Category: Relationships

  • Five categories of singles

    Five categories of singles

    For some people, singlehood is a phase they can’t wait to get over while others want to relish every moment of it as it’s quite tasking finding a ‘perfect’ match.

    Below are five interesting categories of single people. And if you are a single person, you may just want to find out which you belong of the listed categories:

    The unbothered ones

    Indeed, these set of people truly don’t give a hoot about love, dating and matters of the heart generally.

    For them snuggling up next to another (a partner) and all the lovey-dovey displays exhibited by couples demands too much efforts which they don’t have to give or would rather not spare.

    These one, the happy-go-lucky fellows would rather enjoy the solitude of their spaces.

    The entangled ones often referred to as people in ‘situationships’

    Now, these people are those caught in a fix. On one hand it may seem they’re in a ‘relationship’ as do practically all the things that real couples do. But on the other hand, there’s not been an official statement or proposal from the male especially to that effect.

    Although, these happens more with the females but it doesn’t rule out the fact that men also don’t get caught up in entanglements or situationships.

    They however, continue with the hopes that what they have would sometime metamorphose to a real relationship.

    Oftentimes than not, their hopes get shattered as the one being shown more love may just have their eyes on someone else.

    And when he or she gets tired of having to play ‘partner’ to the other, they move on to something more real and definite with another.

    The dreamers

    These ones belong to another world entirely, that of fantasy. They are in a class of their own albeit single, always picture themselves in that fairytale love story.

    And for them, peradventure someone comes along for a relationship but doesn’t exude any of the fairy tale vibes they have painted in their minds; they quickly excuse themselves from such a scenario.

    For those that try to endure a little while, they are usually always full of complaints about their partners not being romantic and all sorts.

    The confused ones

    These one are torn between staying and enjoying their singlehood or hopping on to another relationship with a love interest after a breakup.
    This group of people want to enjoy love but are scared of being served ‘breakfast’ so, most times, they lean back and would rather not give in to that person who’s been on ‘their matter’ especially as a result of heartbreak(s).

    The ‘God whens’

    The catchphrase “God when” over time has become popular on social media. It’s used by social media users to basically to question God on when He intends to do for them what He has done for others, just because whatever they happened on, could be a lovely write-up, video or photo that their heart craves for.

    So, for the “God Whens” they can’t wait to be the ones being admired and hailed whenever they come across a couple doing all lovey-lovey things or even giving/ receiving gifts from their partners; or playing together and all sorts.

    They desperately want to do ‘weather for two’ with the love of their lives.

  • Seven things ladies must do after s3x

    Seven things ladies must do after s3x

    Just like clearing the dining, wiping the table and washing the dirty dishes in the kitchen, there are things to do immediately after engaging in coitus, especially for ladies.

    Here are seven things to do after having a swell time:

    *Empty your bladder

    During sex, bacteria can get into your urethra, the tube that carries urine out of your body. That can raise your chances of an infection. But when you urinate, you flush those germs out.

    So if you are the type that loves to enjoy some cuddling after the act, don’t stay too long on it before heading to the bathroom to pee and when you wipe, do it from front to back to stop the spread of bacteria.

    * Wash up

    Gently cleaning yourself after s3x can protect women and men alike from infections like of the urinary tract (UTIs).

    Wash the area around gently (not inside) with plain warm water.

    Note: Never douche
    Some women think they need to clean inside their vagina after sex with water or prepackaged fluids. But douching can lead to more infections. That’s because it upsets the natural balance of bacteria that protect your vagina.

    *Make sure you wash your hands thoroughly

    READ ALSO: UK varsity confers honorary degree on Tiwa Savage

    It’s the best way to get rid of bacteria you might pick up from touching your or your partner’s genitals. That’s key to stop infections from spreading. Wash with soap and water, and make it part of your post-sex clean-up routine.

    *Ingest liquid, water preferably

    Since it’s a good idea to pee after a roll in the hay, don’t forget to drink water.

    When you stay hydrated, you’ll pee more, which means that more bacteria will wash out of your body before infections can flare up.

    Drinking cranberry juice can also reduce the chances of UTIs as it helps fight against bacteria.

    *Check for signs of pain or bleeding

    Double-check for any sign of post-intercourse trauma like pain or bleeding.

    Be sure what the pain is indicating if it’s from the friction of the genitals or infections so as to proffer appropriate treatment.

    And if you notice bleeding too especially if it isn’t due to your menstruation or breaking of the hymen, do see a gynecologist.

    *Double check with the condom

    This is to ensure while you were being taken on a ride through the clouds, your protection helmet didn’t decide to give way or even get stuck in your honeypot which can pose a grave health risk to you.

    So you must check to ensure its still intact and just incase it’s not, you know you have to take other post-protective measures especially if you’re not planning on being a mother at that point.

    *Wear loose-fitting clothing

    Hot, sweaty places are perfect spots for bacteria and yeast to thrive.

    So after some pleasurable moments with your partner, wear underwear and clothes that let air in.

    Avoid pantyhose, girdles, and panties that are too tight. Cotton undies work well for women and even the men as they’re breathable and absorb moisture.

    Or better still, skip underwear if altogether it’s almost bed time.

  • Girls…girls…girls, don’t let any boyfriend  scatter your destiny this year!

    Girls…girls…girls, don’t let any boyfriend scatter your destiny this year!

    MY darling, precious, glorious, dignified, world-famous and heavenly celebrated Nigerian daughters,

    I began an interesting and highly impacting series in January which would help you succeed this year! Please Google and read my last 4 articles

    2022: A phenomenal year of shining for the sexually-pure (1 & 2)

    Girls, manifest your dreams in 2022 and shine like a star! (1 & 2)

    Story continued from last week!

