The Nation Newspaper

Category: Hearts

  • Touch of Fate (2)

    Don, what’s the matter? Are you alright?” Helen asked worriedly.

    He did not respond but closed his eyes and placed his right hand on his brow. After a while, he opened his eyes and spoke.

    I’m ok. I’ve been taking these malaria drugs and they make me feel dizzy at times,” he explained.

    “Sorry about that. Maybe you should go home and rest. We could always hang out some other time,” she said, still looking worried.

    He shook his head, insisting he was fine.

    They chatted for a while with Helen doing most of the talking while he listened, a pensive look on his face.

    Before parting that night, he promised to call in a few days so they go out on another date.

    “I’ve enjoyed our time together. Let’s do this again,” he said as he kissed her on the cheek before she alighted from his car in front of her house.

    About a week later, when she did not hear from him, she called his mobile.

    “I was worried that maybe you had not recovered from the malaria,” she stated. “So, how are you feeling now?” she enquired.

    He told her he was alright but had been unable to contact her due to work commitments. But Don knew in his heart that that was not the whole truth. Much as he liked her and wanted to see more of her, he had decided to keep away for certain reasons which he could not explain to her.

    “Actually, I have an invite for you,” Helen said, adding, “One of our executive directors at the bank is retiring soon and a party is being planned for him next week. It’s at the Ritz Hotel and it’s going to be a classy do. I want you to be my date for the evening.”

    His initial reaction was to decline, but hearing her sweet voice again and realizing how much he had missed her, he accepted.

    The party turned out to be a glitzy affair as Helen had predicted. Mr Thompson, the director that was leaving, who was a Briton, was one of the pioneer staff of the bank when it was established some decades earlier. Some of the top officials of the bank including the M.D, some directors and senior management staff were in attendance. There was lots to eat and drink and plenty of speeches as well.

    “Nice party,” Don said some time later. They were taking a walk by the hotel pool. Inside the hall, a live band was playing and some of the usually serious minded bankers were letting their hair down and grooving to the beats.

    “You can go back and continue with your dancing if you want,” she suggested, sitting on a chair by the pool. He had danced with a couple of her colleagues including the loquacious Tina who had been clinging onto him all evening. Due to her leg injury, she could not dance and had sat watching the couples on the dance floor a bit enviously.

    “No. I’m cool. It was getting a bit stuffy inside,” he said, sitting by her. They sat in silence for a while, taking in the scenery and savouring the cool, fresh air.

    Then turning to him, she said:

    “I know you might say it’s none of my business. But you told me the other day that you called off your wedding to the lady you were planning to marry a week to the day. What really happened?”

    He sighed, before telling her a tale of infidelity and betrayal.

    “I caught her in bed with my best friend. He was someone I trusted so much and we were like brothers. He was to be my best man at the wedding. I just couldn’t get over the betrayal of trust especially on her part. It put me off relationships for a long while,” he stated quietly.

    She reached for his hand and held it.

    “What a sad story,” she noted. “These things happen. I have some horror relationship tales as well,” she added. And she went on to tell him about her last boyfriend who turned out to be a fraudster. “He claimed to be a businessman, an importer of computers and accessories. One day, he told me he had secured a contract at a government ministry to supply computers worth about N100 million. He begged me to use my connection at the bank to secure a loan to import the items,” Helen narrated. It was while the loan application was being processed, she added that a colleague who knew someone at the ministry made enquiries concerning the contract.

    “It was then the truth was revealed- there was no contract! He wanted to dupe the bank and disappear abroad with the money once he had received it. Of course I ended the relationship! The most painful thing was that instead of showing remorse for his misdeeds, he wrote me a terrible letter. He called me all kinds of names including a cripple, disclosing that the only reason he dated me, was because of my job- as I could facilitate his access to bank loans easily. Can you imagine that?” she said.

    “He was a very bad person. Thank God you found out about him on time,” Don stated.

    “Yes. It was a lucky escape for me. As his guarantor, I would have ended up being saddled with repaying the money. Where will I see such a huge amount of money to pay back to the bank? “ she wondered.

    “You know, we are two of a kind, been through so much heartache…” Don said, holding her by the shoulder and drawing her close.

