The Nation Newspaper

Tag: marriage

  • WHY MY marriage IS WORKING –NOLLYWOOD DIVA

    WHY MY marriage IS WORKING –NOLLYWOOD DIVA

    For Dakore Akande, playing Tola in the popular movie, ‘Fifty’ was no easy task. Since her return to the movie industry in 2012, she has not slowed down playing roles in some of the biggest movies to grace the screens. In this interview with OVWE MEDEME, she talks about marriage, career, motherhood and various issues

    How did you get cast for Fifty?

    I auditioned for it just like everybody. We all had to go in the presence of Mo and the awesome Biyi Bandele. I had to perform and they chose me. So it wasn’t like it fell on my laps. I worked for it; I studied for it. I was even coached. I’m not at a point in my career where I feel I know everything and its nice sometimes to make you hungry again. I really wanted to play Tola and I’m glad that it came. The film has been such a success. It’s just a great validation.

    Did you find playing Tola a tasking role?

    In its own way, it was but Tola is gone. She couldn’t stay around because she was interfering with my stuff, even though she took a long time to come, because she was tough. What she went through was so tough that I couldn’t just access it easily. So I had to really dig deep. And I’m glad I had the support I had. And of course when you have other A list actors, you don’t want to …..

    After Fifty, have you done any other work?

    There is a reason why I don’t work all the time. I believe as an actor, you embody another character. So same way to embody that character, it takes time to wean you off that character. And if you do work back-to-back, then you have a backlog of all these characters, then you start to have psychological issues. If you take it seriously the way I do, I try to really groom myself, so I need time.

    After Fifty, I didn’t work for almost six months, and I’m glad to be in this position that I can take time. Struggling actors don’t really have that option. You have to just be conscious of it so that you don’t add on all these characters. Sometimes, you play some really horrible character and you want to really make sure you get it out of your system because it can really interfere and mess up with you.

    What was the last film you were on before Fifty?

    Fifty was my seventh film since I returned into  the industry. I had done Journey to Self. That was my first comeback film. It was shot in 2012. I did Unconditional with Uche Jombo. After that, I did a short film called paired. That  only showed online. I did After the I Dos. I was doing different stuff, then I went on stage for Hear Word. I did two seasons with them. I was doing that to hone my talent. My character was so strong and powerful. With all those baby steps, by the time Fifty came along, I was mentally prepared. And I’m glad that it came because Mo Abudu is somebody I respect so much and somehow she always wants me in her projects. So I’ve been really blessed. So when this opportunity came about, it was actually Tope Oshin who called me and the rest is history.

    Has acting in anyway interfered with motherhood?

    It kind of did, it took me away. I was away from work. Of course I didn’t want to be on set pregnant. And even though I was pregnant with my second child on Unconditional, but no one knew. But after that, I decided I won’t do it again.

    Do you enjoy motherhood?

    I do, it is amazing; it was hard at first. I hadn’t slept properly since then because when you have kids, they always seek your attention. It was challenging at first, I won’t lie. I was a little bit old when I had my first. I was 33 when I had her so I was already set in my ways. I like to be able to just get up and go, and then I felt really slowed down. It was a bit frustrating but I love the baby and I want to be there for her.

    And when I got pregnant for the second one, I was used to it. But I’m happy. I’m really happy that I have both of them. They keep me young. I think part of why people say I look 18 is because I run around with them. It keeps me in touch with that childish side of me. They are amazing. They are the best. My daughter just graduated from nursery school and I was just screaming. She’s so smart.

    What do you miss most about your past?

    I miss being able to just get up and travel because I’m a gypsy at heart. I love to travel at the drop of a hat. I miss that because now I have to plan. I have to make sure everything is in place before I can even think about it. Unlike before when I get a script, I immediately know whether I want to do it or not, but now, I have to consider several factors.

    When I was younger, I could just do stuff. But now, I have to be discerning about what I do because I know my kids will watch and I don’t want to embarrass them or my family. Not to say that anything I’ve done has been embarrassing because I’ve been really lucky. And even when I play controversial roles, it was done with a lot of fun. It wasn’t tacky.

    Your wedding anniversaries have been quiet. Why is that?

    I don’t want to put our stuff out there.

    Are you scared?

    I should be scared because of the way marriages nowadays go. My mum tells me to cover my yam. Take care of my business. On his birthday, I post on Instagram but for anniversaries, we like to celebrate it in-house, with the kids.

    How long have you been married now?

    Six years. We’ve been together ten years but have been married for six.

    What are some of the things you do to make it work?

    I try to identify the things we have in common and of course accentuate them. I work more on those things. We can’t be the same. I think it would be boring. It’s nice to complement each other but for the things that we have in common, we bond over that and we let it glue us more and more together. And for the differences, we try and talk about them. Believe me, marriage is not easy but its very fulfilling

    Does he do any chores?

