The Nation Newspaper

Category: New Woman

  • Christian sisters ought to be champions of virginity till marriage!

    DEAR Temilolu, I am an unmarried 37-year-old man. I am a Christian and a business man though not successful yet. I have a fear I may never get married! This is because what single girls do nowadays frightens me a lot. I am a virgin though not a clean one because I used to watch pornography and masturbate. But I still fear God. I’ve always prayed that God should connect with my divine spouse but so far I’ve seen none. My desire is to marry a God-fearing lady – a virgin and an understanding young lady. The question is where would I find her? If I say church, I’ll be deceiving myself because our church is filled with hypocritical young ladies. May Jesus Christ help me! Any lady, married or unmarried who comes close to me always wants to have sex but I’ve always been able to rebuff their advances. I need your advice please!

    Ikechukwu

    Dear Mr. Ikechukwu,

    I must congratulate you for BEING MAN ENOUGH to resist the bombardment of ladies for sex. I guess you’ve been satisfying your flesh by masturbating to make up for having real sex and I pray the fire of God uproots every root of fleshly lust from your life in Jesus mighty name. You have no reason not to be successful although there’s time for everything. If you can conquer porn and masturbation and activate the power of God in your life by praying, fasting, studying the word and constantly hearing Him speak to you, your success within a short time will be mind-blowing. The ball is in your court! To a large extent, you’ve preserved your life by not mingling with strange spirits from multiple sex partners which could place satanic baggage on you. I pray God perfects that which concerns you. In fact, I know He has done so already. In the course of activating His power, your divine spouse will appear! GOD IS FAITHFUL TO THOSE WHO ARE FAITHFUL TO HIM! Align with Him right away and let your life attract that wonderful lady. God bless you!

    My darling, precious, glorious, dignified, world-famous and heavenly celebrated Nigerian sisters,

    If Mary could be trusted by God to bring His son Jesus into the world and has since effortlessly remained the most celebrated woman of all time because of her purity and super privilege, what can’t God do for you if you remain chaste till your wedding night? WHY SHOULD ANYONE CHOOSE STUPID, BAD DEVIL OVER GOD? Sadly, through pre-marital sex, before age 22 a lot of you have exchanged what should buy you an aircraft before age 40 for Brazilian hair and the like. Hair that’s not even yours. A lot of you have shattered your life into smithereens and I imagine the devil rolling on the floor laughing and enjoying the evil foundation you laid for your lives. Up to 200 spirits of strange men and women are resident in so many of you before you are 20! How do you want to align with God’s agenda for your life? You go to church, sing in the choir, and work as an usher or sanctuary keeper yet you DEFILE GOD’S TEMPLE and take solace in the seeds you sow! YOU ARE NOT SERIOUS…AT ALL!!! I’m sorry to announce you’ll pay for it! It’s a case of going to wake sleeping trouble! Some of you even go to church mainly for boy-spotting and slaying contests not to focus on God! No wonder the devil finds it so easy to yoke two wrong people together and cause generational chaos as a result of a bad marriage, a marriage God never approved of but which the rot in someone’s life confused even the greatest of prophets to say the intending couple is a match made in heaven! Oh! Yes! The prophet’s revelation is based on what your life projects!!! Too many of you are spiritually-sick, and have become a breeding ground for legions of demons manifesting trouble instead of GOD’S GLORY!!! WHAT A PITY! YOU DIDN’T KNOW! NO ONE TOLD YOU THE TRUTH! However, I know for sure that God wants to restore you NOW but you have to pay the price! SPIRITUAL REFORMATION isn’t an easy task! It could take years. Your spirit, soul and body have to be completely sold out to God! God is a merciful God! He could decide to speed it up for you.

    Christian sisters, please stop disgracing Christianity! Our Lord Jesus Christ was born by a VIRGIN! In the coming year, you must resolve to do only that which glorifies God! Stop cutting His hand short of your affairs! YOUR STAR MUST SHINE! I LOVE, LOVE YOU!!!

    I invite you to follow me on facebook –TEMILOLU OKEOWO (not Temilolu okeowo girls club or TEMILOLU OKEOWO Girls Club group). Instagram @ Okeowo Temilolu.

    Scam Alert: Temilolu okeowo girls club page and group as well as Temilolu cares for you are fake facebook accounts.

  • To be loved in return

    LIFE certainly is good when you have an affectionate heart caring for you. Every moment is cool and exciting and you are grateful falling for someone who truly cares. That perhaps is what inspired Teddy Pendergrass lyrics, “When somebody Loves you back”. He goes on to say that to be loved and be loved in return is awesome and amazing. For lovebirds who have mastered the emotional terrain, it is indeed the only thing that the heart desires and it surely helps to do the emotional lifting up, taking you and yours to electrifying heights.

    A loving heart therefore multiples the emotional goodies and you just want to be loyal, kind and generous. Happily, together, lovebirds build a world of love, a life of joy together and the ultimate goal is each other’s happiness.

