The Nation Newspaper

Category: New Woman

  • Girls, February 14 could derail your destiny!

    MY darling, precious, glorious, dignified, world-famous and heavenly celebrated Nigerian sisters,

    I can read your minds on this topic. Your thoughts are likely to be “Hmm…aunty Temi has come again o!” Yes, I have come again to help you out of what may have a huge negative influence on your life and set you on a ruinous path.

    Valentine’s Day is usually celebrated by lovers all over the world on February 14. If you ask me, I’d say you have no business “carrying it on your head.” Right now, a lot of you are heart-broken that your greatest love or crush isn’t sparing you a thought for that day. Some of you are giddy with excitement at the gift you are getting from your lover. Some of you have stolen money from your parents to buy gifts, while some of you can’t wait to have your first kiss. Some of you can’t even wait to taste the forbidden fruit on that day and get deflowered! How I pity you, your parents and your future about to be stolen away by the devil because of some silly feeling. To worsen matters, a good number of private schools also encourage the celebration of Valentine’s Day. I read about a 5-year-old girl in Lagos whose request during her family morning devotion was that God should let a certain boy in her class choose her as his valentine! Can you imagine that? Encouraging crazy thoughts of love in a 5-year-old; if you ask me, that’s child abuse!

    In your impressionable and teen age, you have so much energy, passion and gusto to do everything you fancy. You have a vivid imagination and an enormous power to carry out exploits. Now what happens when all this energy is channelled towards the wrong things? Do you know that your teen years are the years that will determine how your entire life would go? Do you know your childhood dreams of achieving extra-ordinary feats are seeds of greatness sowed into you by God? Do you know that the devil -our common enemy – targets bright stars in their teens and confuses them so they can never fulfil their glorious destiny? And guess what? We are all stars, distinguished with different sterling qualities to shine among billions in the world and leave our names in the foot prints of time. Even if you are facing so much hardship in life today because of your parent’s financial inadequacies, do you or your parents have the faintest idea of the magnitude of your greatness in future if only you can concentrate all of your energy on your innate skills and talents?

    I’ve emphasised over and over again that having a romantic relationship in your teens is a huge distraction, in fact a satanic one. Your teen age is the most delicate and important in your entire life. It is the age when you should lay a solid foundation for the future academically, spiritually and psychologically and sadly a lot of parents are not helping matters. Those who wish to help matters are further frustrated by the madness of the social media. It is normal for you to have a crush in your early teens because you are becoming aware of the world around you and are generally curious about everything and also want to experiment but you shouldn’t allow it to grow. It would cause you sleepless nights, affect your grades and before you know it your heart gets broken and who knows what that may cause? Who knows if you are destined to shine as a medical doctor then your heart-break gives you low grades which pushes you to the Art class! Am I making sense? Just because a boy you fancy has threatened to dump you and “val” another girl in your class because you don’t want to have sex with him, you have finally decided to let him have his way this weekend so you won’t miss out on being his valentine! Yeepa!  Believe it or not, once that happens; your life can never be the same again. In fact, your life will be opened up to demonic invasion. Once a life has been contaminated or polluted by sexual intercourse with the wrong person, it can only take the special intervention and mercy of God to live a trouble-free life and fulfil destiny. What’s the rush anyway?

    Why don’t you make the most of now, preserve your emotions, spirituality, purity, virtues, your energy and gather enormous power that would make you one of a very special kind in the world and then get enough wisdom and spiritual intelligence to marry the best man in the world and enjoy all the sex like there’s nothing else to do! The ball is in your court o!

    I invite you to be my friend on facebook –TEMILOLU OKEOWO (not Temilolu okeowo girls club).

    Scam Alert: Temilolu okeowo girls club is a fake facebook account. Please do not like it or reply anybody seeking for financial help through any page using my name. Thank you!

  • Heart torn to shred by hyenas

    IN a few days, it will be Valentine’s Day. Cupid’s arrows are already flying here and there. You either grab it or dodge it. Love is good, it makes the world go round; it brings colours to a dull, drab life and brings happiness not just to the lovebirds but also to the people around them. Two loving hearts sounds good but if the hearts do not match, then it becomes a worthless venture. So, it is better to get hit by the right emotional darts, not those that are destined to fall off almost immediately or those who set out just to have a fling.

    Hurray! A dear friend just caught the right emotional dart and she has been soliloquising in the past one week. You can’t really blame her; who wouldn’t, after having combed the emotional jungle for six years? During this period, her heart had been torn to shreds by hyenas, lions and emotional monkeys. Now that she has found love, she is really intoxicated and cruising the emotional altitude with her romantic buddy.

    Wondering what it takes to get this high? Is love really worth the energy and can they sustain the tempo? Questions and more questions, but this certainly isn’t the time for questions as far as our dear friend is concerned. Let’s get into her head to appreciate how this lovebird is feeling.