    He does, he takes care of the kids. I like that about him. It’s not a typical Nigerian male thing to do but I think our generation is changing. That dichotomy between a man’s role and a woman’s role, they are merging more and more now and it’s great because it really takes two. It takes two of you to create that child; it takes two of you to take care of that child. It’s not just one person’s job. Even with finances, if you as the mom are capable of doing it, then do it.

    And for the husband, if your wife is ill and she’s tired, say ‘oh babe, take a break, let me take care of the kids.’ You should be like that. I think we are just at odds with the old way of doing things, they way our parents used to, the way we want to do things. But I think we just need to forge a new chapter. We can’t keep doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.

    Do you speak Yoruba?

    A little bit, but I understand it very well. When I speak Yoruba, it’s terrible. Sometimes they call me for Yoruba films and I tell them, you want to laugh at me abi.

    Does he speak Yoruba to you?

    He grew up abroad. He went to school abroad. He understands it but his speaking is just as bad as mine. I grew up in Lagos so being respectful is second nature to me so I think it really helped.

    What is it about the Yoruba culture that you like?

    I love the fact that they are big on respect. I love that. I also like that they are a very dominant culture. Their traditions and they way they keep things. Those are the two things I like as an Ijaw babe.

    You have always portrayed yourself as a spiritual person. Is that still the case?

    Oh yes, I’ve even grown between then and now.  I’m even much more spiritual now. I think it started from the time I had locks. People started to know that this is somebody who’s obviously very conscious. I’ve always been conscious. When I found my consciousness, I just tried to keep on reading more, asking questions and being interested in other religions and trying to understand people better. And it’s brought me to where I am right now. I’m very accepting, very calm and I love it. I hope that I continue to grow spiritually because we grow from stage to stage. I don’t want to stay stagnant in any way.

    Why did you ditch your locks?

    I was bored. I had it for 13 years and as women, we love to change our hair. We like to be adventurous and I was a little bit stifled. I coloured it, cut it short, and then grew it really long. So I just felt it was time to lose it. It wasn’t really a big deal, though I still have them. I kept them in a box. So sometimes when I miss it, I just go in the box to look at it.

  • Court dissolves Ado-Ekiti pastor’s 13 – year- old marriage

    Court dissolves Ado-Ekiti pastor’s 13 – year- old marriage

    The 13-year-old mar-riage between an Ado Ekiti-based pastor, Tope Fajuyagbe, and his wife, Abosede, has been dissolved by a Customary Court over her alleged refusal to join him in his ministry.

    Court President, Mr. Joseph Ogunsemi, while delivering his judgment, held that the marriage has broken down irretrievably between the couple.

    Fajuyagbe who dragged his wife to court accused her of frequent fighting, refusal to join his ministration, not giving him rest of mind, as well as lack of respect for his family.

    The 54 years, old pastor  who resides in Olorunda Zone, Ado-Ekiti, told the court that, they always fight because she did not allow his children from his first wife to live with him.

    But the respondent, Bosede, 48, a resident of Olorunda central zone, Ado-Ekiti, said that they built a three -bedroom flat and they moved into the house. She said when they moved to their house, they bought a car for N300,000, he paid N100,000 and she paid N200,000.She said she left the house for him because she has built another house.

    The defendant said that the pastor wanted to divorce her because she could not bear him a child. She therefore urged the court to order that the car should be sold and they should share the money. Court president Ogunsemi observed that, the marriage had broken down irretrievably and consequently dissolved the marriage. Ogunsemi ruled that the car should be sold and two quarters of the money should be given to the wife, while one quarter should be given to the husband.

     

  • MY VIEW OF SAME-SEX MARRIAGE–YAW OF WAZOBIA FM

    MY VIEW OF SAME-SEX MARRIAGE–YAW OF WAZOBIA FM

    OAP, actor and comedian Steven Onu, popularly known as Yaw talks to JANE KOLADE about how growing up with a tough parent helped make him the man he is today, his passion for entertainment, social consciousness and lots more. Excerpts:

    HOW did you come about the name Yaw?                It started from when I was on the TV sitcom Flatmates, with Kayode Peters and Basketmouth. Back then I was always saying, “Wow pawpaw men, yaw.” So that is where it started from. Every time I went out people would refer to me as just Yaw. And so when I got to start working on radio I had no choice as I was told that I could not use my first name Steve because it is not Nigerian so I decided to use Yaw, and that is how I came to use the name, Yaw.

    How did your transition from that young boy from a very humble home to what you have become today?

    I would probably just say that I have been extremely fortunate, the grace of God really. I thank God that I am no longer where I used to be, though I’m not yet where I want to be. I also think that it has a lot to do with hard work, and being consistent, and then God’s favour. The God factor is key for me. God’s love if you permit me to put it that way. But for the God factor, I don’t think there is anything special in me.

    Tell us about your latest project?

