Tag: marriage

  • The scourge of child marriage in Lagos

    The scourge of child marriage in Lagos

    In spite of the existence of the Child’s Rights Law and its status as Nigeria’s most cosmopolitan and most enlighten state, child and forced marriages still go on in several communities in Lagos unabated, reports BETTY ABAH

     

    Amina Hassan spotted the signs with much trepidation. First, they came for her eldest sister, Zainab and two years later, they came for the second eldest, Maimuna. After another two years, when they came for her as soon she turned 16 like the other two before her, as usual with the gleeful wedding party in tow, Amina bolted with all the strength in her sprightly teenage legs. It was only a few months to her Senior Secondary Certificate Examination (SSCE).

    “No, child marriage is not for me; my education first”, she blurted under her breath as she fled her home in the Ajegunle area of Lagos.

    ‘”I ran away from home to stay with a school friend of mine but my family and that of the groom waited patiently for me for those three days’, Miss Hassan recalled. “My father was no more so it was my uncle who was in charge. When I made a brief appearance at home to check if they had left, he got hold of me, beat me black and blue and said I was disgracing the family and shaming our tradition,” She said.

    Amina Hassan; fought child marriage to get education, now promoting literacy in the Shuwa Arab community in Lagos
    Amina Hassan; fought child marriage to get education, now promoting literacy in the Shuwa Arab community in Lagos

    The next alternative was to seek refuge with the police. So, Amina again sneaked out and reported at the nearby Ajegunle-Boundary police station.

    “But I received the shock of my life because some of my family members came and after some talk with the DPO, the story changed”, she said. The DPO took a long look at her and asked her to ‘cooperate’ with her family members as they had her best interest at heart.

    “I looked him in the face and asked: ‘If I were your daughter, would you also say the same thing—that I should cooperate with them and get married at age 16?”

    The obviously ruffled police officer, whom she remembered as having ‘bold, unforgettable tribal marks’, berated her for being a stubborn girl and promptly discharged her case from his station. The wedding party disappeared in great sorrow.

    Thus, given up by both family and the police, Amina went on to finish her secondary school in that same year (1993), and university education at the famous Ahmadu Bello University (ABU), Zaria and went on to obtain a Masters Degree, the very first person and woman in her generation to accomplish that feat.

    Though Amina set herself free by her determination and sheer guts, her two other sisters, Zainab and Maimuna who could not, have continued to live with the consequences of child marriage, decisions made entirely on their behalf by their elderly relatives.

    Amina still recollects their ordeals with heavy heart. Fragile-framed Zainab had been tricked into a party ostensibly held in her uncle’s house in the Oregun area of Lagos not knowing it was her own traditional wedding. She was later taken to Asaba in Delta State where her elderly husband, a polygamist, was waiting for her. She later ran back home from her elderly husband, unable to cope.

    But the most dramatic was that of her sister Maimuna. ‘We had all prepared for school that morning and were all in our school uniform,’’ Amina recalls. Our uncle addressed Maimuna and told her no school for her that day as her husband had come for her. She had no idea who the man was or what he looked like. “My uncle had made the choice on her behalf. We all started wailing. Our neighbours’ children also came and joined in the wailing, but it was too late as a station wagon was already parked outside ready for her. They took her away in her school uniform. She was in SS1 at Oregun High School and was one of the best in the entire school, always coming first or second’.

    Maimuna was virtually bundled and taken to Chad from where, unable to cope with the domestic work (including cooking for her husband’s large extended family), she ran back to Lagos, selling her belongings along the long lengthy and traumatic way from Chad to Lagos heavy with pregnancy, giving birth and losing the child thereafter. Like her sister before her, Maimuna never went back to school.

    “My sisters were very intelligent and were well known in school for their brilliance, but these people just ruined their lives’, said Amina, established the Shuwa Arab Development Initiative (SADI), a non-governmental organisation (NGO), after graduating from the university in 2009, to try and right the wrongs of the past and save other girls from the ordeal of girl marriage.

    Through SADI, she has facilitated the education of more than 100 children, boys and girls among the Shuwa Arabs (an indigenous community with roots in North East Nigeria) in Lagos.

     

    Thriving culture

    The above occurred mostly in the early 1990’s and therefore it could be assumed that child or forced early marriage is a thing of the past in Metropolitan Lagos, Nigeria’s most developed and most urbane city.

    Yet, Aisha Nasirudeen, 19, sitting, stroking her three children’s heads idly in the face-me-I-face-you compound of her rundown house on Odo Street in the Obalende area of Lagos, did not just portray the picture of urban poverty. She aptly personified the victim of an on-going and vibrant tradition of child marriage in settler communities across Lagos as relevant government agencies entrusted with the responsibility of acting against it, continue to look the other way or engage only in lame rhetoric.

    “My ambition was to become a doctor, but now I know I can’t achieve that dream anymore. My son Yahaha will achieve it for me”, said Aisha who was married off four years ago when she was barely 16 and in Senior Secondary Two (SS2).

    Aisha Nasirudeen and her three children
    Aisha Nasirudeen and her three children

    Quiet and tall Aisha, with features akin to that of a model is one of 28 children of a prominent alfa (Muslim cleric) who hails originally from Katsina. She is the last of three wives of Alhaji Mohammed Nasirudeen, who hails from the Upper Volta region of Ghana but converted to Islam and adopted Bornu as his state. He was formerly a disciple of Aisha’s cleric father.

    In a tone oscillating between sarcasm and seriousness, Aisha’s husband, Nasirudeen, 44, who runs a thriving restaurant in Obalende, says marriage was the best option for his wife. “You know some of these girls that have a tendency to be stubborn,’ he said, smiling from ear to ear and revealing his beautiful golden tooth. “it is always better to marry them off as soon as possible. It is for their good”, he added with relish.

    nlike Nasirudeen, Garba Abu, 55, who came to Lagos 25 years ago, is a repentant man. The Jigawa State-born man who, after over two decades as a security guard, now runs an almost empty kiosk at the College Road in Ogba area of Lagos, and doubles as a water vendor, had given out his three daughters Bintu, Saratu and Sadia as teenagers. Now, with the little earnings from his small businesses he and his wife ensure his younger children,Aminat, 13 and Muritala, 9 get a relatively good education. They are currently pupils in the nearby African Church Primary School, Ifako-Ijaiye.

    “There is so much difference between a person that goes to school and the one that didn’t,” he said, casting a distant look at his shrinking wares. “It is easy for an educated girl to get a job because she understands English while the ones that doesn’t understand English loses job opportunities.’

    A neighbour who has known the Garbas for several years recounted how one of the daughters, already in secondary school and doing very well, was ‘plucked’ off to her husband’s house. ”On the day of the ceremony, we asked her who her husband was but she told us that she hadn’t met him yet and that one of her sisters had gone to check his place where she would be moving to later in the evening, and that is when she would see him for the first time”.

     

    Deadly consequences

    Forced marriages such as the above have sometime led to tragic situations such as the one involving Wasilat Tasiu, a 14-year old bride who poisoned and killed her husband, Umar Sani, and four other guests in Kano a few days after she was married off,  in December 2014. According to her, she committed the crime in order to realise her dream of acquiring an education.  Another tragic incident involved Rahama Hussaini who killed her husband, Tijjani Nasiru, in March 2015 in protest over being forced to marry the man who was her cousin.