    “I had always wanted to run a medical professional course (medicine or nursing precisely), so after my third failed attempt which I told my boyfriend about, he bluntly told me to accept any lower course I’m  given. Only then did I start realizing something was terribly wrong somewhere! I knew somewhere deep inside of me that what I needed was even if I needed it at all-someone that will bring out the best in me and not someone that will kill the light in me! Then began my fourth admission trial!

    My guardians who loved education so dearly decided to sort my admission out painstakingly and were struggling and working towards paying 360k for my admission in school as I got admission to study combined social science at UNN not nursing, medicine, biochemistry, dentistry etc. I was devastated  and when I told him about the new development, Mr. Man said I should accept it and move on with my life that certificate doesn’t speak again in this country (most times when he talks like this I wondered if he is indeed a graduate as he claimed yet I was lost in him.

    I still made up my mind to fight again and then BOOM I realized I had missed my period for 3 months! I thought it was an infection and before I knew it I was four months getting to five months then I began feeling movement in my tummy and I noticed my lower abdomen was strong so I decided to seek medical help. I thought I was smart but was really shocked when the doctor told me I was pregnant! I was in disbelief , I couldn’t stop crying and all of a sudden the eye patch that I had on me all this while fell off as I kept asking myself how I got to that point!  My family and everyone around me were shocked beyond words! I appeared as a leper and traitor before them! The disgrace and disappointment was nothing to be compared with….then I contemplated SUICIDE!

    I drank a poisonous substance but after a while I vomited it! I guess God didn’t want me to die yet. The baby in me went through hell like she was the cause of my stupidity. It was so painful as I did all manner of things which I would rather not discuss! I later went through a D & C at 7 months (the pain, the risk and the death I saw with my eyes was and is still the beginning of wisdom)!  And lo and behold, the man who promised heaven and earth then, disappeared till date…even after helping him out with my hard-earned money for upkeep!

    I later went back to my heart-broken widowed mother who amidst the shame and disappointment I gave her accepted me back but grounded me for a year from anything school and that was when I reconciled with God! I then decided there and then to walk a disciplined life if not for God, for the pain I went through at the age of 21! I also took up a teaching job in a school to while away the time!  Each time I looked at my mom I saw the pain and disappointment in her and I prayed to God to help me heal her as I didn’t want her to die as I had seen in my dreams.

     

    Trust me when I say God is good-He accepted me irrespective of my filth and made me whole!  I prayed to him to guide me in my next jamb and give me the institution He desires for me. I passed my JAMB and he also revealed the institution beforehand. I even told Him to turn my story back to a testimony at least the one that will make my family receive me back a little and forget some of the pain I caused them. He did exactly that for me!

    And then the devil reared its ugly head again…one of my colleagues back when I was teaching came with his marriage proposal. He wanted a marriage without courtship! He was way older, bossy and manipulative!

     

    • To be continued

    I invite you to follow me on Facebook –TEMILOLU OKEOWO Instagram @ Okeowo Temilolu.

  • Effects of masturbation

    Effects of masturbation

    Dele and Shayo (not real names) have been married for a few years. Shayo is a housewife, taking care of the kids, while Dele goes to work every day. Dele came back from work one fine evening, expecting to get “something light” from his wife after dinner, only for her to say “Dele I have already masturbated a few hours ago, so I am not really in the mood right now”.

    This was the fifth time Shayo was telling him this in three weeks, so obviously, she had replaced “Dele” with her “fingers,” using her newly purchased vibrator hidden away somewhere in the house. Dele was so angry at being deprived of his right. Being a Christian, he didn’t believe in cheating on his wife, and he didn’t want to be put in that situation so he wanted her to stop using that “evil” vibrator right away. Out of fear, she threw it away, but couldn’t overcome the urge soon and started using her fingers to please herself, Dele couldn’t take it anymore when he discovered and that was the beginning to the end.

    This story is the same or slightly different with many other experiences of couples in various homes. Some partners accept it because they feel it’s much better than “adultery”, while some see it as a slap on the face. The interesting part is men rarely talk about it amongst themselves. Women are more open in discussing it with each other, while couples don’t even want to mention it at all. Really interesting, isn’t it?

    Couples should be open about their sexual wants and desires, as well as their dislikes. 85 % of men and 45 % of women who live with their spouses are said to have masturbated. Vibrators, sex machines, sex toys and even sex dolls are steadily replacing human contact and encouraging masturbation addiction. Many people would argue that this is more common with men, than women, well that is not our debate for today, but on how it affects both genders and its aftermath in a relationship. Masturbation is derived from the Latin word “manstuprare,” meaning “to defile one’s self by hand”.

    Many couples I have counselled or spoken to say that masturbation is a very uncomfortable topic to broach. Imagine walking in on your partner masturbating? So many questions will be running through your head at once. Apart from immediately casting and binding the devil, there are several thoughts that rush through your mind, number one being who or what is my partner thinking about while at it?  Some couples may wonder if masturbation can ruin their relationship. Other couples don’t even want to discuss it.

    Masturbation often carries a stigma. Some religious, cultural and spiritual traditions associate masturbation with immorality or sin.

    But the truth is masturbation can become an addiction which can cause harm to your relationship with several signals stated below.

    When you get to a point where you inflict self-injury on yourself due to this habit, it can lead to other challenges in your relationship.

    If your spouse uses masturbation to cope when they are under stress, especially when work pressure increases and next step is to quickly get a private place to “handle” themselves, then this is a big issue because apart from leading your partner to other stress management behaviour it can quickly escalate into a big problem, imagine having to get to the toilet anytime you are under duress.

    This can create a feeling of rejection if one’s partner finds solace in masturbating rather than sexually connecting with their partner.  If your partner finds it very easy to replace physical contact with you, even when you are available.

    We operate in a religious environment. The weight of guilt that presents itself with this act, especially in connection to our religious and spiritual beliefs (if you have any) will lead to secrecy or in some cases creating and maintaining a double life around your sexual lifestyle.