    I just finished the show; Shalanga.

    How did it go?

    We thank God. It was good. Everyone is screaming about the economy but the turnout this year was larger than last year’s. We are still trying to dot the I’s and cross the T’s, pay our loans and all but in all we thank God. We have an in-house studio, so we will be coming out with TV projects; some of which we have been working on for quite a while. We should start recording very soon. We also have two or three radio programs in the works. In addition to the movies we are about to shoot, which are about going into production. We are also storming the streets with other stuff we have.

    Why theater, especially since Nigeria does not have much of a theater going culture?

    I studied theater. I have told myself that I would do what I could to make sure that the Arts don’t die. This is the eighth edition of the annual event, and I have told myself that I would continue to do so. We must all contribute to the growth of Nigeria.

    I have been doing productions, even back in school, and so I will continued to do so until I can make the kind of plays that I really want to; theater proper. That is when I can really boast of the finances, grants, or funds to do big time theater, where we can show culture, tradition, and the like.

    Many people say theater is dead, I might agree to a large extent, but it is growing. Many people are still doing a lot, the likes of Joke Silva, the Lalas, and the likes of her. Big shout out to Terra Kulture, Bolanle Austin-Peters for contributing to the growth of theater. She has given up her theater for people to use for staging plays every Sunday. This is what we need. We also can’t blame people for not coming out to watch plays. The assigned place for all that to happen I mean the National Theater is dying, a few plays are staged there but how many people go there to watch plays? You can’t blame them though, no power, security and so on. Still we stage our plays in other places.

    While growing up, what did you dream of doing?

    Nigeria is a funny country that has a way of changing destiny. You might have had a dream, but they have a way of changing it. For instance you might have dreamt of becoming a pilot but you can end up a musician. That only happens in Nigeria. You could have wanted to be a doctor as a kid, and then when you grow up you have become something else. Like I am sure that you did not plan to become a writer as a kid?

    Are you married?

    I would like to leave that part of my life out of it.

    Are you thinking about it?

    I would like to leave that out.

    Even though you are an entertainer, you are still a businessman. How do you manage the business part? Running a business with staff, operations and all, how have you managed that?

    It’s crazy, yet you must run the office, you must do your business, even though the economy is tough you must run your generator. It is not easy yet we must believe that it will get better. I tell my staff now and then that even though we are not making the kind of money we want to, we are doing something. So they need to be patient as things we will work out well.

    So, what is your take on the intellectual property rights bill?

    I think that it is something that must be really looked into. So many people are being ripped off. Speaking to a friend a while ago, I asked him, “When you produce a song for an artiste, and they give it to whoever and it is used as a ring back tune. Do you get anything afterwards?” The producers, not even the musician, and some say, “No”. I think that every entertainer ought to get a lawyer; whether you a musician, comedian, an actor, you should have one so he/she can speak for you. I really think that government should do something about it, and the bill or amendment should be passed, if it hasn’t already.

    Quite a number of entertainers are ignorant of the law, their rights and such, but even when there are programs for entertainers, they don’t attend. They then claim ignorance. What do you thing?

    The government should look into it, but I also think that the practitioners should know their rights which are why having managers is key. Unfortunately, many of them don’t have managers; only errand boys on their payroll. But do they know the law of contract or information that can help them when challenges arise? A friend and I were talking a few days ago, and it turned to the issue of investment for entertainers. Many entertainers don’t know their rights or the industry, yet don’t attend educative programs; neither do they learn about investing their money. At the end, many of them don’t even own their own homes. It has a lot to do with the entertainers themselves; there is need for them to be sensitized so they can do better.

    Are you aware what institutions like COSON do?

    I know what COSON is doing; I also know that some artistes are not part of COSON.

    Actually any content creator can get their interests protected by COSON.

    But you forget that these same artistes send their work to be pirated at Alaba market. These same artistes post their songs on YouTube for free download.

    What is your take on the MOPICON bill?

    I don’t think it can work like that because we are talking about talent and creativity. The young comic; Kenny Black cannot be more than 25 years old, another young DJ played at my show and is not up to ten years of age. Some people never learnt it, it is God given, and if it is in you, you cannot limit it, or guide it. All they need is good managers. Justin Bieber started music quite young, what should happen to such people? The important thing to tackle for entertainers is the issue of piracy.

    Have you been affected by piracy?

    No.

    What is your take on same-sex unions?

    I am Christian to the core, and it goes against the bible law, and I follow what it says.

    Are there things in your background you think are responsible for your success?

    If you listen to my radio show, that is all I talk about. Apart from God, it is a major key to what I am today. Things are different now than they were then, kids are raised differently today.

    If a young man were to walk up to you saying that he would like to be like you (do what you do) what would you advise?

