The Nation Newspaper

Category: New Woman

  • Switching from rags to riches

    “ANYONE can do anything with a million dollars. But it takes more than money to make something out of nothing”. This quote naturally tells us that we can do so much and execute lots of ideas when we have money. Dreams and ideas naturally translate to reality when we have money and resources to carry them out.

    Money, companionship, opportunities are usually possible when the mega bucks abound. Without this, then we are talking about a life being compared to that of the rag; poor, ragged, empty and worthless condition. But in the midst of physical and emotional poverty you can metamorphose to another state.

    From experience, many would tell you that nothing good comes easy. You really need to put great effort into the love nest to make it work. This brings to mind the rags-to-riches phrase and it takes you from obscurity and emptiness to your heart’s desire.

    Yes, we all agree that money is indeed a mean to certain ends but there are so many other factors that must blend together to achieve a successful outcome. If this is not done, then the resources that should matter would obviously go down the drain.

    The crux of the matter here is that money on its own cannot move mountains whether for physical, emotional and other ends.

    In Dolly Parton’s song, ‘Coat of many colours’, the lyrics talks about a box of rags in the season of her youth. A box of rags naturally suggests a collection of something useless, old, garbage, something awful and obviously something many would love to dissociate with.

    Instead of looking at the odds, the young girl and her mother decided to make the best out of nothing. Parton’s mother put the rags of many colours to use. Even though every piece was small, her mother sewed the rags together with passion and love. There was no money and her little girl needed something to keep her warm. This naturally would be a time when issues of love and romance would be at the peak.

    This led to the creation of a coat of many colours. Of course, a coat is for comfort, protection and warmth .These, basically, are the things required in a relationship, which can make or mar the relationship.

    Even though the material used was weak and worthless, the maker of the coat reproduced something worthwhile with love. To support this show of motherly love, her mother related this to the biblical Joseph’s coat of many colours. Her dream was for the coat to bring her daughter good luck and happiness and she blessed it with a kiss. On her part, little Dolly just couldn’t wait to wear it.

    Even though her friends laughed at her rags, she wore it with great pride.

    “Although we had no money I was rich as I could be In my coat of many colours.

    So with patches on my britches, holes in both my shoes, in my coat of many colours I hurried off to school.

    Just to find the others laughing, I couldn’t understand it.

    For I felt I was rich. And I told them of the love my momma sewed in every stitch.

    But they didn’t understand it And I tried to make them see that one is only poor only if they choose to be.”

    Interestingly, this applies to our emotions too. Most times, what we are left with are emotional rags. Things that make us cry each time we look back from where we are coming from and where we finally find ourselves. Instead of having our emotions lined with rich fabrics like lace, silk, cotton, velvet or linen that is sweet to behold, you are overwhelmed with rags that are no longer attractive. Interestingly, the most important thing you need to forge ahead is not the rags or the lace of emotions. The crucial thing that is going to see you through the affectionate lane is your attitude. You have to develop the right attitude all the time; it would be the only tonic required to make it a successful emotional journey.

    There are different steps to take in order to make your relationship wax stronger, no matter the odd that comes your way. First, you have to be sure that the feeling you are experiencing is love and that these feelings are mutual. Once this is ascertained, then you can move on to the next stage which entails showing love to each other.

    This will help to maintain and increase the loving feelings that you have for each other. Unfortunately, it is not everyone who knows how to express such feelings properly. Sometimes, what you think is going to help project your love may just turn out to be a turn off for the person that you are desperately trying to impress.

    Conversely, not expressing love can also hurt the bond you share with your partner in a terrible way. So, if you are trying to work out a successful relationship, then you must be committed to your partner’s emotional well-being, even when it isn’t easy. This means sharing affection with your partner, through good times and bad, when it’s most needed and when it’s least expected.

    This task is usually easy when you are the romantic type. Romance is essential to have at least some of the time. Candles, candlelight, compliments, romantic bubble baths, and romantic dinners are good ideas. So it is wise to try to inject a romance into some of th

  • Social media group to enliven plight of women

    Nonnie

    As issue of women and children continues to get global concern, a social media platform, Sisterhood Global, has relaunched its operations in line with universal approach to solving the plights of women.

    Nigerian founder of the group, Nonnie Roberson, while addressing journalists in Abuja, noted that the mission was to tackle global problems associated with women through effective use of the social media.

    She explained that the group started the project three months ago under the name, Sisterhood Africa, but had to rebrand after it had gathered over three million active members and Facebook decided to shut the page down.

