Olori Misturat Sobaloju Gbadamosi, wife of the traditional ruler of Offa, Kwara State, recently marked her 40th birthday. On the occasion , she spoke with OKORIE UGURU about her experiences, the challenges that come with being the wife of a monarch and the secrets that have sustained her marriage with the Olofa. Excerpts:
Most people see the age of 40 as very significant. How would you describe your experiences so far?
From my personal experience, life is not easy. From what was read in my biography during the celebration, you would see that I did not come from a wealthy family. Life is not easy generally. But I thank God that we are alive today and witnessing everything.
Could you talk about your growing-up years?
I am from Ede, Osun State, but I was born in Kaduna State. My father was very gentle and nice. Almost all Ede people in Kaduna State were brought to the state by my father. His name was Alhaji Abdukareem Amolegbe. He was a tailor. My mother is a very quiet person. My father is late now, but my mum is still alive. She is a quiet woman and I think much of my character as a person is derived from them.
Let me just say that I was my mum’s pet. Yoruba people believe in the concept of abiku (changeling). They said I was born about four times because my sister is 10 years older than I am. She will be 50 by June, while I am just 40. You can see the age difference.
While I was growing up, things were rough. But if I were to choose between my mum and my dad, I would choose my mum because she is a wonderful mother, always there for me.
You could be said to have seen both sides of life. Is there any difference between the ordinary woman you were before and being a queen now?
For me, there is no difference. I am just an ordinary person. I am just called olori and everybody accords me respect. But there is nowhere I would see those who are older than me and I would not accord them their due respect. I will be on the ground before they say ‘olori, get up!’
You said you had your early education in Kaduna. How was it like?
It was easy for me because my school was not far from our house. I attended L.E.A. Samaru Primary School, Kakuri. I later went to Government Girls’ Secondary School, Barnawa, Kaduna also. That was where I did my SSCE.
Did you have any inkling then that things would turn out the way they are?
No. I am not God. They say if you are going to be rich in this world, you don’t know; so also if you will be poor. It is only God that controls our destiny. They say even if you work from morning to night, if you are not destined to be rich, you will not become rich.
So, I always believe that if you wake up today and find something to eat, you have to thank God. As we were growing up, things were turning out for the better, but I never dreamt of becoming an olori, even though I knew my husband was a prince.
What values and lessons did you pick from your parents?
One of my mum’s common admonitions was that we should not steal or covet what other people have. She said we should pray to God to give us our own. She always told us to have endurance and patience. When we were in school, if they asked us to bring anything, I knew my parents were not rich, so I would have to inform them well ahead of time. If you were asked to bring anything, and you did not tell my mum ahead of time, she would not give it to you. She would tell us that she had to work to get it.
I have tried to instil that in my children. I warn them to inform me ahead of time when they are told to bring something. I also tell them not to take something that does not belong to them.
Many of your friends describe you as a humble woman. Where did you get that from?
I can’t talk about my qualities. But I think my parents were humble too. For example, if I had any little misunderstanding with my husband, he would not talk to me; he would call my mum. For example, if he wants something from me and he knows if he tells me I will not agree, he will call my mum and tell her to talk to me. Once I see her call, I already know. And she too knows that once she talks to me, it is over, She doesn’t want me to leave my husband’s house. She tells me that in a husband’s house, anything good or bad, you have to take it. So, I think the humility comes from my parents. Also, I try not to offend anybody. You know we are like water. We can meet anywhere again.
How did you meet your husband?
I met my husband in Sokoto through his uncle who is now late. My husband lived with him for so many years. I used to go to their house, but I didn’t know him from Adam. I used to go with my brother’s wife. I would sit with her in the car and she would drive to Alhaji Mohammed Gbadamosi’s house. He used to see me and we exchanged peasantries.
One morning, the man called my brother’s wife and said she should branch to his house when bringing the children back from school. She was there and the man told her that he would want her sister-in-law for his son who was based in Lagos. When my brother’s wife came back, she told me ‘Baba says he wants to marry you’. I said which Baba?
I was imagining how Baba would say he wanted to marry me with two wives at home. So, I said I would not greet the man again. She then explained that actually, he was not the one who wanted to marry me but his son in Lagos. I told her I would have to see the son and then we would talk before I would take a decision.