    Talent is important and education is paramount, I would say first go to school. First and foremost you have to be sure you have the talent, and then go to school. After schooling, or while in school you must train yourself in what you want to do/be. I always tell anyone who asks, it is not easy. Don’t believe that it’s an easy ride, it never is.  It’s not all about the money, money will come but that is after you have made a name. If you don’t make a name money can’t come so make the name.  Ensure that you clean the ladder as you climb it; keep a clean record, a clean slate as you don’t know where you will end up.

    What would you tell him to stay away from?

    Stay away from drugs, and let us work hard to make Nigeria a better place.

    People complain that many of  this generation are not willing to pay their dues, have you experienced this?

    A young man walked up to me at a studio and said that he wanted to be the next Wizkid, he brought me song, “This song will blow, and I will be the next Wizkid”. So I told him, after listening to the song, I told him “My brother, it can’t work,” and he told me, “It must work o!” I told him you can’t be the next Wizkid, if you are the next Wizkid; it means you are Wizkid second. Why should people want a copy when they have the original? So I agree with you people want to be overnight successes but it doesn’t happen that way, which is why cybercrime is on the rise, everybody wants quick money.

    I also believe that it has a lot to do with our society, and the value system, the economy, parents don’t have time for their kids anymore.

    As a kid, I remember that my mum would go through my bag, and if she found a pen that wasn’t mine, there would be hell to pay. And my mum can slap for United Nations. When she slaps you, you will feel dizzy, no two ways about it. Today I joke about it, but it wasn’t funny then. My mother could tell you what you were thinking in your mind. Some thoughts would not even cross my mind, but things have changed. The rush to make a living is simply too much. Mothers don’t have time to raise their kids.

  • Toke Makinwa seeks end to marriage

    The marital union of popular on air personality, Toke Makiwa and her husband, Maje Ayida, which began on a romantic note, is turning out like a scene out of a movie. The two love birds appear determined now to go their separate ways. Toke, in particular, seems to have come to the conclusion that there is no sense remaining in a marriage she considers unhappy.

    Consequently, Toke has filed a divorce petition before Justice Pedro of the Lagos State High Court.

    Toke was said to be angling for an endorsement deal worth N20 million with a telecommunication company, but she lost the deal as a result of the scandal that trailed the pregnancy of an alleged baby mama. According to the petition, Toke had endured the situation, hoping that things will get better in her marriage. But Maje was said to be allegedly unappreciative of Toke’s perseverance and threatened to physically assault her.

    Toke, from all indications, is ready for a fresh start as far as marriage is concerned.

  • My marriage comes before Acting’–NOLLYWOOD ACTRESS JUDITH AUDU-FOGHT

    My marriage comes before Acting’–NOLLYWOOD ACTRESS JUDITH AUDU-FOGHT

    Judith Audu-Foght, Nollywood actress who recently premiered her debut feature film, Just Not Married, speaks with OVWE MEDEME on the intricacies of filmmaking and sundry issues.

    This is your first attempt as a feature film producer. What was the experience like?

    I already tested the waters with the two short films I did. And before I did this, I had also worked on other people’s projects. So I have gathered enough experience to know what to do and what not to do. Also, before I did mine, we had at least three months for pre-production and foreseeing what will come so that we will be ready for whatever comes, whether positive or negative. So we were ready when we started off with this project. As for how it went, it was very smooth. It must say, it is the best production I’ve ever been on, not because it’s mine but because of the attention that was paid to every little detail.

    What should people look out for in the movie?

    The way we went about the story is very different from the norm in our movies. The creativity that the writer employed in writing the script is very laudable and that is exactly what is tripping people up when they watch the film. When they hear the title, Just Not Married, they tend to think it’s either a romantic comedy or something about somebody getting married but they see the movie and know that it is a very different experience. So I want everybody to go see the film and take something at the end of the day. It would be worth their while.

    You used a relatively unknown cast. Don’t you think that’s too big a risk to take?

    It is a very big risk but was it worth it? I think so. I think on the long run it will be worth it. The reason why we used relatively unknown faces and young actors is not because I wanted to start off something new but because that’s what the script calls for.

    I am also a casting director and I don’t put a round peg in a square hole. I cast people according to what the character calls for. And the characters called for people that are supposed to be in the age range of 25 and there is no face that is as young. That was how I came about these characters. I had worked with Rotimi Salami previously, I had worked with Stan Nze and some of them. And when I read the script, their characters stuck and I didn’t think any other person could have played the role better than these guys. And they totally did justice to the role.

    On the whole, what did it cost to make the film?

    I wouldn’t say it did not cost me an arm and a leg. This is simply because I had to get into collaboration with two other production houses, Black Creek Production and Asurf Films. All three of us came together with all the things we had to bring the movie to life.

    Why did you partner with them?

    I met Asurf when we did the film that earned him an award at the recently held AMVCA. I realised how much he loves what he does. I realised how much he doesn’t joke with his work. He’s good at everything. He’s a cinematographer, a director, and an editor. He’s a complete filmmaker. I love people like that.

