The Nation Newspaper

Category: New Woman

  • PILLOWTALK

    WHEN an orange tree bears bitter fruits, cut down the tree and not just the fruits”. This proverb from Swaziland tells us that it is better to get rid of something you do not value or doesn’t bring joy and pleasure. It is therefore very important to make yourself an asset, something to be treasured and something that cannot be replaced. This, of course, does not come on a platter of gold; you must have to earn it with the way you relate with the other person. For many, being a love material comes natural because you cannot give what you don’t have.

    A loving heart is a kind heart, a heart filled with forgiveness and one who pursues the happiness of the other. Ancient love is not selfish but unfortunately many find it difficult to dole out this kind of love. On the love shelf, what you run into is love that is cunning, crafty, stingy, pretentious and very greedy. The goal of a good relationship should be to find someone that you are compatible with.

    If along the line you discover that the two of you are not compatible, then it is better to move on with your life and find the sparks somewhere else. The big question is the emotional journey here is easy or not. Well, it varies with people; while some are lucky with casting their emotional nets, others are not so lucky. They may have to go from a second, third or fourth lovebird before catching the apple of their eyes.

    While it is easier for men to do emotional swaps here and there, it is usually not the same for women. This is why it is better to look very well before taking a leap. A fall from your emotional height could lead to fractures or broken bones that would take time to heal or those that leave a permanent damage. A damage that would ultimately lead to further damage along your emotional corridor.

    “No man wants to hear about men who helped to fill the emotional vacuum in the past. Of course, you know that the men like to brag about their conquests but it is a different ball game when it is a woman that is involved. It actually ruins the mystique and makes them feel anxious about being compared to the other person.”

    She believes that it is easier when you can identify with love when it catches up with you. Unfortunately, a lot of people get carried away with shadows and by the time they are ready the one that should have been captured must have moved on. Foluke added that dating when you’re younger is so much different than dating when you’re older, and if you’re looking for love, you would definitely want something that would work out fine.

    I have seen a lot of friends who lost their first love struggling to catch up because they do not love the person they got married to.  Personally, I was very lucky because I married my first real love and we are both very happy together. Whether you’re still looking for your first love, or back in the dating field, there are some key things you should not talk about when you’re on your first date.

    Often, going that extra mile to make your woman or man feel special is all you need to make all the difference. You have to give so much and expect little in return. This way you are bound to overlook the shortcomings of the other person and vice versa.

    To fire up the romance in your relationship, you must be a good listener. It is better to listen when he or she shares some inner desires, likes, and fears. Here your duty would be to nudge and guide, and, above all, be interested. Interestingly, it is at this point that you are likely to get more ideas about what you should do next to impress and get more attention. You can also put little notes everywhere he can find all day. They could be love notes, smileys, or lines from love poetry or songs. This can make the one you are giving attention to dream about you all day, weeks and even months. In addition, you can create an atmosphere with special lighting, candles, and essential oils. Here you are bound to make him feel pampered as well as have that special time together. However, it would be interesting to plan details all by yourself. This way your target will love the feeling of being pampered.

    Have a secret code for intimate sharing and use it in a crowd. It could be for saying, “I love you,” “You look lovely,” or “I want to kiss you.” Act silly with him now and then. It lightens up the mood, and gets him to become playful. It also tells him you are comfortable enough with him to be yourself, which is great cement for your relationship.

    As an African woman, you can surf your way into his heart by cooking a special meal for him. This is a faster route to making him eat from your palms any day. The signal here is to tell him that not only are you multi-talented, but care enough to make a special spread only for him.

  • PILLOWTALK

    YETUNDE OLADEINDE

    MISSING person! The words on the poster drew yours truly closer. The photograph of the lady is simply breathtaking; a missing beauty would certainly make any heart skip a beat. The words and the face conjure all kinds of images and you are in wonderland. What could have happened to this beauty?  Was she kidnapped by a beast(s)? How could she just vanish into thin air without imagining the pain her disappearing act would cause?

    Dead or alive, the truth of the matter here is that she is deeply missed. This reminds yours truly of a missing heart, like people hearts can be missing. So, what kind of heart are we likely to miss? you ask. A sweet heart is a jolly good fellow, someone who brings sunshine (love) into your world, a heart that radiates joy and one who spreads love in mega doses and there certainly is never a dull moment.

    A missing heart is a lost heart; it is over but somehow you just cannot let go. The more you want to forget and move on, it keeps creeping back but there is a lot of uncertainty here. Searching for the lost or missing comes with tales of frustration. The missing person who ran away must have escaped from something or someone, a partner who is aggressive, selfish or non-challant about your feelings.

