my classmates are today not surprised that I ended up being a teacher in the university. I had parents who wanted me to go to school. Although I don’t know where that came from, I know that I didn’t want to do any other thing but to teach. Even after school when I had colleagues looking for jobs, I never thought about it. After the national youth service, I taught briefly at a College of Agriculture, but it wasn’t because I wanted the job. I was just waiting for my admission letter to come. I just wanted to keep going to school. I thank God, maybe it has paid off.

    What childhood memories would you readily recall?

    I recall the kind of love that pervaded the environment then. Today, I see some of my friends with whom I grew up. Then, nobody asked what your religion was. We ate from the same pot. We played around. At Christmas time, it was everybody celebrating, and at Sallah time, it was everybody celebrating. So when I compare it with the kind of suspicion that has been played up today, I am baffled. Today, even among those with whom I grew up, there is suspicion, which was not there before. Then, there was no class segregation. I come from Inisan but got admission into a secondary school in Ibadan. I didn’t have to know anybody. I sat for an exam and passed. Those are the things that I remember, and they make me sad. And I ask myself, how did we get it wrong? But I had fun as a child. Then as an undergraduate, I had great fun. I was a disc jockey. I played very hard.

    How did you combine being a disc jockey with studies?

    Well, you can combine anything together once you have a focus. I enjoyed attending parties and later became a disc jockey. I used to sing, but I also had discipline. I never drank or smoked.

    But the girls on campus love hovering around such guys…

    (Laughs) Oh yes, I had a fair share of that. That was part of campus life. But it didn’t disturb studies because it was about planning. One aspect shouldn’t disturb the other. I didn’t go out with the girls 24 hours. I planned my time. I had fun.

    Again, I wonder how these things happen. In secondary school, I was the best all round student in arts, in science and in sports. I have a certificate in Karate but I never for once imagined I would be a medical doctor. The only course I wanted to do was Agriculture. That was my first choice, and we were the first set of JAMB students even though I went on to do A-levels for whatever reasons. I studied Agriculture and specialised in Forest Resources Management.

    How do you see the future of this university?

    This university is 10 years old. The first five years of this university was quite stable, everything was working well. There was a mass of academia coming from different universities together. Everybody wanted to work. But in the last five years, it has been critical for the university. You have been reading the newspapers. It has been one bad news after the other. But then the prospects are still there. I am here trying to redirect, trying to rebuild the communities, the team spirit and the can-do spirit. So I am very hopeful that this university will be able to live up to the dream of the founding fathers. That is because the resources are there.

    One other thing you should also know is that in this business, we trail each other. When someone is somewhere and people know that they can work with him or her, they trail the person to the place. So, in the last few months that I have been here, amazingly, a number of people have come to relate with us either on visiting appointment or just wanting to work with us. I can name more than 12 world class professors who have come to work with us or relating with us to ensure that the university is working the way it should. So I believe the prospects are still there.

    Do you still love music?

    Yes, I still do.

    What kind of music do you listen to these days?

    All kinds of music including local music like sakara and apala. Of course, I am a fan of King Sunny Ade. I love his brand of Juju music. I love soul music. Afro music, Funk, and Jazz send me to sleep, though we do not have it as much any longer. I recall Glover Washington and the other Jazz masters.

    What kind of social life do you keep these days?

    I have attended a lot of parties to last me a lifestyle. Some people may think I’m anti-social, but then I ask, what is there that I haven’t seen?

    How did you meet your wife?

    We met at the University of Ibadan. We started out as friends and kept at it. There were other girls, but I was with her more than with other girls. She became a friend that I did too many things with unconsciously. And then I started realising that God must have designed it that way. So we became parents and then grandparents, because we now have a grandchild.

    Is she in the academia too?

    Oh yes, she found herself there (laughs). She is an associate professor. Actually, I don’t know whether it is right or wrong. The truth is that I would love it most that my children are also in the education business or sector of the economy.