    Since then, we bonded and became very good friends. Uduak on the other hand was introduced to me as a producer but I started using him as a director. He actually made his debut as a director on my project Not Right which went on to get over six nominations. So when I had the opportunity to do this feature film, they were my first choice as they were my best friends in the industry. We are working on other projects.

    What are your plans for the film?

    We entered the cinema May 13. We pray it does well generally, not just in the cinemas but on every single platform because we will try and put it up on every platform we can find.

    Of course we will be putting in for film festivals and awards. So we hope for a very good year. The year has already started on a very amazing and awesome note, so we just hope Just Not Married does well everywhere it goes to.

    Are you taking any particular steps to curtail piracy?

    What steps can we take other than the fact that we need to have policies in place to curb these guys? The laws need to be in our favour so they can be scared of pirating movies. Even if we put all the security we need to put in our movies, they can always break it. We just hope that the damage is not much.

    Your husband played a cameo role in the movie. What was the experience like for him?

    I think he loves to act. This is his second acting role. He is a movie enthusiast. He loves films. He knows more about films than I do. It’s always fun for him when he’s on a movie set, seeing how everything works. I would also like to thank him for trusting me enough to put our last money on the table to make this movie. I was so happy when I saw the end product and I believe he is also proud of what he’s seeing. He knows the risk we took was worth it. I want to thank him for trusting me enough.

    What is next for you?

    I want to see open doors in terms of investors being interested in doing stuff with Judith Audu Productions. We have done a lot of stuff and since this movie dropped, we’ve been having very good conversations with a lot of people. We have many of projects in the pipeline: Two feature film project, a TV series and two documentaries. We do hope that these attract investors but fund is the major issue. The project is not a problem but the funds to execute them. We hope that this would open a lot of doors and push down a lot of barriers for us to be able to meet up.

    Where are you now with your radio programme?

    Acting is always my first love but the radio programme is growing stronger by the day. Now that I have put my foot down as a producer, a lot of people want me to co-produce with them. So, I’m just keeping myself busy.

    You used to blog about up and coming actors, and then you did a movie using unknown faces. What is your attachment with them?

    The thing is, I’m always on set with these kinds of actors and I see what they can do. I see how amazing they are. And sometimes they don’t really have that platform to push them, people don’t really get to see them but these guys are really good actors. They put their heart out in everything they do. So, I felt if we have an opportunity to showcase these guys, why not exploit it? It takes nothing. People discover talents every day.

    Take for instance, the little boy who played Abraham in Beast of No Nation. He wasn’t an actor. He was just a boy on the road. If they didn’t discover him, most people wouldn’t know him. There are lots of examples like that. If we don’t discover these people, nobody will. I’m on set with them most of the time and I feel they should have gone far. So, when I have an opportunity to talk about them, I do.

    With all these, how do you find time for your home?

    I do find a balance. I find a way to balance everything I do. My marriage comes first before every other thing. I do have priorities; I prioritise all my activities. Sometimes, I actually don’t blog when I’m too busy on set because I try to concentrate on what I’m doing. I don’t joke with my acting.

  • Love. Marriage. And Death

    “THEN said Almitra, ‘Speak to us of Love.’

    And he raised his head and looked upon the people, and there fell a stillness upon them. And with a great voice he said:

    When love beckons to you, follow him,

    Though his ways are hard and steep.

    And When his wings enfold you yield to him,

    Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you.

    And When he speaks to you believe in him,

    Though his voice may shatter your dreams as the north wind lays waste the garden. . .

     

    THEN Almitra spoke again and said, And what of Marriage, master?

    And he answered saying:

    You were born together, and together you shall be for evermore.

    You shall be together when the white wings of death scatter your days.

    Aye, you shall be together even in the silent memory of God.

    But let there be spaces in your togetherness.

    And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.

    Love one another, but make not a bond of love:

    Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls ….

    And stand together yet not too near together:

    For the pillars of the temple stand apart,

    And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other’s shadow. . .

     

    THEN Almitra spoke, saying, “We would ask now of Death.”

    And he said:

    You would know the secret of death.

    But how shall you find it unless you seek it in the heart of life?

    The owl whose night-bound eyes are blind unto the day cannot unveil the mystery of light.

    If you would indeed behold the spirit of death, open your heart wide unto the body of life.

    For life and death are one, even as the river and the sea are one.

    IN the depth of your hopes and desires lies your silent knowledge of the beyond…

     

    —Excerpted from Khalil Gibran’s ‘The Prophet’.