    Child marriage, with its devastating consequences on the overall welfare of the girl child remains one of the sore points and clogs in the wheel of Nigeria’s progress. The country, according to UNICEF, has the highest rate of girl marriage in Africa with over 50% of women in the North married off before or by age 16.

    According to a recent report by Ford Foundation, about 48% of girls in Nigeria, predominantly in rural areas, are married off before age 18. Cases of Vesicovaginal Fistula (VVF), maternal mortality, have been on the increase especially in rural areas. Also, according to a 2013/2014 UNESCO report, Nigeria has the highest number of out-of-school children in the world, numbering 11/5 million. This owes mostly to economic hardship and government’s indifference to children and the non-implementation of the Access to Universal Basic Education law in addition to the on-going anti-western education insurgency in the north.

    Out of this figure, girls are in the majority. The gross lack of interest in girl education and welfare in many regions across Nigeria’s has given rise to child marriage as economically-hit families want to ‘do away’ quickly with their girl children so as to give priority attention to their boy counterparts.

    Girls at Agbado and Agege railway area in Lagos; risk falling prey to child marriage
    Girls at Agbado and Agege railway area in Lagos; risk falling prey to child marriage

    Child marriage not only deprives a girl of education and her childhood but exposes them to sexually transmitted disease such as HIV especially since they are unable to negotiate for safer sex.

    A 2014 report by UNICEF titled ‘Ending Child Marriage, Progress and Prospects’ indicates that though child marriage in Nigeria has reduced by one per cent annually in the last 30 years, hundreds of girls are still at risk due to Nigeria’s peculiarly large population. It further revealed that of the world’s 1.1 billion under aged girls, 22 million are already married. The global body also expressed fears that if there is no reduction in child bride practices, up to 280 million girls will be married before age 18. That could even increase to 320 million by 2050 owing to population growth.

    Besides, child marriage directly hurts the United Nations’ Sustainable Development Goal (SDG) Goal SGD 5 which focuses on gender equality and empowerment of all women and girls.

    Forced marriages and the impunity thereof is exemplified by the globally known case of the more than 200 girls abducted from the Government Secondary School in Chibok Town, Bornu State, Northern Eastern Nigeria in April 2014 by Boko Haram insurgents. According to their leader in a recorded interview, the girls had been married off. Two years later, despite the worldwide #BringBackOurGirls campaign, not only have 219 of the girls captured from their hostel rooms had their educational dreams aborted, they are yet to be found.

     

    Lagos State Government looking the other way’

    However, while the reports and researches on girl marriage prevalence have focused on rural areas and especially the North fora long time, recent findings have revealed a steady culture of girl marriage in communities in urban areas such as Lagos.  Girl marriage is prevalent, even if at a comparatively reduced rate, in settler communities and secluded populations of the Hausa-Fulani, Nupes, Shuwa Arabs and as well as minority populations from Benin Republic and Togo. The communities include Makoko, Kofiganmen sea side area of Badagry, Ojo, Agege, New Okoba, Ijora, Marine Beach among several others across Lagos.

    Makoko, Lagos’ largest slum, a predominantly fishing community which hosts a pout-pouri of ethnicities drawn from across Nigeria, Togo and Benin Republic, is a classic case. According to a report by an NGO, Action Health Incorporated, Makoko has the highest number of teenage mothers. While many of the surveyed and the current are pre-marital pregnancies, hundreds of others are child brides.

    On a recent evening as the sun set over Makoko and the impoverished community assumed its rambunctious train of routine evening commerce and camaderie, Juliana Idowu, 17, Rhoda Awahajinu, 16 and Sena Kobozina, 20 sat exhausted in a shop, after the day’s task, fielding questions impatiently from this reporter. They were warming up to go home so as to perform their usual wifely responsibilities of cooking, washing, feeding their children and pleasing their mostly young husbands in a variety of ways. The young mothers and wives have many things in common. Each had a child, each was married and each had her education cut short in order to take on marital roles and is currently learning vocational skills, mainly hairdressing or tailoring. Other than concentrating on their skills, owning their own shops ultimately and rearing healthy children, none had any more ambition. Like hundreds of other girls in the community, some of them became pregnant between ages 14 and 15.

    The young wives and mothers of Makoko
    The young wives and mothers of Makoko

    Yet a rather more worrying trend in Makoko is that of some parents are not only forcing their teenage daughters into marriage once they become pregnant, but compelling their them to marry much older men in that condition, with the pregnancy.

    In this  category are Bose Nge, 14 who is pregnant, Elizabeth Avonzetin 18,mother of two, Jane Zanu, 18, also a mother of two and Olorunwa Humgbe Louis who lost her first baby and is pregnant with a second one. While Zannu’s twin brother is in a French school in Badagry, her sole ambition now learning tailoring and being a good mother and wife. All became mothers and wife as teenagers.

    “Here, once a girl becomes pregnant, she is expected to identify the boy or young man that is responsible. The girl’s family thus organises a marriage ceremony and sends the girl off to live with the boy as his wife, and if he is still with the parents, she goes to live with them”, said  Mariam Kusika, 24, mother of three and herself a victim of child marriage.

    The only snag, she added, is when the boy denies and the baales (local chiefs) would wade in. “But most times the girl’s parents are not disposed to keeping her and would quickly ‘dispose’ of her ‘free of charge’ to any willing person alongside her pregnancy. We have seen so many of such cases here,”said Mrs. Kusika, who, after learning from her mistakes, is now hoping to go back to school later this year, and currently earning a variety of skills and running a girl empowerment club.

    Paulina Vigan, a trader and mother of one of the pregnant and hastily married Makoko girls, corroborated Kusika’s claims. Her daughter is fourteen years old. And she has no regrets.

    ‘My daughter is very stubborn,’ she said, her forehead furrowed in a blend of anger and grief. ‘I thank God the parents of the boy who impregnated her accepted and took her in. Our traditions has no room for unwanted pregnancies and the boy who impregnated her is just about 17 years and in JSS Two. If they had refused, I would have sent her far away where nobody knows her until she gives birth or better still, give her and her unborn child to an old man, who might be willing to take her in as the third or fourth wife so as to reduce the stigma. Besides tradition, I couldn’t even have coped because I am just a poor trader and my business is not generating much profit and she has siblings I still have to fend for. I am so sad that she can’t go back to school again, if I had the money, I would have wanted her to become very educated, because I really liked her’.

    ‘’Child marriage has serious negative consequences for these girls,’ says Bimbo Oshobe, a community worker in Makoko. ‘Besides the health implications due to their unripe bodies, we have discovered that many of these child marriages don’t last because most times both the husbands and wives are too young and inexperienced and therefore unable to handle so many issues. Sometimes too, some of these men are even old enough to be their fathers’, she added. Oshobe advised the Lagos State Government, rather than being detached, to carry out sensitization program or partner with grassroots ngos that would reach the people with the relevant messages and orientation.

    Adewale Akintimehin, 74, a retired police officer who has lived in Makoko since 1963, echoes Oshobe’s complaint. ‘The politicians come every four years with promises but we hardly see any of them fulfilled. And, when we demanded to know why, they would either say ‘Rome was not built in a day’, or that they were not the ones in the office in the previous term,’ he said, downcast. Akintimehin however hoped that ‘this Ambode regime would be better than the last one in terms of education’.