    One of the criteria for addictive behaviour is the frequency of the act, sometimes partners who want to stop and are unable to do so, sometimes unconsciously increase after trying to make effort to stop due to the helpless feeling it gives.

    Putting religion or cultural beliefs aside, it is an unhealthy habit with emphasis on the word habit, not only as an individual but for couples. Masturbation is very common among adults, yet it remains a challenging and uncomfortable topic

    It causes a feeling of inadequacy, especially when the partner discovers about it, they tend to blame themselves, assuming that their spouse or partner is bored or unhappy with them. Masturbation is a problem that interferes with day-to-day life, especially when it is used to substitute real intimacy with another person.

    Your partner may feel that his or her partner has been keeping secrets. What couples should understand is that couples have different viewpoints. People who masturbate may do so in different amounts. There is nothing like an acceptable number or not an acceptable number. where we can establish you have a problem with masturbation is when you can’t achieve orgasm with your partner through intercourse, the best is to seek help from a therapist. They can work with you and your partner to iron out major concerns affecting your relationship, or smaller issues you are struggling with.

    So many couples if they can be a sincere struggle with masturbation. It all depends on if you feel you should tell your spouse that you masturbate. But you shouldn’t allow the feeling of inadequacy overtake you if you discover your partner masturbates, as long as you can maintain a healthy relationship where both individuals communicate effectively to understand each other and know exactly when to come in. Adult individuals are entitled to their own thoughts, even what our society might deem repugnant. Basically what should be your priority which is my major rule for relationships is that all your sex, including fantasies, should be with each other.

    Is it possible to stop masturbation, especially when it is affecting your relationship? I would say yes! Definitely, you can stop it.

    Instead of trying to restrict your partner’s behaviour for instance because restriction with words like “you must stop this habit at once’ will only aggravate issues. It is a matter of discipline and acceptance to try and stop, once there is a will there is away.  If you desire to help your partner to stop, then the best method is to

    1. Talk to them about the habit.
    2. Find out what triggers it (for instance work pressure).
    3. Ask them how you can help them stop it.
    4. Give mental and moral support; don’t make them feel ashamed.
    5. Try to turn their attention to something else, so that they get to use their time constructively.
    6. Do it slowly, change cannot happen overnight.
    7. Know when to seek professional help.

    Learning to stop masturbating is a process and this process takes time. To overcome this behaviour you’ve practised for months and sometimes even years, you personally need several coping strategies in order to save your relationship and cause less damage to show them you really want to stop.

    Keeping a full schedule will cut down on the opportunities you have for masturbation. Find activities that are self-soothing, engaging, or exciting. I personally recommend joining a gym, start running or jogging, exert yourself physically.

    You will also need a healthy diet for your body, caring for yourself may reduce urges or provide motivation to resist. It can also provide a new focus for your energy and efforts.  You also need to be accountable to someone you trust, if you can find a support group. That would be excellent and the right path to recovery. It can also help you develop new behaviour. You need to limit your lone time, wear extra clothes at night to cover everywhere as much as possible, make it difficult for the temptation to be successful. Stop everything that triggers the urge, like porn, sex magazines and so on, and most of all, be patient with yourself while healing yourself. Good luck!

  • 10 Romantic Ways To Celebrate The Wedding Anniversary 

    10 Romantic Ways To Celebrate The Wedding Anniversary 

    When it comes to celebrating your wedding anniversary you want to make sure that the day is special. This means that you are required to put in some thought to the day to make sure that firstly, you have something planned and secondly, the day is as romantic as possible. If you are unsure where to start, don’t worry, we’re here to help. Here are 10 romantic ways to celebrate the wedding anniversary.

    Weekend Getaway

    Nothing says romance quite like being whisked away on a weekend break. The beauty about these is that you can stay within your own country of jet off to a city break somewhere else. You don’t have to go for a week, simply go away on the Friday night and come back on the Sunday. You’ll both feel revitalised for a break away together. This is the perfect anniversary gift!

    A Special Meal

    If your significant other has a favourite meal that they enjoy, why not try and cook it together. There’s something fun about getting into the kitchen and working through a recipe. Not only can you have fun, but you’ll also both end up eating something that you created.

    Relax At A Spa

    Nothing says romance and relaxation quite like a spa! Why not treat yourselves to a spa break? You can opt for more treatments to really make the day extra special. From massages to flotation wraps, you want to come away feeling refreshed and relaxed together.

    Picnic In The Park

    If you are short on time and money, then one way you can get round this is a lovely picnic in the park. You can get all your favourite snacks, from chocolate, sandwiches to champagne and Strawberry’s. You can while away the hours in the sun and make the most of each other.

    Find A Botanical Garden

    If the weather is nice and going away just isn’t an option due to work schedules, why not find a beautiful botanical garden. There are plenty of them to choose from and you can make a day of it. Botanical gardens are full of sensory options you can explore together. You can walk, talk, and grab coffee.

    Rewrite Your Vows

    When you got married, chances are you wrote and read wedding vows. Why not spend an evening revisiting these? You don’t just have to read them together, why not rewrite them? If you’ve been married for a long time, then it may be time to update them to vows that reflect how long you’ve been together and how much you’ve been through over the years. Not only will it bring back memories of your special day, but it’ll also work towards goals together.

    Order Gifts To Be Delivered On the Day

    Anniversary’s require special gifts; you don’t need to get ones that relate to the traditional items though. If you aren’t able to spend the day together for whatever reason, then why not order a special gift to be delivered on the morning of the anniversary? This could be anything from flowers to jewellery! This way, when your other half opens the door, they’ll be surprised and happy that you took the time to remember.

    Go Out for A Meal

    If you went out for a meal on your first date, why not go to the same restaurant? It may well not be your favourite one, but the fact that this is where you connected could make the night extra special. You can talk through old memories and laugh about how young you were when you first met.