    “Yes,” she intoned, resting her head on his shoulder…

     

    The revelation

    After that night, they saw regularly for the next couple of months. And soon, a relationship blossomed between them. To Don, it was never part of his plan to get so close to her but try as he could, he could not stay away from her. There was something about her that kept drawing him to her and it got to a point where he stopped trying to resist. He had fallen in love and there was no point denying it. Besides, he found in Helen some of the qualities he had always wanted in a woman- she was caring, loving and faithful. After the incident with his ex-fiancé, he wanted a woman he could trust and he saw that in Helen.

    About eight months after they started dating, Don proposed to her one evening at his home. Though she had been expecting something like that from hints he had been dropping, Helen still looked surprised when she saw the ring he had slipped on her third finger.

    “It’s so beautiful!” she enthused, then added. “Of course I will marry you, darling! At least that will stop Tina from trying to snatch you from me.”

    After things had quietened down a bit, they sat making tentative plans for their wedding.

    “But Don,” Helen stated some time later, “Much as I love you and want to be your wife and I suspected you were going to propose, I thought maybe, you would wait for sometime…”

    “Wait for what?” he asked.

    “For us to get to know each other better. We’ve not even been dating for up to a year,” she noted.

    “Baby, what more do I need to know about you? Afterall, I’ve known you since you were a little girl like this,” he said, raising his hand to indicate the height of a ten year old child.

    “Don! That’s not true! I was not as small as that!” she said heatedly.

    “You were!” he insisted, laughing at her.

    She picked up one of the empty bottles of red wine on the table they had drunk to celebrate their engagement.

    “Say that again and I will hit you with this,” she said, a mischievous glint in her eyes.

    He jumped up from the couch and standing at a safe distance, repeated his earlier statement about her height, his hand raised at the same angle.

    “Ah! Somebody is going to join his ancestors today!” she shouted, getting up to run after him, the bottle raised in a threatening manner…

    * * * *

    It was about a month to the wedding. Preparations were in top gear and like most brides-to-be, Helen was excited about the coming nuptials. One evening at his apartment, they sat going over the guest list on Don’s computer. It was growing longer by the day and Helen was trying to prune it to a reasonable figure.

    “It’s too long. I think 300 is a more reasonable number,” she said, scrolling down the list of names.

    “You are right. Well, you take care of it. I’m going to see Patrick about the groomsmen’s outfits,” he stated, picking his car keys from the side table. Patrick was going to be his best man at the wedding.

    After he had left, she worked on the list for a while. She was saving the document in a folder when something attracted her attention. She clicked on the file and began reading it. At the end, she sat staring at the screen, too stupefied to move.

    Could this be true? Or was she dreaming? How could it be? That her own Don, the love of her life, the man she was planning to marry was the one who had been driving the night of the accident back in school that had left her nearly crippled? But it was all there- the details of what had happened that night; the party, the drive back to the campus, hitting her and abandoning her by the roadside half-dead, wounded, bleeding, unconscious…

    It was in his private files which she had stumbled upon by chance. In a way she was glad, the truth was out. But on the other hand, she wished fervently that she had remained ignorant of the truth and had continued in her dreams and hopes for the future that now suddenly looked so bleak.

    “Baby, I’m back. How is the list coming up?” Don said as he walked in through the front door. But he was stopped in his tracks by the strange look in her eyes- a mixture of despair, anger, disappointment and hopelessness…

    To be continued

     

    •With this revelation, things can definitely not be the same between the lovers. What next? Don’t miss the juicy details next Saturday!

    •Names have been changed to protect the characters’ identities

     

    •Send comments/suggestions to psaduwa@yahoo.com or 08023201831.

  • Your K-legs and your bow legs

    I grew up not even knowing some of my greatest physical assets. Just like every kid of my age then, I could take my Granny’s powder and rub on my face. I could never do it right because I always ended up looking like a clown with my face caked in brown. I enjoyed smile at myself in the mirror anyway and that to me was a lot of fun.

    It wasn’t until I got to secondary school (St. Teresa’s College, Ibadan) that things like hips and busts shape began to crop into my sub-consciousness. For a girl of 10 plus going to eleven, I must have come with a perfect shape because the few girls I had as friends talked about it. I must confess that things like that didn’t make any sense to me then because I was never found without my cardigan, anyway. That was until I became the Agric Prefect and our then vice-principal, the sophisticated Mrs. Oyelade took an interest in my cardigan-wearing nature even in the hottest weather. That is a story for another day.