    Robertson expressed optimism that the group will keep rising above gender issues by refocusing its targets, given the reason it decided to expand its scope from Africa in order to accommodate more women globally.

    She said: ‘‘it gives me great pleasure to announce the launch of the very first faith based Social Network for Women, Sisterhood Global. Evidently, we have moved from glory to glory.

    ‘‘About three months ago, it was impressed in my heart to set up a platform where women can come together, pray together, love each other, receive godly counsels, express how they feel inside and get solutions to their problems with abounding testimonies.

    ‘‘We started out with a Facebook group, which within a short while, grew to over three million active members. For reasons best known to Facebook, and without any prior notice, the group was taken down. Indeed, Sisterhood Africa (Now Sisterhood Global) was a house of solutions and testimonies. It was a place of solace for many women in Africa, and round the world. The testimonies shared on SHA were too mysterious to be understood by unbelievers and some believers.’’

    On what the social networking site will do for women, Nonnie said, ‘‘The Sisterhood Global platform – https://www.sisterhoodglobal.com – allows you to create groups, post photos, chat with friends, like posts, search for members, get notifications, add friends, send smiles, comment on posts, share posts, even poke! lol, and much more.

    ‘‘Moreso, it’s a platform to experience unprecedented miracles, find strong unshakeable love, dumbfounding miracles, open heavens, answered prayers, see the acts and know the ways of God. It is a platform for women all over the globe, who wish to experience the supernatural.’’

     

  • Bury the love hatchet

    Folarin and Ndidi have been dating for about three years. Each time one of their friends sends an invitation to their wedding or bachelor’s or spinster’s eve, her heart skips. This time around, it was Biodun’s bachelor’s eve, and Folarin kept the details from her. But, fortunately for her, she got the news from Biodun’s girlfriend because they were close. She found her way to the venue and found him with another companion.

    Cheated? Well, if there was another word that could take care of her feelings, this wasn’t quite appropriate. She moved nearer and gave the gal a beating of a life time. The whole party and attention shifted to her and on the spot, Biodun told her it was really over. “Now that you know that it isn’t you that I love, then I can have some peace.”

    What could she really do now? Perhaps it was better to go back to the drawing board and bury the love hatchet. If she got another opportunity to talk with him, they would try to figure out what went wrong and what they could do to get their love back on track again.

    Wait a minute! Haven’t they been talking about this same matter before? As a matter of fact, the talks actually made her upset and even angry at times because his arguments were always unrealistic. But then she persisted because she felt if they could talk things through and make him realise how much she still cared for and loved him, then he may just change this terrible attitude.

    That was not all. Even your friends and family had intervened at different times and it all turned out that you were doing the right things and that if he wasn’t listening, opening up, and “getting it”… then he was the one to blame. That he was the one being selfish and immature.

    Naturally, some of these other reasons made her feel a little bit better but it was only for a moment. It still didn’t explain why, despite everything she was doing to improve herself and their relationship, he was still getting more and more distant, difficult and just wanted to end things with her.

    Sometimes, it is possible to make a miscalculation based on your intuition. This way, you are likely to ruin a great relationship because you did the right thing at the wrong time. Of course, there is nothing wrong with following your instinct, the only difference is to understand where and how to apply it.

    For a number of ladies, therefore, you discover that instead of using this intuition to their benefit, such people actually end up shooting themselves in the foot and destroying what would have been a marvellous relationship.

    But there are times, when what you have is not worth expending precious energy on. The heart that you have fallen helplessly in love with is actually a counterfeit, an adulterated version of what you dreamed of. It may also be that you are not totally ignorant of the antics but you just want to hold on thinking that things would sort themselves out with time.

    Sadly, some women get so caught up in the mindset that “he will change” once they are married and he would fit into the arrangement with time. But most times, it doesn’t really turn out this way.

    For Bimpe who has found 60 per cent of her requirement in her man, it still can be a hell of a time. “The same laid back demeanour and quiet disposition that my sweetheart possesses and the reason I fell helplessly for him is the same laid back demeanour and quiet disposition that sometimes work my last nerves at times,” she recollects.

    In every relationship, it is important to spell out the terms and understand the personality you are dealing with from the outset. This would let you know whether it is better to continue or make a u-turn if it is only going to end in tears.

    If you do not get off a stressful emotional train, then you may crash with the train. Many get caught up in trying to mould and perfect things even when it is obvious that they are never going to go far together.

