The Nation Newspaper

Tag: marriage

  • Getting right partner for marriage

    DEAR Harriet, I am in a relationship with a guy I met on the internet. He stays in Dubai and wants to marry me.

    I have not met him personally. How do I know if he is the right person for me? Thanks.

    Name withheld, Lagos

     

    Thanks for your message. Meeting someone is one thing, but keeping a healthy relationship with the person is another. Yes, some people met their future partners on the internet and some have also experienced disappointment and heartbreak, even death.

    Who knows? Some people are lucky, others are not, but a few things remain the same when it comes to relationships that we must not be overlooked. Getting the right person to spend the rest of your life with is one of the most important decisions that every unmarried person needs to make.

    The predicament that singles face with the issue of marriage should not be neglected. The question that should come to mind is, why do you want to marry? Is it because you want to be like the Joneses? Because if you don’t understand the purpose of marriage, you may not be able to walk, according to God’s plan for marriage.

    Remember, marriage is an institution ordained by God and his desire is for couples to find peace and joy in their marriage.  In today’s world, many young people want to marry for any of the following reasons:

    1. Desire to be free from parents or guardians,
    2. To fulfil sexual desire,
    3. To ease loneliness,
    4. To be happy,
    5. To prove to others that they are adults,
    6. They feel suddenly pregnant,
    7. Out of pity or sympathy for a young person around them that is lonely or needs help,
    8. Love for children and desire to have children they can call their own,
    9. Family financial situation, poor family and having seen a rich prospective partner who wishes he/she will be able to solve their family financial problems,
    10. All their friends and those younger than them are getting married,
    11. They have always wanted societal weddings that will be the talk of town,
    12. Out of fear that no one wants to marry them because of some reasons buried in their heads,
    13. They think that time is running out and
    14. They are tired of being single.

    As good as some of the reasons above may be, they are not satisfactory enough reasons on their own for them  to get married. They need more compelling reasons to decide to marry as marriage in itself will not solve all their problems as some people think.

    The step you are about to take is not an easy one. It is a life time commitment, so you must try as much as possible to be honest on everything, giving it time to know each other. If possible, it will be nice to arrange a meeting, make sure you don’t visit alone and it must be in a public place.

    Avoid going any way private with him. For safety reasons, carry out proper checks and be able to ask and answer truthful questions.  People can appear very different online, so don’t allow anybody to pressurize you into marriage when you are not ready. Before you say yes to his proposal, make sure it is really what you want and that you love each other enough.

    More so, consider the character of the person you want to marry and do not proceed until you have inner peace on it.  How does he relate with you because you are so far apart? It is very important you evaluate your relationship with him, especially in the aspect of communication.

    How often do you talk with each other? Are you open to one another? Does he respect you and share your dreams and aspirations? Is he the controlling type? What are his religious views? Do you have a common ground on spiritual issues? What’s his growing up like? Because you meet him on the internet, you should learn to follow.

    Take it slowly, face reality and think the proposal through and don’t be in a hurry. To know if the person is right for you, he must be ready to accept you’re past and present. Some people want to change everything about you.

    Whoever wants to marry you must be ready to accept you and must be prepared to work patiently on you with you for changes to take place without forcing you. Furthermore, you must know that there is no perfect being; happiness comes when we are committed to making someone else happy. It is about giving and taking. It is not about a selfish desire to just receive and not give out love.

    As you go about with your check list on him, make sure that you are also right for Mr. Right because it takes two to tangle. Sex before marriage should not be a determining factor to tell, if a person is the right one. Signs should not be taking for granted.

    A lot of marriages are suffering today simply because some people ignore the signs of violence, truancy, insensitivity, bully, selfishness, at the  very early stage of dating, with the expectations that they will change the person once they get married, forgetting that you can only change yourself not your partner by learning to live with his strengths and shortcomings.

    There is no statement like he or she was not like this at the beginning. No, the signs were always there, but you chose not to see them.

    Finally the decision is yours to make. Think the proposal through properly and good luck.

     

    Harriet ogbobine is a counselor and a motivational speaker. Send your questions and suggestions to her on bineharriet@gmail.com or txt message only 08023058805. You can also follow her on twitter: @bineharrietj

  • Court dissolves marriage over ‘sex starvation’

    A Mapo Customary Court in Ibadan yesterday dissolved a four-year-old marriage between Tajudeen Olalekan and his wife, Modinat, over “sexual starvation”.