    So, are they taking after you?

    I guess so. My first child is doing her Ph. D now. She did her master’s degree abroad. I don’t think she is going to do any other thing than lecturing. The second one is in the UK. He got a job after his master’s degree, but I know that he is thinking of a Ph. D. The others are also thinking along the same line. Maybe they like the fact that daddy is not a rich man but he enjoys what he is doing. It could also be natural.

    Where I hail from, they say Owu iya gbon ni omo ran. In other words, it is what the mother dropped that the child picks up and continues with. So if you are living in an environment where when people talk about money you talk about book, everywhere around you are books, then you cannot but be focused on books. But also in all manner of modesty, I must confess that the academia has brought me unimaginable fame and good reputation. We go somewhere and people say, ‘Oh, that’s your dad!’ Perhaps that has also encouraged them to want to be in the academia.

    What other hobbies have you kept over the years?

    I did long distance running. I was a high jumper and I did play good soccer. As a matter of fact, if soccer was as lucrative then as it is now, maybe, it would have diverted my attention. That is because I played soccer at all the school levels. I was in the university football team as well. And in those days of IICC, I was training with some of the clubs. But after a while, I didn’t have time to do all that. These days, I do my normal exercise. I walk around. I still play soccer, but on a very light note.

    Like you mentioned earlier, it has been one crisis after another. What is the situation in the recent face-off between the police and the students of your university?

    That was an unfortunate incident. But that could have happened at other places. But thank God that the students survived. Crisis in different ways has been happening, but it’s just that it took a frightening dimension. One of the problems we have here is that we are non-residential. So the students live outside without protection. No policeman would have walked into the campus to shoot students while they were playing soccer. But we thank God that we were able to mobilise quickly and God assisted. The boys are living their normal lives again. And gladly also, the leadership of the police took immediate steps and I hear that the errant policemen are being prosecuted.

  • How to cope when your spouse is unfaithful

    YOU just realized that your spouse has been unfaithful. The news of the infidelity has hit you like a ton of bricks. Your marriage is now thrown into a state of crisis that may destroy it. On the other hand, you both may be able to work through it and end up better than ever.

    You may have hope that your marriage can survive your spouse cheating on you, but you still fill sick inside when you think about the affair.

    It is natural to want to know why your partner cheated, but there is no simple answer to why someone becomes unfaithful. It could be a symptom of other problems in your marriage, it could relate to something in your spouse’s past, or it could be totally unrelated to you or to your marriage. You may never truly know why it happened.

    There are 15 things you can do to get beyond the hurt, forgive your unfaithful spouse, and save your marriage.