    Recreate Your First Dance

    When you did your first dance, chances are you were filled with nerves when other people were watching you. This time, make it about just you two. Put the music on and dance around your living room and kitchen and just enjoy one another. Dancing is a great way to connect and by retracing your steps you are making it extra special, filled with love and laughs.

    Use Your Wedding Gifts!

    Chances are you were given a lot of special gifts on your wedding day, and we would bet that you actually haven’t used the special gifts. If you were given lovely glass wear and table wear why not get it out and make the most of it? You don’t need to use to everyday, just make sure that you do get round to using it!

    Wrap Up

    When it comes to wedding anniversaries you don’t need to spend the earth to make the day extra special. It is the small gestures that make a world of difference and can really make the day romantic. Whether it is a weekend break or rewriting your vows together, you can cement your relationship further and look forward to a future together.

  • 14 erroneous beliefs about love

    14 erroneous beliefs about love

    By Ekaete Bassey

    Love is one of the world’s most misunderstood concept. It’s not quite like they make it seem in the movies, but real love is often better than you might have imagined.

    From the idea of love at first sight to a perfect soulmate, here are 14 myths about love that you’ve probably bought into that are totally erroneous.

    LOVE WILL MAKE YOU HAPPY

    Love is often represented as the ultimate happy ending, but that’s not necessarily correct. It isn’t a fix-all cure.

    If you’re unhappy before you find love, you won’t suddenly be a different, happier person after you’ve found it.

    The best relationships can definitely enhance our lives, but they can’t make us happy all on their own.

    IT’S EASY ALL THE TIME

    When a relationship is hard all the time, you know that it’s not right for you. But that doesn’t mean healthy love is always easy.

    When two people come together and connect, difficulties will always arise. No matter how amazing your love is, it will get hard sometimes.

    LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT IS A THING

    Sorry, but love at first sight is not a thing. After all, love involves trusting someone and committing to them. So, how can you get that from just looking at someone?

    The good news is lust at first sight is definitely a thing, and that pretty much feels the same anyway or better put, is usually mistaken for love.

    YOUR SOULMATE WILL BE PERFECT

    Maybe the one is out there for you. While some of us have a few soulmates or feel like we have none at all, others find that one person they believe was meant for them.

    But even if you find that person, they will have flaws.

    Forget about finding the perfect soulmate because, they don’t exist any more than love at first sight.

    YOU’LL BE HAPPIEST WHEN YOU ATTRACT YOUR OPPOSITE

    They say that opposites attract. And although that’s true in some situations, don’t believe that you’ll automatically have the best relationship with someone who’s the complete opposite to you.

    In fact, if someone has different values and fundamental beliefs from you, it’s actually very difficult to have a long-lasting relationship with them.

    YOU CAN CHANGE ANYONE IF YOU LOVE THEM ENOUGH

    Fairytales would have us believe that anyone can change for love.

    The truth is that, this kind of thinking will leave you trapped in hopeless relationships, waiting for someone not worthy of your time to change.

    Some people can change. But if you’re seeing no signs of it, don’t wait around for it just because of love.

    YOU’LL NEVER ARGUE IN A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP

    Healthy relationships might be more blissful than toxic ones. But there will still be arguments. All couples fight eventually and it doesn’t mean that they don’t love each other. Disagreeing is normal and healthy, and one of the hurdles you’ll have to overcome.

    LOVE HAS TO LEAD TO MARRIAGE

    Tradition says that love has to lead to marriage, and that marriage is the ultimate declaration of love. But regrettably, marriage isn’t for everyone.

    And while we think of marriage today as an act of love, it’s way beyond that.

    LOVE HAS TO BE DRAMATIC

    Although the relationships in the shows we grew up watching, like “Sex and the City”, “Friends”, and “Gossip Girl” are full of drama, real love doesn’t have to be so dramatic.

    If it were that intense in real life, it would be extremely draining.

    YOU’LL ONLY EVER LOVE ONE PERSON

    Some people do end up only loving and being with one person. But that’s definitely not the way love has to be.

    It’s okay to fall deeply in love with several people throughout your life. It doesn’t mean that the love you feel is not as authentic or meaningful as the love two people share when they’ve never loved anyone else.

    IF YOU’RE IN LOVE, YOU CAN’T BE LONELY

    Ha! In theory, being in a loving relationship should help to ease loneliness. But people who are in love can and do feel lonely for a variety of reasons.

    Love doesn’t stop two people from working in different countries. And it doesn’t stop couples from spending Saturday night alone during a fight.

    Unfortunately, love is not an end to loneliness.

    LOVE IS ONLY FOR THE YOUNG

    Again, some people think of love as being an experience for the young only.

    In popular culture, most of the stories we consume about love feature young characters. But in reality, love is for people of all ages.

    You’re never too old to fall in love.

    LOVE IS ALL THAT MATTERS

    In other words, love is enough. This falsehood is another belief that will keep you trapped in the wrong relationship.

    Loving someone isn’t a good enough reason to stay with them if you have every other reason to leave.

    Trust, commitment, loyalty, vulnerability, safety, and happiness all play a part. They all matter too.

    FALLING IN LOVE COMPLETES YOU

    Nah! Falling in love is a wonderful feeling that can definitely enhance your life. But if there’s a void inside you, it won’t magically disappear when you start loving someone.

    Just as it won’t fix an unhappy person’s problems and make them happy. Love won’t complete someone who is lost and trying to find their purpose in life.

    Love is a powerful part of life, but it’s still just a part and not the whole.

  • 10 things to avoid during disputes with loved ones

    10 things to avoid during disputes with loved ones

    By Ekaete Bassey

    It’s quite easy to hurt a person especially a loved one with a word or an action during a fight.

    The resentment can linger for much longer after the fight is over thereby, ruining the once loving relationship.