     

    Many tragic conclusions to numerous love stories had ignited that famous question in one of Whitney Houston’s unforgettable oldies, “Where do broken hearts go?” Love, they say, is a beautiful experience that conquers all. Yet, it has its irony, its paradox. It is dangerously wicked. On its bad patch, it destroys all. It is soft with an angelic tenderness but destructively hardened. It has made nations and it has brought empires down to rubbles. At one moment, it lights up an indescribable passionate fire. At the other, it bursts into a ravaging plume of fire. In the Shakespearian play, Romeo and Juliet died for love. However, the experiences of quotidian living show that people now kill for love. Dreams deferred. Homes destroyed, families shattered and bonds broken. Then you ask what is it about love that it makes mincemeat of common sense?When in love, every silly act makes sense!

    Men, who have become tragic heroes of love, often blame it on the devil. Who is that by the way? If only the devil could react with the speed of light, he would have slapped hell or common sense into some brains. When fathers violate their daughters, was that love or the devil in action? When fathers marry daughters and turn them into mothers, was it propelled by love? When husbands pummel their wives to death in fits of uncontrollable anger, was love the propelling factor? When wives plot the end of their wayward husbands or when they kill them to inherit their properties, could love have been involved? What sort of love makes one to commit suicide just because a partner wants out of a romantic relationship? Could it be love or could it be the ubiquitous devil? Could it be plain madness?

    In the Nigerian society, the issue of love, marriage and death is rarely brought to the front burner of discourse. Because we are willing slaves tethered to the rope of religion and cultural orientations, we hardly interrogate the matter with the utmost urgency it requires. I dare say that we are too sold to the ideal when common sense demands something more malleable to present realities. Even when it is clear that those key nuggets that ought to hold marriages together no longer exist, it is common to find ‘concerned’ relatives, friends and well-wishers asking the affected parties to keep hope alive. Yet, all we have ever offered after every tragic twist to a love gone sour is the usual platitudinous cant of an inconsequential hue. All this while the victim lies cold in a lonely morgue!

    As the casualties of domestic violence and romantic flare-ups grow daily, Nigerians, more than ever before, are becoming conscious of the need to speak out and address this glaring danger. Truth is: the rate at which couples maul one another to death or inflict permanent incapacitation over issues of love is no longer tolerable. The latest victim of that unfortunate incident being Mrs Ronke Shonde (nee Bewaji) who was allegedly clobbered to death by her husband, Lekan Shonde. First, let me say that the heated debates the Shondes case generated in the social media and the attention given to it by a generality of the nation’s print media were unprecedented. Two, going through the commentaries, it became manifestly clear that most marriages are hurting. Wives, husbands and partners cover the hurt with plastic laughter in the public space while they die quietly with the condensed bitter bile piled inside of them.

    Do you really want to know the scary truth about why conjugal irresponsibility is growing in leaps and bound these days? The social media is one major factor. It has cheapened promiscuity and lascivious lifestyle. It has helped in destroying whatever sacredness was left of that institution called marriage. The quantum of carnal rascality that goes on daily in the social media is unimaginable. It erodes trust and plants shadows of doubts in the minds of couples. Many homes have been broken by the flirtations that go on in the name of social media interactions. A careful reading of the Shondes’ saga shows how a mere suspicion of his wife’s alleged infidelity, mode of dressing and a possible romance with a colleague in her office eventually led to her death.

    Love.Marriage.Death. That is the defining paradox of conjugal bliss. Why should love unleash the beast in us? I am sure that Lekan Shonde would not have imagined that the Year 2016 would herald hisentry as the poster boy for all that is bad about love, for playing the lead role in the death of someone he vowed to love till death do they part. Would Ronke have been alive today if he had not become jealous of her secret activities onWhatsApp and postings of sexy photographs on Facebook? Would he be holed up in a dingy cell at the Lagos Police Command today if he had not succumbed to the temptations of filtering through his late wife’s text messages? Would he be the villain of a love story gone sour if he had ignored that caller who told him that Ronke was in Abuja for four days with a lover boss? Did he even care to verify Ronke’s side of the story when he eventually summoned the courage to confront her about the tales of infidelity? Moreover, even if the stories turn out to be truth, was snuffing life out of the mother of two lovely children the best option?

    No matter how we try to rationalise it, Lekan committed a grave error and he would have to live with consequences of his action or inaction for the rest of his life. Ronke is dead and gone but quite a sizable number of women are already voicing their frustrations against a society that criminalises the woman on matters of infidelity and domestic violence. They ask questions that should prick the conscience of every cheating man: If a wife, girlfriend or partner decides to turn violent or plot the death of every cheating male, how many men would be alive today? Why can’t the men walk away or seek for divorce in the case of glaring infidelity instead of turning women into punching bags or cold remains in body bags? Why do men think they have the right to serial cheating while the women should remain eternally faithful? Why do we turn into beasts when we catch a glimpse of our wives’ flirty attitude but assume they should take it as one of those things when we are the culprits? Some would even tell you, with tone of finality, that African men are naturally promiscuous. Excuse me?