    1. Do not make any major decisions about ending your marriage now just because your spouse has been unfaithful. This is the time to do some reflection on your marriage to see what other issues other than this infidelity need to be recognized and dealt with.
    2. Understand that feelings are neither right or wrong. Accept that your feelings of rage, uncertainty, shock, agitation, fear, pain, depression and confusion about having an unfaithful spouse are normal. You will be on a roller coaster of emotions for a few months and possibly even up to a year or two afterwards.
    3. Do your best to take care of yourself. You may have some physical reactions to the infidelity such as nausea, diarrhea, sleep problems (too little or too much), shakiness, difficulty concentrating and not wanting to eat or overeating.
    4. Balance is the key to getting through this experience of coping with infidelity. Force yourself to eat healthy foods, to stay on a schedule, to sleep regular hours, to get some exercise each day, to drink plenty of water, and to have some fun.
    5. It’s still okay to laugh. Watch some funny movies or TV shows. Spend some time with people who make you smile. Life goes on in spite of heartache and unfaithful spouses.
    6. Tears are healthy too. If they aren’t coming naturally, put on some blues type music or watch a sad movie. Those betrayed may actually feel numb, but it is important to get in touch with your underlying emotions as well.
    7. Begin a journal. Write down your thoughts and feelings about your spouse’s unfaithfulness.
    8. Ask all the questions you want.Talk with your spouse about the infidelity. However, you may have to accept that your spouse may not know why the infidelity took place or may not want to reveal this to you.
    9. Seek counseling. Do not try to get through coping with unfaithfulness alone! However, don’t shout from the highest mountain to all you know that your spouse is an unfaithful jerk. Carefully choose whom you will share this information with. Knowing the type of infidelity sometimes makes understanding it easier and counseling can help get answers to questions. Was it a one-night stand or an affair? Did it come during or after a life crisis? Is a sexual addiction a possibility? Was it an act of retaliation? Did the cheating occur to end the marriage? Regardless, this may be the most important time to seek professional help.
    10. Take it one day at a time. You and your spouse should both be tested for AIDS/HIVS and STD’s before you resume sexual intimacy without protection. Consider what boundaries you need in your marriage in order to stay in the marriage. You might wish to contact an attorney and get these documented in a postnuptual agreement.
    11. Your children need to know that you are going to be okay. You can’t hide the fact that you are going through serious stress or trauma. Being honest with your children might be the best approach depending upon their age, but don’t weigh them down with details. Also, don’t make promises that you can’t keep.
    12. Try not to get into the blaming game over who or what caused the infidelity. It’s just wasted energy. That includes blaming the third party. It will not change anything. Also, think twice before you tell your family or your spouse’s family about the infidelity. Family members can often hold grudges a long time.
    13. You may have post-traumatic stress. If you are jumpy, yell at trivial actions, feel like you are walking on egg shells, and continue to have physical reactions when you are reminded of the infidelity, see a physician as soon as you can. Medication, even temporarily, might be a good idea.
    14. It takes time to get beyond the pain of having an unfaithful mate. Don’t expect the mixture of feelings, the sense of confusion and limbo, and the mistrust to go away just because you’ve tried to forgive your spouse and made a commitment to save your marriage. The stages of death and dying (denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance) are part of the grieving process. It doesn’t mean your marriage can’t be renewed and strengthened, because it can. But, it will be different. Remember that your marriage has changed. You will need to grieve that loss.
    15. Get practical. Look at your finances, housing situation, transportation, etc. If you do decide to end your marriage, make sure you have thought out where you will live, if you have enough money to pay for your essentials, etc. If you are unsure this is the right decision, seek counseling as well to guide you.

    Infidelity is one of the more difficult challenges a marriage can face. It doesn’t always mean it’s the end. It’s critical for both you and your spouse to carefully consider what changes you are both willing to make in order to get past it.

     

    Www.thespruce.com/

  • Stories of Gani Adams’ spiritual powers are false -Wife

    Stories of Gani Adams’ spiritual powers are false -Wife

    The initiator of OASIS Women Organisation, Erelu Mojisola Adams, is the wife of the factional leader of the Oodua People’s Congress (OPC), Otunba Gani Adams. In this interview with GBENGA ADERANTI and OKORIE UGURU, she talks about the truth, the lies and the myths surrounding her husband.

    What were you doing before you met Otunba Gani Adams?

    That was 14 or 15 years ago. I had just finished from Kwara State Polytechnic. We met during his campaign for Obaship. First of all, I didn’t know he was the Gani Adams they were talking about, because I was not conversant with Lagos issues. Then, I was always shuttling between Osogbo and Ilorin. I didn’t know anything about OPC. I didn’t know he was an OPC chieftain. I met him just like a normal person and we discussed. I noticed that he talked more about Yoruba history. I am a good listener, especially to things like that.

    That was how we met, and it was just a platonic thing. We were just friends. He came visiting my other friends. He would come, call me and talk to me. It went like that for three to five months before he approached me and I told him that I had someone I was dating. But he kept coming. After a while, something just happened and the chemistry worked out.