    It is better to let your woman or man be who they are….flaws and all. The one thing you need to know is that you love unconditionally with not only all the person’s good sides but with all the bad as well.

    We also need to remember that men think differently from women, especially when it comes to why they do the things they do in a relationship (s).

    “I am going on my sixth relationship and have been with this current boyfriend for seven months. At the beginning, I liked what I saw and it looked like a dream come true.” But gradually, she began to discover another side of this emotional story and at the moment she is at a crossroads. “He stammers, but I didn’t see it as a problem because he was always smiling and happy. But when I got closer and we got used to one another, I realised that he always got angry if I didn’t quickly understand what he was saying while stammering. At such moments, he could be really difficult and I wondered how I was going to cope with such moods in future.”

    Well, she needs to make up her mind on time. This may actually make or mar their relationship and she needs to be sure that it is something that she can cope with in future.

  • Stop Remembering What God Has Forgotten

    Stop Remembering What God Has Forgotten

    Girls…Girls… Girls, YOUR
    FUTURE IS VERY VERY GREAT,
    FORGET YOUR PAST!!!

    DEAR Aunty Temilolu, I lost my virginity 10 years ago and I am 20 years old now. I am in love with a guy who has proposed to marry me and I’ve been lying to him that I lost my virginity because I was raped. I was never raped. What happened was that my mother left us and ran away when I was six years old and I had to go and stay with my grandma. She brought in a distant relative to stay with us. I was too young to know that the lady was a prostitute. She was always taking me to men who would “play with me”. One day, a man “used me” and I saw blood coming out of my vagina. I didn’t know what it meant till I got to form 2 in secondary school when I learnt more about virginity. I cried so badly as it hurt me deeply. However, I gave my life to God at 16 and He’s shown me great love. But right now, I am still grievously hurt by my childhood experience. To worsen things, my guy insists on knowing how many men I’ve slept with as he’s a pastor and wants to be sure he’s not getting married to someone who has been passed around. I find it very hard to tell him all what happened as I love him very much and don’t want to lose him.

     

    My darling,

    You didn’t tell a lie. Penile penetration of a child aged 12 years and under is automatically rape whether the child believes they consented or not. No matter what you said, what you signed, how you responded, how your body reacted a child of 12 years and under cannot give consent to sexual interactions with anyone. We all have different attitudes to issues of life. You may not want to let him know what you went through in your childhood. In the first place, true love doesn’t care about the past. However, if a spouse-to-be insists on knowing some certain information about the woman he’s spending the rest of his life with, it is very foolish to lie about it. It’s better to speak the truth than for him to find out in future when you are married. If it’s a grave issue, it could land you into serious trouble and God may not appear on time because you turned your back against Him by lying in the first instance. If you speak the truth and the man refuses to go on with the relationship/marriage, then expect a super man – many times better than him as a compensation from God as long as you’ve re-traced your steps. However, you must forget the past.

     

    The past already happened; perpetually living there does you no good. Learn as many lessons from that occurrence then let it go. You will never be able to change it, however, you need to live in the now. Most often we feel a lot of anger towards someone for something they did to us or for their failure to do something for us. Or one of or both our parents treated us badly as a child. Whatever the reason, we are unforgiving and that precisely is the reason that a past event can engross our mind to the exclusion of other thoughts. That is unhealthy mentally unless we learn to forgive and free ourselves. If your mind is clogged with bitterness and you keep feeling guilty and sorrowful, how can you see what God has planned for you and enjoy the goodies?

     

    My darling, at 20, I think you are too young to be choked with man-trouble. I am very sure you have not even discovered yourself and yet to be done with your studies. Be happy and wallow in the wonderful opportunities you can have from God since you’re friends. Concentrate on your destiny and the best men will run after you if this one decides to leave you. Let this experience set you up to be a better, stronger, smarter person now.

    Now here’s a bear hug to you and other sisters who are haunted by their past and labelled all sorts…hmmm. I hope I was able to squeeze out the pall in your heart? Wipe your tears…smile. Now clap for yourselves because you are starting on a clean virtuous slate. Hip, hip, hip…hurray!

     

    Love Always,

    Apostle of Chastity

    I invite you to follow me on facebook –TEMILOLU OKEOWO (not Temilolu okeowo girls club or TEMILOLU OKEOWO Girls Club group).

    Scam Alert: Temilolu okeowo girls club page and group as well as Temilolu cares for you are fake facebook accounts.

  • Just the two of us

    SEARCHING for greener pastures? Yes, everyone dreams of something good and wonderful. We all have standards and it’s great if we find what we want or something close to the original.