    No matter how we look at it, these nagging questions still come down to one thing: Where do the broken-hearted go? In denying responsibility for the murder of his wife, Lekan painted the imagery of a depressed partner who probably committed suicide. I simple laughed. Lekan, I dare say, was the depressed one. He was so broken that, in his own words, he contemplated suicide. That was shortly before the ‘devil’ pushed him to ‘stroke’ a fatal blow on his wife. The rest is history. I pity him just as I pity countless others who are walking time bombs waiting to explode. I may not know how many more are reading this that would end up as victims of a love so brutal. I may not know how much longer those in hurting, abusive and failing marriages can endure before they take that deadly step. All I know is that the time has come for us to remove those shibboleths of deceit in marriages. It is high time we redefined the rules guiding how man and woman should bond in conjugal bliss before we all become nut cases!

  • Adultery crashes Lagos housewife’s marriage

    A textile dealer, 36-year-old Tawakalitu, has lost her three-year-old marriage to her husband, Mr Lateef Lawal, a property developer, to adultery.

    An Igando Customary Court severed the relationship following allegations of infidelity brought against the wife by her husband.

    The court’s President, Mr Adegboyega Omilola, noted that the couple was tired of the marriage, saying “all efforts to reconcile both parties had failed.’’

    “Since both parties consented to the dissolution of the marriage, this court has no choice than to dissolve it.

    “This court hereby pronounce the marriage between Lateef Lawal and Tawakalitu Lawal dissolved today; you henceforth cease to be husband and wife.

    “Both are free to go their separate ways without any hindrance or molestation,” Omilola ruled.

    The News Agency of Nigeria (NAN) reports that Lawal, 50, had filed a suit seeking the dissolution of the three-year-old marriage on grounds of infidelity, defamation of character and threat to life.

    The petitioner said that Tawakalitu, who had a daughter for him, was adulterous.

    “I caught my wife making love with another man at a corner when we went for a Christmas party.

    “Anyway, I do not blame her for the infidelity because I met her at a club,” the former husband said.

    He said his wife accused him of having sex with his daughter and invited the presenter of a Lagos Television programme — “Labe Orun” to expose it.

    “They came to my house to interview me to know if I actually slept with my daughter or involved in ritual activities.

    “My wife is fetish … I discovered a snail, a cow horn and other charms in her wardrobe.

    “She goes out at will and I can count the number of days she stayed at home throughout our three-year marriage.’’

    He told the court that he disowned the only child of the marriage because he did not want anything that would bring him and Tawakalitu together again.

    Tawakalitu, 36, however, denied the allegations:“I am not fetish, it is my husband that is fetish.

    “My husband is diabolical, I once saw a horn, a calabash, black soap and other materials in his wardrobe.”(NAN)

  • Don’t be scammed, your boyfriend might be lying

    Don’t be scammed, your boyfriend might be lying

    Attention, attention, attention, girls! Remember that earring you found in his car, but he said he bought for you? Well, it could be that his side chic forgot it in the car.

    And the last time he dashed into the kitchen to inform you that his friend, Emeka, just called him to say that the filling station 10kms away was selling fuel and he had to go, that could just be his other girlfriend calling to confirm a rendezvous. A perfect lie for this season of no fuel.

    Oh my dear, be sure that he did not cancel your last hangout because the other woman insisted on spending time with him. And he might have told you that his boss gave him an emergency call. Of course, you’d let him go because you don’t want him to lose his job.

    Truth be told, scamming comes in different packages and identifying the ruses used by your boyfriend, is key in determining whether you want your relationship to progress or not.  I’m not being partial. I am sure the statistics exist somewhere under the sun, which proves that men lie to their partners more than women do, (don’t ask me for the survey results though, because I don’t have it).

    Don’t get me wrong, lying is universal and one of the sins everyone from every race, regardless of gender or profession, commits. But the male species, especially boyfriends are in a different category.

    So, here are some lies you are likely to have been told and fallen for.

    • When you’ve never met any relative (especially mom): Before you ask, no, friends, “buddies” and colleagues don’t count. Your boyfriend should be proud of you and willing to show you off to important people in his life like his mother, his mentor, the high school teacher that saved him from the life of drugs and living under bridges, his little sister, and so on. Most ladies believe that when their boyfriend introduces them to friends, he is staking a claim. But that’s not true. In fact, some of these so called friends haven’t even been friends with him for long. He might have just met them at a bar and they bonded talking about football and how many girls they’ve conquered. Be wise. And realize that if he hides you or discourages you from meeting his family, then he might be lying to you about something.
    • When you find articles of female clothing in his room or car: We must have all encountered this scenario. You “innocently” open a drawer in his room and see a pair of female underwear that’s definitely not yours. Of course your mind goes wild, you start thinking murder and swear it’d rain fire and brimstone. Finally, when you confront him with the exhibit, he says the underwear is for his sister, she must’ve packed it with his clothes when she was doing laundry. Huh! Like seriously… His sister did that? Dear, don’t be too sure that is true.
    • When a particular phone number keeps calling his line: Of course he won’t save the number with a name you can easily suspect and you will be accused of checking his phone. But girls, do not be deluded into thinking it is wrong for you to do that. In fact, I can assure you that people who claim they don’t check their spouse’s phones are the most culpable.