    You are intoxicated when you take a drug or alcoholic drink. It makes you lose control of your faculties and you start to behave abnormally. In your drunken state, you do stupid things, make silly mistakes and justify doing the things that you would not do ordinarily. The toughest part of the emotional bargain is that, while everyone knows that you are under some influence and advise you to be wary, you stick to your actions until things finally fall apart.

    That, interestingly, is what happens to lovebirds when they get hit by Cupid’s dramatic arrow.

    Her mood reminds yours truly of Mariah Carey’s lyrics in Emotions.

    “You’ve got me feeling emotions

    “Deeper than I’ve ever dreamed of

    “You’ve got me feeling emotions

    “Higher than the heavens above.

    Naturally, it feels good, nice and satisfying. That is what the love tonic does to you. Your spirit is lifted up, intoxicated and flying high. Oh dear! This love thing can be very funny; it takes you up the skies in an amazing way and the next minute you are down in the emotional valley licking the sores and groaning in pain.

    Wait a minute! Could this really be for real? Flashback down memory lane and she recalls how she fell for Biodun, her very first love. He painted her world in colours, took her everywhere and her friends kept on telling her that she captured the best heart in town. It lasted only for 18 months and the saddest part of the bargain was the way he disappointed her. A close friend gave a call and told her that she had something to tell her. They planned to see the next day and she kept imagining that it was good news. When they finally met, the cheeky girl pushed a wedding invitation into her hands. It was her dear Biodun who was hooking another babe. No way! This isn’t true. It can’t be true, how can Biodun do this to me?’ she exploded.

    Poor heart. It turned out to be the truth. Her world cracked and it took her a while to put the cracked pieces back together again. “It was the saddest part of my life. Most times my emotions became overloaded and there were days when I would totally shut down.”

    Depressed for love? Why not! The emotional terrain can be traumatic churning out characters that remain pathetic, hearts that break to pieces and refuse to be mended again. “There was a day I went to bed and stayed there for over 24 hours unable to do anything reasonable. I could not move, eat or even cry. I just laid there and stared at the ceiling as the hours went by. I also kept asking myself all kinds of questions but I got no answers to these questions. The saddest part of the whole episode was that he didn’t tell me anything. We never had a quarrel and till date he has not given me any explanation about why he did what he did to me.”

    Most times, we take a lot of things for granted in our relationships. To survive, it is better to ask questions, be interested in the things that affect your partner and be very caring.

    From your first date to subsequent dates, you should pay attention to the other person if you really want to make it work and last. Your actions at the beginning may not indicate that “you’re the apple of my eye,” but it does indicate that you are not a total disaster. Most people are courteous enough to do the absolute minimum on a date: finish whatever activity you’re doing together and devote sufficient time out of respect for the other person. That may just be the last time that you would set your eyes on them again.

  • How to fulfill your divine purpose and get your star to shine

    Dear Aunty Temilolu, Many thanks for being such a blessing to me and so many other girls out there. May God increase your wisdom and anointing. While looking back at the last three years of my life, I discovered I’ve not achieved much and I can’t say my life has progressed except in age. Please how do I go about fulfilling my destiny and moving it forward this year?

    Tonia, Warri

    Your spirituality and your destiny

    My darling, precious, glorious, dignified, world-famous and heavenly celebrated Nigerian sisters,

    Everything about our existence in life including the world/life at creation is based on the super-natural. What happens to us in the physical is determined and established first in the supernatural. What this means is that our spirituality is what eventually authors our destiny. One’s spirituality is a connection between one and a greater force which could control one’s life while one’s destiny could be defined as what God has planned for one’s life. Our soul belongs to the spirit and it is the source of our intelligence and knowledge and out of it comes everything we do with our life. It is the seat of our intellect, the seat of our will, emotion and wisdom. On the other hand, your destiny encompasses your star, potential, virtues, all what God created with you to make you unique and your divine placement in life. God has something He wants you to be, somewhere He wants you to be and something He wants you to do. However, I tell you, too many destinies are re-written by our common enemy who has come to steal, kill and destroy. So many destinies are determined by their parents, ancestry, circumstances, diverse spiritual forces, the society and even the social media. If you are daily engrossed in what distracts you from building your spirituality firmly and instead filled with inanities like exciting tales and juicy gossips of celebrities, pornography, pictures of fashion, fashion and fashion on face book etc. all in a bid to have fun and while away your time, I tell you, you may never have a grip on your spirituality, how much more your destiny then someone else takes over the reins of your life. Haven’t you ever wondered how a lot of your uncles and aunties whom you admired so much as a child and imagined would be celebrated by the world ended up in the doldrums of life; totally a shadow of themselves and the exact opposite of what you expected them to become. Haven’t you ever wondered how that very decent, loving and caring aunty of yours ended up having three, four children for three, four different men who left her high and dry and till today refuse to take care of her and her children. At a point in time, you must have in your innocence thought she was wayward but I tell you in most cases that is not the reason some women end up like that. Our journey in life is a very serious matter and so many destinies are satanically manipulated and diverted especially the glorious ones. The point is once you fail to grow spiritually and discover who and what you are created to be; you end up groaning for the rest of your life because someone else is in charge of your destiny.