    It was later I got to hear from somebody that he was the Gani Adams everyone was talking about and had been declared wanted by Okiro (the then Lagos State Commissioner of Police). It wasn’t funny. I couldn’t back out at that time because it would look like I betrayed him. I just had to hold my head and hands up and start praying. I didn’t know that OPC was like this. Being a humble person, he was always by himself and some of his boys. He was always doing things on his own. I had not seen the crowd, the people behind him. They told me he had the power to disappear and do things in flesh and blood. I asked him about it and he asked me, ‘Have you ever seen me with blood?’

    I have not seen him going round with charms all over his body. He prays in both Muslim and Christian ways. He was just like two different beings. My friends would ask me, ‘What are you doing with this man? He can disappear.’ We were not calling him Otunba; we called him GA. Because my friend told me that if he moved close to the wall, he would disappear, I always asked him to move close to the wall. He would not know why I was asking him to do so. Out of curiosity, I would give him the Bible, because I felt he would not be able to pronounce Jesus. But I found that all the things they were saying about him were just stories and myths.

    The day he was arrested, he was taking me down to WAEC office, because they told us to submit the originals of our certificates. I was in his car when he was arrested. I was in in the front seat while my friend was at the back with his P.A. He just told me that if he tried to escape, something might happen to us.

    When they asked him, ‘Who are you?’ He said Gani Adams. They asked him again, he said yes. He entered their car by himself. Then he said, ‘Moji, you have to go down.’ He said if he wanted to run, 10 policemen could not hold him. But because he didn’t want anything to happen to us, he would surrender himself and we should just go.

    I was there. He walked into the police station himself. He told them that he was Gani Adams. They first stepped back and later reinforced. I didn’t go with them immediately. I just crossed the road to the other side. They searched the car and there was nothing inside the car.

    But in the evening, I was surprised to see series of guns, charms and amulets. Then some days later, I was shocked when Tell magazine used him on their cover with handcuffs. They said he turned into goat, he turned into cat and they had to call witchdoctor to neutralise his power. I said to myself, this is how people frame things. But I couldn’t talk. What would I say? That I was there?

    They asked ladies about the man called Gani Adams and they all said, ‘God forbid! He is deadly. He is evil. I was even shaking, asking, ‘Is this the man I’m about to get married to? I hope I’m not in a trap. But this guy is not like that now.’ Lo and behold, after two years, ladies were coming all over him. Now he is a good man. That is life for you. That is a little of my experience with him.

    Was his persistence a factor in your decision to enter a relationship with him?

    The only thing I can say about that is this: I’m from a very strict Christian home. To be precise, my mum was a prophetess. Then after five months of our courtship, he was arrested. I felt if I was to back out, it would be like betrayal. That was one of the factors that really helped me. I just couldn’t move because he was in a problem, and it was because he was taking me out that he was arrested.

    Also the type of person he was. He was very reserved. Then, we used to stay together. We used to eat together. I think his attitude towards life. I wouldn’t say he is a lavish person, but he believes so much in responsibilities.

    How do you cope with the crowds in your house?

    Sincerely, it is not easy. The way I planned my life is not the way I’m living it. But thank God for his grace. The reason is this: one, our house is always full of people. If I am to place this thing here, the next thing you meet it that way. I don’t want to be seen as being pesky or bully.

    At times we might be at home for 24 hours and we might not sit down and talk for one minute. At times I would tell myself I’m married but still single. There was a time my child was telling me, ‘Mummy, you’re the only one taking us to this place. See other people. What of my dad? I said go and tell him.

    There are lives I’m being denied of, but there is nothing I can do about it because of the kind of person I’m married to. It is just a fate. I just have to accept it.

    The man is in the limelight while you are at the background. How do you cope?

    I have my own NGO that I’m running, basically on widows and children. Most times when they are going for the festivals, being a cultural and traditional thing, I do give that space. But if there are events they are spending two, three days outside, no. But it is not as if I want to stay at home all the time. I do go out with him at times.