    Unfortunately, Rebecca has been criss-crossing the emotional zone without getting to the proverbial promised land in her search. “Most times, I wonder what is always happening to me. I have discovered that I do not love the people who fall in love with. On the other hand, I find that the people that I love or really admire are already hooked up. They have people that they treasure and they don’t usually care about my feelings towards them.”

    Well, sometimes we do not find what we really want. When you get to this realisation, then you just have to move and not stick to someone that you know that you can never have. All you need to do is to focus on the good sides of the person who cares about you and make the love idea reciprocal. If you do not move on and make the best of your emotional situation, then you are going to be caught in an emotional cobweb that may lead to depression.

    Fear, love, jealousy, pride, vanity and resentment. These are some of the emotions that we are faced with on a daily basis, whether we like it or not. The mind can be very adventurous when it comes to love matters. While some can stick to a particular relationship for so long and do things that would make it look new as the years roll by, there are others who are very adventurous.

    Like the mouse pad, love is just a click away. The person in question is always experiencing some excitements, a burst of emotions at any time. As soon as the present emotion fades away you can be sure that something fresh and new will take its place soon.

    For this group, no single emotional response can be permanent. This relates to the other kind of emotions too. For instance, when any emotion, such as anger, is experienced, the person is likely to stay angry only for some time; eventually the anger will fade away and a fresh emotion will arise.

    Interestingly, an abundance of good feelings, and emotional satisfaction, become the criterion for a successful life. However, emotions present problems for the mind (which is just the personality). When emotions become intense, they neutralise intellectual concerns. In fact, common negatively-valued emotions such as self-pity, fear, anxiety, as well as moods like depression, actually tend to inhibit rationality – in particular, intense anxiety seems to produce a mental fog in one’s mind, making it impossible to study.

    Experts also advise that it is important to understand the nature of emotions if we really want to forge ahead and make our relationship to work. This is because it has profound implications for psycho-therapy.

    Interestingly, a lot of people think that their feelings are the same as emotions. This is not true because there are fundamental differences between feelings and emotions. There are a multitude of emotions, but only three feeling. These include the pleasant one, the unpleasant one, and the neutral one. The importance of feelings is that they help give rise to emotions, that is, the bases of all emotions are the three feelings. Sometimes you can keep emotional hope alive in the face of certain odds. “Mid way into the relationship, things just went upside down and I thought it was all over. However, I made up my mind to play along because I loved her so much. She continued to date the other guy who turned out to be a Casanova. When she realised that I was the one that genuinely loved her, she ran back to me.”

    So how did he survive during the hurting period? you wonder. “Well, I must confess that it was really tough but I was determined to make it in spite of the odds. I filled my heart with memories of some of the happy moments we shared together just before the emotional crisis. His ever smiling face, sexy eyeballs and loving smile encouraged me to bank on luck.”

    When the emotional matter is more than a fling, then you would discover that a lot of people who are busy, successful, inspiring sometimes have issues with their partners in their lives.

    The big question, therefore, would be that can being successful reduce the amount of emotional current you give? Are you likely to be selfish and self-centred?

    Your environment, level of exposure and age also determine how you feel. A medical doctor explains the state of mind of the young girls going into puberty as anxious and adventurous. “At this age, it is normal to feel curious, anxious and ashamed, especially if you are the only girl in the house. I also have a case of someone who was happy because she was going to wear a bra. Others are ashamed and they wear double vest to cover the bump. Some of the changes include menstruation, pubic hair, pimples, growing by the hips, nipples and other internal organs.”

    She adds: “Mood swings also occur and the sex hormones are responsible for sexually maturity.  Here the young ones need information to guide them from irresponsible people who would want to take advantage of them.”

  • Like mother like daughter

    DEAR Aunty Temilolu, I was a proud virgin until last month when I missed my period and discovered I was pregnant. The shock was too much for me to handle as my boyfriend never went all the way but played with me and our bodies responded the way it would when two people engage in sexual intercourse. Certainly, a stray sperm got into me. I had to terminate the pregnancy though he didn’t tell me to. I terminated it majorly because I didn’t want to end up like my mother and grandmother. My mother had me that way and till today she’s not married to my father or any man. Also, my maternal grandmother whom I presently live with never married my maternal grandfather as she also conceived my mother out of wedlock. I didn’t feel good committing an abortion but had to do it to save myself from future trouble. However, I can’t stop feeling bad. Please what do you think?

