The Nation Newspaper

Category: New Woman

  • On the other side of the fence

    HOW can you really conquer love without stress? For those who have gone through the emotional lawn without stress, having a green affair is as simple as ABC. For Ronke, it has not been easy. When it comes to matters of the heart, she actually preferred to tread with caution. A few months ago, she ran into this charming gentleman in the neighbourhood and ever since he had been all over her.

    Should she say yes or no because of her antecedents with other guys with such disposition? Well, there was no harm in trying and so she opened the window of her heart for the emotional exploration. It was wonderful and he became ‘syrupy’ sweet, and somehow she fell into the emotional trap.

    As time went on she began to enjoy his attentions and even began to feel special. Then suddenly, she began to notice that it was all deception and she chickened out of the race. Now that it was over, she wondered if things would have been better if she had not doubted the process. Maybe things would have been better, if she had put more efforts into the process?

    Like the saying that the grass is greener where you water, things get better in a relationship where you play your part well. A lot of people admire hearts that have been watered by others, thinking that it all happens by chance. That is not usually the case.

    The saying, interestingly, comes from the idea of looking at a neighbour’s lawn and seeing it as better looking, healthier and overall greener than your own.  It actually shows that a lot of hard work had been put in place and the outcome of the dedication and perseverance by the owner of the emotional lawn has indeed paid off.

    On the other, the reality in many relationships is the fact that partners expect so much and get disappointed when their expectations are not met. Great hearts on the other hand are people who give in so much and yet have expectations that are reasonable, things that their partner can do and have the capacity to do. This way, their emotional investments get greener and by the time they turn around to take stock, everything falls into place beautifully. Those who do not ‘water’ their emotional tree end up having withered affection. All they ever did was to argue, complain and see nothing good in the hearts they were meant to love, cherish and adore. In confusion and frustration, their sweethearts cannot flourish. They also get hostile and thing would certainly fall apart.

     Here the hearts concerned would keep on ignoring anything negative the new heart that they now desire as well as downplaying everything positive about the relationship they are already in.

    Gbenga has been in and out of four relationships in less than a year. He kept on admiring his best friend’s girlfriend wishing he could get someone as smart and trendy as she was. “When I told my friend the reasons I broke up with the girl, he smiled and told me that his girl wasn’t as perfect as I thought she was. He was actually the one that had been making up for her inadequacies.

    “Are you serious? No, you just can’t be true. I have always envied you and wished that I had a girlfriend as smart and beautiful as yours.” The crux of the matter here is that a lot of people expect so much in a relationship without playing their own part. These explain why some people go out of their way to please the other person even when they are not happy with the decisions they have had to make.

    Gbenga honestly never looked at it that way and now he understands that the emotional grass is always greener on the other side of the fence.

    David has just ended his four-year-old relationship with Jessica. He gave that relationship everything he had but somehow the heart in question did not appreciate and value the efforts that he was putting into the relationship. Initially, he didn’t mind because he imagined that the babe in question was just playing hard to get. However, things got to a point where he just couldn’t take it anymore. He discovered that his sweetheart was hanging out with another buddy and always arrived at her doorstep around midnight.  “She just did not know that I was monitoring her and I waited for the right time to tell her the stuff that she was made up.”

    Remorseful? No, she wasn’t. Instead, she threw the garbage back in my court. “What exactly is the matter with you? You go out with your friends and nobody says anything about it? You refuse to pick my calls on a number of occasion and you expect me to sit and wait for you, Mr. Prince charming?”

    Wasn’t it better to iron out the emotional difference at this point? “For God’s sake, when will this double standard stop? No, I don’t think that you are the type of guy that I am looking for. I do not want a man that would give me heartaches, please just go away. I am sick and tired of this relationship.”

  • Girls, no one can condemn or stigmatize you if God hasn’t!

    DEAR Aunty Temilolu, I always love to read your column. I am 19 years old and I have a baby who is a year and some months. I tell you in recent times, I always feel bad about myself that I have a baby. I had promised to keep myself till I get married before the baby came. Now, I feel I’m not going to have a man who would cherish me because I already have a baby. Is that true or just my thinking? I would have terminated the pregnancy but for the fear of God. Please counsel me. God bless you ma.

    Anonymous

    My darling, precious, glorious, dignified, world-famous and heavenly celebrated Nigerian sisters,

    I am glad to be with you again today and excited to share my thoughts. I only hope a good number of you who have lost confidence in yourselves would get to read this piece. I also advise anyone reading to share it with as many girls as possible. The other day, shortly after Amina Ali, the escaped Chibok girl met the president with her baby and the pictures went viral, I read a group chat where most people said it was better for her to terminate her pregnancy and someone actually said no African parent would allow their son to marry her. To say I was shocked at their mentality and pattern of thought is to say the least. I looked at the girl’s face for a long time and all I could read was fear and a future full of uncertainty. Of course, she must be very relieved that she miraculously bailed out from the hands of savages; I bet she’s extremely traumatised and confused. Sadly, I doubt she’d have the necessary emotional support she needs to discover her wonderful self and move on in life to a glorious destiny.