    As someone from a very strict Christian background, how do you handle the issue of religion at home?

    He is a Muslim by birth, but he practices Christianity because of his mum. His dad is a Muslim. The mum is late, but she was a Christian, a prayer warrior in the church. He is used to that. He practices more of Christianity than Islam. But he leans more towards Christianity.

    You mean your husband is a Christian?

    No. What I’m trying to say is that he practices the three. To be sincere with you, he believes in his culture. He does not joke with Jesus. When I pray in Yoruba and I say Jesu, he would say add Baba, don’t just call the name. Respect the name. He calls Jesus with reverence. At times if he is sleeping and anything happens, the first thing Otunba says is Jesus Christ! I’m telling you. But I wouldn’t say he is not entrenched in his tradition. Everybody knows that he does not joke with Yoruba culture and tradition.

    How romantic is Otunba Gani Adams?

    (Pauses) If I’m to rate Otunba on that, maybe I will give him 30 over 100. Maybe by the time I score him like that he will change.

    You must have heard so many things about Otunba outside that are not true. Who in your opinion is Otunba Gani Adams?

    Because he is a blunt person, he is not that diplomatic in nature. If he sees something that is black, he will tell you it is black. Once Otunba is working with you, he won’t turn back and disappoint you because of money.

  • My dad rewarded teachers with money for flogging me -OCS Inventory boss Kaka

    My dad rewarded teachers with money for flogging me -OCS Inventory boss Kaka

    As the son of Senator Sefiu Adegbenga Kaka, a two-term Senator and former Ogun State deputy governor, Hamzat Ayotunde Kaka certainly enjoys a privileged background. An accountant by profession, Ayotunde Kaka had studied Agriculture Economics at Olabisi Onabanjo University, Ago Iwoye, Ogun State and later obtained a master’s degree in Accounting from the University of Hull, United Kingdom. He worked in the UK for a while before returning to Nigeria where he is at present a partner at OCS Inventory and Professional Services, an accounting consultancy firm. He is also a Director of Solace Farm limited. He spoke with PAUL UKPABIO on his growing-up experiences and his relationship with a father that has spent most of his life as a public office holder.

    What was it like growing up under the tutelage of Senator Adegbenga Kaka?

    I have to start by saying a very big thank you to my parents for the kind of upbringing I got while I was growing up. It surprises me the way and manner they channeled their energy into training us. You will understand what I mean when you have a very strict father and your mother is a teacher. Then you will understand the kind of training we went through. It was a very tough one.

    Does that mean the cane was always around in the house?

    Well, I was a bit naughty as a growing child. But I thank God for the kind of training I got from my dad and my mum. I thank God for what it has done for me today. Growing up was tough. In those days, once you did something wrong, you were beaten for your mischief. You could even get beaten for crying. But these days, the case is different. In a situation where a kid goes to school and a teacher raises the cane to beat him, if the kid goes home to report, the next day, the parent storms the school and probably gets the teacher arrested or even beaten up! These are some of the things destroying good morals among our youths today. When I was in school, if I got beaten by any teacher, my father paid the teacher for beating me.

    My father used to encourage my teachers to beat me anytime I was naughty. That was the kind of upbringing I got, and that is the kind of parents I have. I thank God for them and I thank God for what their being strict has done to me and the kind of personality their training has made of me.

    If you were asked to describe your father, what would you say?

    Of course he is a public figure. But he is someone I hold in very high esteem. Mr. Adegbenga Kaka, in a few words, is a blessing to humanity. If you know what I mean, you will tolerate my opinion about him. This is somebody that has been a two-time commissioner in Ogun State, a former Deputy Governor and a senator. He believes so much in humanity. He believes so much in the youth. If you go across his constituency in Ogun East, you will come across so many schools, so many projects being built by him. I am not supposed to mention this, but personally, I discovered that even 14 to 15 months after he left office as a senator representing Ogun East Senatorial Zone, he was still completing outstanding projects and commissioning schools. This is something that touches my heart and makes me happy. If the privileged class of our society can have as much passion as my father has for the youth, maybe our environment would be a better place for the youth and the next generation. So, in a word, I will describe him as a blessing to humanity.