    1. 21

    My darling, precious, glorious, dignified, world-famous and heavenly celebrated Nigerian sisters,

    Hmmm…Sigh! Girls…girls…girls…how many times did I call you?  Life is a lot much more than boyfriends, smooching, sex, dressing to kill, “talking eyes,” Brazilian hair, body shaper, buttock enlargement etc. Too much concentration on your physical beauty to attract guys not only gets you into trouble unconsciously a lot of times but also distracts you from concentrating on your spiritual beauty and working out your destiny. Yes! If you love dressing to kill to get guys drooling over you, some day, you’ll fall into the hands of a guy that would kill your destiny. The devil is very clever and knows how to set traps for those who rely on their sense and sensibility to get what they want out of life instead of depending on God to sort them out. So many of you reading this are in serious trouble and not enjoying life today because of your parents’ ignorance and failure to sufficiently work on their destinies and marry the right person. Nevertheless, you are not a mistake. God knew you before you were formed in your mother’s womb and has fantastic plans for you; a much better life than that of your parents but expects you to work it out with fear and trembling.

    T’s evil family pattern caught up with her and she decided to outsmart it by committing an abortion. I tell you, she would have been better off not terminating that pregnancy. Abortion is a sin of a great magnitude in the eyes of God because it entails the shedding of innocent blood and carries its consequences. Also, who knows what special assignment the terminated child was sent to carry out in the world? Perhaps a prophet sent to save his generation. I pity a lot of girls who terminate pregnancies; they can’t all get away with it. I can only pray along with T. that God who decides whom He’ll have mercy on would have mercy on her.

    There’s someone reading this column who is afraid of getting married because her father turned her mother’s life upside down while another is turning out a termagant just like her mother who showed her father pepper and ended up marrying three men and having children for all three of them. If care is not taken, such a girl would end up marrying five men. There’s yet another reader who has lived an unstable life and experienced hell being sent to live from one cousin’s place to another because neither of her parents could fend for her. While there’s another who is suffering in the hands of a wicked step-mother or father being maltreated on a daily basis with no one to come to her rescue. While another’s destiny has been satanically diverted and she doesn’t know.

    Girls, what happens to our parents usually end up happening to us if we don’t take extra care. It becomes a family pattern and could completely destroy God’s glorious agenda for one’s life. Sadly, too many parents are so spiritually lazy that they fail to support their children spiritually and equip them against such evil patterns. One of the ways the devil shuts your eyes from seeing pits that could redesign your life, make it even worse than your parents and make life most unenjoyable is the lust of the flesh/ungodly sex. It makes you spiritually dull and unable to follow the right path to your destiny and avoid the pitfalls on the way. Funny enough, we all have access to the power that can subdue the flesh and see clearly. I charge you to have a deep relationship with the Holy Ghost, let God be the sole driver of your destiny and place you where you rightly belong. Eventually, you will have peace, joy, prosperity and the most amazing sex all the days of your life. There’s time for everything! Okay? God bless you!

    Dear T.

    You need to work out your relationship with God to save yourself from the evil family pattern rearing its head again in your life in the ugliest manner. Stupid, bad devil is only too happy right now that you committed that abortion because he knows how much it can work against you and in fact mess you up! Forget every boyfriend for now. You have to practically “carry God on your head” eat, sleep, breath Him, rub minds with Him by daily studying the word while asking His forgiveness, get committed to His kingdom in your own way like being a sanctuary keeper or any other work you can do in church. THIS IS A VERY SERIOUS MATTER! You need Him 100% on your side to ward off that evil family pattern. May He shine His light of countenance upon you in Jesus mighty name! Amen!

    I invite you to follow me on facebook –TEMILOLU OKEOWO (not Temilolu okeowo girls club or TEMILOLU OKEOWO Girls Club group).

    Scam Alert: Temilolu okeowo girls club page and group as well as Temilolu cares for you are fake facebook accounts.

  • Girls, beware of Gifts from guys

    Girls, beware of Gifts from guys

    DEAR Sister Temilolu, You have been a blessing to me and my sister through your articles in The Nation on Sunday. I call it my Sunday school lecture. I pray God will bless you even beyond your imagination in Jesus name.