    You see, not every bad or unpleasurable thing that happens to us in life is our making. A lot of things that happen to us in life were fated to happen and some are designed by the enemy to confuse us and derail us from our divine paths of destiny. How would Amina have known in her wildest nightmares that she would be defiled by a beastly stranger and forced to become a mother before 19? I can’t even imagine the state of her mind at the moment and the horror she still passes through anytime she remembers her physical torture which was someone’s greatest delight. Yuk! May God help her!

    If you had been warned over and over again against having a boyfriend and you refused to listen but ended up in the family way though you have to bear the consequences of the path you chose to follow but eventually you have to forget about the troubles that come with it and align yourself with God so His divine agenda for you can manifest! Asides this, when a family pattern has been set and you are not well-equipped to ensure you don’t follow that pattern, how can you avoid it? If your mother had you in her teens/out of wedlock if care is not taken, you’ll have a child that way too. When I emphasise on concentrating on your spirituality as a teenager and eschewing boyfriends, I know what I am talking about! A lot of you are not bad children but when one wrong emotion is allowed to gain grounds in your life, I tell you the devil takes over. No matter what you brought upon yourself or what was fated to happen to you, in order not to end up in the gallows of life (which is what the devil and your detractors want for you) and end up missing God’s wondrous agenda for you, you have to totally surrender to God and care ONLY about what He thinks about you and wishes for you! He already told us in Isaiah 8:18 that we are made for signs and wonders. The enemy doesn’t like this and would do everything to stop us. Even if out of your youthful exuberance you already have two kids for two different men out of wedlock, you can still align with God’s divine agenda for your life and have the best of the noble men in the world run after you. Certainly, with God all things are possible! If you’ve been badly stigmatised and ashamed of your life; wallowing in self-pity and crying all the time, hanging your head low, you are disappointing and belittling God while you are glorifying the devil and making him laugh at you! Cheer up, my dear! Don’t allow the negative voice of anyone get at you. Do not be conformed to the world in your thinking. Brace up and concentrate on the word of God and His glorious plans for your destiny. If you can follow him with all your heart, you will be amazed at how your mockers would eventually bow for you and pray that God glorifies them the way He glorified you. So shall it be in Jesus mighty name. AMEN!

    • To be continued

    I invite you to be my friend on facebook –TEMILOLU OKEOWO (not Temilolu okeowo girls club).

    Scam Alert: Temilolu okeowo girls club is a fake facebook account. Please do not like it or reply anybody seeking for financial help through any page using my name. Thank you!

  • Prey in the jungle

    WHAT happens when you step on emotional toes? Well, that, unfortunately, is Moyo’s predicament at the moment. Slim, tall, with a flawless skin and curves in the right places, she has succeeded in stealing hearts from dusty emotional shelves. Why not! An eye (heart) for an eye (heart). Scroll down memory lane and you also find that our dear friend was once a victim; valuable hearts had vanished courtesy of some emotional shoplifters.

    Recently, she ran out of luck and was declared ‘wanted.’ She took to her heels and tried to find solace in the emotional jungle. The rugged owner of a missing heart did not give up; she staked everything to have her pound of flesh from this hawk – the one that had caused her so much pain. Strategically, she combed the nooks and crannies carefully and finally found the queen of hearts, looking remorseful. This was not time for sermons, and so she was beaten to a state of coma, with memorable scars. Jungle justice! It’s the norm and so it is best to tread with caution.

    If you do not want to be an emotional prey, then you must be in charge of the terrain. Don’t also bite more than you can chew. Always make sure that Cupid’s arrow is on target and if you miss the target, there is no harm trying again and again. Arrows? Yes, they are symbols that we see all the time. From the street signs, road markings and markings on doors indicating direction to a choice location.

     This also reminds you of Jeffrey Archer’s book, a Quiver full of Arrows. Fortunes are made and squandered, honour betrayed and redeemed and love lost and rediscovered. In this collection of short stories, you find the passion that drive men and women to love and to hate.

    A good hunter must have a quiver filled with sharp emotional arrows (strategies). Love birds need different arrows for the different phase (s) in their relationships. Arrows also have their different functions and you must understand the terrain. When you use a wrong arrow for the wrong target, it is not likely to work.

    What you are ‘chasing’ would determine the type of arrow required to achieve your emotional aims and objectives. In the emotional jungle, you run into all kinds of hearts. Hearts that are as gentle as a dove, hearts that are alluring as well as romantic. On the other side of the emotional divide are lions, crocodiles, hyenas and antelopes.