    What are his philosophies that worked for you?

    Actually, I learnt a lot from him. I learnt honesty. I learnt hard work. What you don’t work for, you don’t get. So, by and large, considering the situation in our environment today, I think honesty is the most valuable virtue I got from him. I mean it is very hard these days to come across honest people in the business and work environment and everywhere else. You find that almost everybody is dishonest. So, honesty is the most valuable virtue I got from my dad. And as you know, honesty is a very scarce commodity today.

    Dad is a tough man whose principle was ‘spare the rod and spoil the child’. He never spared the rod. And today, with benefit of hindsight, I would say I am grateful for it. My mum is a teacher by profession. She is a bit on the reserved side. She is a bit soft like mothers are generally. She played an important role in my life. I will call her a pillar of support. She is always there. Whatever I wish for, she is always willing to let me have, even at her own detriment. So, she has really been a great mother to me. I thank God for her life.

    What are your thoughts about Nigeria today?

    Well, in those days when I was a child, it was during the military era, so we could not see the situation of the country politically. But right now, the beauty of evolution is that one can see clearly what it means to be in a free democratic atmosphere. However, one can say the situation is getting worse or more disheartening. The more one dispensation takes over from the other, the more you find it difficult to get honest people or find honesty. I mean now the governor of a state can promise to give certain political dividends only to get there and fail to deliver. I think that saddens people of my age. That is the saddest part of our political evolution.

    We have a democracy that can hardly deliver verbatim. So I think the electorate should begin to look before choosing. We all have a collective destiny. We are talking about the future of your own children and every other thing associated with it from quality and affordable education to quality and affordable health care, good and durable roads, not roads that will break after six months; great welfare packages that will guarantee a good living condition for the populace. These days, our people are ready to cast their votes for anybody who can offer them N1,000 or even N500. I mean that is quite ridiculous. It is what is killing our society today. How are you going to survive on such mundane gift for four years or eight years?

    Will you be going into politics like your dad?

    If our politics can be tailored after the politics of the western world, maybe I will love to play a role and use my wealth of knowledge to make changes and make the society a better place to live. But the political scene as it is right now is not encouraging. You talk about politics of money, politics of godfatherism. That is not too encouraging. It is only God that can shape the destiny of a man. I don’t know what God has in stock for me as I speak to you today, but for now, I am concentrating on my business and my family.

    Do you have a role model?

    If you ask any young man that question, I think your first role model will be your parent. From your childhood, you already have one. Your parents are your first role model until you begin to see other people’s lives, depending on what you want to become in the future. Youths of today must first see their parents as their role models before anyone else. Then, probably if you want to play football, you must start seeing the likes of Messi and Ronaldo as model or mentor. My father is my role model. I really admire him. I admire his courage, his honesty and his service to humanity and the entire society.

    What do you dislike about him?

    There is no human being without his or her own shortcomings. He as a person has his own shortcomings. But by and large, it is hard for me to find anything I really don’t like about him. My father is my role model and mentor.

    Which book has influenced your life the most?

    I have read quite a lot of books and it is pretty hard for me to point to one as my favourite. I read any magazine, newspaper or book I lay my hands on. If not to gain a new knowledge, then to entertainment myself. So, reading books is part of me, but I don’t think my inspiration came from books. My inspiration comes from God and from within me.

    What does your normal day look like?

    I wake up very early and say my prayers and step out for work. I leave the house very early in the morning. My schedules are not too direct. I go to my office if I have to keep an appointment with a client. And some days, I visit the farm if I have to. So, I can’t say my days are predictable. Sometimes it’s in straight usual directions, sometimes triangular and sometimes neither of both.