    Anyway, I almost went through secondary school without bothering about curves and such other girlish stuff but trust girls, those were (and are still) important matters. Woe betide you if you were flat-chested or lacked appropriate hips, you would be asked if you were a boy dressed in our proud brown pinafore and white blouse topped with the brown beret.

    If you escaped the boy-look lashing, you might not be so lucky with your legs. We had girls with hot legs and I still remember all of them in my set. And we had those with K-legs or bow-legs. It was a form of ridicule to be identified with K-legs and bow-legs. I doubt if I fell into any of the good or bad categories. It didn’t matter to me though. Years later, I have come to realize that whatever the shape of your legs – if you like, have the hottest legs – it still won’t matter in the way of progress. Bow legs or K-legs would not determine how far you go in life. One thing I know about legs is if your ways are straight and hot with God, you may just find yourself in the corridors of power.

    What are the shapes of your legs with God? Common, straighten them!

  • Is it a must to have money before you can woo a lady?

    Good day ma, first of all, I will love to say well done on your job. Please ma, is it a must that you must have money before you can woo a lady? Also ladies don’t love me for whom I am. Help.

    •My brother, it may surprise you that you’re not alone in the wilderness of loneliness all because you haven’t made money. Many Nigerian girls are beginning to size men up by the weight of their pockets as against the sincerity of their hearts. No wonder Sir Shina Peters in one of his songs, said, “Baby wan ride beautiful car, even sef, baby wan stay inside beautiful duplex, all these things, na ego go cost.”

    As a hardworking woman though, I don’t support women who look out for rich men before they can start a relationship. It is sad that most of these girls waste their time looking for money bags and they have a total disdain for the young men who are wooing them left, right and center. Then when they have missed the boat, they start running to pastors and alfas and babalawos for solution to their husbandless status after some years.

    If you like a girl and she makes you feel that you’re less than a man because you don’t have money, just let her go. There are still many good girls out there who will accept you for whom you are.

    Work hard at whatever you’re doing now and pray for God’s blessings. Maybe by the time some of these girls doing yanga today have lost their time, you may be in a position to hire their brothers and sisters for them to have food on their table. Bet it, the beauty they are parading today won’t be so tight in a few years to come. When that time comes, you won’t even want to touch them. Go on, work!

  • I don’t have feelings for her but I haven’t found anyone who can replace her

    Morning ma, my name is Abbey, I’m 32 year old dating a girl of 21 years. She loves me so much she calls me everyday. My family and her family show love to themselves but I don’t have feelings for her and I try to look for other girls but I haven’t found anyone who can replace her and I want to settle down. We’re 3 years already in this relationship. Please help me.

    Dear Abbey, only a few men are true to their feelings the way you are being true to yourself. Love is very essential in a relationship and if after three years, you still don’t have feelings for this girl, then it is wise to let her go. Love is that ingredient in every relationship that makes you overlook mistakes. Love is what makes you come back home to a sweet hug. Love is what makes you lie down in bed and hold hands without talking, yet passing secret messages across the room. If your heart is not thumping for this girl, marriage to her is unlikely to be happy.

    You’re still dating, yet your eyes are roving, looking for a perfect match. That means something vital is lacking. Most married men cheat, but some love their wives so much that they won’t allow her find out. If even as a single but attached man, you are still searching, you will cheat in your marriage to this girl and you won’t mind the consequences. That may lead to a sad divorce. So, don’t even go there.

    And never marry her out of pity or the fact that your families are in sync. It’s not worth it.

    Sit her down and let her know that you both need a little space to see what could happen in that time. She might not understand what you’re saying, but let her know that it is for her own good. Encourage her to mix with other guys and who knows, she may find somebody who loves her. If she’s wise, by now, she should have noticed that your affection is not similar to the thing she must have been fantasizing about. So, if she finds the real thing, she may be the first to bide you farewell. Use the period of your separation to work out your emotions. You may even love her without knowing because she might be chocking you now. Distance makes the heart grow fonder. Good luck.

  • She keeps too many male friends but tells me not to worry

    Good day my dear columnist. I just read your article on page 50. Please and please, I need a simple solution to this my protracted problem with my fiancé (wife-to-be); my problem with her is that she keeps too many male friends and whenever I complain, she tells me not to worry that she is with me and not planning to betray me. Please what shall I do?