    Below are ten actions to totally avoid when having a misunderstanding or fight with a loved one:

    Never resort to name-calling

    Name-calling or zeroing in one of your partner’s insecurities or vulnerabilities during an argument is a low blow. You may be angry, hurt or frustrated in the moment, but that’s no excuse for this type of behavior.

    If you’ve been with your partner long enough, you probably have a sense of certain things about them that would be especially hurtful if you brought them up during an argument.

    The problem with these types of jabs is that they can be particularly difficult to move past.

    Try focusing on the issue at hand rather than making personal attacks and saying something about your partner that you will probably later regret.

    Arguments can be tough to get through, but you still want to demonstrate mutual respect towards each other.

    Never fight in public

    If you allow yourself and your partner to fight in a public place then, most likely, you do not respect each other or the surrounding people.

    Do not take skeletons out of your closet in public. It’s way better to talk about your issues at home.

    Do not go to bed separately

    If it wasn’t a tradition to go to bed together, ensure on the day of any fight you consciously make the attempt to actually retire to bed together as this will ease the atmosphere and quickly resolve the conflict.

    You may end up lying back to back at first, but in the morning you will wake up in each other’s arms without the tiniest hint of last night’s fight.

    Note: By going to sleep separately, you show that you are not ready to make up.

    Never walk away mid-argument.

    When a person completely shuts down or disengages in the middle of an argument without warning, it makes your partner feel as though you’ve pulled the rug out from under them.

    The conflict remains unresolved and it leaves your partner alone, confused and even more frustrated.

    Simply leaving the house during a fight will only show how uncomfortable you feel staying under the same roof as your partner.

    Slamming the doors, running into the darkness, leaving the conflict unresolved, all these will make your partner think twice about your level of maturity.

    It’s way better to wait until you both calm down, and then you can discuss everything as adults.

    However, if you’re feeling overwhelmed and need a timeout, that’s fine. But it’s better to voice that to your partner than to just bail.

    Never ever talk about divorce/separation

    When you say “Let’s divorce or go our separate ways” during a fight, this can become the biggest insult ever.

    These words have the ability to hurt the feelings of your partner really badly. And the more often you say them, the faster the divorce will actually occur.

    If you love each other, never talk about parting.

    Never make a major decision during an argument.

    When things between you and your partner are heated, you probably don’t have the clarity necessary to make a weighty decision. Instead, wait until things have cooled down before you try to come to a consensus.

    Unless you are in an immediate health and safety situation such as domestic violence, it is usually wise to refrain from making important decisions during the heat of battle, when emotions tend to run high and judgment tends to run low.

    Never bring up past mistakes or unrelated issues to deflect and distract.

    If you want to fight fair, then dredging up your partner’s past errors in a bid to “win” the argument is a big no-no.

    It’s often irrelevant to the present debate, counterproductive and can make your partner extra defensive.

    If the main cause of the fight is a pile of unwashed dishes, then let it stay that way.

    Do not remind your partner of all their prior wrongdoings as this is a way to turn a minor domestic issue into a big ugly conflict.

    It is always best to address the direct cause of the fight rather than bringing in other past issues into the present one.

    Work through the issue rather than focusing on being ‘right’ or the ‘winner’

    Even in the heat of an argument, try to remember that you and your partner are on the same team.

    So proving how “right” you are and how “wrong” they are isn’t a worthwhile pursuit. Plus, if you’re more focused on building your case than you are on understanding your partner’s point of view, you’re not going to get very far.

    Finding middle ground or agreeing to disagree helps a relationship to thrive while both partners feel worthy of consideration.

    Never get physical/Avoid violence at all cost

    While fighting, people tend to show the worst sides of their character.

    Some, trying to prove themselves right or more powerful than the other, resort to violence.

    Don’t ever allow yourself or your partner to use violence, no matter how angry you might be with each other.

    The physical pain caused by a loved one has the ability to kill all the feelings that once bound you together.

    Don’t include other family members in your fight(s)

    Your fight concerns only the both of you and no one else.

    By drawing your parents or any other family member into the conflict, you risk turning a regular fallout into a real family mess.

    Even if harmony returns to your relationship, the other members of the family will most likely remember everything and use that against you or your partner when given a chance.

    Thus, it best to handle your issues between the both of you than bringing the entire family into it as long as no one is being battered.

  • 12 unmistakable signs his love for you has burnt out

    12 unmistakable signs his love for you has burnt out

    By Ekaete Bassey

    Author of the popular novel “Act like a lady, think like a man” Steve Harvey “said: “A man’s love is expressed in three forms: he declares his rights for you in public, protects, and takes care of you.”

    However, a part of this saying can be doubted because in our time, not all women need to be provided for or protected by men.

    What they in fact need is love.

    Unfortunately, sometimes women tend to see love when it’s not really there.

    Sometimes a woman can feel that something is wrong without having to hear it from her partner.

    Here are 12 unmistakable signs a man’s strong feelings of love and adoration for a loved one has burnt out completely:

    · Ignores you

    It’s like you don’t exist anymore. He completely begins to live a life of his own.

    Before, anything he or you did was a mutual decision. And now, you don’t even know that he’s planning on doing anything.

    When you are around, he gets all weird, and he pretends he’s alone.

    Even if he needs something like: “Did you iron my shirt?” he won’t ask you. He’ll go and find it and if it’s not ironed, he will do it himself.

    · Lack of communication

    One of the biggest signs he doesn’t love you anymore is a lack of communication. This is not like ignoring you.

    This is much more serious and on a deeper level. When he loses interest in you, he will cut you off. He will lose the need to communicate with you in any way. Whether it’s body language communication, verbal or just eye contact; he will break off all of these.

    · Criticism of appearance

    A philosopher once said: “A person will like everything, even the flaws, of their beloved, but will be annoyed at the perfection of those whom he does not love.” For a truly loving man, you are always beautiful, even with messy hair and even in your oversized nightgown. He will not notice that you have gained a couple of extra pounds after birth if you do not say it yourself.