    Sadly, the emotional wilderness can be a death trap if you are not careful. You are likely to run into trouble when you list expect it to happen. On the prowl are hearts that are as cunning as a fox or hearts that are as wild as the tiger.

    If you are unlucky to fall hopelessly and helplessly with hearts in this category, then you must have your quiver filled with deadly emotional arrows. The arrows you chose would ultimately determine who becomes the prey in the emotional jungle.

    Without the required arrow in your custody, you are likely to be lily-livered and abandon the heart that you have be longing for , lusting after and wishing you had for keeps. Winners are usually wild with emotions and aware of all the tricks (arrows) in the quiver during the emotional hunting expedition.

    Learn the ropes, improvise, as well as update yourself with skills that would give you the sobriquet as hunter of hearts like lions and not just hunting for the emotional ants, mosquitoes, cockroaches or rats. The crux of the matter is that hearts in this category are not worth dying for.

    Surprisingly, in the emotional terrain, women are better hunters. They have mastered the skills and ultimately used it to capture and get what they want. In the woman’s emotional quiver are tears, smiles, patience, endurance, nagging, as well as intrigues.

    Having the right arrows without making use of them is as good as not having them at all. In addition, a good heart hunter must know how to put the emotional arrow on the bow and draw it back to meet its target. The further you draw the bow (love), the more distance it goes or covers.

    You therefore cover more distance by showing love consistently, sharing your affection and substance dutifully. It is very important to talk nicely to the person you think you love, claim you love or that just makes your heart skip a bit all the time.

    Interestingly, the best emotional arrows aim at trust. It is the arrow that controls all the other arrows in your quiver. You can be sure that once this affectionate arrow is missing in your quiver, then you would miss the target. Love without trust isn’t love. Like a doubting Thomas, you are going to see a dove in the emotional woods and imagine that what you are looking at is a tiger.

    When you also see a rabbit whispering sweet nothings into your ears, instead of turning around to caress this cupid-send angel, all you see is  a heart luring you to the rabbit hole, to be strangled, cleaned up and adorned with condiments before ending in the pepper soup pot as ‘ bush meat.’

  • Defiled by her grandfather & uncle

    DEAR Temilolu, I enjoy reading your column. I live in a rural area in Ogun State and saddened with the rate of teenage pregnancies. To worsen matters, most of these girls come from very poor homes and lack self-esteem. They believe being in a relationship at an early age would complement them but they are impregnated by miscreants and the cycle of poverty continues. I speak to some of them and discourage them from their backward mentality but they feel I want to date them. I hope girls/ladies in Nigeria can discover themselves and stop thinking only men can complement them. No man wants to marry a liability. Keep up the good work.

    Segun Michael

    Dear Aunty Temilolu,

    I am a girl of 15. My grandfather slept with me at the age of 7 and my uncle did same when I was 12 years old. What should I do because whenever I see them, I am always so sad? I need your help please!

    Anonymous

    My darling, precious, glorious, dignified, world-famous and heavenly celebrated Nigerian sisters,

    a lot of damage is going on the life of the average Nigerian girl which would catch up with her in the future and make her life most unenjoyable if drastic measures are not taken in the nick of time. It is most disheartening that a mere child would be defiled by her own grandfather and later her uncle – a most despicable, inhuman act and a serious spiritual matter. This poor child has experienced incest and I am afraid if she didn’t report the matter to any adult at that time and went through a series of deliverance then her life is likely to be in serious danger with devastating consequences awaiting her in future. This is because, biblically, incestuous relationships carry curses which can alter the course of one’s destiny. I am quite sure, in her ancestry, there must be a curse attached to incest. No doubt, her grandfather and uncle’s act has opened up her life to demonic invasion and she may have to deal with a lot of ill-luck, disfavour, stagnation, inherited curses and bad spirits trailing her grandfather and uncle already waging war against her destiny; in fact believe it or not, right now she must be satanically bombarded and she probably doesn’t know. I tell you, even if she has given her life to Christ and “old things have passed away,” if she doesn’t go for a series of deliverance to get rid of the fatal effects of incest, may she not wake up some day in future and commit suicide! Yes, it’s that bad. I know a lot of you have secretly suffered such and I advise you run as fast as your legs can carry you and free yourself from the doom that may be lurking around waiting for you in future. Who knows? You may have been suffering the dire consequences. This is a very serious matter and not one to be taken lightly. Thank God, He is merciful and has the final say over our destinies. It’s up to you all to acquaint yourself with Him and get Him firmly on your side so He can help you.

    My sweet anonymous,

    I hope you confide in a responsible and trusted family member/adult as soon as possible so you can take the right steps to deliverance. I imagine how terrible you feel when you see those 2 paedophiles but you just have to brace up and get over the experience though you have to be strong-willed.