    Well, somehow, you cannot be judgmental on the emotional corridor. For many, it’s the gambling arena. Sometimes you put in an emotional coin and sweep the stakes. As a winner, you smile everywhere and you are likely to attract more hearts. Everybody loves a winner and you may just be overwhelmed by the level of attention you are getting here and there. You are in the season of love and the best thing to do is to put on your thinking cap and not the emotional cap. If you do not make the best of the emotional coupons, you may just waste them.

    Unfortunately, there are times when you put in all your savings and walk out without a dime.

    With and his your truly heart(s) are hurting and they would be glad to see her back or know exactly what has happened to her. As you think about the possibilities, you heart continues to sink.

    Two close pals who know her story comes to the rescue. That babe ran away. No, this can’t be. How can anyone run away from an environment where the hearts around ‘appear’ to be so loving? Imagine the cost of producing those bright, coloured posters; imagine the number of people to be contacted, if our dear friend is found. They really care, don’t they?

    Forget about the bright, coloured poster and the effect created about a heart that is being missed.

    What actually happened was the case of a missing heart. Her heart left a long time ago. Whatever you are feeling comes from a cumulative effect of your feelings and how you feel for the other person. The vibes from your emotions cannot be compared to the effects you get from a solo instrument; instead you get better like a choir or an orchestra with several voices. So at every phase in your relationship, you have got to ask yourself pertinent questions about what your mind is saying, what your heart is saying, as well as what your gut is saying.

    This is very interesting because there are times when your heart says you have found love but somewhere along the line your mind is warning you about the consequence and more.

    The crux of the matter here is that we must learn how to build the right kind of relationship. We must strive to make those who think we love them happy and have memories that linger. The big question, however, is how many of us have learnt how to build loving relationships?  If we have done this, then it is important to make use of the essentials and allow others to appreciate what we are enjoying in our relationships.

    As you take a look around, you find that there is an art and science to building strong relationships. The first type is to create a safe environment, a place where trust is key and lovebirds are free to share ideas and not allow one person’s interests to dominate the other. No, it isn’t always a smooth ride and there would certainly be days when you need to shout and get angry. Yes, there are days when the emotional battle line is drawn, but, again, when you get to this emotional crossroads, it is better to fight fairly. Of course, for many it is almost impossible to get to anger zone and still maintain some level of sanity.

    Interestingly, you can do this by making your points and addressing the areas that you want to see changes. To do this effectively, there should be no name calling, don’t make threats and it is also very important to apologize when you know you should.

    However, if things get really bad and out of hand, then you are likely to get too angry to really listen. If your emotions have really gone down the drain, then it is better to take a break, give yourself some space and calm down.

  • Still in doubt

    When you think about the desert, the image that readily comes to mind is a state of emptiness. In a love desert you would be thinking of a lost love and trying to fill in the gaps in your own way. It is at this stage that the one at the centre of an emotional storm becomes a wanderer. No matter how hard you try, it may just be difficult to get your bearing.

    Even when it seems like you have gotten a substitute, you just can’t let go and your mind just keeps wandering and wandering. But you can move on when you forget the negatives and build on the positive emotions that you had in the past. Here

    you can scroll down memory lane, recalling the sweet memories you encountered here and there to get the emotional peace that you deserve. Dreaming about it would certainly lift your spirit, taking you close to the fairy tale stories that you have heard about. Still in doubt? No need to do that to yourself. Relax and cross over a bountiful emotional harvest. The type that happens once in a while and one that brings lots of happiness. Here you would find trees and shrubs of affection growing and churning out love branches that inspire and affect others. From the trees, you reap fruits that fill the hearts with tears of joy.

    Alternatively, you may find yourself stranded in an emotional desert. Here all you are bound to be feeling is a state of hopelessness, helplessness and rejection. But the big question is what were you hoping to get in this emotional Sahara in the first place? It is obvious that the emotional cargo that you have decided to pitch your tent with is as stranded as you are. No matter how hard you try, you guys aren’t going to go far.

    The one you are desperately trying to cruise with it has little or nothing to offer and this state of dryness isn’t going to do you any good. To get a better experience, it is better for you to move out of the desert to locate someone who would provide emotional sunshine as well as take you to the next level.

    In Coleridge’s Poem, “The Rime of the ancient Mariner,” the Wandering Albatross is actually referred to as ‘bird with good omen’.  Here we are also told about the metaphor of an albatross around his neck, indicating an unwanted burden causing anxiety or hindrance.