     

    The park was calm and serene. Just a few passengers (lovers) were on board the bus and it made her really tense. Oh dear! When would they (Jolly good fellows) get here, how long would she have to wait in this cold environment before moving to her desired destination (Love)? The calmness changed and it was replaced by noise (confusion). This, unfortunately, wasn’t the way she planned to start her day. A queer fellow with kolanut stained set of teeth kept on staring and smiling at her. Nonsense! Who told you that your attention is needed here? If he was the last heart in town, then it was better to stay lonely for life.

    Angry and frustrated with everything around her, Sophie just wanted to get away and forget the haunting memories garnered along the emotional corridors in the past three months. Luckily, the escape that she so much desired finally came when she was invited to Bayelsa by an old classmate who was getting married. Even though the escape was going to be temporary, at least it would make her get her life back.

    Two lovebirds walked towards her, holding hands and clinging nicely together. Jealous! Not really! She had been there twice or can we say thrice now? Let them enjoy the thrills as long as they can. It brought tears, but someone she was able to control herself. There is no point crying over spilt milk. The truth of the matter is that our dear friend was never going to be the same again. If you cling desperately to the hurting stage, what you are going to feel and taste is not but the soured remnants.

    Instead, it is better to learn from hearts that are drinking positively from the emotional stream. Perhaps, she would learn a lesson or two. Young and dashing, they obviously were in the same age bracket. The babe was simply on the receiving end, enjoying every moment from this lavish heart. Is this emotional generosity for keeps or would he turn around to be nothing but a swindler. Love was deeply etched in his eyeballs and you could see that he loved his babe to pieces.  The feeling is just right, what a wonderful world they both are in!

    How come she never met a guy like this, how come she keeps slipping into the hearts of handsome dudes with ugly hearts? Wait a minute! This love-struck folks are actually deaf and dumb. They are totally lost in their world; no intruder, no confusion and no distractions. Next, she began to imagine what it would be like to fall in love with a heart in this category. Fifty, fifty love……So , so good.

    Sadly, the scenario took our dear friend down memory lane remembering that she once had a heart like this. Even though he was not physically deaf and dumb, his heart was deaf to her inadequacies. He loved her more than himself, he gave her all the ‘loving’ but somehow she was damn too young and immature to appreciate his emotional generosity.

    Even when her sister, Emmanuella, tried to convince her to make emotional hay while this sunshine lasted, she did not listen. “I am not sure this is what I want. He is always monitoring me, he is too possessive and I just need my freedom. I just don’t want anybody to choke me with love.”

    She then began to do things that would discourage the guy and get him off her back. Poor Dotun! He had fallen head over heels for the girl he considered as the love of his life. Determined to win this heart, Dotun did everything to convince this stubborn heart that this really was love. She won the emotional battle and they finally parted ways. Good riddance! Now, let’s cruise ahead and find something more interesting. It was cruising on the fast lane and in the process she ran into bumps, emotional somersaults and accidents. The last straw plunged her into the deep sea. And ever since the last disaster, life just seems unbearable. Now, she just does not know where, how or to ever find love again.

  • Parents, your girls are “selling” their future!!!

    DEAR ma, Your words, inspiration and advice to the youth are excellent. You will live to reap your labour mummy.

    Onyedikachi Olla

     

    Dear Aunty Temi,

    I’m 17 years old. I lost my virginity this year and since then the only thing I understand is sex. I started work in a hotel, my boss asked me out and I agreed because I don’t want to lose my job. We have sex almost every day and I even got pregnant and terminated it. Only for me to later discover he’s is my sister’s boyfriend. I’m in love with him. What should I do now please?

    Miss A.

     

    Parents of my darling, precious, glorious, dignified, world-famous and heavenly celebrated Nigerian sisters,

    Do you know your daughter could be experiencing what Miss A. has been dealing with? A 17-year-old is still a baby, no matter what anyone says! What does she know about love, life, sex other than the thrills it’s been giving her body? Isn’t it so obvious this girl could be under a spell? She not only opened up her life to a pervert and all his strange multiple sex partners at 17, she already laid a foundation of trouble by terminating a pregnancy and getting addicted to sex! Yet in love with him!!! She’s turned to his moron! Worse still, if he dumps her which is imminent, she’ll move on to the next man who wants to use her and she goes on and on if care isn’t taken. Lord have mercy on your children!!! MUST POVERTY MAKE PEOPLE CHEAP? EVEN A LOT OF RICH KIDS SELL THEMSELVES CHEAPLY BECAUSE THEY DON’T KNOW WHAT THEY’RE DOING! WHAT VALUES ARE YOU GIVING YOUR CHILDREN???