    Painfully, too many discover this almost when they are in their middle age when they don’t even have the required energy to fight or see clearly to navigate their way to where God expects them to be. The golden opportunity God has given your star to shine in your youth can only appear in your youth but what happens when you are not concentrating on your spirituality which is what could get you to manifest God’s divine agenda for your life? It could only take God’s mercy and special intervention for you to regain lost opportunities. However, isn’t it better for you to grab all what God has in stock for you now or at least have a blue print of your life in hand so you can start  running with it? If a lot of you allowed God to open your eyes and see the wonderful wonders you are, you will be perplexed and expend all your energy on getting your original to manifest against all odds. The good thing is that God has given you the power even before you were born, but are you using it? Your father-in-the-lord may be highly anointed and performing miracles and may even have an idea of God’s plans for you but I tell you, you are the only one who has the super privilege of discovering which path would take you to your divine placement!

    To be continued

  • Back to reality

    Dotun got home tired that Friday evening and he went straight to bed. He woke up about three houses later recalling a sweet dream about Foluke, his ex girlfriend. They had a wonderful time together for two years before it ended abruptly a few months ago. She was a girl that he cherished totally and had never had a relationship that was that good.  Now, this is no longer the emotional story. Things have really fallen apart and they are never likely to go through this romantic experience again.

    Now, as he looks back at the sweet memories and the events that transpired in the past few months, he realises that it was all deception. That warmth that he held on to so much was never meant to last. It was a fleeting, temporary (hormone-driven) season, as they all are.

    The beginning of every relationship can be exciting and full of great expectations. There is charm, high hopes and warmth that you imagine would linger for years or ever, forever. Just while you are getting so used to this fantasyland experience, something jostles you back to reality.

    Now, you are in a session where almost every dream melts into tears, fights and bitterness that change your definition of love. Expert naturally blames it on the mental floss, coursing through our love-struck brains, or chalk it up to hindsight nostalgia and a well-edited memory.

     Regardless of whatever you are going though in the relationship that you have found yourself, it is better to dwell on the positive side of the emotional bargain. This is what is required to take you through the specific season in your emotional life.

    It can be traumatic falling into the shadowy parts of a relationship; things can even get so bad that you think it is all over and still survive the emotional odds in style. This is the point where you emerge victorious on the emotional edge and still conquer the heart that you imagined had slipped away.

    It is quite difficult to know all of the intricate, deeply-seeded reasons for failures and unhappiness even when you have put in so much into the relationship basket. The crux of the matter is that happiness is wildly inconsistent and subjective. That, naturally, may be the reason why a lot of people wish that there are some grand happiness formulas they pick and apply to their relationships.

    Sadly, chronic unhappiness can be devastating in the long run. It starts like a joke and gradually simmers under the surface of our lives, building up pressure, and each heavy sigh becomes an emotional relief valve.

    From experience and talking with people around you, there are

    some consistent habits among the chronically unhappy. This includes trying to get back old feelings.

    One big problem for many is that they usually have a lot of expectations that are unrealistic. Most of our happily-ever-after expectations are shattered within a year or two, but what about the high expectations we have of our loved ones? The things they should do and say and think, and how we expect them to be at any given time.

    Of course, we all know that some expectations are good and appropriate. They actually keep us accountable and striving for growth. But what about the expectations that our partners are consistently falling short of? We think things like, “He should be more romantic,” and “If he loved me, he would want to help with the laundry,” and, to varying degrees, “He should do and think exactly as I do and do it how I want it done, the minute I want it done.”

    However, we need to sit down and think about the other person. In the process of doing this, we would find that many of our expectations are a quite unreasonable.

    At some point in every relationship, we have to evaluate our expectations and recognise when they’re making us chronically disappointed. We have to define what absolutely cannot be tolerated, clearly communicate that, and then accept our partners for who they are right now, not who we think they should be.

    While we’re at it, what about the expectations we place on ourselves? This is also very important and it would help us to shape things better and get the best of the emotional opportunity.

    Some people also have the belief that they can only be happy once the other person changes. If only he would make more money or stop spending money or work on his rage issues, then we would be happy together. If only he didn’t have so many problems, then things would be easier. As much as this feels true, it’s not. Our partners were never meant to complete us, to fill our holes, to make us happy. We’re responsible for our own emotions and well-being. It is therefore very important to stop fixating on all of the things we can’t change.