    Interestingly, in the days when sailing was popular, the bird often accompanied ships for days, not merely following it but wheeling in wide circles around it without ever being observed to land on the water. It continued it flight, apparently not tired, in tempestuous as well as modest weather. It is one of the largest birds in the world with the largest wingspan measuring up to about 3.5 metres. From the records, you would also find that the bird is one of the best studied species of birds in the world. Distance travelled each year is hard to measure but one banded bird was recovered travelling about 6000 km in twelve days. They spent most of their life on the wing returning to land only to court a mate and to breed.

    The behaviour of the bird is also very interesting having a range of displays from screams, whistles, grunts and bill clapping. When courting, they actually spread their wings, wave their heads as well as rap their bills together.

    Interestingly, bones from these birds’ wings are used to produce needles; tobacco pipe stems fishhooks and flutes that would ultimately churn out romantic lyrics and songs.

    Of course, you would agree with yours truly that there are a number of romantic connections with this type of bird. However, if this bird is taken away to a lonely desert, so many things would happen. First, it is going to lose its clear white colour at adulthood. Life without emotional water can be a nightmare and, of course, life in the desert is going to be very lonely.

    Instead of languishing in the desert, it is better to take emotional flight with a great pal. On the other hand, when you want to take a flight, it is better to seek emotional refuge in a love garden. Here there would be a variety of fruits to choice from and you would certainly get something you desire.

    Conversely, if you are in an emotional desert, all you would find are dry bones. Nothing good is ever going to come out of this kind of relationship because the environment is stiff and the dust of confusion won’t take you far. You would definitely be far from your low height and all the lullabies that you are used to won’t sound nice in this environment. To make a headway, this lovebird must move out of this environment to a better environment to look and feel good.

  • PILLOWTALK

    SWEET romance! That is what is uppermost in her heart at the moment. For hours, Maureen stayed glued to the screen watching her best movie with rapt attention. At the centre of it all, was the story of two lovebirds; emotionally attached in spite of the pressures and family feuds around them.

    To be or not to be? was the big question. But, somehow, they never gave up, instead their love waxed stronger and the passion kept burning and it ended as they tied the knot and lived happily ever after. As she looked away from the screen, her mind wandered off back to reality zone.

    The story of the lovebirds compared to her personal love story and uppermost in her mind was the wish to capture this heart that seems so elusive in spite of all her emotional investments’. “I don’t think I can survive another disappointment. I just hope this relationship work out because I am not sure I can start all over again.”

    Yes, she has really seen it all. It’s been tales of emotional frustrations and disappointment for our dear friend. Falling and stumbling in the emotional corridor and now she seems to be at a crossroads, looking for options and trying to make a choice.

    Take a deep look and you find that it actually isn’t really her fault. She has had to make the necessary sacrifice and played her role very well. The only snag is that she has been unlucky with her choices.

    The crux of the matter here is that, sometimes, luck plays a big role in the final outcome of the love process. We all gamble making a choice, believing that the choices that we have made are going to match our expectations in the long run.

    Unfortunately, it does not work out this way for many.”My younger sister met this gentleman who appeared to be so unserious and she wasn’t looking forward to anything at all. To her utmost surprise, he turned her world around in a fabulous way and made her a great admiration to family and friends. They were married in less than a year and the relationship remains a great reference point to a lot of people till date.”

    Finding the heart for keeps can be complex indeed. What works for A, may not necessarily work for B. It is actually a make or mar situation for our dear friend at the moment and she just cannot afford to make any mistake at this stage of her emotional life.

    She takes you down memory lane and confesses that it’s been a tale of emotional frustrations indeed. Falling and stumbling in the emotional corridor and now she seems to be at crossroads. This is the last card and it just must work, she prays.

    For a lot of people, love, like life, comes with a lot of challenges. It has the highs and lows too and the best thing to do is to understand your emotional season and make a smart choice. If you fail to decode and move in the right direction, you may just discover that you have lost out of the game.

    Emotional champions are not necessarily those who got the best opportunity in the field, instead they make the best of the opportunities available, play the right emotional cards, thus winning trophies (hearts) that others ignored, abandoned or took for granted .

    Many, like a famous quote, believe that being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. “There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness. The greatest happiness of life is the conviction that we are loved; loved for ourselves, or rather, loved in spite of ourselves.”

    To win and be successful, you must keep your eyes on the prize. So, the secret to emotional successes like everything in life involves dedication, determination and perseverance.

    One other secret is to stop all the guesswork many stick to and start creating opportunities that will bring about the intense attraction that your partner needs to feel with you if your relationship is going to last and grow.

    Don’t let yourself get stuck in another relationship where you watch the affection and excitement of the man you love fade away.