    •In a recent survey I did on this topic some weeks ago on this page, majority of the men were of the opinion that a woman can have male friends so far she is faithful and gives her man his own time. My own opinion has always been that once her male friends are aware of your existence and they respect you, then there is no harm here. It is even better if she hangs out with them when you’re there. When my friend, Abel Ameh got married some years ago, I was one of the groomsmen! Yes. I used a silk scarf on my neck to match his tie and the ties of the other groomsmen. I’m one of his closest friends and he is known to my family too. That’s to tell you that I have male friends and my husband knows them all, and we all go out every now and then when time permits. They come visiting and vice versa and my partner is always involved.

  • From you to me

    •Adeola my dear, wishing you a prosperous new year. How are you? God bless so much for your column. You have touched my life and I’m sure quite a number of people too have been touched positively by your column. Please don’t stop; continue your good work. God will always give you the wisdom and knowledge to write.

    May your pen never get dry. May ideas and vision always flow. May God grant you all desires. May you move 20 steps ahead of your colleagues. Each time I read, I tend to learn a lot. Keep it up. Please I am 37 plus, from Anambra, a Christian, tall, dark and female who lives in the South East. I need a male between 45yrs and 52 who is Godfearing, humble, from Anambra State and a Chritian who lives in the South East. Have a nice day—Oonyi. 08028260208.

    •Sister Adeola, may God bless your home for your efforts in The Nation publication. I’m Moussa, 42, Yoruba, Muslim, employed graduate and need an employed graduate, Muslim, Yoruba lady aged between 30yrs and 35 for a serious relationship. I could be reached via this number, 08152948164. Thanks indeed Ma

    •God will edify, modify, beautify, sanctify, satisfy, fortify, magnify, dignify and identify you in this New Year: rejoice God has done it in your life. HAPY NEW YEAR – Oliver, 08105384986.

    •Imeba Davis Olayi wishes you a happy blessed and prosperous 2013. The glory of GOD is upon you. His banner over us is Love. God bless you limitlessly. 2013 shall be your year of peace, joy, abundance, sound health, good success, prosperity, divine security, all-round favour filled with signs and wonders of GOD the Almighty- Ola Bakare oloyede’s family wish u happy, historical, prosperous new 2013. 07069451834.

    •Happy New Year and I wish you, your family good health and prosperouslife. Nasir 08102449482.

    •Baby you make me to be happy just your face I am in love. 08037863138. Your hope, your dream, your ambition, your aspiration, your goals and your expectations can’t be cut short. God’s plan in your life must be fulfilled. Good morning ma.

  • I’m always having sex in my dream

    My name is Stamina, I’m 22 years old. I’m always having sex with a girl in my dream.

    •Dear Stamina, as your name implies, you should have enough stamina to tackle your sexual needs in and out of dreams; don’t you think? Jokes apart, there are many reason why people dream of having sex in their dreams. It could be psychological, it could be spiritual and it could just be the physical need for sex that is being presented in the dream.

    According to a recent study by psychologist, Jennie Parker of the University of the West of England, women’s sex dreams tend to include lots of kissing and fantasies about other dream characters, while men report more actual intercourse. The University of Montreal in Canada found women’s dreams include romantic storylines and celebrities, while men’s include multiple partners. Boys can dream! This research shows genders conform to their stereotypes even when they are deep in their own personal kaleidoscope of images and colours.

    Sex dreams are so common that some people have them as often as once a week. Such dreams sometimes tell us a lot about ourselves, particularly our unfulfilled desires and fears. Surprisingly, some dreams aren’t even about sex – no matter how saucy they might be and if in your own case you don’t even know the particular girl(s) you have been having sex with, you may need to pray against some spiritual manipulations and desires.

  • I’m already in love

    For certain reasons, I couldn’t see my dad for two whole years. I must say that it was really tormenting thinking about what my dad would be thinking of me all those days and moths, which turned into two years that I didn’t travel down to see him.

    Even my sister, Dolapo and my other siblings who live abroad have never missed seeing him in any given year. I tried to make up by making the occasional calls to him, but it wasn’t the same. Seeing one’s parents as they grow older is very important and so, the guilt of not seeing and rubbing minds with him was much. I finally made the trip down to Ibadan last week to see my dad and the joy on his face at seeing me was so much I wanted to cry. As a matter of fact, he was still talking about me when I came. He immediately asked them to slaughter chickens and we all had a feast of his favourite ground rice and vegetable.