  • The pains of betrayal

    It was supposed to be the last emotional card. Miraculously, thing moved on well and the first six months looked like a union made in heaven. Just when she thought she had captured Bosun’s heart, his old flame came back to the picture. The fair weather lover ditched him when he was nobody. The natural thing to do was to move on and forget the runaway ‘bride to be’. Sadly, Bosun could not resist this ‘prodigal ‘lover’. First, he kept it a secret but it got to a point where they just could not continue as secret lovers anymore.

    Three certainly is a crowd. So, who do we send out of the emotional garden? Sadly, it was our dear Teniola that lost out.

    The crux of the matter is that relationships are not based on logic; they are actually influenced by our emotions. This therefore makes cheating difficult to define. Whether you consider cheating as sex or simply a kiss, the truth here is that a betrayal is a betrayal.

    We all love to have a smooth emotional ride. A journey that is filled with fun, sweet memories and time shared with someone real and caring. Unfortunately, the fun times are usually too short for many.

    They are part of the reality of living; life and love is not perfect. The lovebirds are responsible for the outcome and it is better to spice a dull space with affection and when it becomes messy, then you make your skills and mop up the mess before it gets out of hand.

    Sadly, many of us are dreamers and we love to hide under the illusion of dating a sweet ‘Barbie’ doll or the Prince charming that would never hurt a fly.

    So, when our emotional flight crashes on the tarmac, we are jolted back to reality. The emotional hangover of being cheated is actually the worst. What would you do if you found out that precious heart that you cherish is nothing but a two-timing fool? What would you do if you open the door of your bedroom and catch your fiancé and your best friend in bed? How would you feel when you walk into a restaurant and your girl is in hot passionate kiss with another man? Question, questions and more questions. Sadly that is the reality of the love zone. Hearts have crashed and somersaulted along the emotional corridors and it can be so painful.

    If you ask anymore who has lost a dear heart, they would tell you that being cheated on is the worst thing that ever happened to them.First you feel sad,rejected, as well as also pissed off. Betrayal through cheating can come from the babe or the dude; however we all know that it is more common with the guys.

    Interestingly, scientific studies have narrowed down some traits that are statistically more common in guys who cheat. Money is important and it has a lot to do with this and so many other issues that affect any relationship.

    The research also showed that partners were less likely to cheat if they were in the same (or similar) income brackets. Men were more likely to cheat if they made a lot more money than their partner, and they were most likely to cheat if they made a lot less.

    Next, it was discovered that people are more likely to cheat if their friends are also cheaters. Conversely, if his friends are trustworthy, it’s likely he’s trustworthy too.

    Oh dear! That is certainly a tough one; you can get rid of friends in this category easily. So what do you do? Perhaps the way out would be to be at your best and satisfy your man in bed. Not so easy! Experts also explain that most men don’t cheat because they’re not satisfied sexually. They actually join the cheating game because they are seeking emotional satisfaction.

    Ordinarily, you would think that extroverts, our jolly good fellows, are the ones to be avoided if you don’t want your heart to crash like humpty dumpty. The research goes on to reveal that introverts are actually more likely to cheat because they’re more likely to agree to someone propositioning them. If you are hooked with an extrovert, then surely there is no real cause for alarm. Even if he’s always out there meeting new people, you actually might be safer. Reason: “There is no big deal’.

    That is not all. The emotional researchers also found out that you can trust your gut when it comes to identifying guys who look like they would cheat and finally break your heart. So, if your gut is telling you “no,” then it’s a good idea to listen to that gut.

    Here, it is the end of the road for some relationships. Those who have a large heart may just forgive but not totally forget the act. Infidelity can either destroy their sex lives or just be a powerful way to heal and discover the gaps.

  • Re: The enemy within

    Dear Temi, Ladun’s story touched me deeply. As a matter of fact, my husband drew my attention to the write up and asked my opinion after I had read through. My advice to Ladun is not to move an inch out of her home. Her husband’s elder sister and her school daughter are intruders. Her husband could not face the heat hence he took to his heels. Ladun should stay put until her husband’s return. He should come back and decide who goes. He has a choice to keep his loving wife and arrange a separate home for his mistress since she has his child. God will certainly visit Ladun and wipe away her tears.

    Eviary

    Dear Ladun,

    Please don’t let the enemy drive you away from your home. Your husband has not told you to leave. I am a man & I believe your husband did not know of the pregnancy on time otherwise he would have fore-warned you and apologised. It’s obvious he loves you and can’t face you for now and that also explains why he has to stay away and cool off and have an opportunity to decide what will happen next. I believe God will give you the fruit of the womb just as He gave to Hannah in the bible. Please wait for your husband to return and take charge of the situation; he truly loves you.