    Moyinoluwa, Kwara State

     

    Dear Aunty Temi,

    I’m a guy but I love reading your articles. I’ve been dating a girl who claims she’s a virgin and wishes to remain so and because of this, I decided not to bother her about sex. Since we began dating, I have spent my school fees and project fees on her because of her pride. But all of a sudden, she changed and said that she can’t marry me because I’m a Christian. Now, I have decided to force her to have sex with me unless she refunds all the money I’ve ever given her and returns the techno phone I presented to her on her birthday. If she doesn’t, I would rape her and deflower her. Aunty, please reply now before I take action. Thanks.

    Bosun

     

    Happy Independence dear Nigerians!

    My darling, precious, glorious, dignified, world-famous and heavenly celebrated Nigerian sisters,

    As Esther found favour and grace before the king in the 10th month and was crowned queen, so shall you find favour with God and man this month in Jesus mighty name. Happy new month!

    When I read Bosun’s text, I flew up from my bed and immediately called him. I had to plead with him in God’s name to ignore the girl and move on with his life. I also subtly berated him for giving out his school and project fees. He didn’t have to do that because he’s not the girl’s brother, uncle or father who has to deny himself to send his sister or daughter to school. After pleading with him and encouraging him to leave things to God and also expect a reward from God for not taking out his revenge on the girl, he promised to let her be.

    It’s good to be generous but not when the generosity is in expectation of having a sexual relationship. Unfortunately, that appears to be the order of the day. Men are not Santa Clauses and this is a time when an average girl would do anything to have some money, so 90% of them expect you to be ready to give them some sexual favour in return for their largess on you. It doesn’t matter that he hasn’t asked you out or made any amorous advances. In fact, the smarter ones would keep dazzling you with their generosity just to conquer your heart and weaken your resistance so by the time they are ready to launch their attack on you, you are left with little or no choice to become their sex slave and most especially when you are so carried away by what you’ve been enjoying and can’t imagine living a life without these goodies. A lot of you could say after all the entire world is engaging in it, your parents could even be encouraging you but I tell you, you are polluting yourself and may be denying yourself what could make you rich enough to buy yourself an aircraft and more before age 40! Why can’t you preserve your goodness and in future enjoy what all the men chasing you can never give you? I bind every lothario chasing you! May God arise and send you help from His sanctuary!

    I invite you to follow me on facebook –TEMILOLU OKEOWO (not Temilolu okeowo girls club or TEMILOLU OKEOWO Girls Club group).

    Scam Alert: Temilolu okeowo girls club page and group as well as Temilolu cares for you are fake facebook accounts.

    Are you still engaging in pre-marital sex? Each act devalues you! Your wonders are waiting to start. God is waiting for you to become a secondary virgin!

  • Flying and perching around

    Dotun attended the school’s alumni meeting a few weeks ago. Here, he met a number of his old school mates and they had become a shadow of themselves. Guys who used to be the toast and envy of all had deteriorated so badly and they all wondered why he looked so clean and radiant.

    “The only thing that keeps me going is my dear Amaka, the woman who has made me to fly in emotional colours. She is a wonderful heart to be with and every moment spent in her company makes me feel better and younger. She helps you plan your day in a unique way and when you are down, she is ever ready to proffer solutions that would make you go to bed with a heart filled with joy.”

    That, for him, is the emotional tonic required to fly around like a butterfly.

    A strong, healthy relationship can be one of the best supports in your life and business. As you look around for success stories, you find that good relationships improve all aspects of life as well as strengthening your health, your mind, and your connections with others.

    However, if the relationship isn’t working, it can also be a tremendous drain. Relationships are an investment. The more you put in, the more you can get back.

    For some, no matter what they put in the other party would just not make them fly because the relationship was not based on trust but on lust and material gains. Once you find yourself on the edge like this, it is better to device ways to repair the trust and love in a relationship on the rocks.

    At such moments, it may be better to withdraw from the hustle and bustle to nature. That was exactly what Adunni did recently and it took away the emotional confusion without stress. Here, she saw a beautiful butterfly flying and perching around. The brightly-coloured insect stole the show. It was beautiful watching the overlapping rows of tiny scales jumping around in excitement.

    However, she discovered that as beautiful and exciting as it was, the experience did not last forever.

    To understand this, you need to understand that as beautiful as the butterfly is, it has a short lifespan. The average lifespan for an adult butterfly is 20 to 40 days. Some species live no longer than three or four days; others may live up to six months.

    From egg to adult, butterflies undergo a series of physical transformations known as metamorphosis. After mating, the female butterfly lays her eggs on a caterpillar food or “host” plant. The eggs can hatch within a few days, or within months or even years, depending on whether the conditions are right or not.