    If you’ve ever struggled with how to keep that attraction and passion burning bright without having to try and worry if things are going to work out. It is also important to understand how to maintain a good relationship, prevent relationship crisis and continue to wax stronger in love forever.

    Interestingly, one great way of showing trust is when lovebirds accept mutual respect, set boundaries and have a common emotional goal. This would help them to assess what they do, how to enhance their relationship and redefine their goals as they move along in the different phases of life.

    However, permitting each other to have a private space and avoiding pushing the other person to do things they would prefer not to do helps a lot in creating sustaining happiness in relationships.

  • PILLOWTALK

    IT was supposed to be the last emotional card. Miraculously, things moved on well and the first six months looked like a union made in heaven. Just when she thought she had captured Bosun’s heart, his old flame came back to the picture. The fair-weather lover ditched him when he was nobody. The natural thing to do was to move on and forget the runaway ‘bride to be’. Sadly, Bosun could not resist this ‘prodigal ‘lover’. First, he kept it a secret but it got to a point where they just could not continue as secret lovers anymore.

    Three, certainly, is a crowd. So, who do we send out of the emotional garden? Sadly, it was our dear Teniola that lost out.

    The crux of the matter is that relationships are not based on logic; they are actually influenced by our emotions. This, therefore, makes cheating difficult to define. Whether you consider cheating as sex or simply a kiss, the truth here is that a betrayal is a betrayal.

    We all love to have a smooth emotional ride. A journey that is filled with fun, sweet memories and time shared with someone real and caring. Unfortunately, the fun times are usually too short for many.

    They are part of the reality of living; life and love is not perfect. The lovebirds are responsible for the outcome and it is better to spice a dull space with affection and when it becomes messy, then you make your skills and mop up the mess before it gets out of hand.

    Sadly, many of us are dreamers and we love to hide under the illusion of dating a sweet ‘Barbie’ doll or the prince charming that would never hurt a fly.

    So, when our emotional flight crashes on the tarmac, we are jolted back to reality. The emotional hangover of being cheated is actually the worst. What would you do if you found out that precious heart that you cherish is nothing but a two-timing fool? What would you do if you open the door of your bedroom and catch your fiancé and your best friend in bed? How would you feel when you walk into a restaurant and your girl is in hot passionate kiss with another man? Question, questions and more questions. Sadly, that is the reality of the love zone; hearts have crashed and somersaulted along the emotional corridors and it can be so painful.

    If you ask anymore who has lost a dear heart, they would tell you that being cheated on is the worst thing that ever happened to them. First you feel sad, rejected as well as pissed off. Betrayal through cheating can come from the babe or the dude. However, we all know that it is more common with the guys.

    Interestingly, scientific studies have narrowed down some traits that are statistically more common in guys who cheat. Money is important and it has a lot to do with this and so many other issues that affect any relationship.

    Research also showed that partners were less likely to cheat if they were in the same (or similar) income brackets. Men were more likely to cheat if they made a lot more money than their partner, and they were most likely to cheat if they made a lot less.

    Next, it was discovered that people are more likely to cheat if their friends are also cheaters. Conversely, if his friends are trustworthy, it’s likely he’s trustworthy too.

    Oh dear! That is certainly a tough one; you can get rid of friends in this category easily. So what do you do? Perhaps the way out would be to be at your best and satisfy your man in bed. Not so easy! Experts also explain that most men don’t cheat because they’re not satisfied sexually. They actually join the cheating game because they are seeking emotional satisfaction.

    Ordinarily, you would think that extroverts, our jolly good fellows are the ones to be avoided if you don’t want your heart to crash like humpty dumpty. The research goes on to reveal that introverts are actually more likely to cheat because they’re more likely to agree to someone propositioning them. If you are hooked with an extrovert, then surely there is no real cause for alarm. Even if he’s always out there meeting new people, you actually might be safer. Reason: ‘There is no big deal’.

    That is not all. The emotional researchers also found out that you can trust your gut when it comes to identifying guys who look like they would cheat and finally break your heart. So, if your gut is telling you “no,” then it’s a good idea to listen to that gut.

    Here it is the end of the road for some relationships. Those who have a large heart may just forgive but not totally forget the act. Infidelity can either destroy their sex lives or just be a powerful way to heal and discover the gaps.

  • PILLOWTALK

    WHAT type of heart are you searching for? A heart made of stone or a kind and loving heart? How do you discern the first from the latter? Interestingly, love looks like one of the cheapest commodities in town.  It comes in different garbs. No two experiences are ever the same. Like music, every heart swings to love and the most important thing is to be able to discern genuine love when you see one.