    Biodun

    Dear Ladun,

    Too sad a story! It’s better to leave that house and have some peace to yourself than live a miserable and frustrating life in the midst of your foes. They will make life so uncomfortable that you might be tempted to take your life. Men will always be who they are except the ones with golden hearts who can resist such temptations. Also, try to keep busy helping people in similar situation, because the more you keep busy, the happier you will be. Men aren’t worth the tears, my dear. Move on please. It may be difficult but time, they say, is the best healer. You sure will bounce back and shame your foes. It is well.

    Adetutu

    Dear Ladun,

    To start with, I think your husband is a good man who fell into temptation and should be your focus of concentration for now. These are times when most men don’t care about how their partners feel and would rather take advantage of them, milk their purses, discard them like a used toilet paper and move on to the next woman who has been waiting. This is your seventh year of marriage without a child and, according to you, your husband has given you the best days of your life. You can’t even remember him raising his voice at you. Yes, he is a man, however, I don’t believe he has been pretending all the while. No one is infallible or above temptation. It just takes some special grace to resist it when it comes. If your husband is as wonderful as you say he is, do you know how many women he would have had to turn down over the years? A good man is wanted by most women he comes across. So, this is the time to love him more. Obviously, he gave you the N25,000,000 to placate you and left town to save himself from facing your reaction upon hearing the news. He even instructed you should call the police if there’s any trouble. What a kind and respectful man! But please, don’t call the police to throw the intruders out. You can’t handle the family squabbles that will follow otherwise you won’t even ask anyone what to do in the first place.

    What to do till he returns…

    1. Stop kicking yourself for bringing your school daughter home and getting yourself into a mess. You can’t turn back the hands of time. Take it as a date with destiny. Quit regretting otherwise you’ll keep hurting yourself.
    2. Don’t appear intimidated in your home. Be bold and fearless. You may also invite a no-nonsense friend or sister who would support you. Don’t make your sister-in-law and school daughter feel comfortable but don’t fight them physically. There are other ways to fight them.
    3. Discuss with your parents-in-law in tears and humility and let them know the discomfort your sister-in-law, their daughter, is causing you. You should appeal to them to wade in till your husband returns.
    4. Reply your husband’s text messages and send emails to him telling him how much you love him and have forgiven him for the mistake he made. Let him know you are at peace with everyone but you need him to return home and sort the intruders out. No matter, what happens between a couple in a marriage, as long as love still exists between them, there’s really no point fighting each other.

    If you have an edge over those two intruders spiritually, your husband is sure to love you more when he returns and who knows, you might be headed for the best days of your life on earth. However, you have to act real fast, get God 100% on your side and fortify yourself and your husband with prayers otherwise a stranger might return home and tell you to pack your things and leave his house. Yes! If your school daughter could have the guts to sleep with your husband and even get pregnant for him, she can go any length even to kill you. You must be calm but SPIRITUALLY VIGILANT! Please keep us posted!

    Love always,

    To be continued

  • Escaping from a dead heart

    THE sea brings to mind lots of water, different species of fishes and other creatures. Naturally, the picture that comes to mind is an environment that is rich physically depicting all kinds of emotional gestures. Its natural environment is bound to be a booster for affection, attraction, infatuation and fondness.

    However, if you affection is located on the Dead Sea you are not likely to go far. No matter what you do and the efforts you put in, you are not likely to find any fish (heart) or even locating your dream fish (heart).

    The Dead Sea historically has attracted visitors (hearts) from all over the world for thousands of years. It is known as the salt lake famous for incredibly high levels of salt. The deepest hypersaline lake in the world. This salinity makes for a harsh environment in which animals of any kind cannot flourish.

    However, it has been the supplier of a wide variety of products like balms for Egyptian mummification, potash for fertilizers, cosmetics and herbal products.

    The scarcity of aquatic life in the Dead Sea can be compared with relationships that have no future from the outset. The question here is how do you get into dead relationships? How do you determine who or what to avoid in the search for a befitting heart?A heart that would bring joy and not tales of sorrow, tears and blood.A loving heart and not a cheap sadist masquerading to be sweet and nice just because he or she is planning to rip you off someday.

    32-year-old Josephine’s heart is sinking miserably on the affectionate Dead Sea. She has actually given up all hope of finding love again after three cases of misplaced affection. “The last relationship was the most painful. We had saved some resources together to rent a house and start a family. We also travelled to see him parents and family members about three months before everything crashed like a pack of cards. It was at that point that I realised that he had been deceiving me all along.”

    On his part, he did not wait to give this poor heart any explanation about the whole emotional mess. Instead, he got a ticket and travelled out of the country, far away from this dying or ‘dead’ heart.