    In addition, a caterpillar’s first meal is its own eggshell. It then spends most of its time eating the leaves of the plant on which it hatched. An adult butterfly uncoils its long, straw-like proboscis to sip nectar from flowers, juice from rotting fruit and water from puddles.

    Many butterflies have developed interesting ways of defending themselves from predators. One method is disguise, or “cryptic colouration”, where the butterfly has the ability to look like a leaf or blend into the bark of a tree to hide from predators.  Another method is chemical defence, where the butterfly has evolved to have toxic chemicals in its body. These species of butterfly are often brightly coloured, and predators have learned over time to associate their bright colour with the bad taste of the chemicals.

    Interestingly, it also reminds you about the lyrics of the song by Westlife titled ‘Flying without wings’.

    It talks about everybody looking for that special thing, that thing that makes them complete, the thing that brings excitement to their emotions and life in general. The song writer hints that such pleasures and excitement occur in the strangest places, places where you never knew or imagined that you could find cupids arrow.

    The big question then would be where can you find the kind of love that you truly desire?

    Well, some actually find it sharing every morning while others have to stay away from the maddening crowd to find it in their solitary lives. If you do not get it here, then you may just rediscover lost affection in the words of others or in the deepest friendship. Friends whose hearts are as beautiful as the butterfly can be a great asset. These are the kinds of hearts that you would cherish all your life.

  • Girls, you need power not pouts and poses (ii)

    DEAR Temilolu, You’ve been a blessing to this generation in your articles. May God continue to impart you with his wisdom every day. AMEN.

    Bartholomew Okafor

    My darling, precious, glorious, dignified, world-famous and heavenly celebrated Nigerian sisters,

    You’d recall in our last edition, I published the letter of a 23-year-old virgin who was told by her parents that she screams out of her sleep like she’s engaging in sexual intercourse. Her parents’ herbalist friend then suggested the only way to put an end to it is to have her raped by his son who has been lusting after her. Unfortunately, this lady doesn’t even know she screams neither does she dream that someone is having sex with her. But I tell you, one major problem girls and women face is this type of spiritual defilement. I receive mails from girls who ask if it is normal to make love in your dreams. It isn’t normal, certainly not planned by God! The devil, our common enemy, uses it as a weapon to plant evil of all sorts into the lives of females including fibroids, marital delays, poverty, stagnancy, emotional disorders, ill-luck, disfavour etc.

    Any scientist reading this could say this is some misinformation but wait till you get spiritual then you will understand what I am talking about. I quoted Ephesians 6:10-18where we are encouraged to be strong in the lord because we are against far more than we can handle on our own.

    “For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.”  Ephesians 6:12 (KJV)

     

    The scriptures also tell us in 2 Timothy 3:13

    “But evil men and seducers shall wax worse and worse, deceiving, and being deceived.”

    Now, babe, which power do you have over these spirit beings and evil men? Your eyelashes, your make-up, your Brazilian hair, your fashion sense? NO! NO! NO! Don’t let anyone tell you your battles are over once you receive Jesus Christ as your lord and saviour. That is a major step though. You cannot effectively deal with these spirit beings and the wiles of the devil without getting into the supernatural. This is a very serious matter. If so many parents had being spiritual enough and not lukewarm, so many of you wouldn’t be in the horrible mess you are today. But guess what? You have so much power you probably never knew you had access to. In the first instance,

    “Ye also, as lively stones, are built up a spiritual house, an holy priesthood…”

    1 Peter 2:5 (KJV)

    “But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you;”    Acts 1:8 (NIV)

    I am so excited because your life is about to change forever. As soon as the Holy Spirit comes on you AND YOU ALLOW IT TO STAY BY LIVING A HOLY LIFE, MEDITATING ON SCRIPTURES AND DAILY GROWING IN GOD, you receive power to overcome fleshly lust, hear God speak to you and guide you daily, discover God’s original plan for your destiny and acquire enormous power to fly over every obstacle in your way. The fire of God simply builds a wall around you; you become untouchable. Your beautiful imaginations manifest with speed, you receive power to get a scholarship to Harvard University even when your parents can’t afford to buy your jamb form right now.  You receive power to be the very best in your class and attain greater heights than your role models, you receive power to get wealth and much more money than you’ve ever wished you had to buy the best dresses, shoes, gadgets, I mean the best of things money can buy. What more? You receive the power to have the man God has programmed for your destiny walk your way on a platter of gold. Whoa! If you are willing, get ready to be showcased by God NO MATTER WHAT YOU’VE DONE WITH YOUR BODY IN THE PAST!