    While some hearts travel from one village, city and continents to find true love, others simply find hearts that are magnetic and romantic in the neighbourhood.

    Are you still in doubt? Well, if you take a good look around, you are likely to find all kinds of heart telling their romantic stories via Love avenue. You can actually find love anywhere and everywhere. Interestingly, in places that you least expect to find one. The love race can be interesting, easy, exciting or tortuous.

    Does it have anything to do with those involved? Not really! Truth is that it makes our world go round and round. Feeling tipsy? Yes, that is what it does. When you get to these dizzying heights two things happen to you; the first is that your sweet heart, the one who has put you in this state comes to your rescue and you are taken to another realm in the love process. Conversely, when the heart you are getting tipsy for is a pretender to your emotional throne, then you have a grand slam, the type you see in wrestling. Knock out!

    A dear friend is in this state and she had a close shave recently. She almost lost her life but somehow the driver (heart) was able to manoeuvre the car. That saved her from having a broken arm, limbs and perhaps a battered face.

    Confused! So confused!  Over what? you wonder. A heart?  Is it really worth the stress? Yes, sometimes it is.  The crux of the matter sometimes is that this is part of the process. Hearts have been broken, hearts would continue to break and hearts would certainly be afraid of being broken from time to time.

    The best thing to do when you are stranded on the emotional tarmac is to take a break and wait for a better plane if you do not want to crash land.

    So how did our dear friend get to this state? you wonder. Her first emotional disaster was in the university; the Romeo that she banked her emotions on was only fooling around with her. By the time she came to this realisation, things had fallen apart. The experience was not very good and she made up her mind to step aside from the emotional terrain for a while.

    It worked! The poor heart regained her emotional sanity and was able to offer emotional advice to friends who got bashed along the line. However, her friends and family would not allow her to be. They kept talking about her single state and it was at this point that Banji strolled into her life.

    To be or not to be? The temptation was just too much and before she knew it, she fell helplessly in love with another emotional criminal. Just when she thought she had found what she wanted, the table turned.

    “I kept on receiving all kinds of threats from other ladies warning me to leave their man alone. Somehow, he had captured my heart and I just didn’t want to let go. I trusted him so much in spite of all the negative information I was getting about him.”

    If she trusted him so much, he didn’t. “About two weeks ago, I fell ill and was hospitalised. As soon as I heard that I was going to be on admission, I sent him a message. Banji came five days after and when he came to see me, my neighbour, Patrick, also came visiting. As soon as he saw Patrick, he told me it was over. I tried to tell him that there was nothing between Patrick and I, but he just walked out.”

    End of the road! The gambler had been looking for ways to end the relationship all this while but she refused to read in between the lines. What is the point hanging on to someone that does not trust you? What is the point hanging on to a heart that is preoccupied with emotional distractions? Truth is that you aren’t going to go far together and the more you try to make it work, the more pitfalls and disasters.

    Finding love again can be easy for some but not everybody gets it right. For the latter, love is fraught with pitfalls and mishaps.

    Luckily, it ended well because Patrick was genuinely in love with her. All the love that she was travelling many distance to find was in her neighbourhood. Now, she has to make up mind about the dude, the one who genuinely loves her. But somehow she is still wondering if she should give love a try again. Could this be the heart that she has been searching for all this while? Is this the heart that would bring back her emotional sanity?

  • Re: Can I tell my fiancé my father deflowered me?

    FUNKE whose parents were separated was raped and deflowered by her father when she was 16. She had never known a rosy life until Kunle appeared in her life in her early 20s. Kunle has asked for her hand in marriage and plans to have her relocate to Germany where he’s based. However, she’s very worried any of her family members could tell him about her painful secret, i.e. how her father defiled her in the past. She sought my advice on whether to tell him herself and a good number of Nigerians sent in their suggestions and advice.

    Dear Funke,

    Every intending couple wants to know about their past. Past is past; it is behind us, we should never allow it to hurt the present and future so for two reasons you must tell your fiancé.

    1. For this abnormality, there must be an antidote to cleanse you.
    2. He must not be told by a 3rd party; there will be addition and multiplication. Pray then, go ahead and tell him. God is in control.

    Anonymous

    Dear Funke,

    Please, never divulge the story. You will not believe the outcome. That should remain a permanent secret. However, you should relate well with your family and your in-laws. Nothing will happen. I suffered the same setback growing up. Someone that my mother couldn’t believe could ever do such, did it to me. The man also later deflowered his biological daughter. I am well over 50 now and I have never told an outsider. You must put it behind you. This is exactly how many young girls are tortured and end up paying emotionally for what wasn’t their fault. The current noise in the news daily about rape and child sexual abuse is just a tip of the iceberg. Too many victims prefer to be mute so they can have peace. To tell your husband-to-be is to create an everlasting agony in your life.