    1. Any girl who can’t write a simple sentence in English correctly and yet has her brain full of romance and boyfriends instead of striving hard to get good education and pursue a fulfilling life is selling her future.
    2. Any girl who is out of high school and yet to gain admission into the university whose priority is her boyfriend and how she has to prove her love for him and make him stay by engaging in sexual intercourse with him is selling her future.
    3. Any girl who is ready to sleep with a man in exchange of one favour or the other has already sold her future! She has laid a foundation for a satanic siege over her life- a cruel foundation of SEXUAL EXPLOITATION, SLAVERY AND BONDAGE!

    There are more wizards on the streets than ordinary men. A lot of these older men know girls who carry unusual virtues, goodness and spirituality that can give them the world! They know girls who are wealth personified just by looking at their foreheads and they take advantage of these girls’ ignorance and wipe away all God in His benevolence has given them to live a fantastic, wondrous, glorious life to compensate you in future. This is given away cheaply on the altar of sex for an iphone, hair extensions, designer bags that your annual income can’t purchase. What would enable so many girls buy themselves an aircraft before age 40 has been exchanged for just 1 trip to Dubai!!! MY GOD, PLEASE RESCUE SOMEONE TODAY! PLEASE STOP JUST 1 DESTINY FROM SINKING!!! Today’s young men appear to be even worse because they want to get rich quick, quick! They seek counsel and power from “elders” who tell them to look for and teach them how to discern girls with bright stars they can tap from or STEAL OUTRIGHT!!! SO MANY GIRLS CREATED WITH THOUSANDS OF STARS HAVE BEEN REDUCED TO EMPTY CANS, EMPTY BARRELS! WHAT A TRAGEDY!!! This is the reason why I keep hammering on holiness, purity of the mind, chastity, SPIRITUAL INTELLIGENCE, SPIRITUAL INTELLIGENCE AND SPIRITUAL INTELLIGENCE!!! A lot of you parents don’t know the type of stars you have as children, how then will these kids know? How would they pursue their destiny when they don’t know they have an UNBELIEVABLE GREATNESS AHEAD OF THEM WHICH WILL REWRITE THEIR FAMILY HISTORY AND DROWN ALL THE HARDSHIP THEY EVER EXPERIENCED??? There’s someone reading who has been told the genesis of his/her problem is the person he/she slept with! A lot of you know one family member or the other who was a shining star as a youth but shot down as a result of wrong marriage and since then completely knocked down by life, unable to get up, roaming about in hard struggle in a harsh, wicked world. What a waste!!! Excuse me; it could have been wrong copulation. Though, copulating is marriage! There are some destinies which one should never come in contact with! There are some destinies that are enemies to one’s destiny! THIS IS A VERY SERIOUS MATTER! I’ve been chatting with Miss A. and we’re addressing the matter!

     

    • To be continued!

    I invite you to follow me on facebook –TEMILOLU OKEOWO (not Temilolu okeowo girls club or TEMILOLU OKEOWO Girls Club group).

    Scam Alert: Temilolu okeowo girls club page and group as well as Temilolu cares for you are fake facebook accounts.

  • Falling for his school sweetheart

    Falling for his school sweetheart

    ALL work and no play obviously makes Jack (or Jill) a dull boy (or girl). Falling in love in school means different things to different people. For some, it brings memories of a fling, some flings and some unfortunate adventure they hate to remember. For people in this category, it brought distractions and bitter memories which they would wish could be swept under the emotional carpet. Interestingly, you also uncover another group that is ready to tell you that it was actually the happiest thing that ever happened in their life.

    Instead of battling with unfaithful partner(s), they met hearts that were sincere and ready to take them to emotional height they never imagined was plausible when they set out on this journey. And just because it provided the warmth required for true love to survive, happily they built on it to make their dreams come true.

    For 35-year-old Kasim, falling in love with his school sweetheart was the best thing that happened to him. “We met in high school and it started as mere friendship. We parted briefly and met again on campus three years later. We spent a lot of time together and we were almost inseparable. Then one day we went to a friend’s party and I noticed that something fishy was happening. When I confronted her with the details, she denied it and it made me really angry. Later on she came around with details and wanted me to forgive her. I was really angry and could not believe what I was hearing.”

    Like Kasim, Adeyemi almost threw away a heart that was very precious just because of a small argument.

    Adeyemi returned to his lovely treasure, Bimpe, 11 months after an emotional war. “It started as a war of words at a party and for three months it looked like this war would never come to an end.

    “I wept when I saw him running towards me. I couldn’t believe that he was mine once more. The tears continued uncontrollably because all the precious moments that we had shared in the past came rushing back and I just could not hold back the tears.” It was a moment they had both been waiting for.

    “It’s definitely more than we could have ever asked for. The reunion has brought us into another phase in the relationship and I just can’t imagine what life would be like if I missed this,” Bimpe tells you happily.

    When you come across your dream man, there are a number of things that come to mind. First, you want to know whether it’s going to work, as well as understand if it is something that would transform your life.