    Now, she thinks that she has found love again but sadly her affection sadly is with the wrong heart.  “I am in love with my sister’s husband and I don’t know that to do about the situation. The man keeps making flirtatious gestures towards me and I am so confused. Deep inside, something tells me to say yes because he is what I have been wishing for all my life.”

    That is not all! “I think that my sister is very ungrateful and she treats him badly. Each time you pay them a visit, he is always complaining about how tired he has become of her. It is sad that my sister does not appreciate him at all and she does not value what she has.”

    Emotional traitor! There are so many of them around looking for hearts to be stolen and hijacked for themselves. Sadly, a lot of people live, wine and dine with traitors. They entrust their lives and hearts to charlatans who end up plotting their betrayal in a very wicked way. Hearts that hide mischievously in the background planning how to steal what belongs to the other.

    How can you continue to smile sheepishly at somebody, seduce him or her and not expect a reaction? Whether the reaction is positive or negative is another matter entirely. “How can she smile cheaply at your man claiming that you do not appreciate what you’ve got?”

    How on earth can someone stoop so low and lose her heart to a sister’s boyfriend, fiancé or husband?  Or even a friend’s husband for that matter? What kind of friend could that be? Here it would be better to hug the enemy instead of settling for this kind of friendship.

    Besides, who made you the judge of whether or not she appreciates him or not. Are you the emotional spy, the forerunner who must step into her emotional shoes? As a good and loyal sister or friend, your only duty is not to be trusted, be loyal and stop looking for excuses to justify your lust for her man.

    She continued: “I have been in four different relationships in the past six years but I have not succeeded in having any stable relationship. The relationships all start on a very bright note, but when I think have gotten it right, things just begin to fall apart.”

    However, she noticed that men who have a soft spot for her are usually already engaged. “When my best friend got married a few years ago, I met the best man and I really liked him. Then I began to pray that she would throw the bouquet in my direction. There and then I began to propose to me and marry me later.”

    Was this a dream come true? No, it wasn’t! “When I made enquiries from my friend, I realised that he was already married. To my utmost surprise, he also liked me so much and he wanted us to be friends. Unfortunately, we both knew that we weren’t going to go far.”

  • The enemy within

    MY name is Ladun. About eight years ago, I got married to Wande who is 10 years older. Life has been beautiful with Wande. Even till now, I don’t know if a man like him exists. He treats me like his greatest treasure. Even when we had cause to argue, he would never raise his voice or assert his role as my husband; instead he would drive the point home in a most subtle manner. We stuck together like two peas in a pod, preferred to be in each others’ company and could never have enough of each other. Time passed, but I never got pregnant. I began getting really worried in the third year of our marriage. However, Wande was unperturbed and had this soothing way of calming my fears. Our parents/siblings didn’t complain either; they only wished us well assured that eventually the babies would arrive. After the fifth year and still no signs of pregnancy, I became very uncomfortable and unhappy. But as usual, my darling husband was there for me, ever loving, ever considerate. He even showed more love and I just decided to be thankful for a wonderful husband and wait on the Lord.

    Two years ago, while on holidays abroad with my husband, I stumbled on my school daughter. It was a most beautiful reunion. A few months later, she stayed with us when she came to Nigeria and told us of her plans to relocate back to Nigeria. And we decided that upon her return, she could stay in our house till she was comfortable enough to get an apartment. We had two vacant rooms downstairs and I felt her company would be great. More so, Bimbo was such a sweet girl and a born-again Christian and so there was nothing to worry about. She relocated and moved in with us about a year ago, in February, 2016.

    Aunty Dupe, Wande’s elder sister and the first child of their parents who stays with us anytime she’s in Nigeria, arrived about that time. She lives in Atlanta, Georgia, U.S., but comes to Nigeria about four times in a year. I had been very close to her since I was a child and admired her fiercely because she had this way of having her way and being in control of every situation even when it had nothing to do with her personal life. She played a huge role in getting Wande and I married and I remember my sister telling me she wanted her brother to marry a wife she could easily control and one who wouldn’t frown at her husband’s lavish spending on her. And indeed, she got everything she requested from my brother as I was sure to encourage my husband. I also helped over-look her business on Saturdays. She didn’t like the fact that I had a beautiful young lady living with us and she complained to my husband who allayed her fears. By the second week, she became very friendly to Bimbo and they were all over each other. Aunty Dupe spent a longer time than usual this time as she was expanding her business and even got Bimbo involved. It was a very exciting time for us all. When she returned to the U.S.in May last year, Bimbo left about the same time and told us she had decided to take some short courses and would return at Christmas.