    “We have seen girls of 14, 15, 16 years, some even 13 getting married here,” he said. Once they are physically developed, they want to identify with a man, or when they are asked to repeat a class,” he stressed. He also blamed the trend of negligence on the parts of some of the parents and peer pressure.

    Education pays; Akintimehin and his daughter Ibukun at the airport in Finnland
    Education pays; Akintimehin and his daughter Ibukun at the airport in Finnland

    A respected, outspoken community leader and founding member of the influential The Act of Apostle Church in the locality, Akintimehin said the church and community leaders were working towards reducing the rate of teenage pregnancy and child marriage by encouraging school enrolment.

    ‘We are now preparing for the annual ‘Makoko Day’ and one of the features of that day is the donations of free WAEC forms to both our boys and girls who are ready and who have passed through some tests to be administered’,  he revealed, insisting that things would have been better had government been more attentive.

    Amidst the challenges, Akintimehin is highly celebrated in Makoko as being an exemplar in promoting girl child education. By ensuring his first daughter, 44 year-old Ibukun Elizabeth delay marriage and obtain a university degree, he is happier and prouder for it. Ibukun now has a Master degree and lives happily with her husband and two children in Finland and invites her father for occasional holidays. Even in absentia, she remains a Makoko ‘girl hero’.

    Abdullahi, a youthful leader of the bustling Hausa community in Agege Pen Cinema area and graduate of the Lagos State Polytechnic, spoke in the same vein. ‘They are so many children here, both boys and girls that are not in school. No government official has ever engaged us to know what is happening here or to try and enrol them in school’ he told this reporter in the office of the Seriki, local chief of the market. The Hausa population here, constituting itinerant traders, artisans and sometimes beggars has increased astronomically since the on-going insurgency particularly in the North East. By all calculation, with lack of education and government’s interest, many of the girls there who currently hawk fura da nunu (cow milk) around the railway side market risk being married off early.

     

    A lot more sensitization, enforcement of law needed

    Several attempts in the course of three weeks, to interview the Lagos State Commissioner for Women Affairs and Poverty Alleviation (WAPA), Mrs. Lola Akande , failed. However, a source at the Lagos State Ministry of Women Affairs and Poverty Alleviation (WAPA) who craves anonymity insisted that the government was trying its best in ‘responding to the cases as they happen.’ ‘The fact that armed robberies happen does not mean the police doesn’t exist’. He urged affected persons to report to the nearest police station as the stations are now armed with human rights and family units.

    He further pointed at the Lagos Child Rights Law 2007 which made profuse provisions outlawing child marriage. Also, only in February, he added, the state launched a well-publicised campaign titled ‘Ending Violence Against Children in Nigeria: Priority Actions: Lagos State’, which is was a multi-sectoral response to the 2014 Nigeria Violence Against Children Survey. The launch campaign has the backing of UNICEF, USAID, US Centre for Diseases Control and Prevention and other agencies.

    However, Princess Olufemi-Kayode, a child’s rights activist and anti-rape expert and Executive Director of Media Concern for Women and Children (MEDIACOM), argued that government needs to do a lot more if child marriage must become history in Lagos State. “Just like the rest of the states that have passed the 2003 Child Rights Act, the issue is about enforcement”, she said.

    Olufemi-Kayode also blamed lack of communication between government and the masses, especially the uneducated. ‘How much of information about such laws do the general public have? Even the police that are supposed to enforce the law don’t even have the necessary information.’ She advised the government to embark on massive public awareness including exploring the use of local languages that are accessible to the masses in addition to utilising such medium of mass communication as the ubiquitous and effective radio. ‘Child marriage is rape by another name because these girls are minors. It disrupts their lives and we must do everything to stop it,’ she added.

     According to Victoria Ibezim-Ohaeri, a human rights lawyer and Executive Director of Spaces for Change, an ngo, girl marriage anywhere in Nigeria is a pointed violation of the rights of children and of country’s constitution.

    ‘The Nigerian Constitution puts the statutory age of adults at 18.  Anyone lower than that is a minor and cannot give consent, and marriage is a decision that requires consent and consent cannot be given by a minor,’ she said.

    Victoria Ibezim-Ohaeri, Executive Director, Spaces for Change; 'Child marriage is unconstitutional'.
    Victoria Ibezim-Ohaeri, Executive Director, Spaces for Change; ‘Child marriage is unconstitutional’.

    For citizens below the age of 18, the Constitution imposes certain obligations on states to protect their interests and welfare. Section 17 (3)(f) of the 1999 Constitution requires states of the federation to direct their policies towards ensuring that children, young persons and the aged are protected against any exploitation whatsoever, and against moral and material neglect.

    Keep in mind that the child rights legislations follow the tenor of the Constitution. Child Rights Act criminalizes having carnal knowledge of a child below the age of 18. This has been interpreted to mean that 18 years is the legal age of consensual sex in Nigeria. Child Rights Act applies in twenty-four (24) states of the federation (including Lagos) and the Federal Capital Territory.

     

    ‘The fact is that though Lagos is a rapidly urbanising and metropolitan society, we must know that  Nigeria is basically a cultural society. The traditions and religious practices and dispositions have a great influence over people and so even when come to Lagos or other big cities, those cultures still guide and inform their private lives,’ she added.

    Echoing Olufemi, Ibezim-Ohaeri maintained that the Lagos State needs to enforce the Child Rights Act it so vigorously passed to safeguard children within its territories.

    ‘Having a law is a good step but people being aware and the government enforcing the law is another thing. The enforcement mechanism of the state needs to develop to a stage where it can enforce all the provisions of the Child Rights Act. They have taken some steps like setting up family courts but a lot of gaps need to be filled. Public education can play a major role. The people need to be sensitised as to the risk they put their daughters through. They need to know they are putting their daughters’ life, health, education, and futures at risk, I believe they will consciously make the decision not to marry out their daughters. They get to need to get to that level of consciousness so they can make informed decisions about their daughters’ futures.’

    The investigation was done with the support of Ford Foundation and the International Centre for Investigative Reporting.

  • TO BE HONEST, MARRIAGE IS SCARY –PRAIZ

    TO BE HONEST, MARRIAGE IS SCARY –PRAIZ

    Soulful singer, Praise Adejo, is different things to different people. The artiste made headlines when early this year, he was conferred with his own day in faraway Minnesota, an honour which doesn’t come cheaply. He speaks with OVWE MEDEME on his brand of music and why he has kept faith with the RnB genre, plans for the year, marriage among other issues. 

    HOW has the year been?

    2016 has been a great year for me and I’m grateful to God. I think my year started on a very good note and by God’s grace, I hope and believe that it’s going to get even better. I would say my year started with a major achievement where I got honoured by the governor of Minnesota in the United States of America with my own day. What better way to start the year?

    That almost stirred a controversy on the social networks…

    Personally, I think it was just too big for them to comprehend. That’s what I believe. I didn’t see it coming so every day I wake up, I actually do stare at the plaque and ask myself if it’s real. I didn’t think I would ever have my own day. I just want to win awards, by God’s grace, make money and ensure that I’m ok and my family is ok. I didn’t ever think I would be honoured in a different continent.