    Oprah Winfrey – billionaire T.V.mogul, one time most influential woman in the world and the greatest black philanthropist in American history – was molested by her cousin, uncle, and a family friend starting from when she was nine and impregnated at 14. Joyce Meyer, a minister of God who has one of the largest ministries in history, was continuously sexually-abused by her father from childhood till she left home at 18, yet they are two of planet earth’s most influential women today. Though one must bear in mind that they are in a more enabling environment where they could heal and pursue their lofty dreams than our environment here. But with God, all things are possible. You can get over this as fast as you want, provided you can fight for your destiny first by going through the deliverance sessions which if properly done would ignite your spirit man with the fire of God and help you discover all God has destined you become in life. Then you can pursue your beautiful destiny. I’m really sorry about your predicament, my dearest, and can’t help but wonder where your mother is or a mother-figure if she already passed on. No child deserves to go through this sort of horror. I pray God carries you from this doldrums, heals your aching heart and cleanse you from every known and unknown evil. Please be constantly in touch. Girls Club was created to care for you and nurture you as much as possible. May God bless you my love!

    • To be continued.

    I invite you to be my friend on facebook –TEMILOLU OKEOWO (not Temilolu okeowo girls club).

    Scam Alert: Temilolu okeowo girls club is a fake facebook account. Please do not like it or reply anybody seeking for financial help through any page using my name. Thank you!

  • Finding the missing rib

    CAN two broken hearts melt into one? Yes, sometimes to ‘cracking’ hearts can be resuscitated and you could have something that would last forever. A lot of people who have suffered heartaches can still find their missing ribs, if only they look around carefully. Naturally, their emotions have been blown with the winds and they are just managing to hang on. But from this emotional valley, it is still possible to move out and rediscover something new and adorable.

     This can only happen when the new bird is sincere and willing to flow with you. Interestingly, this is the situation Noami is experiencing at the moment and she is happy that she allowed her heart to step out of the ‘box’. At a distance, Naomi seemed to have the worlds in her pocket. Friends and neighbours admired and held her in high esteem because of her rare qualities. She was beautiful in and out. A pretty face, great physique and a large heart. Yet, there was just one snag: there was no Romeo in sight. And so everyone made it his or her business to be a great matchmaker just to find our dear friend a Mr. Right.

    “It wasn’t as if I never really found a guy I loved or admired. Unfortunately, he died three months to our wedding. That was a fatal emotional blow, one that I never really recovered from. It actually took me a long while before I started picking the bits and pieces together because my world crumbled at that point.”

    He must have been a wonderful guy, the type that you wish to spend a lifetime with. “Yes, he was a rare personality and he transformed my life while we were together. When I got the news from his younger sister I was shocked.”

    She kept on wishing it was all a dream and that someone was going to wake her up from this emotional slumber. “Most times I kept on talking to myself and tell me that it wasn’t true.” Sadly, that never happened and the poor lady’s heart kept on sinking. “By the time I woke up it was almost too late. All the guys I ran into and admired were all married. I was stuck and the ones that desperately wanted my hand were not the kind of guy that I desired.”

     From that point, yours truly was on the receiving end and hung on to life as an emotional beggar with little or no choice at all. Just when she thought that her emotional gates had been padlocked for life, another heart came passing by. “We met at a friend’s wedding anniversary. I knew that all our friends would be at the event and they would all be popping the same question at yours truly. But again, I was lonely and I needed something to fill up this vacuum. To make things easy for me I had told myself not to take any question seriously and just make myself happy.”

    Like she imagined, almost everyone turned out for the event. Two great minds locked together as one sure deserves everyone’s time and attention. “I sat in a corner and tried to tuck myself away from familiar faces. Unfortunately, one of the busy bodies finally caught up with yours truly. She was clutching a male hand bag and because I hadn’t seen her in a long while, I imagined he was her ‘property’.

    “Well, it turned out that my assumptions were wrong. This was actually another matchmaking episode and yours truly was at the centre of the script. “Hello dearie! How are we today? I just saw that you don’t have any company and I thought I should introduce my cousin, Ajibade, to you.”

    (Nonsense! Can’t these people realise that life is not all about have a partner. Who says that I am lonely without a busy body around me?)” Trust Shade, she zoomed off almost immediately and didn’t wait for my opinion on the matter. What I am going to do with this emotional garbage that she dumped on me? We kept starring at one another liked dundies and I felt like running away.

    “Wait a minute! It is not fair to sit on the fence and assume that you are better than the other person. So, I had this desire to help. Poor heart, only God knows who has wounded him this badly. But can two broken hearts melt into one. Then suddenly he opened his mouth and started talking. Well, he wasn’t as bad as I thought and in a short while this familiar stranger wormed his way into my heart.”