    My dad, as usual went into the story of how he met my mother years back and I listened once again to the love story. Many events came up and I found myself going to see dad over the next three days. The highlight of it was the blessing I got at the end of the visit. Coincidentally, the prayer session for me came just a few hours before the New Year. So here I am with no resolutions for the year and no grand plans except to follow up on unfinished job of last year and set new goals for the year, but I’m already in love with the year 2013. Entering a new year with parental blessings, to me, is a great way of facing all the uncertainties the year may present. I pray that all of us will have the blessings of God and have a very happy year. Happy New Year!

  • Putting your relationship on the front burner in 2013 Ngozi’s story

    Ngozi and her husband had been together for over five years when she realized that they were growing apart. They barely saw each other anymore between the demands of their careers and raising their two year old twin boys, and, when they did see each other, it seemed like all they did was snap at one another.

    Ngozi missed the way their relationship had once been and wanted things to be different. She worked up the courage to talk to her partner who, much to her surprise, felt the same way.

    They decided to make their relationship a priority and agreed to make some changes in order to make this happen. They started by setting aside some time to spend together two nights each week after their boys went to bed and decided to go out as a couple once a month.

    At first, Ngozi and her husband felt a little awkward spending time together. They weren’t sure what they should talk about or do, but stuck with it and were able to come up with some ideas to try. They gradually noticed that they were arguing less and felt more connected than they had in years. Today Ngozi and her husband feel that the time and effort they put into making their relationship a priority has helped them have the kind of satisfying and loving relationship they always wanted.

    The Lesson

    It is normal for people to occasionally let their relationships slide to the back burner but it can cause problems if you let it stay there for too long. 3 easy steps you can take to make your relationship priority are:

    1. Invest in your relationship

    2. Make time for your relationship

    3. Spend your time wisely

    Next Steps

    Take what you have learned in this article and consider whether your relationship is currently a priority in your life. If not, try the suggestions given in this article to see if they help. Please seek the help of a qualified professional if you need or want support while making these changes or if you feel your situation is not improving despite your efforts.

    Is Your Relationship on the Back Burner?

    When was the last time you spent time with your partner? I don’t just mean being in the same physical space, like being in the same room together while one of you plays on the computer and the other watches television. I mean REALLY spent time together talking, enjoying each other’s company, and connecting emotionally with one another. Take a minute and give it some thought…

    If you couldn’t come up with an answer or if the answer you came up with was so far in the past that you can barely remember it, then its probably safe to say that your relationship has been put on the back burner and is not currently a top priority in your life.

    Why is this a problem?

    Just as when a pan is left unattended on a hot stove, leaving your relationship on the back burner for too long will eventually cause your relationship problems to boil over and make a huge mess. Couples who do not make their relationship a priority tend to feel less invested in their relationship, feel distant and disconnected from one another, and argue more frequently which, in turn, can lead to couples making their relationship even less of a priority.

    How did this happen?

    If you are like most people, you stay busy trying to juggle the demands of whatever you have going on in your life. There are deadlines to be met at work and/or school, children to be cared for, endless chores to be done, and so on… Among all of these competing demands for your time and resources, relationships often get put on the back burner because the short-term consequences for not attending to them tend to be far less immediate and negative than the consequences that go along with not attending to these other things. You are probably highly motivated to make your job a priority because you need to work in order to get paid, but your partner will most likely still be there for you even if you don’t spend much quality time together…right?

    Another reason why relationships tend to get put on the back burner is because dealing with them can be painful. When problems exist in the relationship, it is sometimes easier for people to distance themselves from their partners than it is to try and re-connect with them.

    What you can do…

    Making your relationship a priority is an essential part of moving your relationship off of the back burner. Here are 3 tips to help you do this.

    1. Invest in your relationship. Your relationship, like everything else in life worth having, requires an investment of your time and effort in order for it to be as good as it can possibly be. Recognize that your relationship is unlikely to magically or spontaneously improve on its own and then take active steps to build and maintain it.