    Early this month, I stumbled on my husband and Aunty Dupe having a heated argument on the phone. In my eight years of marriage, I never saw my husband wear such a look of horror as he trembled with rage. I didn’t understand what the argument was all about and as soon as he saw me, he switched off his phones and told me he was taking a walk. Later in bed, he made love to me passionately, told me I was the best thing that happened to him and the most important person in his life. It was most unforgettable. When he returned from work the next day, he shocked me by giving me a cheque of N25,000,000 (twenty-five million naira). I can’t even remember ever having a third of that in my account. I was too overwhelmed with joy. He then announced to me that he had to travel out of the country that night on an urgent business trip. Strangely, he told me not to hesitate to call the police if anyone made me feel uncomfortable in the house. I laughed it off as a joke and saw him off to the airport very happy.

    The following night, Aunty Dupe arrived unannounced. And behind her was Bimbo carrying a baby. Before I could utter a word, Aunty Dupe told me haughtily that we now have a Wande Junior and I should prepare a nursery in the house. I didn’t need to be told Bimbo who wore a frown and avoided making eye-contact with me is the mother. The trio has been in this house since the past 10 days. Aunty Dupe has made life hellish for me. She’s called me a barren and warned me severally that nothing must happen to Bimbo or the baby. It’s like a movie on Africa Magic Yoruba. My husband is not calling but sends text messages first thing in the morning and late at night. The whole family is confused and I must confess, this is too much for me, too shocking. I can’t sleep at night. I keep trying to figure out how it happened and why I should be treated this way by those I love so much. I’m going crazy. Do I leave the house for them? Please advise me.

    To be continued

  • The best year of your life

    Dear friends, You are most welcome to the year 2017. A lot of us couldn’t wait till 2016 came to an end. While some were thankful for a very good year, some had bitter tales to tell and after learning from mistakes, they are determined to erase the bad memories and forge ahead hopeful of a damn good 2017. Unfortunately, some have failed yet again in achieving their dreams and appear to be knocked out by life. All they expect from this year is whatever life has to offer them- good or bad. They are emotionally-drained and this affects their vivaciousness and gusto. A lot of us tend to take life for granted, “taking life as it comes” and using that to justify inaction or lethargy. However, if we learnt to consciously make an effort to write out the script of the type of year we want, it could go a long way in shaping things our way. Although, life does not readily present to us what we want, we also have the ability to let our imagination and will power grant us our greatest heart desires. Are you still feeling bad that you couldn’t get an admission into the university in 2016 or you lost an altar-bound relationship again? Babe, you are too beautifully loaded and packaged by God to be let down by anyone or life itself. You have all it takes to pursue and recover all you’ve lost and even overtake your contemporaries. It’s all in your hands. Life’s too short to be left to time and chance, you will agree with me. And everyone is solely responsible for his/her success or failure in life. Perhaps, the previous year was an unpleasant one for you; the following tips could make 2017 the best year of your life.

    1. Self-examination

    Self-examination is the study of your own behaviour and motivations. It is essential if you want to succeed in your endeavours and if you want to attain personal excellence. You need to examine your thoughts and feelings because they more often than not define your attitude towards personal achievement and motivate you. How well you live is affected by the state of your mind. And what occupies your mind determines where you occupy eventually. You need to rid your mind of self-deprecation and other negative thoughts. When you self-deprecate, you are dismissing yourself as unimportant. You misrepresent your own abilities or achievements as being of little worth.  Each time you do that, you are making it easier for yourself to lose whatever confidence you have in your own merits and capability to become what you want to be. You must assert yourself in the most positive way and get what you want out of life this year. On the other hand, is God really on your side? Be true to yourself: have you been faithful to Him or you only call on Him when you are in trouble? Our God is faithful to those who are faithful to Him and His hands are not too short to help us but our iniquities would keep Him away. If you were far from Him last year, make amends today so He can beam His light on you and guide you on the way to go this year. You will be pleasantly amazed at what would happen even before the end of the 1st quarter. What a good God!

    1. Self-motivation

    Self-motivation is being motivated to achieve something due to your own interest without influence from other people or situations. It is the only motivation that really produces the desired result. It stems from one’s own desire, eagerness and willingness, enthusiasm or ambition. It is the most powerful force needed to succeed in anything that’s worthwhile. If you resolutely believe that you are going to achieve great success this year, you are motivated to think and behave in ways consistent with your belief and you inevitably make it come true. Likewise, if you believe unwaveringly in your blessed life and that good things are happening to you, your belief will be fulfilled and significantly improve your life this year. And if you want to perform great exploits within the shortest period, all you need is the fullness of the spirit of God. Once you climb on the wings of the Holy Spirit, you are simply unstoppable and your limit will just have to be farther than the sky. You’ll be treading on supernatural grounds and the world has no choice but to lie at your feet. Whoa!