    My darling sister,

    You need to go for a thorough deliverance session against spirit husband and the like. Thereafter live a holy life, memorise scriptures you can chant daily, bask in the presence of God and before you know it, you will possess a supernatural identity which no evil force can subdue! I shall send you some prayer points and assist you in prayers against your parents’ evil plans. Don’t compound your troubles by getting deflowered by your boyfriend.  May God bless you and keep you. May He beam His light on your life and dispel every darkness emanating from your foundation in Jesus mighty name!

    I invite you to follow me on facebook –TEMILOLU OKEOWO (not Temilolu okeowo girls club or TEMILOLU OKEOWO Girls Club group).

    Scam Alert: Temilolu okeowo girls club page and group as well as Temilolu cares for you are fake facebook accounts.

  • Never walk in anyone’s shadows

    THE sore on her left arm was healing already but it was itching. A little scratch here and there appears to be soothing. Just while she was feeling relieved, it got painful and was bleeding profusely. For a lot of people, if the wound itches the tendency is to scratch. Unfortunately, scratching is bad for the healing process. The pain from that old wound reminds her of the emotional wound that she was nursing at the moment.

    For a long time, Nkiru’s desire was to have a good relationship and have the best from the emotional world. That proved abortive and right from school it was tough getting a heart that would melt naturally into hers. Disappointed with the emotional trial and errors that came her way, she finally left school and went for her national service in Enugu.

    Service year was sweet, filled with passionate memories and it was at the peak of it all that she met Chidi. Everything fell into place and it looked like nothing was ever going to change her love for him. “We went everywhere together, laughed around and played like little children. We just could not hide anything from each other and it looked like this was romance made in heaven. As the days went by, I also discovered that we shared so many things in common and never quarrelled for a day.”

    Then they got to the point where it was important to seal the emotional deal and get things done formally. Nkiru had also chosen a bridal gown design and a number of other plans were in the pipeline. That naturally should have been the best moment in her life but somehow the unexpected happened. Chidi gave her a call and told her that they could not continue with plans for the marriage. Reason: “My father has insisted that I must not marry a Yoruba girl. My mother tried her best to convince him but he remains adamant. Unfortunately, I respect my father so much and I cannot go against his wish. I actually need his blessings for the marriage to be a success.”

    The news hit her like a hammer. It left her dazed for days and even weeks. During this period, she kept hoping that things would change and her dear Chidi would come back to her and say it was all a dream. He didn’t. In the midst of that emotional confusion, she fell ill and went to the hospital. Here the doctor revealed that Nkiru was expecting a baby for Chidi. She called him to tell him about the news and the response was even more devastating than the first experience.

    “You must be dreaming. Your plan is to tie me down against my wish. I am sorry, it won’t work. It is over and you can do whatever you like with the baby.” Nkiru decided to keep the baby while Chidi vanished into thin air. It was tough, but, luckily, her mother and friend, Dorcas, stood by her. After that experience, she became very hard on all the guys that came her way. She went back to school and had two masters and went on to pursue her PhD. On the job, she was flying really high and she had many suitors on her trail. As far as she was concerned, they were all inconsequential. Her son, Donald, was doing very well in school and he was the apple of her eyes. She loved him so much while the boy adored his mum.

    Life for Nkiru was complete but somehow friends and family would not let her be. The song on their lips was, “Nkiru, you need a man in your life.” She finally found Tade, an accountant, who attended the same church with her. To her utmost surprise, he had never been married too. He had a good family pedigree and was very simple. His two sisters were also very wonderful and in a short while the wedding bell rang.

    The two of them had been emotional victims with wounds inflicted by hearts they once loved. It was therefore a turning point and the emotional wounds of the past began to heal. About two years after the marriage, Nkiru had a daughter for Tade but somehow she began to notice something strange about her man. He had mood swings and there were times that he got so agitated and violent. He managed to cope but the major casualty was her son, Donald. Her husband and her son just did not get along and it made her really sad.

    One morning they argued over something and Tade smashed the windscreen of the car the boy was going to take out. Nkiru quickly got out of bed to intervene and he smashed her head with a big stick. It was after this experience that one of Tade’s sisters opened up telling her that he suffered from depression when his former girlfriend deserted him. At this point, he was sad and remorseful. This was really dangerous but she just cannot abandon her Tade now. He needs her more than ever, after all the agreement was till death do them part. Donald would go and stay with her mum so that Tade can have more attention.