    But if your man constantly tells you to go to the gym or hints that you need plastic surgery, do not rush to indulge him. It is most likely that it’s not your appearance that doesn’t suit him but you yourself. And even if you lose weight, he will find other faults in you.

    · Discussing your shortcomings with friends

    No one is perfect but truly loving people focus on the advantages of their partners instead of focusing on the flaws.

    If your partner publicly humiliates you and laughs at your failures, do not expect anything good from such a relationship. Such a partner doesn’t respect you, and a strong and reliable union is impossible without respect. By criticizing you with other people, he unconsciously tries to prove to others (and himself) that it’s your fault that he stopped loving you.

    · His attitude towards your habits

    Loving men, as a rule, endure all their partners annoying or strange habits like eating from his plate, occupying the bathroom for hours while chatting with their girlfriends, filling the wardrobe with unnecessary stuffs, singing same songs all day and so on and remain silent or react with humor.

    But if your man is constantly scrutinizing every little thing you do and making negative comments about your behaviour, it means that the only feeling he has left is irritation instead of love.

    · Lack of attentiveness to your stories

    Scientists have proved that a man is able to listen to a woman attentively for only 6 minutes

    Yet, if a man sees that something is very important to you, he will make an effort to listen to you attentively, even if this topic is completely uninteresting to him. When he loves you, he won’t leave you without attention. But if he keeps changing the topic or runs away using different excuses whenever you try to talk, most likely, your worries do not bother him.

    Accordingly, he is not going to participate in the resolution of any issues that may come up during the relationship.

    · His attitude toward your emotions

    Men absolutely cannot stand women’s tears. And recently, a scientific explanation has been found: it turns out that female tears contain special volatile substances that lower the level of testosterone in the blood of men which leads to a decrease in sexual desire.

    In fact, when you cry, the only thing a man wants to do is run away and not see it. But if he loves you, he will pull himself together and do everything he can to try to comfort you even if the reason you’re crying seems trivial to him. He will calm down only when you start smiling again. However, if he doesn’t love you, then your tears will be just one more reason to get angry at you .

    · Flirtatiousness

    Flirting is very good for relationships. This is a great tool to revive feelings and overcome routine when you have been together for a long time. Text messages, intriguing hints, playful photos; all these helps rekindle mutual interest, as in the first days of the relationship.

    Of course, it is very important that both partners actively respond to each other’s advances.

    However, if you have already sent 10 erotic selfies in different poses to your partner and he still hasn’t been coming up with new lines, rather his reaction is zero, stop doing it. Or consider what could be causing your partner to ignore your advances.

    · His reaction to your requests

    For a loving man, the requests and wishes of his beloved (not friends or distant relatives) will always take first place.

    In fact, men like to help women as this gives them the opportunity to demonstrate how cool, strong, and responsible they are.

    Of course, there are situations when a man cannot help, for example, he does not know how to repair a tap, he certainly should not leave you alone to deal with this problem but call the plumber, instead.

    However, if the most innocent request, like asking for help changing a light bulb, is perceived with annoyance and as just “yet another unbearable task,” the relationship is worth reconsidering. Is it possible that your man is helping some other woman and with greater enthusiasm?

    · Jealousy

    It turns out that even monkeys are able to feel jealous of their partners around other males. Jealousy arose in the course of evolution as a way to maintain the integrity of the couple. A man is wired so that subconsciously he wants to declare his rights to a woman and to be the only “owner” of her beauty.

    Therefore, it is quite natural that your man starts to get nervous when someone pays attention to you. But people, of course, are not monkeys, and bouts of excessive jealousy will only harm the relationship.

    But when a man is absolutely indifferent to the signs of attention that other men show his lady, this is an alarming sign. He no longer wants to fight for her and doesn’t want to try to become better to stay the best for her.

    · Protection from danger

    The need to protect their loved ones is also the basis for men while the need to be protected is the basis for women. And although modern men no longer have to protect the weaker sex from predators and wild tribes, there are still dangers in our troubled world.

    Therefore, it is pretty natural that a loving man becomes worried when his second half comes back from work late or is alone in an unfamiliar place. If he cannot be around, then he’ll at least call her and make sure she’s fine. By protecting a woman from threats, whether real or imaginary ones, a man feels like a superhero.

    Therefore, if you do not get protection and support from a man in difficult situations, such as having to walk home alone at night, getting lost in an unfamiliar city or getting yelled at by your boss, this is a very bad sign. Your chosen one is either a coward or simply doesn’t like you.

    · Gentle words and expressing feelings

    The language of love consists of tender words, touches, hugs, and kisses. When we call a partner names like “sweetheart,” “darling,” or “dear,” we create a special intimate atmosphere. The choice of affectionate names occurs unconsciously and shows how one partner relates to the other, who dominates the relationship, and how well they are balanced.

    By the way, men need all this lovey-dovey stuff just as much as women do. Researchers have proven that married couples – husbands who often kiss and hug with their wives feel 3 times happier in a marriage than those who don’t.

    So if your man frowns every time you try to hug him and call “sweetheart,” the reason is not his natural male rigidity. As sad as it may sound, his feelings have probably faded away.

  • Five unnecessary questions women ask men

    Five unnecessary questions women ask men

    By Chinyere Okoroafor

    Questions are asked for the sake of obtaining information that will help the person get a better understanding of something or affirmation to what they know already.

    However, in a marriage relationship, there are questions that are meant to be kept under the carpet to avoid arguments or feelings of low esteem.

    Some questions have led to the break-up of relationships.

    We are all wired differently when it comes to perceptions, ideas, knowledge and understanding.

    Here are a few selected five unnecessary questions women ask their men:

    · Do you notice any change in my appearance?