    It’s also a lesson. I think Nigerians also need to appreciate their own. I think we ought to do better at appreciating our own. For example, someone from America got his own day in his own country and we in a different country are trying to celebrate the person. But someone in your own country got his own day in a different country, and everyone just ignored it. So I just had to pour out my heart and talk about it. I wasn’t bothered because I already have what I have. It’s mine, but we need to appreciate our own.

    How does it work?

    The 6th of February is the Praise Adejo Day. If you go to the Minnesota government’s website, you will see the Praise Adejo Day. The only individuals who have gotten that achievement are the great Rolling Stone Band of the UK which are like the greatest of all rock bands. It’s an honour to be the first African to have such.

    What did you do to be so honoured?

    I just think it’s God’s blessings. There are things I do that I don’t shout about. I think God just rewarded me for them because I can’t tell you that this is what I did and everyone knows that such proclamations can’t be bought; they can’t be lobbied for. I always tell my people at home to just keep doing good, just keep being the best at what they do. You never know who is watching. For me, I just think it’s God’s blessing.

    Music-wise what should we be expecting from you this year?

    I will be dropping a new album. And I’m also dropping an EP. I’ll be dropping the extended playlist before the album and it will be a platform for up and coming artistes who are really good at what they do, especially Nigerian music RnB; to give them that platform to sing with me and to let people know that there are artistes out there who are even better than I am but don’t really have that recognition. So I’m dropping an EP to encourage up and coming artistes who love to do what they do. I’m also dropping an album this year, between the second and third quarter of the year.

    How would you select those who would feature in the EP?

    Last year, I put up a post on Instagram and connected it to my Twitter handle and my Facebook page. I told them to just sing and I will pick eight people. It will be a six track EP and the people who I know have that passion and the vocal dexterity will be selected to be on the EP.

    You have kept faith with the RnB genre. How much recognition has it fetched you?

    I think the genre of music we love is determined by the nature of the economy. There is so much hardship and no one wants to sit down and listen to slow music. Everyone wants to forget their issues and dance. It doesn’t mean that there are no people out there who appreciate RnB music. I don’t want to blow my trumpet. Let me just put it this way; I got a deal with an RnB song and when I wanted to get signed, they told me the reason they are signing me is because my sound is different.

    So, if people out there can tell me this, I don’t think I should water down my standard for anybody. I don’t allow people’s belief determine what I believe. There are people out there who say RnB will not put food in my pocket. That’s what they believe. The songs they hear are a particular sound. And we have the stereotype kind of shows and you hear this particular kind of sound so they just believe things are not working for you. But on the contrary, I’m doing good by God’s grace. It’s just in Nigeria though because I travel to Kenya and I do shows all over East Africa and they love my sound and they want me to come back.

    Once in a while, don’t you think you should dabble into other genres?

    Of recent, I’ve released three songs; Oshey, Mercy and Sisi and these are not your typical RnB songs. They are like Afrobeat sounds. From time to time, I believe in being versatile. Look at R Kelly, he’s undoubtedly the king of RnB but he does reggae, inspirational music, and other genres. To be honest, to be successful in the industry, you need to be versatile. While I was putting the Rich and Famous album together, which was a double album, I decided to do the RnB album and an Afrobeat album.

    Yet, people still associate you mainly with RnB. Don’t you feel stifled?

    If you associate me with RnB, then I think you recognise what I do and it’s a complement to me. That means I’m making my mark.

    In recent times, some people have likened your sound to that of John Legend. Do you feel boxed in?

    It has its cons. It’s not a bad thing. What that means is, I could sing on the same platform as John Legend, if they think my vocals are as good as his. Nigerians will never agree that I’m better than John Legend but if they believe that I’m as good as he is, then it’s good enough for me.

    How well would you say the Nigerian factor has affected your art?

    I don’t think it has affected me because I stay true to my art inasmuch as I’ve been versatile sometimes. People who know me know that I’ve been true to my art. I was on my own when Obie Trice heard Rich and Famous and decided that he wanted to do a song with me. I didn’t feature Obie Trice, he featured me. If people out there can recognise the talent that comes from this country, then I’m good.

    What keeps the Priaz brand going?

    I surround myself with real people. I try not to allow fame get into my head. Fame is a drug. I don’t have a lot of friends. My friends are those I grew up with, who can tell me to shut up and I will respect myself. I also surround myself with people who will tell me the truth. Every artiste believes that every song he records is a hit. I like to surround myself with people who even when I record a song I think is good, they tell me I can do better. My family also keeps me going. I have a wonderful team, X3M Music.

    My manager is a blessing. I knew him since when I was a contestant in Project Fame, although I never knew we would work together in the future. I just think I’m just blessed with the right people around me.

    If you hadn’t done music, what would you have done?

    I would be playing football. It sounds like a cliché but I played club soccer. I played for highlanders FC Kaduna and Celestine Babayaro was my senior, but i just think everybody has his own destiny. I was a striker but sometimes I play on the right flank.

    What influences your music?

    My environment, and my experiences, either personal or indirect. I like to put out songs that people can relate to. I’d rather write or sing songs that are inspired by real life situations.

    How has the fame rubbed off on your career?

    Fame would definitely be to your advantage because with fame, you can get what you want. When you start to get what you want, it gets to your head and you start doing things you are not supposed to do; things that you feel are your birthright, even if it’s not. It just makes you misbehave. You won’t know till someone tells you. that’s why i say fame is a drug

    You mean so far, it hasn’t rubbed off on you?

    The best people to ask are those around me because I could tell you it hasn’t rubbed off on me but the people who will answer honestly are those who have approached me; my friends and family. My life has changed; I’m not the same person that I used to be. That I can tell you.

    What is your definition of riches?

    When I sang Rich and Famous, I wanted to be recognised for my music. If you watch the video for the song, it actually says a lot. I wanted to be famous for my genre of music, be recognised and appreciated. I also want to make money off what I do. I also want to impact lives positively with it.

    How rich and famous would you say you are?

    Right now, I’m confident to say I’m rich and famous. Because I impact lives, I don’t borrow money to buy a car. I pay my rent regularly. I take care of my siblings, my parents and friends.

    What about her?

    In this era where marriages just crash, to be honest it is scary. I know people who are close to me who got married and it ended. I didn’t ever see marriage like this. So when I see such things I just try to take my mind off that and look at my parents. I don’t want to rush. Inasmuch as I know time is going, all I can say is, I pray.

    But is there someone in the picture?

    Not yet.

  • ‘Course in marriage  should be compulsory’

    ‘Course in marriage should be compulsory’

    Jacqueline Ogoh is a broadcaster who is passionate about issues affecting women, the girl-child and child rights. In this interview with YETUNDE OLADEINDE, she talks about life while working on documentaries, with Channels Television, Voice of America, amongst other issues.

    THE senate rejected the Gender Equality Bill recently, what does this portend for women?

    The equality bill is not a useless bill. I would want the Nigerian male to come up with the consciousness that the nation cannot develop without women. The country that does not move forward would stagnate and things would be slow. Development is like a metamorphosis; we cannot develop without the women’s participation and inputs.

    For instance, you cannot be talking about maternal mortality bill without the women. The rate is on the high side. We are losing about 60 per cent of our women to this. So, making women have equal role, have equal space should not be an issue. America is called America because women are allowed to play their roles. Look at the way Hilary Clinton is being celebrated and I know that a lot of men will vote for her.

    How do you combine media work with gender rights?