    Alternatively, it could be something that would sap your emotional energy if you are not in charge. To get a relationship that would be worthwhile, you need to get a clearer picture about the kind of woman a man can’t help but want to be around or get to know better.

    To position yourself as the kind of woman he sees as a long-term prospect rather than a friend or a casual fling, you must understand the things he likes and those he does not like. You can identify this by looking at six critical elements that come to mind when it comes to love and a relationship with a man.

    They include attraction, commitment, sex, love, communication, as well as understanding your boundaries. To survive and be on top of the game, you must have a “positive emotional energy” that men can relate to. Most times, you may not even be the most physically attractive woman in the room, but there’s just something about you that men find irresistible.

    When you bring funny, positive thoughts and feelings to situations, you create an experience that men will want to have again and again.

    You also need to stop complaining about little, insignificant detail which will make him feel unappreciated and disinterested, try to think positively about the future together.

    Men, especially those with high-powered, stressful careers, don’t want more stress from the woman in their lives. They want to come home to a woman who can be flexible about plans instead of rigid or set in her ways.

    However, they also respect a woman who has boundaries and says clearly what is not okay with her. You don’t want to be a doormat, or seem like a person who needs his approval. Thinking of nagging or aggression as a tool for emotional survival? No, it won’t take you far at all. Usually, if a man feels coerced or nagged or cornered into doing something, he will resent you. He won’t feel respected and will feel misunderstood. But he won’t tell you that. He’ll just withdraw, so he won’t be forced to do things he doesn’t want to do.

    So, instead of forcing him, let him know how happy he will make you if he does something, and then step back. He’ll feel like you trust him and in turn will want to make you happy.

    It is also pertinent to stress the way you feel and talking about yourself is how a man will ultimately feel about you.

    When a woman talks negatively about herself, whether it’s her weight, her intelligence or her life in general, that’s how a man will see her. If she is looking to him for her worth and self-love, he’s not going to be interested. He’ll see her as needy and not as someone he wants to commit to. But if she loves herself inside and out, he will love her and want to worship her forever.

  • Girls, beware of friends who are envious of your virginity, sex doesn’t cure menstrual cramps!

    DEAR Mummy Temilolu, Since I started reading your articles, I have decided to abstain from sex till my wedding night. It’s not been easy but I thank God for His mercies and grace. Soon I’ll be going to the university and I know there’ll be a lot of pressure but I believe God won’t fail me and I won’t fail Him. Mummy, what can I do to remain chaste? I don’t want the devil to mess up my destiny like he did my mum. You are my mentor and I love you. I won’t fail you too but I need more, more motivation to keep pushing!

    Miss L.

    Dear Aunty Temi,

    I’m a 17-year-old and was a virgin until January this year when my friend told me I was having menstrual pains because of my virginity. Truly, the pain stopped after losing my virginity. Now, my nipple hurts so badly, I feel the pain would kill me. My friend said I should let a boy suck it. Do you think it will work?

    Anonymous

    Good grief! What an excuse for immorality!

    My darling, precious, glorious, dignified, world-famous and heavenly celebrated Nigerian sisters,

    You see why I keep telling you to stay away from immoral friends! Who says they can’t negatively influence you? I bet Madam Adviser was envious of her friend’s purity!

    Losing your virginity would not help your menstrual pain. Sexual intercourse doesn’t make menstrual problems better. Married women who have been sexually active also suffer menstrual pains. If your cramps are that bad, though, you should be evaluated for endometriosis. That is the most common cause of debilitating menstrual cramps. Like most parts of the body, breasts can be sore from time to time. It is also common to have sore breasts around the beginning of a girl’s period, or menstruation. During her menstrual cycle, a girl’s body produces lots of the female hormones estrogen and progesterone. Changes in these hormones can cause feelings that together are called premenstrual syndrome, or PMS. Some girls have painful cramps in their stomachs, headaches, mood swings, or cravings for certain foods right before their periods begin. During this time the body may retain water, which can make a girl feel puffy and bloated. Even your shoes may feel tight at this time and your stomach bigger. Just as fingers and feet swell, so can breasts. All the fluid forces the breast tissues to expand, which stretches the nerves and makes breasts feel achy or tender.

    Breast swelling and tenderness can also be one of the earliest signs of pregnancy. You may also do a pregnancy test because you might be pregnant. However, if you ever notice discharge from one or both breasts, see your doctor right away. Over-the-counter pain relievers might be helpful and wearing a supportive bra might also help. Healthy eating, regular exercise, and getting enough sleep are really your best bets for lessening the ache. You might try cutting down on salty foods and foods that contain caffeine, like coffee, tea, and even chocolate. It is mind off it and quit thinking of the pleasure you’ll get when your boyfriend sucks it as your friend suggested. Phew!!!