    Where is your favourite holiday spot?

    Well, I have been to a couple of countries in Africa, Europe and even America but home remains home. There are lots of holiday spots across the country, in Badagry and in Calabar. These days, I don’t encourage going abroad for our holidays. These are part of things government should do to boost our economy. Our tourism sector is not in good shape. I want to beg government to make our various tourist attraction centres across Nigeria more attractive for people to go for holiday rather than flying out all the time, especially in a season when dollar is very expensive. We must encourage ourselves to look inward for our holiday spots.

    You got married about two years ago. How would you describe your wife?

    My wife, Opeyemi Fausiyyat Kaka, is a wonderful lady. She has been very supportive, patient, calm and loving. I thank God for making our paths cross. I pray we continue to enjoy good relationship in love and in good health.

    What does success mean to you?

    Good success is in diligence and intelligence. I think both of them go together. If you are intelligent and you are not diligent, your intelligence comes to nothing. And if you are diligent without intelligence, you might just see that finally, you are migrating to the wrong direction. So, I think neither of the two can be isolated from success.

    Let’s talk about your fashion and style, what kind of clothes appeal to you?

    Well, fashion to me is not an important item, aspect or way of life. I believe in what is comfortable. You know the kind of youths we have today, particularly the ladies. You see them in hilly shoes when they are actually not comfortable in those shoes. You see men wearing thick fabrics under the sun. Fashion should be about comfort. So comfort decides my fashion and style.

    As an entrepreneur, how would you describe leadership?

    It is usually said that leadership is inborn. But I think leadership is much of genotype and the environment. Yes, you might be born with a strong gene, but my pain is that the youth of these days are a bit laid back. But we can also call it a general phenomenon due to the environment we find ourselves. The environment seems not to be too encouraging and you find out that the youths are a bit laid back. They don’t aspire and work hard towards achieving their dreams. Most of them dream alright, but I don’t think they dream in the right direction. They want to have material wealth without having to go through the channel of hard work. But I believe people like Mark Zulgerberk, the Facebook founder, and other inspiring youth leaders around the world should be a good inspiration to us youths. The youths in our clime need to draw inspiration from them. Yes, we have found ourselves in a very disheartening situation, but I will still say we can dream out of our challenges. So in my own definition, I think leadership is inborn, but we should strive towards achieving success by working hard.

    Why did you major in Agriculture in school?

    I cannot run away from Agriculture because I was born into agriculture. I am a farmer by birth. I grew up in the business of farming. My father is a farmer. I studied Agricultural-Economics from Olabisi Onabanjo University. I knew at some point I was going to go into farming. I had my master’s degree in management and at some point, I felt if I could have a degree in Agricultural Economics and one in Business Management, then I should be able to add Accounting to it. So, I decided to add Accounting to it. So I am a chartered accountant and I run my own accounting firm as well.

    That means we still have youths who are still interested in farming?

    Well, it is sad to find that youths are not interested in farming today. But agriculture along with ICT seems to be one of the few ways out now. But youths now see farming as a dirty job. Instead, they prefer the non-existing white collar jobs. But the energy in the youths can be properly invested in farming. Having said that, I need to add that we need good government policies, agricultural infrastructure and incentives to encourage more people to go into farming, particular the youths. We have reached the point where everyone must be encouraged to plant yam, grow pepper, vegetables and other farm produce at the back of our homes. That is the way to go now instead of waking up in the morning and running to the lotto joint.

    So how do you combine farming and accounting?

    Well, it depends on the angle you are looking at. Like I said, I did Agricultural Economics as my first degree. I had my second degree in Business Management. So, when you look at the economic aspect of the Agro-business and you look at management as a social science, you will discover that adding accounting to it is not out of the picture. I think it is a very nice combination.

    For relaxation, what do you enjoy doing?

    I love football. That is my greatest hobby and I am a great fan of one of the prominent clubs on the European Premier league.