    Read Also: ‘My fiance got married to another woman the same day he engaged me’

    Anonymous

    Dear Funke,

    Please, be the first to tell him so haters don’t outsmart you. It may even increase his love and protection for you. However, pray before you tell him.

    Anonymous

    Dear Funke,

    Please, don’t tell him because the act is devilish and shameful. If he happens to discover later, you can apologise to him.

    Anonymous

    Dear Funke,

    Often times in life, we offer information when not required or asked. If Kunle asks you, then you should be honest about it but if he doesn’t, just keep quiet about it. Meanwhile, you should go to God in prayer to handle the matter in His way.

    H.E.

    Dear Funke,

    You should seek prophetic directives, then fast and pray before dropping the bombshell if the man of God is so led in the spirit that you should tell your fiancé. Otherwise, take solace in the fact that a failed dating is better than a dead marriage. If the man calls it quits because your irresponsible father forcefully deflowered you perhaps under a threat to your life, what a pity!

    K.A. Adebisi Esq.

    Dear Funke,

    I am really sorry about your predicament as I imagine the turmoil in your heart. I’d like to address some issues that would free you from this emotional and spiritual quagmire.

    1. At the moment, you are very weak emotionally and not strong because you’ve never really enjoyed parental care. You grew up in a loveless home, your father defiled you and your mother never cared enough to protect you because she remarried and never wanted to jeopardise her marriage. More so, she has two children in her new marriage she would rather care for. If your parents could let you down, who can you trust? Kunle might be your angel as he’s been expressing; at the same time, he might not be! You would regard any man who is generous to you even in the least form as a God-sent because you are extremely vulnerable. There’s nothing wrong in being appreciative of whoever has made life beautiful for you, however, you have to be very careful with your feelings and be strong, very strong. You need the strength of God so your vulnerability won’t lead you to a hell of emotional blackmail which a lot of men unleash on vulnerable women. If you are strong enough, especially spiritually, you’ll be able to decipher whether Kunle is indeed your angel from God or someone sent by the devil to further torment your destiny. You never can tell what is waiting for you in Germany. So many unsuspecting women who were married and taken abroad by their fiancés have very sour tales to tell.
    2. During our discussion, you never told me you’ve ever been through any deliverance session to get rid of the fatal effects of incest. Biblically, incestuous relationships carry curses which can alter the course of one’s destiny. I am quite sure, in your ancestry, there must be a curse attached to incest. No doubt, your father’s act has opened up your life to demonic invasion and that’s probably why you faced a lot of ill-luck and disfavour in your former work-place(s). How are we so sure you are free from this curse and what do we know awaits you in the nearest future? This is a very serious matter and not one to be taken lightly. You need to be sure your life is free from every curse that could make your destiny vulnerable to attacks before you follow Kunle to Germany, otherwise may he not label you a witch and a destiny destroyer if anything goes wrong with him because he decided to cleave with you!

    If these two issues are addressed to start with, the answer to your question would be easily established. Let’s keep talking. May the mighty power of God rest upon your life and give you victory within the shortest period.

    Your sister,

    Pastor Temilolu

  • PILLOWTALK

    THE boy ran up and down in excitement. The object that brought out the best in him was a bright blue balloon and it was fully blown. He ran, jumped and laughed in an infectious manner. All his actions and movements were centred on the balloon and the pair moved around like shadows in a unique way.

    He gradually became the cynosure of all eyes and everyone admired the innocence, the joy around him and the fact that life can be as sweet as this if taken from the child’s perspective. All of a sudden, the balloon exploded. The noise, like his action, attracted all and you could feel his pain, the shock and the tears. He cried and cried but nothing or no one could console him. His balloon was gone, never to return to him again.

    Tara watched the mild drama from a distance and as she tried to step into the little boys shoes empathising with him, something struck her. He had lost something that is very precious to him. The shock would take time to heal. The only therapy will be to get a new balloon, a better version of what he lost a few minutes ago.

    Interestingly, it reminded her about her emotional balloon. “I fell for the wrong guy. He took me from an empty emotional point, flattened by another Cassaova and then blew up my emotions to heights that I never imagined. I found myself enjoying every moment and everyone was very happy for me. My friends were envious of the relationship and at a point, I told myself that I do not want to ever lose this heart for anything.”