    When you taste the forbidden fruit, this is what happens until you fall into destruction. Instead of you to face your studies and get an admission into the university, graduate in flying colours, get a fantastic job and start earning a damn good income to avoid depending on men all your life, you are thinking about your boyfriend and what he can do to your body! No matter what anyone thinks, this is the beginning of grand failure! I often tell you girls to be careful of the company you keep. If you are friends with ungodly girls, you are setting up yourself for mega-disasters. They may not be witches flying at night but one single suggestion from them if followed could make a glorious life end in doom. They are devil’s tools. I think you should check out these bible verses- Psalm 4:2 and Romans 8:14.

    Girls…girls…girls…the world is becoming more competitive for survival in all ramification and if you don’t lay a solid foundation for yourself in your early years, you will never enjoy life! It’s a fact! Ask your parents!

    I thank God Miss L. has since known the devil messed her mum’s destiny  up and because of what she had to pass through as a result of her mum’s state of life, she has decided to cling to what is right. And I’ll never stop keeping a tab on her and praying along with her. At least, she would learn from today’s article to stay away from ungodly friends when she settles down in school where I bet she could end up the most-sought after because she’s one of the most beautiful creations I ever set my eyes on. May God help her!

    I invite you to follow me on facebook –TEMILOLU OKEOWO (not Temilolu okeowo girls club or TEMILOLU OKEOWO Girls Club group).

    Scam Alert: Temilolu okeowo girls club page and group as well as Temilolu cares for you are fake facebook accounts.

  • 5-year-old girl found teaching her mates how to masturbate with a nail

    THERE’S serious fire on the mountain, on the roof of some of your houses and you are sleeping, in fact dead asleep. I can’t help but wonder what in the world has gone wrong with today’s parents. I don’t know whether they themselves are suffering from a dearth of moral values and so have nothing to pass down to their children or they just lack parental instincts and responsibility or they are just too engrossed in their economic pursuit. Our society is so depraved and one just wonders the type of children these young ones would raise in future.

    A 5-year-old girl who has boils in her private part had to be taken to the gynaecologist by her grandmother. Upon questioning how the boils got there, grandma herself was confused. My friend told me grandmother had to be excused so she could speak with the little girl privately and make her divulge information she wouldn’t want her grandmother to have access to. Lo and behold, the little girl tells her she’s been using a nail to “play with herself” and in fact has taught all her friends and had once been expelled from a school for this act. Dear reader, this is no fiction. My question to my friend was, “where’s this girl’s mother?” Her reply was that she’s an orphan! And when probed further, she told my friend it was the domestic help in the house who taught her to use a nail to masturbate! Sometimes when my brain recalls much more that I’ve heard, I fear I’d have a heart-attack. Even as I’m writing this, I can feel a grip on my heart and my heart is pounding wildly. Why should any child experience this?

    If you’ve been consistently reading my articles since 2014, you’d recall, I once published the story of an 8-year-old whose father discovered that she had been having sexual bouts with the boys in the neighbourhood. Her parents are alive and she lives with them! Now, have we ever considered the sexual exploitation kids in orphanages could be suffering? Yes! This is because if those who live with their parents still get up to all sorts, can you imagine what some other confused kids who are probably at the mercy of their care-givers could be exposed to? Now, there’s another encounter I had with a 9-year-old girl. With my two eyes, I saw a video she made of herself masturbating, playing with and fondling sensitive parts of her body, making sexual gestures to the mirror like she was trying to seduce a partner in bed. In fact, she appeared to do it professionally. Let the truth be told, she deliberately opened up her vulva to the camera and recorded it to show whoever she planned the video for. It was so horrifying to watch.  Just like the orphan, do we know the number of

    her classmates who would have access to this satanic video? I can tell you, the girl is clearly not herself. She’s demonised! She has grown with what she was exposed to – porn and the like.

    It would interest you to know that right under your roof, a child could discover pornography for instance through the internet and get used to it. A child who is always left in the care of her nanny or any other domestic help always could end up becoming very unfortunate because you just never can tell what happens when you are away. Do you even know the moral values of the care givers you have around you? Do you have an idea what your daughter’s lesson teacher may be whispering into her ears on a daily basis? Do you have an idea the type of friends she keeps and what goes on in their houses when she goes visiting? No wonder the late Sir Victor Taiwo Okeowo (my father) wouldn’t allow me visit friends and if I thoroughly harassed him, I’d be accompanied by a responsible adult (smiles). Now, I see why he would rather engage me in other things, even bribing me to have a rethink and do something else with my time. Hmmm…sigh! Of course, your kids must socialise – very important! However, can you commit yourself so much to their upbringing and practically form their brain with godly principles and also personally exude godliness? You should know by now what a swipe on your daughter’s breast could to her body, her system, her mind, her brain!  This is a very serious matter! When I was in secondary school over 25 years ago, some of my mates had boyfriends who were sleeping with them and I heard some of them terminated pregnancies. What is the solution to this madness? Are we going to open our eyes and watch our future become irredeemably sexually-perverted?