    I am a media consultant and a Gender Rights advocate whose news reports have permeated the walls of the world, so will my voice of advocacy permeate the wall of Africa and beyond; to institute the change that will make the world more interesting.

    I did my Youth Service with Imo Broadcasting Service as a radio presenter, where I caught the flame for broadcasting. I later joined Edo Broadcasting Service, Benin City where I worked for four years as a junior editor, before joining Channels Television as news production editor, programme presenter, senior reporter and editor, for eight years, before leaving in 2005.

    From there, I hooked up with the Voice of America, where I reported for seven years, both on VOA Radio and T.V, between 2007 and 2014. Even while I was doing this, I was also doing media consultancy because I have a registered outfit.

    In the process, I handled several documentaries and special reports on women, domestic violence and child issues. For example, I did two documentaries and documentary for Project Alert.  I also did another documentary for Media Concern Initiative for Women and it had to do with child sexual abuse. I also handled the documentary for the first anniversary of CLEEN Foundation.

    Let’s talk about some of the interesting cases that you have handled

    I did the report of Titi Arowolo, the Skye Bank lady banker who was killed by her husband.  I followed up that story and did it for Voice of America. I also did the court judgment when it was granted for Voice of America. That story is actually one that is touching and I did have some interest in that story for some specific reasons that I would mention now. That lady was going through violence and obviously because when project alert did a rally, we met some of her friends and colleagues who really felt so bad about her death. They said she used to come to the office, cover her face with dark glasses and each time they saw this, she would tell them she fell and try to cover up. A lot of women go through the same thing but because of social stigmatisation, they do not want to open up. It doesn’t work out this way because at the end of the day, it is a circle of violence.

    Some of the fine cars on the streets are bought by men who beat their wives. Some of the fine dresses they wear to parties come out of beating. They usually say, he would change one day, maybe he beats me because he loves me so much. Women should not be afraid to come out to say this is what is happening to me.

    I also did a documentary on a woman that came from Congo, it was a mini documentary. This woman ran all the way from Congo to Nigeria because her husband was abusing her violently and sexually abusing her children. She came back from the market one day and saw her four-year daughter sucking the penis of her husband.  She ran for her life with two of her kids to Nigeria. That was one of the things that inspired me to work on gender advocacy.

    What inspired the report you just did on mainstreaming gender reporting on Affirmative Action of Women and Girls Rights?

    Journalists for Christ collaborated with the West African Association of Christian Journalists (WAAC), worked on a report to find out how the media was reporting issues affecting women and girls. At the end of the day, six newspapers were monitored and the findings are what we have in this report. The findings showed that some women had become media stereotypes and there is need to make use of other women who know so much in their fields.

    There is this excuse that women would want to take excuses from their husbands but the truth is that there are other women who are well educated and well grounded. Women are already marginalised but the media should not further marginalise them. Also, there are women in the rural areas that grassroots reporters should not shut their eyes against. We should seek out women who are doing unique things in the grassroots. Women who have cassava mills that they have used to send children to the university, those children are well placed today and the efforts of such women should not be swept under the carpet.

    What do you think is responsible for the slow progress on the campaign?

    I strongly think our law enforcement agents should be adequately trained on the handling of domestic violence. Domestic violence involves physical battery, which is assault. Assault is a crime under the Nigerian constitution; we also know very clearly that anything criminal is not a matter to be handled with kids’ gloves. If armed robbery is handled seriously, then assault should be handled seriously as the criminal offence that it is. A physically and emotionally battered woman cannot contribute meaningfully to national development. For development to be rapid and complete, all meaningful players must be involved. When a women who has been battered goes to the police station to report a case of assault, a law enforcer should not be asking these very questions that cause double trauma, ”Madam what did you do?” ”Go back to your husband. It’s a family issue”. The law has been broken and a woman is bleeding and a law-enforcement agent is asking, ‘what did you do?’ When an armed robber is robbing, does a policeman stop to ask him, ”Why are you robbing?” Is he not supposed to swing into action immediately to combat the crime?

    What can be done to curb the rising trend of violence in our society?

    Now, I also think that a home ridden with domestic violence should not be where parents take sides. If your son or daughter is an abuser, correct him or her. Don’t validate violence. If your child ends up committing murder, your super kid will simply end up with death by hanging or life imprisonment. Tell me, how does such a crime upgrade any parent’s portfolio?

    The church needs to also ensure that an abused woman is not being sent back to a very dangerous abuser because the bible says God hates divorce. If God hates divorce, please someone answer me, does he like murder? The same bible says, ”wisdom is profitable to direct”.

    Parents should not force daughters, especially, to marry, because they want to wear aso-ebi and sit on the high table, call a big musician and have a monumental party.

    A lot of parents don’t investigate the background of a potential son-in-law to know if he has a history of abuse. They just imagine how he will look on the wedding day with their daughter and the pretty clothes!

    What should be done when a person is abused?

    When reporters handle such reports, details should be sought after and during investigations. Check if neighbours have ignored the existence of abuse around them. Check if the abuser is a serial abuser. Check if fear of social stigmatisation kept the woman or man in a bad marriage, so that the society will know how they are contributing to crimes by gossiping and not being sympathetic towards the abuse. The duration of abuse matters, the handling of the situation by law enforcers also matters. If there are physical wounds, reports from medical examination matter. These help the courts too and the role of the journalist is important and deep when it comes to investigation on sexual violence or child molestation, to in-depth reporting.

    How can the government help to reduce this trend?

    At this point, I think our government should start thinking of making, at least, a course in marriage compulsory in our higher institutions, just like some compulsory electives, before undergraduates leave school. The reality usually is that they rush out of school into the hands of parents, who push many into marriages without research findings. By research, l am clearly not talking about herbalist findings. You can do the physical leg work yourself for your child as well as pray and fast. God still reveals. In my advocacy, I’m making myself a sacrifice to help others, because of my experience. Jesus laid his life down. He gained it. I will gain mine again.

  • ‘WHAT MARRIAGE changed  ABOUT ME’

    ‘WHAT MARRIAGE changed ABOUT ME’

    Unknown to many, Nollywood actress Susan Peters’ sense of humour transcends the movies. Although she pulled a surprise wedding on her fans in October last year, she says that nothing has changed about her. In this interview with OVWE MEDEME, the thespian talks about life as a married actress, her goals for 2016 and expectations from the incumbent government among other issues.

    HOW has life as a married woman been?

    It is a different thing entirely. The things I used to do as a single lady, I can’t do them anymore.

    What are some of those things you no longer do?

    Just the normal things you want to do as a single lady, you can’t do it because people will talk. People will say she’s married. So I tend to be cautious when I do anything at all.

    What has marriage changed about you?

    Nothing! I’m just adding weight. I don’t understand (Laughs).

    Why have you been adding weight? Has it entered?

    Huh? Why are you asking? What’s your own? You will see it when it gets bigger, so wait.

    As an actress, what do you think should change about Nollywood?

    Honestly, I will give Nollywood credit because even before I joined the industry, we looked up to actors that started it. Now, as the days go by, we keep growing. We are no longer in it for the money but for the recognition. You feel delighted when your movie is nominated and you actually win an award. And even if you don’t win, the fact that you get nominated, it’s a win for me.