    Asking your man if he noticed anything different in your appearance is like him taking you to his car and opening the car hood and asking you what you notice.

    This kind of question is definitely going to generate a response that will insinuate a lot of things to you and thus leads to an argument.

    The way I see it, this is a setup question women bring up to psych their men mostly to know what he feels about them.

    The problem with this kind of question is that most men are likely going to say the wrong thing because he doesn’t want to demolish your own poor self-image if you constantly think negative about how you look.

    Give your husband the ability to affirm you without feeling like they are going to get in trouble if they get it wrong.

    · Do you think this dress makes me look fat?

    This is a stupid question because the man will never give you an honest answer and you don’t want to know the honest answer to this question. Men do not fall for that trap because she doesn’t want the honest truth.

    Why not check out your weight yourself? Even if you are big, he wouldn’t tell you because he doesn’t want you to feel bad so he pretends like he is not seeing it.

    Struggling with weight is something that many women will deal with at some point in their lives between pregnancy and menopause.

    This is your insecurity messing with your mind. It makes you want to be affirmed by your husbands.

    · ‘So what are you thinking?’

    Never ask a man the above question when he is watching his favorite football game. You are likely to get blank stares.

    With men, this question is about timing. Part of learning to tolerate one another is learning to embrace what is important to the opposite sex. We need to learn to ask better questions with better timing.

    · ‘Do you think that woman is prettier than me?’

    Never ask your man if another woman is prettier than you, he will give you the wrong answer.

    He will never give you an honest answer to that question so that he doesn’t hurt your feelings which will likely make you feel insecure.

    Comparing the beauty of another woman who you already think is prettier than you will only put your man on the spot.

    The only way he can answer it and not get in trouble with you is to say ‘what woman?’ Every woman has been woven together by her maker in heaven.

    We have all made to be beautiful, no matter what our present cultural norms say.

    Don’t ask your man what is wrong in a not relaxed mood?

    A man walks into his house obviously looking stressed or worried. You don’t approach him immediately when he hasn’t yet taken off his clothes, bath and relaxed. You will not get a good response.

    Communication and intimacy is something that women and men both value. Again, this question is about timing.

    When you noticed such a situation, keep calm; it is not the best time for a deep conversation. Allow him to process, pray, and at least unwind from the day.

  • What to do when couples become roommates, not sex partners

    What to do when couples become roommates, not sex partners

    By Funmi Akingbade

    A few days ago I got a call from one of my numerous readers, a couple who wanted to see me by all means despite the heavy downpour. I insisted the appointment could be rescheduled due to the heavy rain but they insisted on seeing me.

    On getting to my office the wife spoke first; ‘she said they wanted to see me because of the question their eight-year-old son’s posted to them which they could not honestly answer. Their son had asked: “why does daddy always sleep on the couch?” in the middle of the couple’s conversation.

    She continued: “We raised eyebrows at each other across the table, and looked at each other knowing fully that our little boy spilled the “secret” of our sexual dryness and drifting apart. Even though my husband tried to make him believe otherwise by saying “Your mom and I still sleep in our bed together,” but the boy quickly replied “Just not always anymore.”

    “This is why we are here the wife said. We want you to tell us all we need to know so as not to drift apart sexually any longer.

    No matter how you say it, marriage and a double sex-filled bed should go hand in hand. Cuddling under cover night after night, initiating endless intimacy and sex makes marriage healthy.

    But sometimes sex gets lost in the shuffle of schedules and couples generally react to a bad case of drifting apart by either viewing sex as something to do and just get over. Or sometimes introduce pornography into their bedrooms, dangerously comparing their spouses to porn stars.

    Needless to say that couples can choose to use a dull time in their sex lives to reinvent it, to refresh themselves, and restore their closeness.

    Here are some ideas to jumpstart your sex life and gets it sizzling again. Make sex a priority; go to the extent of writing it on your calendar if you’re having trouble finding the time.

    While sex is certainly not the biggest part of a marriage, it is a fairly accurate measure of the health of your marriage. It will enhance your sleep and your energy levels so plan for the first week to have sex every night for a week. Yes, that includes the weekend! Why? Researchers say having sex usually begets the desire to have more.

    Ask your spouse what he or she needs. Men are different from women. Women need a reason; men just need a place. Men, if you truly want to touch your wife’s body, touch her heart first. Talk with her. Consider chatting her up in the kitchen as a form of foreplay!

    If you have young children, take over bedtime duties and give your wife precious time to make the transition from mommy to sex goddess! Honour her and be sensitive to her needs.

    Women, if you truly want to have a great intimate relationship, stop treating your man like he’s a rapist because he wants to have sex. This is his God-given desire and his best way of connecting with you.

    In general terms, sex might well be more important to men than to women. So make the most of it. Make it your goal to make every room in your house sexually appealing. Get creative, try a fashion show with lingerie – greet your husband at the dinner table wearing his tie and nothing else. Even if you breast is sagging make sure you are under a blowing fan, the cool air will temporarily firm up the breast making your nipple stand out and this will appeal to him greatly, or wake him in the middle of the night for sex wearing his favorite colour hat. Send a text for his eyes only.

    Like this couple visiting my office, sometimes some couple need more than the ordinary to revival their sex life and create a passionate heat between them. For instance a very advance version of doggy style has been of tremendous help to many of my clients.

    So as my habit is I did not hesitate to introduce this ‘wonder working’ ‘all in one’ ‘ever ready to revive style’ to my visiting couple. This style can be practiced by any couple regardless of their age, years of sexual starvation or health condition.

    Most importantly, the advantage of this result-proven style is that it helps couples to experience erotic sensation and gain back lost feelings.

    QUESTION ONE

    I think my sex drive is normal, and I love having sex with my husband. But lately I feel turned off because he seems to expect sex as a reward for everything. If he gives me money to fix my hair, if he spends time listening to my problems, if he takes me out to see my parent, he expects to be rewarded with sex. I hate feeling obligated. Do I owe my husband sex?