    To be continued!

     

    I invite you to follow me on facebook –TEMILOLU OKEOWO (not Temilolu okeowo girls club or TEMILOLU OKEOWO Girls Club group).

    Scam Alert: Temilolu okeowo girls club page and group as well as Temilolu cares for you are fake facebook accounts.

  • Dig a pleasant hole in his heart

    WHEN an orange tree bears bitter fruits, cut down the tree and not just the fruits”. This proverb from Swaziland tells us that it is better to get rid of something you do not value or doesn’t bring joy and pleasure. It is therefore very important to make yourself an asset, something to be treasured and something that cannot be replaced. This of course does not come on a platter of gold; you must have to earn it with the way you relate with the other person. For many, being a love material comes natural because you cannot give what you don’t have.

    A loving heart is a kind heart, a heart filled with forgiveness and one who pursues the happiness of the other. Ancient love is not selfish but unfortunately many find it difficult to dole out this kind of love. On the love shelf, what you run into is love that is cunning, crafty, stingy, pretentious and very greedy. The goal of a good relationship should be to find someone that you are compatible with.

    If along the line you discover that the two of you are not compatible, then it is better to move on with your life and find the sparks somewhere else. The big question is whether the emotional journey here is easy or not. Well, it varies with people; while some are lucky with casting their emotional nets, others are not so lucky. They may have to go from a second, third or fourth lovebird before catching the apple of their eyes.

    While it is easier for men to do emotional swaps here and there, it is usually not the same for women. This is why it is better to look very well before taking a leap. A fall from your emotional height could lead to fractures or broken bones that would take time to heal or those that leave a permanent damage. A damage that would ultimately lead to further damage along your emotional corridor.

    “No man wants to hear about men who helped to fill the emotional vacuum in the past. Of course, you know that the men like to brag about their conquests but it is a different ball game when it is a woman that is involved. It actually ruins the mystique and makes them feel anxious about being compared to the other person.”

    She believes that it is easier when you can identify with love when it catches up with you. Unfortunately, a lot of people get carried away with shadows and by the time they are ready the one that should have been captured must have moved on. Foluke adds that dating when you’re younger is so much different than dating when you’re older; and if you’re looking for love, you would definitely want something that would work out fine.

    “I have seen a lot of friends who lost their first love struggling to catch up because they do not love the person they got married to.  Personally, I was very lucky because I married my first real love and we are both very happy together. Whether you’re still looking for your first love, or back in the dating field, there are some key things you should not talk about when you’re on your first date.

    Often, going that extra mile to make your woman or man feel special is all you need to make all the difference. You have to give so much and expect little in return. This way you are bound to overlook the shortcomings of the other person and vice versa.

    To fire up the romance in your relationship, you must be a good listener. It is better to listen when he or she shares some inner desires, likes, and fears. Here, your duty would be to nudge and guide, and above all, be interested. Interestingly, it is at this point that you are likely to get more ideas about what you should do next to impress and get more attention. You can also put little notes everywhere he can find all day. They could be love notes, smileys, or lines from love poetry or songs. This can make the one you are giving attention to dream about you all day, weeks and even months. In addition, you can create a spa atmosphere with special lighting, candles, and essential oils. Here you are bound to make him feel pampered as well as have that special time together. However, it would be interesting to plan details all by yourself. This way your target will love the feeling of being pampered.

    Have a secret code for intimate sharing and use it in a crowd. It could be for saying, “I love you,” “You look lovely,” or “I want to kiss you.” Act silly with him now and then. It lightens up the mood, and gets him to become playful. It also tells him you are comfortable enough with him to be yourself, which is great cement for your relationship.

    As an African woman, you can surf your way into his heart by cooking a special meal for him. This is a faster route to making him eat from your palms any day. The signal here is to tell him that not only are you multi-talented, but care enough to make a special spread only for him.

  • Crying in the rain

    ONE way to discover and rediscover yourself is by learning from others. Everybody certainly has a love story to tell you and you can be sure that no two stories can ever be the same. You can also learn from others by reading love stories or watching such movies at home or the cinemas. Lovebirds love to dine out and watch movies and this certainly is one of the best places to learn and appreciate those you fall in love with, what goes on in their hearts, as well as how to live happily together forever.

    For many, this certainly looks like a dream. That was what yours truly discovered at the cinema lately. Lots of lonely buddies and happy folks are literarily crying in the rain. In this kind of scenario, nobody is likely to see your tears because the raindrops would be stronger than your teardrops. The only difference, however, is that you are going to purge yourself from the bitter memories, the uncertainty and the frustrations of running after an elusive heart.

    Interestingly, yours truly discovered this phrase from the movie ‘Journey to self ‘written by Ashionye and produced by Fressia Entertainment during the week at the Silverbird Cinema.