    So check away. Expectedly, he’d say it’s a friend or a new business partner or his mother’s new line. Don’t be scammed. Granted, he could be telling the truth, but he might be lying too. So copy the number and call. Just hear the voice and cut the call. Now you have your answer. What will you do about it?

    • When he comes home later than usual: It’s a rule of thumb that as soon as your partner starts keeping late night, he has a secret. Do you want to find out what the secret(s) is or are? Then don’t ask him. He might lie, he was out with the boys, the meeting took longer than he expected, there was traffic, the car broke down, there was an accident on the road, blah, blah, blah. All lies! Believe them at your own peril anyway. Trusting your boyfriend should come naturally. When it doesn’t, believe your intuition, sister.
    • When he stops eating your food: Every woman will agree that cooking for your beloved is not always an enjoyable task. But we do it anyway, out of loyalty, love or just because you feel it’s your responsibility. So I can imagine your perplexity when said beloved doesn’t eat the meal you labored over. Excuses are always at hand. He’s tired, he had a late lunch, he has a stomach ulcer, etc. Proceed with caution. If he still doesn’t eat the delicacies you’re preparing, then another woman might be feeding him. Just saying. We all know the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.

    To add insult to injury, they will claim they were shielding you from the truth or that you weren’t in the capacity to accommodate the truth. Really! A lie is a lie and saying you didn’t want to hurt me with the truth does not make me feel better. Right?!

    Don’t come to the worst assumption. For every lie you suspect, keep it to yourself and gather enough evidence to support your cause. Being harmed with enough exhibits, he won’t be able to deny your liberation. And you know what they say; the truth will set you free.

    I rest my case… for now at least.

  • The Storm is over in my marriage, Mide Martins

    The Storm is over in my marriage, Mide Martins

    Two months ago there were reports of cracks in the home of popular actress, Mide Martins and her husband; Afeez Adetoro. The thespian had earlier stated that her husband moved out of the home after a series of fights over allegations of infidelity which the actress denied.

    Fortunately, the industry has been spared the trauma of another celebrity marriage biting the dust. On Sunday April 24, 2016, the pretty actress took to Instagram to share her joy at the reunion between her and her husband. She also shared pictures of her and her spouse in a loving pose on Instagram with a loving caption directed to her hubby. The elated wife and mother was quick to state that the storm is over in her marriage. “The Storm Is Over!”

    Thanking her creator, fans and well wishers for their support she said, “Thank You Lord for This Great Reunion! And I Say A Very Big Thanks To All Our Fans and Well Wishers. Thank You for Your Prayers and Concern. We Sincerely Appreciate You All.”

    She avowed deep affection for her husband and also took the time to thank him for always supporting her.  She said, “You Are Not Just My Husband. You Are My Guardian Angel. Thank You for Always Being There For Me. I Will Forever Love You!”

  • Court dissolves 25-year-old marriage

    Court dissolves 25-year-old marriage

    A Mapo Customary Court in Ibadan, the Oyo State capital, yesterday dissolved the 25 year-old marriage between Adebowale and her husband, Obasola Odutoye, for persistent beating and infidelity.

    The court’s president, Ademola Odunade, held that the court terminated the marriage because of Adebowale’s insistence on divorce.

    “If separation remains the only means of achieving peace and tranquility, then, the union between Adebowale and Odutoye has ceased to be henceforth,” he held.

    He, however, noted that Adebowale all through the trial demonstrated remained adamant, despite appeal from the court and Odutoye.

    He awarded custody of the last three children to Adebowale, adding that the first three should remain in Odutoye’s custody.

    Adebowale, a fashion designer, told the court that her husband had turned her into a punching bag, accusing her of unsubstantiated infidelity.

    “I have never known peace since I got married to Odutoye in 1991 because he kept monitoring my movement.

    “Anytime he sees a man with me, Odutoye harrasses me and sometimes beat me to stupor.

    “In fact, I have stopped living with him since July 2015 when he almost killed me.

    “My lord, I do not want to be his wife any longer due to his inhumanity to me,” Adebowale said.

    Odutoye denied maltreating her and opposed the divorce.

    He told the court that she insisted, she should return all his property in her possession.

    “Adebowale is promiscuous as I have caught her with her secret lover in her shop.

    “I have warned her several times that I don’t want to see her with that man again but she refused.

    “ I have since turned a new leaf since the court intervened, adding more money to her business and other monthly allowances.

    “But she has insisted on a divorce, she must return all my property in her possession,” Odutoye stressed.