    The truth of the matter is that a man can be just as afraid or even more afraid of rejection than you are? In order for a man to overcome “shyness” or even his fear of rejection, he has to feel pretty confident in himself or in the idea that if he were to ask you out, you’d respond with a “yes.” Secondly, if you’re always surrounded by a group of people, he may not have the opportunity to be free with you.

    If he’s never had a one-on-one conversation with you, where you’re leading with attraction and flirting back, he may not feel too sure of the situation. This is why it’s important that if you want to maximise the chances that a man will follow-up with his attraction for you, you may just have to find a way to engage him. This way he would definitely discover that you are both interested and available.

  • Girls, a prayer warrior has the world at her feet! (II)

    DEAR Madam Temilolu, I pray ladies of this generation can just take their time and learn from your fountain of knowledge. More power to your elbow!

     Mr. Ogundele

    Temi,

    I am one of your readers/fans; please keep up your good work as your column is fascinating and very educative. No fear or favour, always free and fair. Stay blessed.

    Mr. Thompson

    Dear Aunty Temilolu,

    My boyfriend broke up with me on the grounds that he’s born again. Thank God for that because it opened my eyes to the fact that I needed God too. I used to run away from surrendering totally to God because I thought I was young and needed to enjoy life. However, now I have a new friend in Jesus and in the form of a reformed ex-boyfriend. I hope you publish this in your next column; I’d like to see it there. I realise that even though I didn’t lose my virginity, I did a lot of wrongs but after confessing my sins and giving my life to Christ, I feel light and free of guilt in my heart. Who says being a friend of God is boring? It’s the best thing ever!

    Your friend (I hope),

    Mariam

    My darling, precious, glorious, dignified, world-famous and heavenly celebrated Nigerian sisters,

    You’d recall I mentioned the super-natural powers women especially are endowed with in my last article and how the devil – our common enemy – is denying us its best use because of too much concentration on superficiality and inanities. A lot of women are groaning badly and have had their beautiful dreams of a fulfilling and wondrous life shattered because they refused to grow spiritually and someone else took over their destiny/joy. Our common enemy exploits this and makes a lot of ladies marry the wrong person – in fact, more often than not they end up with men who would frustrate or out rightly kill their destiny. So, why won’t you start growing spiritually now and praying not to take a wrong step that could mar your great destiny/future? I tell you, the earlier you start, the better. Praying and fasting should be your way of life and what should light up your path through the journey of life and not what you should learn to start doing when you are in great trouble. I see a lot of women in their mid-forties/fifties who after realising they have lost so much grounds to the devil and virtually wasted their time and opportunities on earth who end up in church almost on a daily basis seeking God and answers to their challenges. So many of them without spouses or children. So many of them derailed from God’s divine agenda from their lives, so many of them perpetually in great sorrow and confusion. That shall not be your portion in Jesus name. I have often said here that your battles are commensurate with the magnitude of your greatness and if you decide not to get really close to God to show you the secrets you need to know about your life and which way to go, you will certainly blame yourself in future and that is if you ever discover who/what you were destined to be in life.

    I once read someone’s response on the social media and her response was that even Joyce Meyer, (one of world’s most influential preachers who runs one of world’s largest ministries) said she only prays for a few minutes and doesn’t have to pray for long so praying for so long isn’t necessary. Now, how can you compare yourself with Joyce Meyer,  an American who has very little to contend with and so much grace upon her life because her fore-fathers were missionaries forgetting your idolatrous background here in Africa and so much evil still hanging over your family line as a result of this? Besides, with her challenges as a child and the call of God upon her life, in her earlier years, she must have prayed and prayed and prayed to get to where she is today!

    You girls had better wake up to reality because you just never know the type of destiny you carry and what you have to contend with. I keep telling you, your pastor may be so anointed, and performing wonders on a daily basis but no one except God can reveal the original trajectory of your life to you! And you can only discover this by praying without ceasing and living a holy life. Besides, you never know what you are destined to contend with as you journey through life. If you are not strengthened or heavily armed with prayers, just one blow which you should cash in on to catapult your destiny could knock you out for life! More to come on this! May God bless you!

    To be continued.

    I invite you to be my friend on facebook –TEMILOLU OKEOWO (not Temilolu okeowo girls club).

    Scam Alert: Temilolu okeowo girls club is a fake facebook account. Please do not like it or reply anybody seeking for financial help through any page using my name. Thank you!

  • Girls, a prayer warrior has the world at her feet!

    MY darling, precious, glorious, dignified, world-famous and heavenly celebrated Nigerian sisters,

    In this part of the world where we have an idolatrous foundation and where the devil has a strong-hold on most families, if you are not a prayer warrior/addict, I am afraid you may have a lot to contend with. Prayerlessness and spiritual dullness is why too many destinies are under attack and under a satanic siege. I tell you once you allow the devil gain grounds in your life, it’s usually a very tough battle to get him out of your way because he practically turns such a life to his playground.