    So I give Nollywood credit. There are still some lapses. We need not to cut corners so that we can actually achieve. If you have a low budget movie and you know you don’t have enough money to shoot it, then don’t shoot it instead of taking people on set and putting them into slavery. That’s what I think. People should actually get their budget properly done and then they get their movie done because we as workers should get paid. Even the bible says that a labourer should get paid for wages. It’s in the bible.

    Are you saying some producers owe you?

    No, they do not owe me but there are lots of stories about people who go on set and they don’t get paid or they have to do some other things to get on the job. That’s totally wrong. Those are the areas I think should be checked.

    Does your new status influence the kind of roles you take now?

    Not really. I’m an actress. My husband met me in the job so he should support the job. It doesn’t change me doing what I used to do. The only thing is, there are some other things I would not do the way I used to when I was a single lady. That’s it. But every other thing about my job still stays as it is. I take the same roles I take before.

    Would you act nude?

    I have never acted nude. That has been a no no for me, even before I got married. That’s not even it. I’ve never acted nude and I’ve never been in support of acting nude. Of course you could take off some clothes but not to the extent of going totally nude. It is not in our culture to go nude. If I try that, my mother in the village would react. She will say the people in the village have followed me to the town. So it’s not in our culture.

    People think, for you, humour is all acting…

    That means you don’t know who Susan Peters really is. I’ve got a sense of humour. You don’t know that.

    But don’t people take you for granted?

    When you play too much, of course they will. But I’m a happy person, I’m a people person but I could be very blunt. Don’t step on my toes because I could sting like a scorpion.

    What would someone do to be considered as stepping on your toes?

    Actually there is a whole lot. In this day and time, if you want to go by what people do, you will just keep hitting your head on the wall every day. You just need to learn to overlook some things. Because even in the house, you have people who will get on your nerves not to talk of outsiders. You just have to learn to let go. That’s it.

    In Sound of Poverty, you acted as a less privileged. What message were you trying to send across?

    The message in that movie actually is for people not to look down on others because somebody who is poor today could be rich tomorrow. And if you have friends among your peers who are not well to do, you should always carry them along and don’t stab them in the back. It is a message about friendship and how it should be cherished.

    What are you working on now?

    I’m actually working on two projects right now. I’m doing a job with Rock Studios and one with Emem Isong.

    What would you say about the issue of piracy?

    In fact, that issue is a disease that we have to be looking for the cure every year, or every minute or every second. It’s something that can’t be cured. That’s the truth. Even Hollywood has pirates. It’s just that our own just don’t want us to make money when we produce our films.

    What do you think should be done about the menace?

    I think there’s a whole lot in the portal at the moment because now we can take our movies to the cinemas, which is a way not to get them to get CDs on time. So when it gets to the cinemas and it goes online, and then it takes a while before it comes on DVD, you must have made a bit of your money.

    But as time goes on, I think they will find other remedies to fight piracy because it’s just like stealing. For somebody who steals, it would take the grace of God for that person to actually stop stealing. For us, it’s really affecting us. Because of them, we can’t really put our movies out in the market properly. We have to put them out in bits.

    What does 2016 hold for you?

    2016 started slow. The Buhari economics is affecting everybody and we are hoping that the change has come to stay and it will get better. We are in the third month of the year, so we still have a long way to go. We are hoping that as time goes on, things would turn around for good.

    Specifically, what are some of the things you would want the government to focus on?

    They should hasten up all the promises they’ve given the people because they promised change. I know the government is doing its best but they should try harder.

    It appears Nollywood is more celebrated in other countries than in Nigeria. What do you think should be done?

    I think we need to do more of awareness for our own. Those days, we didn’t use to watch TV series but nowadays, they are coming up and we are into it. The two jobs I’m working on are TV series. Losing Control is a TV series, Husbands of Lagos too. And they are very interesting. There are other people too producing TV series, so if we have lots of content coming out, people will want to watch. It is because we don’t have much doing in that regard that people watch Telemundo and stuff like that.

  • Why there are many divorce cases in Abuja – Residents

    Why there are many divorce cases in Abuja – Residents

    Some residents of Abuja on Monday identified some causes of divorce among couples.

    In separate interviews, they cited infidelity, lack of commitments, carelessness and undermining the importance of dialogue in dispute resolution, among others, as some of the causes of divorce.

    They noted that most of the causes of divorce were avoidable by respecting the law of marriage and being faithful.

    For instance, Mr Michael Eke, a civil servant with Revenue Mobilisation Allocation and Fiscal Commission, identified insubordination, wife battery and interference from outsiders as other causes of divorce.

    He advised couples, especially those with crises in their relationships, to imbibe the culture of dialogue in resolving matrimonial issues and save their marriages.

    Eke said that the effects of divorce were indicated in the children of such affected home, insisting that such children were often delinquent.

    “Children from such homes are prone to abuse such as child labour and rape, among other social vices, especially the females.

    “Most couples take things that matter most for granted and a marriage that is taking for granted has a good chance of ending in divorce,’’ he observed.

    Eke said that marriages could be protected from crumbling if the couples had the fear of God in their dealings.

    Sharing similar sentiments, Ms Joyce Chukwuma, a staff member of Federal Ministry of Information, Abuja, cited infidelity, religious differences and infertility as parts of the causes of divorce in some cases.

    She urged couples to shun extra-marital affairs to build a lasting family and decent society, noting that divorce “builds up slowly when people overlook things that matter most.

    “Lack of commitment to the principles of marriage has also been identified as one of the factors leading to divorce.

    “When partners seek physical and emotional support elsewhere; when one party is not ready to forgive other, then divorce comes in.

    “The social effects of this (divorce) for the children can be traumatic as they may feel unloved or isolated’’.

    In her opinion, Mrs Mariam Abdullahi, a house wife in Abuja, urged couples to avoid misunderstanding, advising them not to always look for faults.

    “When couples start listening to what people are saying, they can start having issues which, if not well tackled, can lead to divorce,’’ Abdullahi said.

    She called on couples to dwell more on the culture of togetherness, cooperation, making win-win decisions and preventing anger from degenerating into break up in relationships.

    To reduce the rate of divorce, Mr Obinna Okemuo, a banker, advised that potential couples should go into marriages when they were primed for the union.

    According to him, getting married at a very young age increases the likelihood of divorce because those who marry in their teens have much higher divorce cases.

     

  • How people helped me get over my broken marriage, by Princess

    How people helped me get over my broken marriage, by Princess

    Damilola Adekoya, aka Princess is a popular Nigerian comedienne. Surprisingly, she also suffers pains, despite being in a profession that demands that she make people laugh. The thespian turned comedienne recently admitted to being traumatised by the breakup of her seven month old marriage contracted on May 8, 2013. As she admits, “Three years ago when I had a broken marriage, I was psychologically down, but it was the same thing that brought me down that became my strength; that is one of the psychological powers of comedy- it heals. People around also helped me in recovering from the most challenging period of my life.”

    Inside sources at the time revealed that the union was fraught with misunderstandings and disagreements, which often demanded the intervention of friends and relatives. Princess herself debunked the notion of a happy union at the breakup when she said, “We have been having issues since the wedding, but we still remained together hoping that we would be able to work it out. But apparently, we couldn’t work it out, hence the reason for our separation.”

    Although quite a number of reasons were rumoured to have caused the split between the celebrity and her not-so popular ex, hopefully, she is in a better place emotionally, although she has not been romantically linked to anyone in recent times.