    1. Self-control

    Self-control is the ability to control oneself, in particular one’s emotions and desires, especially in difficult situations. Almost everyone wants a dream life, but few know where to begin, and end up just taking the path which is most hassle-free. This path leads you very far from your desired destination. There’s a price to pay for every dream but not everyone is ready to pay because of the great discomfort that comes with it. A lot of people just back out and give in to their emotions. When you have self-control you have the ability to exert control over your feelings and reactions, and to conduct yourself calmly and sensibly in difficult situations. Also, self-control is being disciplined and concentrating more on that which is going to bring you to your desired state. You may have to deny yourself of a lot of pleasure and energy vamps. Be careful about misusing your time with people or situations that don’t serve your highest purpose. It may not always be possible, but value the allocation of your time wisely- every moment of this year is precious. Use it and spend it mindfully in the presence of God because He has the final say over your life. God can be with you every moment of this year as long as you can carry Him in your heart. The best year of your life is within your reach-if you are willing to allow Jesus drive the vehicle of your destiny. Surrender to him today. Have a great year!

    To be continued

  • Just before it crumbled

    CAN two broken hearts melt into one? Yes, sometimes two ‘cracking’ hearts can be resuscitated and you could have something that would last forever. A lot of people who have suffered heartaches can still find their missing ribs, if only they look around carefully. Naturally, their emotions have been blown with the winds and they are just managing to hang on. But from this emotional valley, it is still possible to move out and rediscover something new and adorable.

     This can only happen when the new bird is sincere and willing to flow with you. Interestingly, this is the situation Noami is experiencing at the moment and she is happy that she allowed her heart to step out of the ‘box’. At a distance, Naomi seemed to have the worlds in her pocket. Friends and neighbours admired and held her in high esteem because of her rare qualities. She was beautiful in and out. A pretty face, great physique and a large heart. Yet, there was just one snag: there was no Romeo in sight. And so everyone made it his or her business to be a great matchmaker just to find our dear friend a Mr. Right.

    “It wasn’t as if I never really found a guy I loved or admired. Unfortunately, he died three months to our wedding. That was a fatal emotional blow, one that I never really recovered from. It actually took me a long while before I started picking the bits and pieces together because my world crumbled at that point.”

    He must have been a wonderful guy, the type that you wish to spend a lifetime with. “Yes, he was a rare personality and he transformed my life while we were together. When I got the news from his younger sister I was shocked.”

    Naomikept on wishing it was all a dream and that someone was going to wake her up from this emotional slumber. “Most times I kept on talking to myself and tell me that it wasn’t true.” Sadly, that never happened and the poor lady’s heart kept on sinking. “By the time I woke up, it was almost too late. All the guys I ran into and admired were all married. I was stuck and the ones who desperately wanted my hand were not the kind of guys that I desired.”

     From that point, yours truly was on the receiving end and hung on to life as an emotional beggar with little or no choice at all. Just when she thought that her emotional gates had been padlocked for life, another heart came passing by. “We met at a friend’s wedding anniversary. I knew that all our friends would be at the event and they would all be popping the same question at yours truly. But again, I was lonely and I needed something to fill up this vacuum. To make things easy for me, I had told myself not to take any question seriously and just make myself happy.”

    Like she imagined, almost everyone turned out for the event. Two great minds locked together as one sure deserves everyone’s time and attention. “I sat in a corner and tried to tuck myself away from familiar faces. Unfortunately, one of the busy bodies finally caught up with yours truly. Shewas clutching a male hand bag and because I hadn’t seen her in a long while, I imagined he was her ‘property’.

    “Well, it turned out that my assumptions were wrong. This was actually another matchmaking episode and yours truly was at the centre of the script. ‘Hello dearie! How are we today? I just saw that you don’t have any company and I thought I should introduce my cousin, Ajibade to you.’

    “Nonsense! Can’t these people realise that life is not all about have a partner. Who says that I am lonely without a busy body around me? Trust Shade, she zoomed off almost immediately and didn’t wait for my opinion on the matter. What am I going to do with this emotional garbage that she dumped on me? We kept staring at one another liked dundies and I felt like running away.

    “Wait a minute! It is not fair to sit on the fence and assume that you are better than the other person. So, I had this desire to help. Poor heart, only God knows who has wounded him this badly. But can two broken hearts melt into one.Then suddenly he opens his mouth and started talking. Well, he wasn’t as bad as I thought and in a short while this familiar stranger wormed his way into my heart.”

    The truth of the matter is that a man can be just as afraid or even more afraid of rejection than you are. In order for a man to overcome “shyness” or even his fear of rejection, he has to feel pretty confident in himself or in the idea that if he were to ask you out, you’d respond with a “yes.” Secondly, if you’re always surrounded by a group of people, he may not have the opportunity to be free with you.

    If he’s never had a one-on-one conversation with you, where you’re leading with attraction and flirting back, he may not feel too sure of the situation. This is why it’s important that if you want to maximise the chances that a man will follow-up with his attraction for you, you may just have to find a way to engage him. This way he would definitely discover that you are both interested and available