    The courtship was really great. They travelled to many memorable places together and they had even done a list of the things needed for their engagement ceremony when the bubble burst. “On that fateful day, I forgot my purse in Seyi’s office. I went back after about two hours to get it when I ran into what finally put an end to the relationship. I met a lady in his arms and they were really engrossed that they didn’t even notice that I was there. When they finally saw me, they just ignored me as if I was not important at all. I got so angry and challenged the lady. She was not moved at all. Then I asked her to get out of the office and to my utmost shock she hit me and I hit her back. Instead of supporting me, Seyi pounced on me and beat me to a state of coma.”

    That was not all. “He opened an emotional can of worms and told me he just wanted to help me because age was not on my side. That I wasn’t his dream girl and now that I have found out the truth it was before to forget the things we shared together and move on. I was shocked to the bones. I left the place devastated and till date I have not shared the news with anyone. I don’t even know what to do. I have been hiding the truth from my friends and twin sister. Everything is really wrong with me; I have lost my bearing and my heart like that balloon has exploded, broken beyond recognition.”

    That is one of the phases in relationship. Disappointment is indeed part of the game and it is important to understand how to forge ahead. The crux of the matter here is that a breakup is one of the worst things that can happen to anyone. It fills us with so many horrible emotions; from grief to sadness, anger to emptiness. By learning how to survive a heart break, you can mend the pieces of your broken heart faster and get back to living a life full of joy and fulfilment.

    Crying and letting your feelings out is definitely the first step in how to survive a heart break. If you have to cry, please do this and get the emotions straightened out. Interestingly, a lot of people think crying is a sign of weakness, and even when trying to get over a broken heart, they still bottle up their emotions.

    In addition, you also need to accept the reality of the situation and accept heartbreak. You must remember that this point that it takes two to be in a relationship, and it also takes two to end it.

    There is no point bottling up your emotions and avoiding talking about your feelings. You will definitely feel better when you discuss the breakup with your friend, sibling or a neighbour that you trust. Going out, attending social events with people you care about, will also make you better and completely take your mind off that awful experience.

  • PILLOWTALK

    MOVING around the love corridor can be really exciting for many. Here there are no boundaries, no restrictions and you just allow yourself to be mesmerized by the intoxicating atmosphere. Here you just want to love, love and love till you get to the zenith .Once you get to love’s greatest height, there certainly is no going back, you are hooked.

    But the big question here is who is has gotten your heart hooked? Is it someone who truly loves and appreciate you? Could this be someone who would stand by you in good and bad times?

    Or are you hooked with an emotional traitor, a chameleon just trying to exploit you, use and then dump you?

    The latter unfortunately is what just happened to poor Mandy. Her heart is in turmoil and she just cannot seem to understand what is happening to her relationship. “I met Olaitan at a business meeting about seven and half months ago. He came to represent his company while I also came to represent my boss. Someone, I arrived a little late because of traffic and I met him standing outside the door, making a call. I asked for the venue and he directed me into the place and that was how it all began”.

    Mandy continued: “Immediately after that meeting he walked up to I and we talked as if we had known one another for years. He was quite friendly and I liked everything about him. He also seemed to be hooked and we practically did so much together, was always in each other’s company and we always talked on phone for hours”.

    One other interesting aspect of the relationship was that they never quarreled. “Olaitan is such a peaceful guy and he would always do things that would make me happy or comfortable. Even days, when I forget to attend to some personal things that concern him; he would just dismiss it with a smile and say its okay. He gave me total love, peace of mind and stability in everything around me. Friends and colleagues noticed that I was blossoming, especially when I just came out of a very bad relationship and I was hurting deeply”.

    While she was basking in the euphoria created by Olaitan, something cropped up. “I went to see him at home one day and I ran into his mum who came into town the previous day. Olaitan quickly introduced me to her as his fiancée and I saw a deep from on mama’s face”.

    Just while Mandy was trying to decipher what might be going on in her mind, the old woman exploded. ‘Didn’t my son tell you that he has another lady that he has been in a relationship with for five years? What did you use on him; I cannot seat down and watch you destroy what they have built together for so long. You better move on and find your own husband. I can assure that you would never get my blessings in this relationship”.

    For the first time, I saw Olaitan getting angry and he told him mother that it was over between him and the other lady. “I am the one who is going to marry the wife. I have to make the choice and I know what is good for me. Mandy is my choice”, he said.

    Mandy continued: “The battle line was drawn and from that point mama did everything to stop us. Luckily, we were united in love and we survived all the odds. At a point, Olaitan mother realized that she just could not come in between us and she finally accepted yours truly.