  • God’s standard for locating a marriage partner (2)

    DEAR Reader, Last week, we saw the importance of spiritual compatibility in your choice of a marriage partner. This week, I will be showing you how to Depend Absolutely on God, in your choice of a marriage partner.

    How is your personal walk with God?

    Are you trusting Him with the small, day-to-day decisions? Are you living in continual dependence on Him? Are you in the place where He can get your attention? You must ask yourself these crucial questions.

    Why do I need God’s help in choosing a mate?

    The concept of marriage originated solely from God. Mankind had absolutely nothing to do with the institution of marriage; except for being a recipient of its manifold blessings. It was God Who decided that it was not good for man to be alone and made a helpmeet for him. After that, He (God) presided over the first ever wedding ceremony recorded in history. This is why God’s help is highly needed.

    You need God’s help to prepare you for marriage and to help select the person who will be best for you. He will enable you to select someone who will help you fulfil God’s plan and purpose for your life. As Christians, we have to learn over and again that we must wait on the Lord; the One Who provides all we need. All you need to do is come to God in prayer with an open spirit. Be confident that God loves you, and knows your end from the beginning and wants the best for you.

    What does the story of Isaac and Rebekah tell us about trusting God?

    Abraham and his servant Eliezer (rather than Isaac and Rebekah) give us the example to follow (Genesis 15:2-6, 24:2-4). In verse 7, Abraham expressed his trust in God’s ability to lead Eliezer to the right woman for his son. Abraham said: The Lord . . . will send His angel before you, and you shall take a wife for my son from there. This statement of faith was not wishful thinking. Rather, those words grew out of a long-term close relationship that Abraham had with the Lord. He could look back and see how the Lord had met every need and led him in the past. He knew that the Lord could be trusted to guide him in this crucial choice for his son, Isaac.

    Abraham was a living, breathing example of the truth of Proverbs 3:5-6: Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths.  As Abraham lived by faith, the Lord blessed him and guided his life. His servant Eliezer displayed the same kind of faith when he prayed: O Lord God of my master Abraham, please give me success this day, and show kindness to my master Abraham (Genesis 24:12).

    As a single person, you can have the same confidence and quiet assurance that your life is under God’s control. As long as you walk humbly, submissively and obediently, you need not worry that you will somehow miss God’s direction about which way to turn. Just as Abraham humbled himself before the King of the universe, so should you seek God’s Kingdom first and He will take care of all your needs (Matthew 6:33) which include helping you to find a spouse or to live for Him as a single person.

    Some single persons express the fear that God may give them someone they do not want, when they commit everything unreservedly into His hands. So, they do not pray at all about it.  This means, they do not trust God enough to give them the best.  God’s Word says: If ye then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children, how much more shall your Father which is in heaven give good things to them that ask him? (Matthew 7:11). No earthly parent will want to give a harmful thing to his child, and God is more loving than earthly parents. Be sure therefore, that God will give you a partner after His own heart.

    How should I pray for God to lead me to the right partner?

    You have to pray often! God is intimately interested in hearing your requests concerning this matter. As you bring your requests before Him and submit yourself to His direction, you can be sure that He will give you nothing but what He wants for you (Psalm 37:4-5; Matthew 7:7-12).

    When the servant of Abraham spoke to Rebekah about his purpose for being in Nahor, he said: As for me, being on the way, the Lord led me to the house of my master’s brethren (Genesis 24:27). Eliezer had followed instructions and was in the place, where God could give further direction. We too must be “on the way,” walking in obedience to God, if we expect Him to lead us.

    How does the Holy Spirit guide my choices, thinking & feelings?

    Even though the New Testament contains several examples of how the Holy Spirit can lead through inner impressions (Acts 8:29; 11:28; 13:2; 21:11; 1 Corinthians 14:30), separating our subjective feelings or urges from the voice of the Spirit is not always an easy thing to do. However, we can be sure that the Spirit would never violate the clear commands of the Bible. The Spirit would never tell us to choose to marry an unbeliever. He would not lead us to marry for money or guide us to marry in conflict with the principles of the Word of God.

    Are you in the place where God can lead you?

    For instance, you can’t expect Him to direct you to a Christian mate, if you are hanging around people who don’t have good reputations, or engaged in premarital sex. God won’t direct you if you are neglecting times of personal prayer and worship, or harbouring sinful attitudes. You can’t expect God’s help in choosing a mate, if you are living in disobedience to His will. This is why it becomes very important that you surrender your life to Christ and become born again.

    Surrendering your life to Christ means to confess your sins and accept Jesus as your Saviour and Lord.  If you are ready to be born again, please say this prayer:  “Dear Lord Jesus Christ, I come to You today. I am a sinner. Forgive me of my sins and cleanse me with Your Blood. Deliver me from sin and Satan to serve the living God. I accept You as my Lord and Saviour. Make me a child of God today. Thank You for accepting me into Your Kingdom.”

    If you prayed this simple prayer, you are now a child of God. He loves you and will never leave you. Read your Bible daily, obey God’s Word and seek Christian fellowship (John 14:21).

    Congratulations! You are now born again! All-round rest and peace are guaranteed you, in Jesus’ Name. Call or write, and share your testimonies with me through contact@faithoyedepo.org; OR 07026385437 and 08141320204.

     

    For more insight, these books authored by me are available at the Dominion Bookstores in all Living Faith Churches and other leading Christian bookstores: Marriage Covenant, Making Marriage Work, Building A Successful Home and Success in Marriage (Co-Authored).

  • God’s standard for locating a marriage partner

    DEAR Reader, With joy unspeakable full of glory, I sincerely welcome you to this edition of Family Life in Jesus’ Name. This month, by the enabling power of the Holy Spirit, we shall be looking at God’s Standard for Locating a Marriage Partner.

    The success of your marriage depends on these points that I shall be discussing with you on this column. They are very simple and cannot be overlooked, because your success in marriage is not guaranteed without following these principles. This week, we will be looking at Spiritual Compatibility.

    The first principle according to God’s own standard for locating marriage partner is to marry among God’s own people. The Abrahamic covenant does not permit a believer to marry a stranger; it must be from among your brethren.

    Abraham understood this principle to the point that he gave his servant these strict orders: You will not take a wife for my son from the daughters of the Canaanites, among whom I dwell; but you shall go to my country and to my kindred, and take a wife for my son Isaac (Genesis15:3-4). The Canaanites were notorious idolaters. Their gods and goddesses promoted worship that included human sacrifices and fertility rites with perverse sex. Modern day Canaanites are not always so obviously pagan. They can appear religious in a positive sense, but being religious is not enough.

    A personal relationship with Jesus is the cornerstone of any successful marriage.  There is no meeting point between a Christian and a sinner/unbeliever. God’s Word says: Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? And what communion hath light with darkness? (2 Corinthians 6:14).

    A saved person and an unbeliever cannot have real fellowship, communion or concord. This is primarily because there is a fundamental difference between the character and lifestyle of one who is saved, and one who is not.

    As a born-again believer in Christ, you must guard against the temptation to overlook this most basic issue of spiritual compatibility. Just because the young man or woman is kind and considerate, or seems to be genuinely in love with you, you draw the conclusion that he/she is the one. Don’t allow your feelings to lead you to trample on your relationship with the Lord.