    Would it be interesting to watch? You also wonder if it’s going to bring fresh revelations for an old timer like yours truly. Doubting Thomas? No need for that. The best way to tap from your environment is to have an open mind, this way you can get water out of any stone.

    So, yours truly got set and it was time to learn from five yawning hearts, hearts that either fell in love or allowed love to get the better of their lives at some point. It was the story of five friends who went through different emotional phases to rediscover themselves. Unfortunately, the fifth lady (Uche) did not have the opportunity to get a second chance on the affectionate timetable. She committed suicide when she discovered that she meant nothing to the man she was married to. Instead of being loved, she was a mere property whose worth had been reduced to nothing when she could not bear children.

    In the movie, you follow the story of five childhood friends, Regina, Nse, Rume, Alex and Uche who was a victim, sacrificed on the altar of love. Interestingly, she (Uche) was the one who pulled her friends together over the years with a seemingly happy disposition. She gave others a shoulder to cry on while she bottled up all the tears in heart. Sadly, she left with a series of letters, letters which later provoked her friends to open up on secrets that had become almost ‘stale’.

    Luckily, it made them do the things they feared to do and it ushered them into another interesting phase in their lives. Alex threw away her toy boy and got a real man. Nse got the courage to tell her husband about a baby she had way back in school and to her surprise he forgave and accepted her. Regina opted for divorce while Rume’s relationship had also broken and could not be mended.

    As they poured their hearts out, it brought vivid images of the deception, blackmail and bitterness from people they love or thought loved them. It made you laugh and cry a little. The things women go through – all for love. Can they really do without the heartaches which have actually become part and parcel of almost every relationship?

    Humour from Rume and good production made it a delight. It also brought to the fore issues about women and relationships as well as how to find a way out of the emotional woods if you ever get to this point. It featured Nse Ikpe Etim, Dakore Akande, Tosin Sido, Katherine Obiang and the writer of the script, Ashionye Michelle Raccah. In it, you find tips on how to make good use of friendship as well as how to be a friend indeed. Lies, secrets and self discovery are the other things that you discover as you allow your mind to explore the many possibilities encountered in the love arena.

    It is only natural to want to keep and treasure something that good. If you are lucky to have a very special connection, then you would do everything to make it last. And because it’s so good, you start to think that maybe you’ve finally found your Mr. Right. It is at this point that you find a lot of ladies getting anxious about something going wrong, or about him suddenly “changing his mind” about her. Unfortunately, this is precisely the moment where a lot of women make a lot of mistakes. You can and should communicate what you want to a man and set certain standards.

    But you have to do it from the beginning… not keeping things bottled up, “hoping” he’s thinking and intending the same things from the relationship that you are, and then feeling upset and confused when months later you find out that he doesn’t. If you let a man know what you will and won’t tolerate in a relationship early on, then he won’t feel cornered or “hassled.” He’s going to suddenly be wildly open, affectionate and want more with you. Don’t let it scare you when you see such a big sudden shift.

  • Guys, your chastity is your strength

    DEAR Aunty Temilolu, There’s a saying that “anyone who pushes you closer to God is your real friend.” You are more than a friend to us. I’ve been reading your column since its inception and my life has never been the same. Thank you so much for encouraging me. God will continue to bless you in Jesus name. I love you dearly.

    Adeola Adeyemi, 16 (P/H)

    Dear Aunty Temilolu,

    I am a 19-year-old guy and still a virgin. However, in the last few months, my girlfriend has mounted serious pressure on me to have sex with her and I really don’t want to. What do you advise, please?

    Mike

    TO ALL THE MIKES OUT THERE

    I must not fail to congratulate you for being wise enough to preserve your life because any form of fleshly lust wars against the soul which is not only the seat of our entire existence but the source of our intelligence and knowledge out of which comes everything we do with our lives. Now, what happens when it is contaminated or polluted? The result is a life of bondage and slavery under the devil who is meant to be permanently under your feet. I tell you, a real man is one who cannot be controlled by that which he should be master over. MEN, PLEASE THINK ABOUT THIS. Besides, why do you want to get yourself embroiled in an emotional/spiritual quagmire which could hamper your development and growth at a time when you should be concentrating on your studies and laying a solid foundation for a successful life? I don’t know your financial capability at the moment. However, this lady would expect you take care of her material needs as well as her emotional needs. You begin to stress and drain yourself of what should give you the much-needed comfort to pursue your education. What if she gets pregnant? Are you ready to have a baby? Why go through the hassles of becoming a baby father or having blood in your hands as a result of terminating a pregnancy? You need to be wise my friend! Once you get into it I’m afraid you become unstoppable and eventually give the devil too much access into your life!