    Wedding cards have been sent out and the D-day is already around the corner. As she sat on the chair compiling the guests list, her mind riveted on all that has happened and she thanked her stars for having a great heart by her side. She also had no doubt that he was going to live up to expectations and she would try her best not to disappoint him too.

    Trust , interestingly is one thing that would help to keep any relationship going strong.

    Always keep in the back of your mind a personal evaluation of the level of trust in the relationship. How much do you trust the other person to act in ways that both match your mental model of that person? How much do you trust that person to have your back?

    If you want an intentional relationship, do things to build up trust and gather information about the other person’s trustworthiness.

    Experts also advise that it is better  to set boundaries and permit privacy to make the relationship wax stronger. Interestingly, technological developments has now made it easy to track each other and to be in constant communication. However, permitting each other to have a private space and avoiding pushing the other person to do things they would prefer not to do helps a lot in creating sustaining happiness in relationships.

  • PILLOWTALK

    The works hard for his money; so hard for his money. Bayo is not the typical guy that you see around. He is one of those guys that you can call dedicated and not be in doubt at all. At work, he is known for the value that he adds to everything that comes his way.

    Friends and family members know that once you give him a task, you can actually go to bed with your two eyes closed because he would certainly deliver beyond your expectations. When he isn’t at work, you can be sure to find him on his little farm located behind the house. Here he tends to a variety of plants and you can see the same level of dedication at work here and the outputs usually call for celebration, each time it’s harvest time.

    However, he has noticed that some invasion recently. Some birds and animals have become spoilers here and it is getting so irritating that he decided to set a trap for them. This morning, Bayo is back on the farm (his heart) and it looks like the thief has been caught. He gets closer and to Bayo’s dismay, it is his poor chicken (his babe) that walked into the trap. He rushes over to set it free but something has gone wrong, it is limping and may never walk properly again.

    That scenario actually captures what two lovebirds are passing through at the moment. The guy at the centre of the love drama is Bayo and he has played his part very well, working round the clock to make things work well.

    Unfortunately for him, some desperate folks are doing everything possible to take away the love of his life from him. The more he tries to be in charge, the more desperate they have become. Determined to wrestle this emotional ‘loot’, he maps out a number of strategies which ultimately affect the heart in question. Now that there are visible scars in the relationship, he has two options: “To let go or go back to the drawing board for the way forward.”

    He certainly does not want to lose this girl and suddenly, he decided to go to her and find out if she feels exactly the same way he is feeling about the relationship. It was a good decision and there he found that she had also been worried about the turn of events. It was a great encounter and they became united in the quest to forge ahead against all the odds. That determination was all they needed and from that point, love conquered all.

    Interestingly, when it comes to healthy relationships, there is no one-size-fits-all advice. You may need to try, try and try again before you finally discover how to get on the right path and make your relationship work. A number of lovebirds run away from a very good relationship and end up with a partner they can never get along with.

    At that point, it is already too late and they become stranded on the emotional corridor, hanging on to hearts that can never make their dreams come true.

    The crux of the matter here is that not every relationship survives the test of time and there will always be moments when you would feel the need to finally give up and let go. However, it’s not also that easy to just drop everything and leave because you’re talking about something or someone that once made you the happiest person in the world – so you are stuck in the frustrating and often heartbreaking dilemma between staying and saying good bye.

    A good relationship is more than something we want – it’s something we need to be our happiest, healthiest, most productive selves. But at home or work, supportive, fulfilling relationships don’t come automatically. They take an investment in time and energy as well as social skills that can be learned.

    If you are lonely, long for close friendships or a better understanding of co-workers. However, if romantic relationships have disappointed you, there are steps you can take to repair old connections and build meaningful new ones.

    You know you can manipulate someone into being your friend or partner without ever feeling genuinely connected with them. Experts will tell you that a relationship is a consequence of a connection.

    You cannot afford to give up yet because as long as you both believe in your love for each other, there will always be a rainbow after every storm. Maybe you just need a break from everything? Take all the time that you need – both of you.

    Trying to fix an almost broken relationship can be emotionally taxing, and so you must take it easy. You also need to talk about what you are passing through in the relationship and be open and honest with each other. You must communicate and be honest and truthful about how you really feel.

    On your part, you must also be ready to admit your mistakes and have faith in the fact that it’s not yet too late to fix the problem. So, take it easy. In addition, you also need to talk about what you are passing through in the relationship and be open and honest with each other. You must communicate and be honest and truthful about how you really feel. Tell them about the time when they hurt you but you’re too scared to show it. On your part, you must also be ready to admit your mistakes and have faith in the fact that it’s not yet too late to fix the problem.