    Don’t ever be deceived to think that you can go ahead to marry an unbeliever, with the intention of converting him or her. Even though the apostles Paul and Peter spoke of the possibility of winning an unbelieving spouse to the Lord (1 Corinthians 7:12-16; 1 Peter 3:1-2), that does not mean we should go into marriage knowing we are spiritually incompatible. A believer who marries an unbeliever may be facing a lifetime of spiritual unrest in the marriage and a battle for the spiritual well-being of their children. So, beware!

    How Do I make The Move?

    Look in the appropriate place and ask the Lord for help. To find a compatible, spiritual wife, Abraham sent Eliezer to the logical place – his hometown (Genesis 24:3-4, 10). Eliezer didn’t go into a pagan Canaanite village to look for a wife for Isaac. Eliezer prayed about the marriage he was arranging (Genesis 24:12) and saw God’s leading. Nothing could have been more practical or wise.

    Don’t base your decision on one “sign.” Even though you may believe the sign is from the Lord, don’t throw out wisdom. When Eliezer asked the Lord for a sign (a young woman who would offer water to him and his camels), he didn’t jump to the conclusion that Rebekah was the right one when she offered water. The text tells us that even after she passed the initial test, Eliezer quietly observed her and wondered if she truly was the one who was right for Isaac (Genesis 24: 21).

    The most logical move you can make is to put your searching heart into God’s hands. This is why it becomes necessary for you to allow the Holy Spirit to guide you. What the Holy Spirit does is to illuminate your spiritual eyes so that as soon as your physical eyes come in contact with someone, you will know whether such a person is the right person for you or not. If that person happens to be the right person, there will be a confirmation in your spirit. If that is not the right person, the Spirit of God in you will warn you to keep off.

    Eliezer had observed Rebekah’s character, as she humbly brought water for him and his camels. When he talked with her, he knew that she was from the right family (Genesis 24: 24-27). Then, as he talked with her father and brother, Eliezer received added confirmation when they were quick to give their approval. The final indication was Rebekah’s own declaration that she was willing to go (Genesis 24:58). The combination of all these factors helped to verify the choice.

    However, it is important to know that until you are a born-again child of God, God cannot lead you to make the right choice. To be born again entails confessing your sins and accepting Jesus as your Saviour and Lord. If you are ready to be born again, please say this prayer: “Dear Lord Jesus Christ, I come to You today. I am a sinner. Forgive me of my sins and cleanse me with Your Blood. Deliver me from sin and Satan to serve the living God. I accept You as my Lord and Saviour. Make me a child of God today. Thank You for accepting me into Your Kingdom.”

    If you prayed this simple prayer, you are now a child of God. He loves you and will never leave you. Read your Bible daily, obey God’s Word and seek Christian fellowship (John 14:21).

    Congratulations! You are now born again! All-round rest and peace are guaranteed you, in Jesus’ Name. Call or write, and share your testimonies with me through contact@faithoyedepo.org; OR 07026385437 and 08141320204.

    For more insight, these books authored by me are available at the Dominion Bookstores in all Living Faith Churches and other leading Christian bookstores: Marriage Covenant, Making Marriage Work, Building A Successful Home and Success in Marriage (Co-Authored).For more insight, these books authored by me are available at the Dominion Bookstores in all Living Faith Churches and other leading Christian bookstores: Marriage Covenant, Making Marriage Work, Building A Successful Home and Success in Marriage (Co-Authored).

  • Dangers of campus marriage

    Many are ignorant of the many dangers of “campus marriage” common among students in Nigeria’s higher institutions. So many a destiny have been cut in their prime due to what has gradually assumed a culture among undergraduates.

    In campus parlance, campus marriage is simply an immoral cohabitation involving two individuals of the opposite sex living together usually under the same abode, sharing everything in common. They eat and sometimes study together in classes and even have sexual relationship without being legally pronounced married.

    This illicit act had overtimes increased the high rate of immorality particularly on campus among Nigerian students in tertiary institutions which never always lead to legal marriage. It has always ended at right at the school gate.

    Apparently, majority of culprits have no tangible reasons for engaging in this immoral act. Although, having interviewed many especially the female students, they said it’s a smart way to deal with the challenge of lack of accommodation. Some have argued that they chose to be close to each other for better intimacy whereas for others, the reasons are clearly bogus. Interestingly, some categorically said their reason for cohabitation is hinged on meeting selfish emotional needs. For this category of students, cohabitation is a sure-fire way to experience the complete pleasure and excitement of living together.

    Irrespective of how far they go in validating their practice, one cannot deny the fact that it portends more harm than good for the couple. Checks have shown that those involved in the act have had to battle with the demands of academics, sometimes resulting in untold failure.  Cases of unwanted pregnancies are also rife, further fuelling the lack of concentration common among many students today.  There are even far more menacing dangers. There is the story of a married female student in one of the Nigeria’s higher institutions, who had extra-marital affair with a student. One day, the husband visited unannounced only to catch both love birds in the act. This prompted the husband to stab the lady to death. There are many other gory narratives of this shade.

    As seen in the lives of most practitioners, campus marriage affects a student’s academic performance which often leads to eventual withdrawal when such students can no longer meet the standards set by the school. Expectedly, female students are the worst hit due to the possibility of unwanted pregnancy. Cases abound of not only how this has stunted the career growth of many females, but also the associated risk of death when abortion becomes the last resort to save their faces.

    Again, this act is considered illegal by law and immoral by both Christians and Muslim faithfuls. Marriage is said to be a legal union between two individuals of opposite sex – a man and a woman – recognised and authenticated by any formal institution, be it the Church, Mosque or law courts. It is plainly foolhardy to put up with a man who has not paid the bride price, much less solemnise a relationship. Female students who still fall into this ditch deserve to be blamed for the calamity that stands in their way.

    However, it is better that students desist from engaging in cohabitation of this manner. It’s a trap that has shattered the dreams and aspirations of many young people. It never guarantees a successful marriage either.

     

    Mustapher is student of Federal Polytechnic, Bida

  • Court dissolves 13-year-old marriage over fighting

    Court dissolves 13-year-old marriage over fighting

    An Okuta Area Court in Kwara on Friday dissolved a 13-year-old marriage between Bilikis Idris and Abdullahi Idris over claim of frequent fighting.

    The court presided by Mr Ahmed Yahaya, ordered the couple to go their separate ways without disturbing the peace of the society.

    The wife, Bilikis, had approached the court in 2015, seeking the dissolution of the marriage which had produced three children, over allegation that she had no rest of mind in the union.

    She pleaded with the court to grant her wish so that she would marry another man that would care for her.

    The man, Abdullahi, who was absent in court but sent a letter, consented to the relief sought by his wife.

    In the letter read in the court, he said, “I, Idris Abdullahi, write for no objection to grant divorce to my wife, Bilikis.

    “We are blessed with three children, all in my custody at Kaiama and I beg her to stop coming to pick my children without my consent, henceforth.”

    Asked to react to the letter, Bilikis said that she had no comment but sought a relief of the court to enable her pack all her belongings, left in the respondent’s house.

    In his judgment, Yahaya dissolved the marriage as sought by the plaintiff and granted a relief to enable her pack her belongings.

    The judge, however, ordered Bilikis to observe three months “Iddah’’ (Islamic period of waiting before remarrying), adding that both parties had 30 days to appeal against the judgment if displeased with it.