    The whole world lies in great mystery and wickedness and the devil-our common enemy is raging so wildly and wishes to have a grip over as many destinies as possible and dispossess them of their natural entitlements. One of such ways as I emphasise here is ungodly sex. Why would you want to go against your source-God and live a life of struggle and hardship? The devil has turned too many girls and women to weapons of mass destruction because they refuse to have a deep relationship with God and have a grip over their souls. The devil cashes in on their superficiality and possesses them with all sorts of bad spirits that they might not even be aware of. And just one of these bad spirits which are virtue vamps, could divert the course of a man’s destiny. Now, can you imagine what happens to a man who would sleep with anything in skirt? He’s finished because he’s sleeping with multiple partners with probably a legion of demons. What a waste of life! I tell you, a lot of men would have fared better in life if they guarded their loins jealously. No matter how successful a man is, as long as he is still engaging in ungodly sex and fighting the source of his existence, he isn’t where he is destined to be yet!

    Mike, try and convince your friend to stay chaste but if she won’t stop troubling you, please run away from her before she gets you into trouble. You never can tell the destiny you carry and what it requires to manifest in full force. Would the biblical Joseph have ever become the prime minister of Egypt at such a young age, if he succumbed to Mrs.Potiphar? NO!

    “Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body? For it is said, “The two will become one flesh.”But whoever is united with the Lord is one with him in spirit.

    Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body. Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own;” 1 Corinthians 6:16-19 (NIV)

    MAY THE SPIRIT OF GOD OVERSHADOW THE LIFE OF EVERY MAN THAT’S READING THIS IN JESUS NAME! AMEN!

    I invite you to follow me on facebook –TEMILOLU OKEOWO (not Temilolu okeowo girls club or TEMILOLU OKEOWO Girls Club group).

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  • Parents, a lot of your girls are in danger!

    DEAR Sister Temilolu, God bless you real good. God will reward you. I saw your piece in Saturday Punch. You are really fixing an area that has been neglected for too long. I’m reading your article for the first time and I was constrained to bless you. If only our teenage girls would have human angels like you around them, the society would be morally preserved. Keep up the good job!

    Pastor Kayode Adams

     

    Dear Aunty Temilolu,

    Could you please shout it out to parents that their children require more than food and money? I am about to go to the office to face love potion and I cannot tell my parents. Both of them have different religions and they would not believe me. My parents are not sensitive and will not accept that someone is trying to cast a spell on me. Even if my mother believes, what would she tell my father? That I am about to become a financial burden on them? With no jobs in town? The person I am sure has been using love potion on me is a partner in the firm where I work. It’s either I flee or submit to his love potion at last. Yesterday, I ran but I’m on my way today. I’m in my 20’s and this man who is over 50 has been bullying me. Now he has black lines under his eyes and always wants me to look directly into his eyes. Also, I now strangely feel like having an affair with him each time I’m around him. Please don’t let him go unpunished. No! Not this one. Please ma, tell parents that God will eventually tell them to give an account of how they raised their kids while on earth. Anyone who wants to become a parent should learn from the past, look forward and be qualified in all areas e.g. spiritual, financial, emotional etc. Getting married and having children isn’t about running from being stigmatised but about bringing a fresh and innocent soul into the world. Why should you toy with a life and destiny that has been graciously given to you to nurture for God? Please let the message be loud and clear for my sake. I have prayed and on my way to work. Please always remember your female seeds in prayers. May God bless you ma.

    Oluwatoyin, Lagos

     

    Dear Aunty Temilolu,

    A few months ago, my parents got me a job in a family friend’s boutique as a sales girl because they can’t quite afford to pay for my studies at the moment. Less than two months after I resumed, my boss who is a man about my father’s age started asking me about my sexual experience so far and each time he asks teasingly, I let him know I’m still a virgin and intend to remain so till my wedding night. A few weeks back, when I was cleaning out the store room, he came and grabbed my breasts from behind me. When I got home, I told my mum I was  going to stop going to work and she told me to prepare to stop pursuing my entry into the university as they (my parents) expect my salary to take care of my tuition fees. I don’t want to tell them

    why I want to stop work because I don’t want to cause a family feud yet I don’t want to lose my virginity to that man. What shall I do? Please help!

    Chibuzor, 18

     

    People of God, what shall we do? Oluwatoyin has said it all! But if our parents can’t help, who would? Sadly, a lot of parents have turned their daughters to wares for sale all in a bid to dodge financial responsibility! How can we help thousands of girls out there who are daily harassed sexually in offices and especially the tertiary institutions where these despotic men fail these girls in their courses until they succumb to their evil pressure? This is very wicked and it’s about time we all rose up to raise a voice for these human institutions who will be

    responsible for the next generation-the future of Nigeria!

    • To be continued.
    • I invite you to follow me on facebook –TEMILOLU OKEOWO (not Temilolu okeowo girls club or TEMILOLU OKEOWO Girls Club group).

      Scam Alert: Temilolu okeowo girls club page and group as well as Temilolu cares for you are fake facebook accounts.