    The court’s President, Ademola Odunade, held that the bond of love between the couple was no longer traceable.

    “In the interest of peaceful coexistence, the husband and wife relationship between Olalekan and Modinat has ceased to be henceforth.

    “If any claim or complaint is to be made, there is ground for appeal,” he said.

    Olalekan, in his petition, told the court that his wife had over a period of time subjected him to sexual starvation.

    “Anytime I propose lovemaking to Modinat she shunned me as if I am not entitled to it.

    “All my effort at making her reason with me failed because her parents and relatives that I reported the incident to could not pacify her to change her attitude.

    “Despite my love for her, I am now heartbroken, frustrated and completely disillusioned.

    “Since I married her four years ago, she hasn’t conceived. Since we got married, I have always afforded her royal treatment by providing for all her needs.

    “In fact, I set up a business of N1.6 million for her,” Olalekan said.

    However, Modinat opposed Olalekan’s divorce petition, saying she was still in love with him.

    “I did all I could to conceive to the extent that I even underwent a surgery to correct the abnormality, but it was to no avail.

    “I was staying in Abidjan, where I was prosperous before I travelled down to Nigeria to marry him.

    “Before coming here, I had sent Olalekan several huge sums of money to build a house for me, but he somehow mismanaged the fund and did not build it to my taste.

    “That was the reason why I started starving him sexually ,” she said.

  • JESSE JAGZ, RUBY SPEAK ON MARRIAGE

    JESSE JAGZ, RUBY SPEAK ON MARRIAGE

    LOOPY Music signee Ruby Gyang, known as Ruby, who was reported to have set the roof on fire recently at the Industry Nite with her opening performance ‘Down’, and her next performance described as the high point of the night, while performing ‘Good Man’, had Jesse Jagz (who doubles as her baby daddy) on stage.

    With the performance, both artistes have come out to speak on their relationship and what the future holds for them

    According to Ruby, they both have a child together and are in a good relationship.

    In an interview, Jagz revealed that they are very good friends and have always been that way, with Ruby having a special place in his heart, noted: “yes we have a child together. But for marriage in the future, I can’t really say, I am not God and cannot say what can happen or take place.”

    According to report, the two met way back in Jos, had a daughter together, but reunited early this year after seven years.

    Ruby premiered her new video ‘Good Man’ on July 3, 2014.

  • Balancing marriage and job

    I have a serious problem. My daughter’s job is a very demanding one. It is a very good job, but my concern is that her job is taking most of her time that she has little or no time for her family. From time to time, she invites me to come and stay with her children. Don’t get me wrong. I love looking after my grandchildren. The issue is that her husband is complaining bitterly and I don’t want anything to happen to her marriage. Please, how can she balance her job with her marriage?

    Thanks and God bless.

    Mrs. Okoye, Lagos

     

    I MUST commend you for being such a concerned mum. Thank you for sharing your problem with us. This indeed is an excellent way to address the issue of balancing marriage and job which poses a huge challenge for most working couples. In today’s world where the couple have to work in order to cater for the family, it can be a tough one.

    At first, having such a job might seem just fine, but once the family starts growing, expectations increase and everyone in the family needs attention and time, so the job might now become an issue and if not tackled properly, may lead to other problems in the marriage. We have endless cases of how managing a family and career is a difficult task for most working spouses. Starting from allotting time to each other to spending time on household work, managing work, kids and their demands, life seems like a busy platform of never ending chores and responsibilities.

    There are times when you just don’t seem to give enough to work, or when you cannot be there for your loved ones. These are the seeds of frustration and they keep growing with time, so there is an imbalance in your personal and professional lives, sometimes which results in serious marital problems. We don’t mean to underestimate the dedication to building a strong career, but we also do not support the thought of sacrificing the whole purpose of living for it.

    Therefore, here are some useful tips that might help your daughter to manage her home along side with her job. Many times, you will find yourself biased on either of the aspects, or you may feel you are pushing too hard to make the most of both your marriage and career. An important fact to remember is that though both these factors may sound interlinked, especially considering the monetary importance, your job should not take control of your life.