    Right from the first book of the bible – Genesis, (as long as you believe God exists and created humanity), we can see that the woman was created by Him to play a very special role on earth. He carved woman out of man to support Him on earth and help him achieve all he was created to achieve in life! The devil knowing this has launched his attack on the woman right from the Garden of Eden where he tempted Eve. She was deceived by Satan’s lie and disobeyed God and that placed a permanent curse on humanity. He succeeded in carving out an exact opposite of what God intended for man. While God’s plan is to have us as virtuous women as He has graciously bombarded us with unique qualities, innate skills and talents including spiritual gifts that men cannot possess, the devil also has a way of making a woman who is naturally virtuous vicious and the downfall of not only a man but an entire generation. It amazes me that people say it’s a man’s world when the woman has the exclusive privilege of carrying a foetus which later becomes a nation! The female folk wield so much spiritual power but because of too much concentration on superficiality, most of them are not able to use that power God’s way both for their benefit and that of humanity at large! However, those who belong to the devil enjoy their enormous dark power and destabilise lives with it.

    You’d recall Delilah was the downfall of Samson in the bible while Jezebel was so ruthless such that one of God’s most powerful prophets had to hide from her at a point in time. A young Jewish girl living among the exiles in Persia found herself queen of the empire when a plot was revealed to destroy all the Jews. Esther was the woman God had prepared “for such a time as this” to save his covenant people. Today, many women are parenting without the support of a godly father and husband. Perhaps, that’s one reason God included the faithful influence of Timothy’s mother and grandmother in his Word. Choosing to trust God rather than dwelling on their difficult circumstances, Lois and Eunice raised Timothy to love and fear the Lord and make an impact in the world.

    There’s so much about you – in fact an incredible lot about your existence which you don’t know of and if you don’t discover them and take care of yourself today with prayers, you may find yourself living in an ocean of battles and unending despair for the rest of your life. There’s so much more on this I can’t wait to share with you next week God-willing!

     To be continued.

    I invite you to be my friend on facebook –TEMILOLU OKEOWO (not Temilolu okeowo girls club).

    Scam Alert: Temilolu okeowo girls club is a fake facebook account. Please do not like it or reply anybody seeking for financial help through any page using my name. Thank you!

    Are you still engaging in pre-marital sex? Each act devalues you! Your wonders are waiting to start. God is waiting for you to become a Secondary virgin! You are most welcome on board the chastity campaign train and Girls Club is open for all girls and ladies. Please text your name, age, school or occupation and State of domicile to 07086620576.

  • In the wrong connecting flight

    TRAVELLING for many can be interesting and it also brings new opportunities. You can do this by road, rail, and sea or by air. Travelling by air comes with excitement as well as challenges too, but the most important thing is to be sure that the end justifies the means.

    This can either be a direct flight or a connecting flight. Where you are going would definitely determine the kind of flight that you opt for in your journey (physical or emotional). For many, the direct flight is straight forward and you are sure to get to your destination faster than if you had to go with a connecting flight.

    The truth of the matter is that it is not all destinations that can be done with a direct flight. At such moments, you are stuck with a connecting arrangement and you just have to change planes (hearts) to get to the destination.

    Naturally, this heart is going from A to C but the heart (plane) must stop at B to continue the emotional journey to C, which is in between the place of origin and the destination. It is actually a hectic and stressful emotional process that can be stalled with baggage transfer, flight delays, flight cancellation and more. It is, however, worse when you miss the connecting flight or hurriedly find your way into the wrong flight.

    This is the emotional scenario that has played itself out in Amarachi’s life. At a distance, you would think she has everything going for her, but that is far from the real picture. Ever since she met this new guy, her emotional flight got diverted and she is stranded.

    “I got married at the age of 15 years, which was quite early. As the last child in the family, my parents and siblings resisted, saying I was not mature enough.”

    She loved him so much and they came to the realisation that this was her choice. She made up her mind to sink in this emotional boat and they just had to let her be. So, did this Prince Charming disappoint her? No, he didn’t! “I lived with him for about 13 years and we had a wonderful time together. The union produced three wonderful children and he was the best father any child could ask for. During this period, I also went back to school and read Accountancy,” she recalls.

    So, why is this babe raising an emotional alarm? “Just when I thought that my dreams were taking shape, the man died. It was the most traumatic period in my life and it was quite hard getting the pieces together.”

    Luckily, her in-laws were also as kind hearted as her late husband. They extended warmness, and things brought succour her way. It was six years in the emotional wilderness, and loneliness made the journey tortuous. Her mother also did not make things better and she kept urging her to look for another heart to lean on. “You are too young to be a widow; you need someone to support you and make life meaningful once more.”