    Married life works best when both partners focus on ways to express love and meet each other’s needs. It would be good for you to try to change the way you interpret his interest in sex. If your husband communicates his sexual desires in those terms, try to see his desire for frequent sex as an opportunity for you to show love. Of course, we hope your husband will start communicating his needs in a less demanding way, but you can still choose how you want to interpret those requests. Your husband may be trying to win your heart by performing acts of kindness and service and I personally think you should be happy because out there are countless wives who would give anything to have what you want to throw away. I think this should be a fun experiment for you.

    QUESTION TWO

    My wife and I have sex regularly, but it’s always the same and I’m bored with it. The problem is when I try to spice things up, my wife becomes shy or embarrassed. Then I feel like a hunter ready to devour a prey, forcing changes where she doesn’t want them. I’ve heard that sex between married people should get better and better, but that’s not true for us. What can I do?

    Commonly, women prefer sameness and men prefer variation. That’s just part of the fascination and frustration of being male and female. Often for men the fantasies about sexual variety are more exciting than the actual experience of some exotic position. For a woman, those experiments may feel aggressive because she’s uncertain how they’ll feel or how well she’ll perform. If you can talk to your wife about your feelings and listen to hers, it could lead to some helpful negotiating. Learning to adapt to each other’s wishes and needs is what marriage is all about. Being the one to “give in” or make changes is often hard, but it will improve your relationship. Marriage requires some give and take from both partners.

    QUESTION THREE

    When I got married six years ago, I was glad to see that my wife likes things orderly. She is much neater than I am which is great. But her desire for cleanliness has its downside when it comes to sex. Even though I shower and shave beforehand, the smells and fluids associated with intercourse bother her so much that we’ve rarely had sex for more than two years. Instead, I am now having sex with her best friend. I know it’s wrong but her friend doesn’t reject me like she does.

    Share with your wife your concern for her total sexual enjoyment as well as your desire for the closeness that genital sexual union provides. Taking to adultery few years into your marriage will not help. There may seems to be some question about your wife’s desire for sexual play and orgasmic release that you may need to know if it is simply the messiness of ejaculation that’s bothering her, then try using a condom (which would contain the ejaculate) or having intercourse in the shower (where ejaculate would be promptly washed away). Keep in mind that sex for her isn’t just sex – as it may be for you. Women tend to express their sexuality as inseparable from their feelings and relationship desires.

    QUESTION FOUR

    My husband and I have been married three months. On our honeymoon, he got a bad chest cold, and let’s just say the honeymoon wasn’t what I had been waiting for all those years. Both my husband and I were virgins when we married, and I thought that our sex life would be exciting and unstoppable once he felt better. Now, three months later, I am the one who makes the move to get intimate. It doesn’t seem to bother him. He thinks that because he use to fast and prayed a lot while single to keep the sexual thoughts away, now that he’s married he is just still in that mode he can’t seems to come out of that. My question is how I am sure he is not lying to me? Can one fast and pray to the extent that he will not have any sexual feeling in this time and age?

    Human levels of sexual drive are on a variety of levels rather than being uniform. Just as most men have a higher desire for sexual play and intercourse and most women less interest, individual differences may reverse this usual pattern.

    Each of you should explore openly and honestly your deepest attitudes about sex. How did you learn about sex and what were your earliest sexual experiences? What were the constraints that helped you maintain your virginity? Are there expectations about sexual “performance” that present anxiety when you approach sexual interaction? Understanding yourselves and each other may help you find a more agreeable level of interaction. I’d also like to emphasize the delightful journey toward marital oneness. I fully understand how long three months of newly wedded sexuality may seem, but want to encourage you to be patient. If, in fact, prior to marriage your husband had been fasting and praying to reduce his sexual thoughts and drive, it may take some time for those patterns of denial to diminish. Your patient acceptance of his sexuality can help him overcome those old inhibitions. Affirm and reward his interest and continue to invite him gently whenever you want.

    QUESTION FIVE

    My husband does not have a problem getting an erection, nor does he lack desire to have sex, but he almost never ejaculates. Is it possible for a man to feel satisfied by intercourse even though he does not ejaculate? I know he used to be able to ejaculate years ago but cannot now. Can you help us out here? I enjoy sex and want to make sure he does too.

    It’s important to recognize the full extent of the male sexual response. The arousal phase marked by erection also includes other physiological changes including increase in heart rate and blood pressure, rate of breathing, flushing of the skin, increase in muscle tension, nasal congestion as the “erectile tissue” of the nasal cavity become engorged, lubrication of the urethra (producing a sticky discharge from the end of the penis), and a shifting of blood to the pelvic area. As orgasm approaches, all of these changes increase until the orgasmic release occurs. Orgasm is most obviously signaled by ejaculation, the forceful emission of seminal fluid from the penis. This produces only a part of the pleasurable sensation of the orgasm. The contractions of the vas deferens and outer leg muscles in a rhythmic cycle; the intense muscular contraction of large muscle groups such as the buttocks, thighs, and abdomen; sweating, a respiratory response; and the relaxation that follows all contribute to the intense pleasure of orgasm. These may occur to varying degrees during a particular sexual experience and as a man ages. Consequently, a man may have a satisfying experience without ejaculation. If the other aspects of arousal and orgasm are present, there may be no cause for concern.

    One explanation for this may be that he is having “retrograde” ejaculations. In this condition the seminal fluid is directed back up the urethra into the bladder rather than externally out of the penis. But this could be treated if you both so desire. It is also possible for ejaculation to be inhibited by psychological factors (such as fear of pregnancy or financial stress), physical factors (such as fatigue or alcohol use), or as side effects from some medications (such as tranquilizers and antidepressants).