    It is crucial for you to stream your time carefully between these two things. In order to have a better understanding, it will be nice for you to discuss with your spouse. Communication is the key to a successful relationship, especially in cases like this. Sitting down to discuss issues affecting your marriage and providing a collective solution will help. More so, you should talk to your employer, if your job demands travelling a lot.

    If you have a good boss, they will be open to this feedback and co- operatively works out something that is beneficial for both of you. If you have a bad boss, they will probably tell you to stick it and get back to work. Sometimes there really are bad jobs. In this case, it is easy to know where the problem is coming from.

    Learn not to mix work and family together. Work should strictly be limited to work hours. Avoid taking your work home if necessary. Try to dedicate time well for work and for family too. Don’t bring your work worries home. Likewise your family matters should not disturb you at work. Try to treat your job and your family separately.  Planning must not be neglected. Organize your work as much possible in the week days, so that your weekends are not affected.

    On your own, relax and de-stress once in a while. Do something you enjoy because only when can you make other people happy. Exercise is the best way to keep up with work and stress. Remember to give time to yourself. This will rejuvenate you physically and emotionally.

    Create quality time for your children. Take them out once a while. Do things they enjoy with them, spend special moment with them and be involved in their lives. Don’t think you have all the time in the world to do so. Remember in no time they will be leaving home for boarding school, then university, and you will be asking yourself where all the years have gone. Enjoy them now that they are still living with you because these are memories that you will not forget.

    Promote family moments. This should involve your spouse and the children. Family comes first with the support of all. Spend time on the table as a family, relaxing and discussing family issues. Relating freely with your spouse and the children. In addition, going out as a family is also another way of having that family moment.

    Furthermore, it is also necessary that you make out quality time to spend with your spouse without watching TV, reading, or any other activities that will take your attention away from your spouse. Spend time with your spouse alone, discussing and making each other happy. There should be lots of laugher. Talk about everything, if possible, how to spice up your love life.

    Love needs to be nurtured, so that it can grow. Enjoy each other’s company, doing what you both like. A romantic dinner or a weekend get-away can also help. These tips will strengthen your relationship, while also strengthening your balance of work and marriage.

    Finally, follow up and reassess as necessary. Follow up with your spouse and your boss after a couple of weeks and make sure that everything is all right with them. Tweak the plan as necessary and learn to be flexible to new ideas.

    Every plan changes over time. Yours will too. Hopefully these tips will help you balance your marriage with your job. Take care of yourself and your family.

     

    Harriet ogbobine is a counselor and a motivational speaker. Send your questions and suggestions to her on bineharriet@gmail.com or txt message only 08023058805. You can also follow her on twitter: @bineharrietj

  • Omorede Osifo savours new marriage

    Omorede Osifo savours new marriage

    There is no better way to deal with the ill fortunes of life than self-introspection after a faulty step. After a series of heartbreaks, former Edo State Commissioner for Youth and Sports, Omorede Osifo, appears to have found happiness again.

    It will be recalled that some time back, she was like one in deep romance with ill-luck after she was relieved of her job as commissioner. But rather than despair, she dealt with the disappointment the best way she could, tightened her belt and moved on with her life. Today, the good times are back.

    Osifo recently found her soul mate in popular Edo businessman, Ken Marshall, and has since got married to him in a low-key celebration.

  • Dabota Lawson unfazed by broken marriage rumour

    Dabota Lawson unfazed by broken marriage rumour

    Guilty pleasures, they say, give rise to guilty secrets. In the sanctity of marriage, however, such guilty secrets are best hidden from public glare. But this is one principle that has sparked a vicious rumour about Dabota Lawson’s marriage. Like news long anticipated, the public latched on to it and began to compass the end of her union with Chief Sunny Aku.
    It was rumoured that the former Miss Nigeria UK and her billionaire businessman hubby, Chief Sunny Aku, had parted ways. And rumour mongers did not just stop there; they took their time to paint a captivating picture of the breakup in a fit of wild imagination. However, it turned out that the duo are still very much married and seem unable to fathom where the rumour could have originated from.
    For the lovebirds, it is one hiccup that can’t shake their relationship.

  • Oyakhilome’s wife pushes crashed marriage beyond redemption

    Oyakhilome’s wife pushes crashed marriage beyond redemption

    The promising beginning of a marriage does not always guarantee a happy one. Sustaining a union requires love, respect, trust, understanding, friendship, faith and a double dose of patience.