    Young, restless and extremely attractive, the emotional corridors became very tempting. All kinds of hearts started to intrude and it was tough dodging and avoiding the turbulence of the emotional landscape. Her heart was unstable and it was at this point that a dashing dude sauntered into her life. He was all over her whispering sweet nothings, the type every gal wants to hear.

    Nothing ventured, nothing gain. She yielded and decided to open the doors of her heart widely and wildly for the Romeo to reign. What a relief! For the first few months, that was the ‘melody’ on her fragile lips. He swept her off her feet, making her tipsy all the way. Now that we have found love, what are we gonna do with it?

    It was just too good to be real! Time certainly would tell, but in the interim, this poor heart fell helplessly into the emotional gutter. A few months after, she was pregnant. Did he take to his heels?

    Not yet! “He took me to the village to see his parents and some other relatives. Everybody welcomed me warmly and I was convinced at that stage that it was for real.” She continued: “He rented an apartment and we moved in together but we were not married formally.”

    She gave birth to a baby boy and thought that this would further guarantee her place in the uppermost part of his heart. “Shortly after the baby came, I noticed that his attitude towards me changed.”

    He later relocated to the extreme end of the state in search of another emotional greener pasture(s). “He stopped calling me and refused to answer my calls. I got so worried and a family friend told me how to trace him to his new abode. There I discovered that he was living with a sugar mummy; the woman rented a two-bedroom apartment for him and gave him some money to set up a new business.”

    All hell was let loose. Was this pretty lady going to abandon her emotional property for this ‘moneybag’ or was she ready to recover this asset from the old hag, no matter what? This emotional battlefield is quite complicated and our dear friend is just alone. Nobody wants to align with her and the ‘loot’ is satisfied with his new status. His fickle-minded heart is surely having fun. Only God knows how long this new mistress will be able to sustain him, before he goes hunting for the next victim.

  • Girls, beware of the “sons of men!”

    DEAR Sister Temilolu, You are doing more than a pastor can do. As you go on rehabilitating these unfortunate morally-wounded girls and ferrying upcoming teenage girls across the dreadful sea of life, your great reward is from God. Please keep it up.

    Mr. Lanre Fagbolagun

    Dear Aunty Temilolu,

    I having been dating a guy who is ready to marry me whenever I’m ready,  however while I hate to engage in pre-marital sex, he enjoys it a lot and this causes a lot of misunderstanding between us as he won’t stop cajoling me into it. I have had my heart severely broken by all the guys I slept with. But when my present boyfriend came, he swept me off my feet and I couldn’t resist him. Please what can I do to stop this nonsense? I’m sick and tired of it and he won’t leave me alone even when I stay away from him for a few days.

    Sonia, 20

    “O ye sons of men, how long will ye turn my glory into shame?” Psalm 4:2 (KJV)

    My darling, precious, glorious, dignified, world-famous and heavenly celebrated Nigerian sisters,

    Anyone who goes against God or encourages you to go against God belongs to this group of people. Friends who bombard you with gist about boys and sex and the art of seduction, parents who encourage you to mess around with guys or rich men and parents who think it’s wiser for you to get pregnant before marriage so as to avoid “arrows” that will stop you from conceiving after the whole world knows you are married. While I understand why this last set of parents may think that way, the devil living inside the “sons of men” is a million times smarter and more powerful than every “son of man.” The other day, a 22-year-old was showing off her baby and youth corper husband encouraging her friends on facebook that it’s better to get pregnant before getting married so as not to end up being barren after marriage while she was cheered on. We all know God’s stand on this. And how is she so sure she’s even married to her divinely ordained partner/destiny helper? Besides, what works for As destiny may be the downfall of Bs destiny! If you know the witchcraft of your father’s house would attack your fruitfulness after marriage, why plan a ceremony they’ll all hear about or attend?

    “Sons of men” don’t care what God thinks, so if you’d rather hang around them, why won’t you be constantly bombarded for sex in every relationship and end up being “used and dumped?” Take it or leave it, if you want to amount to anything fantastic in this day and age without eventually falling into ruin at the end of your days, you must run away from the “sons of men!” Anyone who is not inhabited by the spirit of God can be used against you. Just one advice or counsel from any of such people could be fatal to your glorious destiny. I insist, you may not know the type of destiny you carry and what it would take to manifest? The devil knows and what he does is to surround you with those who will block your vision of seeing your original and everything you need to know about how to get it to manifest! I keep telling you, you are a wonder waiting to start and manifest at a set time. Think about it, most of those who performed great exploits in the world in the bible days were youth just like you. However, they had the fear of God. Talk about Joseph who became a Prime Minister at about age 30; Daniel who ruled over the governors; Esther a slave girl who displaced perhaps her mother’s age mate and became queen in a foreign land! In Nigeria today, the average youth is so engrossed in the hip hop culture, social media, fashion, make-up and reality shows such that too many wonderful potential which should help the country is drowned.