Fortunately, maybe he called and his uncle told him what I said. I think some days after, he came around. The uncle then called my sister-in-law and told her that his son was around. She brought him to our house. We saw each other and talked at length. Along the line, everything worked out. I think it was love at first sight.
Love at first sight?
Yes, it was love at first sight because the moment I saw him, my mind told me this was the man I was going to live the rest of my life with.
Was there any particular quality in him that attracted him to you?
No. Because even when I was young, I always said I could not marry anybody with tribal marks.
But the Olofa has tribal marks…
Yes. Even when I took him to my parents that I wanted to marry him, my mum called me aside and asked me, ‘Are you sure you want to marry this man?’ I said yes and asked why she asked. She answered that I used to say that I would not marry any man with tribal marks. I said ‘yes, that is how God wants it.’
Do you say it was love that covered whatever perceived minuses?
Yes oh!
Let’s talk about your fashion sense.
I would not call myself a very fashionable person. At times, if my husband is on the bed and watching society programmes on the TV and sees, maybe, something on a lady’s neck, he would call me to come and see it. He would ask, ‘Why can’t you buy this kind of jewellery?’ I would tell him I don’t have the money. He would then tell me that if I see it, he would buy it for me.
From there, I started thinking that this man who would see things on people’s necks and would call me. I also started buying some of these things myself. I don’t follow fashion too much, but I admire those who do.
What kind of fabrics are you comfortable in?
I wear anything I like. Any material that I see is beautiful, I buy and sew to my taste. I don’t wear short dresses.
How about your choice of colour?
I love the red colour.
How about perfumes?
I wear different types of perfumes, but my best is Oganza.
What would you tell the young ones if they come to you for advice?
I would always tell them to be patient and tolerant. All that glitters is not gold. Marriage is not an easy thing, but with patience and tolerance, they will excel.
Anyone listening to you could think you talk like this because things are okay for you. Has it all been rosy since you got married?
We got married in 1993. He was in Lagos and I was in Sokoto State. When I was pregnant, I lived with his parents and there was nothing in terms of wealth. When I gave birth to my first son, it was almost a year before we joined him in Lagos. Every time I would tell him, ‘Please, I want to come and be with you.’ He would tell me, ‘Where I am working, I cannot rent an apartment where we would stay. You should just stay here.’
When I saw people with their husbands, I would be downcast and told myself I wished I was the one living with my husband like this. Sometimes, he used to come once in three months. Because there was no money, my husband would come and anything he had, he would drop and go.
And you would not complain?
How would I complain? I know that was what she had. I know the type of person he is. If he had more, he would have given. So, when I joined him in Lagos, we lived in the Ijora area. We lived there for about three or four years. I was working. We didn’t have much. Sometimes he would go and would not come back for one week. His family members would come and I would feed them. When they asked, I would tell them he travelled because I knew he did not have.
Whenever my mum came around, she would only see him twice or thrice. My mum would keep asking, ‘When will your husband come back?’ And he did not have anything to give her. So, he would just stay back. Sometimes my mother would say, ‘This is midnight, when will your husband come back?’ I would tell her he would soon come back. Sometimes she would wake up early in the morning and ask when my husband would come back. I would say he came back around 1 am and had already gone to work. ‘When does he rest?’ she would ask, and I would say Sundays. She would ask it was likely my husband did not want her to come to our house and I would tell her it was not like that; that he was always busy.
The day he came back and said we had to pack from where we were to Yaba because armed robbers used to disturb us, I asked him where he got money from. He told me I should not worry and that he just did some rice business. That was when he delved into rice business. I told him ‘are you sure we are going to cope with the rent, if we move into the new house?’ He said I should not worry. And if he says I should not worry, I know it will be okay.
That time, I used to do kunun-zaki (a local delicacy) and took it to different compounds to sell. I was known for that. People would come around to patronise me. I also engaged in other petty trades. That was part of what kept us going. It was when we got to Yaba that things started getting better. I then went into other businesses that were better than selling kunu. It is not an easy journey, but we thank God.