    Anita Oyakhilome, wife of Nigeria’s flamboyant preacher, Chris Oyakhilome, may have given up on mending her marriage and reuniting with her husband. The news of impending end of their marriage had sparked debates and every attempt to resolve their disagreement was fruitless.

    Rumour has it that the once admirable couple have shared their children. And now Anita has ended any hope of a reunion as she recently reverted to her maiden name. She is now to be addressed as Anita Ebhodaghe.

  • Toyin Aimakhu’s hubby takes blame for marriage troubles

    Toyin Aimakhu’s hubby takes blame for marriage troubles

    As fans continue to make comments on the purported failed marriage between Nollywood actress, Toyin Aimhaku and her husband, Niyi Johnson, the latter, moved by some aspersions cast on his wife on the social media, has pleaded with fans to spare his wife of any blame on this issue, taking responsibility for the troubles in their two-year-old marriage.

    Johnson who posted his concerns on Instagram, urged fans to rather plead with his wife and direct their anger and insults at him. He said Aimhaku should not be blamed for going public about their marriage troubles, as she was merely pouring out her feelings.

    He ssaid: “To clear the air of the recent happenings… I ADENIYI JOHNSON is at fault and not my wife… she reacted according to her pains and we all have different ways of reactions… I beg everyone to please stop throwing banters and insults… you can channel all anger and grievances towards me and not her…. instead of abuses, I would rather BEG you to join me in apologising to my darling, lovely and adorable wife… OLUTOYIN I’M DEEPLY SORRY PLEASE….. I promise to make things right…. I don’t want a broken home…”

    This is not the first time the couple would go their separate ways on account of differences they have continued to keep secret.

  • Court dissolves 14-year-old marriage over sex

    An Igando Customary Court in Lagos yesterday dissolved the 14-year-old marriage between Mrs Adeola Adelani and her husband, Olajide, after the wife said she had been sex-starved for eight-years.

    In his judgment, the court’s President, Mr Hakeem Oyekan, said the estranged couple were tired of the marriage and all efforts to reconcile both parties had failed.

    Oyekan ruled: “Since both parties consented to the dissolution of their marriage, this court has no choice than to dissolve the marriage. The couple can no longer stay together because the marriage has broken down totally; both parties are no longer husband and wife, they are free to go their separate ways.

    “Both parties are to keep the peace all the time; any violation of the order should be reported to the police for redress.”

    The petitioner, Adeola, 39, had approached the court seeking to dissolve her marriage to Olajide for allegedly refusing to make love to her for eight years.

    She told the court that she was married to Olajide about 14 years ago and had a 12-year-old son with him.

    “My husband refused to make love to me for eight years. I want to have another baby because our son is 12-year-old and I am not satisfied with only one child,’’ she said.

    The petitioner accused her husband of abandoning her and their child for an unknown destination since 2013.

    She alleged that her husband had refused to disclose where he lives and where he works, but said that he always sent his son’s school fees and house rent through her bank account.

    Mrs Olajide said her husband told her pastor that he had married another woman and had children, and that she should find another husband for herself.

    The petitioner said she was a sad woman with neighbours referring to her as a “rejected and abandoned property.’’

    She begged the court to dissolve the marriage because she wanted to move on with her life.

    Olajide, 45, a businessman,

  • Woman weeps to save marriage

    A 58- year-old trader, Mrs Morenikeji Awotedun has pleaded with an Alagbado Customary Court, Lagos to save her 44-year-old marriage.

    Mrs Awotedun wept while responding to her husband’s allegations that she turned their children against him and being diabolical.

    She said she and her husband lived happily as a family before another woman came in between them.

    “There was a day I caught another woman with him which made us at loggerheads for a while. Our families have intervened. My first son and I reached all his friends for reconciliation but to no avail. “I am not fetish. I did not do anything to him. In fact I still love him,” she said in tears.

    A 65-year-old retired pilot, Tajudeen Awotedun, has gone to the court to dissolve their union.

    “Since I left the house, none of our children asked about my wellbeing let alone where I live. There was no father-children relationship between us and they all have their own families,” he said.

    Mr Awotedun said since it was revealed to him spiritually that his wife wants to kill him, he stopped eating her food or related with her.

    “Things were not the same anymore. I don’t wish to be with her anymore.”

    The court’s President, Dr Rasaq Adeyeri, adjourned the case till August 24.