    I pity a lot of you who refuse to totally surrender to God and inhabit his Spirit. You are setting yourselves up for mega-disasters and a total waste of time on earth. If you want your destiny to manifest and last and last, you have to be led by God Himself!

    “For as many as are led by the Spirit of God, they are the sons of God.” Romans 8:14 (KJV)

    Fraternise with the sons of God who will encourage you to see the glory of God, not “sons of men” who would rip off your glory or turn it to shame. Believe me, the world is very bad – especially the African continent which is deeply rooted in darkness and you have to put up a fight for your star to shine! You never know what you are missing right now! You never know where you are meant to be right now. We all know there’s time for everything and the best opportunities knock but once. May you not blame yourself in your last days! AMEN! Meanwhile, it’s my birthday. Thank you Lord for protecting me! Halleluyah!

    To be continued.

    I invite you to be my friend on facebook –TEMILOLU OKEOWO (not Temilolu okeowo girls club).

    Scam Alert: Temilolu okeowo girls club is a fake facebook account. Please do not like it or reply anybody seeking for financial help through any page using my name. Thank you!

  • Storms of passion

    THE chicken moved around looking for something to peck at. It was young, beautiful and restless. The first move was to hang around Mr. A but somehow there was no chemistry here. Instead, Mr. A looked for a big stick indicating that pretty chickens (chics) are not welcomed here. Of course, that signal meant that the chic should look for someone who would appreciate the gestures. So it walked towards Mr. B and he poured some of the biscuit crumbs on the ground and it swooped on it.

    Like Oliver Twist, our pretty young chic waited asking for more and like a cheerful giver, Mr. B gave more biscuits. Two can play? Just before the answer came, he noticed that a tiny piece of rag had been tied around the right leg. Oh no! This rope means something that won’t make it easy tagging along with his impulse. That was not the only sign of ownership. A red paint was visible on the left leg too.

    Haba! All this for identification? Why not! You go all the way to give a tag to something you love, cherish and adore. Even if it strays, the message here is don’t touch, don’t trespass and don’t take away. Unfortunately, a number of chics are roaming aimlessly around without any form of identification. The crux of the matter here is that if you allow your chic to roam about and you cannot identify it, then it may be missing for a while or gone forever.

    This is exactly what happened to two lovebirds recently. Hardest hit by the emotional miscalculations is our dear Shewa and she is feeling bad because everyone thought she was too slow in the emotional process. Though she has come to terms with the break up, she is still finding it difficult to create space for new romance.

    The damsel met Kunle on campus and they had a wonderful relationship. He assisted her with her studies and they complemented each other in different ways. They were very close but somehow Kunle made no promises. It was a very cordial relationship and Shewa did not allow him more than a nuzzle in public. On his part, Kunle played the role of the good guy and never attempted to take advantage of his adorable chic.

    They graduated and both passed in flying colours. Barely two years after, Kunle got a scholarship and he had to travel out of the country for the proverbial greener pastures. When he broke the news to Shewa, she was devastated. Her friend, Morenike, was also afraid for her: “You know all these guys, the way they behave once you are out of sight. I hope you are not going to lose this guy after all you have done for him.”

    No way! Her dear Kunle won’t do that, she consoled herself. Time certainly would tell. On the day he was travelling out, Kunle stopped by at Shewa’s place to say goodbye and he asked her to see him off to the airport. That was a great reassurance indeed. Looks like she was the queen of the emotional manor after all. There was no other girl in sight or so it seemed. She began to imagine that their love letters and phone calls would crisscross the globe. She also imagined how she was going to stash these memorable love notes in her dresser drawer. The last set of imaginations that ran riot was when she would finally be reunited with him in Nigeria or having to travel over to join him where he was.

    Dreaming? Why not, it is better to dream sometimes. She got back home late that night. Her love was airborne and possibly thinking about her too. This distant relationship was just for a while, ‘everything I’m going to be alright,’ she consoled herself and smiled. Her smile lit up the room and her eyes creased with joy. Sleep finally came and she saw her sweetheart in dreamland. Good omen? Sadly, the days ran into weeks, months and years but there were no calls and no letters.

    From friends, she got the ‘didn’t I warn you’ signal. The only information that sipped in came from Kunle’s mother. “Hello, my dear. How are you doing? Please take good care of yourself, mix and have new friends. I don’t want you to get too worried. We haven’t also heard from him directly, he just sent a friend to us recently. Please don’t wait for Kunle o. You know all these men can be very funny, you cannot vouch for them. When I was about your age, I escorted my boyfriend to the airport and I knew it was over. I married the next guy that came my way. That was how Kunle’s father came into the picture, so be sharp my dear.”

    The old woman was just playing smart, she knew her son had put someone in the family way. There would be no letters, no calls and their romance was history. After all there were no strings attached from the outset. She simply did not read in between the lines.