    2. Make time for your relationship. In today’s busy world, things that are not scheduled become much lower on our list of priorities because we are too busy and/or tired to get to them, and relationships are no exception. Regularly set aside time for just the two of you to be together as a couple. Have a conversation with your partner about how often and how much time the two of you can dedicate to your relationship and then put it on your calendar. Doing this increases your sense of commitment and makes it much more likely that you will follow through with your plans.

    3. Spend your time wisely. Work with your partner to generate a list of ideas for how the two of you can spend time together as a couple. Choose activities that will allow you to enjoy each other’s company and converse with one another about whatever you want or need to discuss. Remember that it is important to periodically spend some of your time together talking specifically about relationship issues, such as how each of you thinks the relationship is going, where you want it to go in the future, and how you can make that happen.

    Making your relationship a priority does not need to be an elaborate production: even relatively small but consistent investments of your time and effort can go a very long way toward improving your relationship.

    If you and your partner have very serious problems and/or if there is a considerable amount of animosity between the two of you, it may be necessary for you to resolve these issues before you begin the job of reconnecting with one another. Consider working with a qualified professional if you need or want someone to help you do this work.

  • 10 tips for a happy marriage

    To have a really good marriage, you need to work at it. As the saying goes, the only place you find success before work is in the dictionary.

    Here are some things you can do to help build a strong marriage.

    1. Watch Your Relationships. To preserve your determination to make your marriage succeed, don’t get too close flirt with members of the opposite sex. If you do, in the back of your mind, you might begin to view them as alternatives in the event that your marriage doesn’t work out. This will weaken your resolve. After all, why work so hard when you have an escape route? Also, these types of close relationships are likely to make your spouse feel threatened.

    2. Pay Full Attention. Listen to your spouse when he or she talks to you. It’s a sign of respect. Try to give him or her your undivided attention. Also, nod in agreement occasionally—it tells your partner you’re listening. If your spouse talks to you when you’re in the middle of something important, say so, and suggest a time when you’ll be able to pay full attention.

    3. Share Enjoyable Activities. Do fun things with your spouse. Exercise together, take leisurely walks, or share a pursuit that’s mutually enjoyable. Such activities strengthen your relationship and make it easier for the two of you to endure the hard times that come in every marriage.

    4. Learn from Your Experiences. Learn from the past. For example, if you find that you’re often tense when you’re very hungry, minimize your conversation with your spouse during those times. Similarly, if you see that your spouse gets worked up whenever you mention the name of a certain relative, don’t mention that person’s name unless absolutely necessary. Try to learn from the past.

    5. Be Polite. Be courteous to your spouse. When speaking with him or her, use phrases such as “please,” “thank you,” “would you mind if I….,” and so forth. It will make your spouse feel appreciated and respected.

    6. Never Say “I Told You So.” Remove the phrase “I told you so” from your lexicon. Saying these words only causes ill will between you and your spouse.

    People say this phrase for two reasons:

    · To show off that they were right,

    · To get their mates to listen to them in the future.

    What they don’t realize is that the message that comes across is, “Aren’t I smarter than you?” which is insulting.

    When you’re proven right after an argument, your spouse will realize this on his or her own. There is no need to point it out.

    The poet Ogden Nash wrote the following poem to encourage people to act this way:

    To keep your marriage brimming,

    With love in the wedding cup,

    Whenever you’re wrong, admit it;

    Whenever you’re right, shut up.

    7. Don’t Keep Score. Don’t walk around with a watchful eye making sure your partner carries his or her share of the workload. Instead, take the view that it doesn’t matter if you end up doing more than half of what has to be done. Making sure your relationship stays fifty-fifty will put so much tension into your marriage that it’s not worth the effort. So unless your spouse is very lazy or a real responsibility shirker, don’t keep track of who does more.

    8. Watch Out for the Little Things. A family court judge once commented that in 99 percent of the divorce cases he presided over, the couples were upset about very small matters. Here are some of the types of complaints he was referring to:

    · “She never lets me leave the window open at night.”

    · “He always wears that loud shirt that embarrasses me.”

    · “She never replaces the toilet roll when it’s finished.”

    · “He always leaves his socks on the floor.”

    These small matters can be very detrimental to a relationship, so watch out for them.

    There is, however, a silver lining to this cloud: Just as little things can ruin a relationship, they can also build one. A brief call to ask how your spouse’s day is going can make a big difference in his or her feelings toward you. Remembering your mate’s birthday with a little gift can mean a lot. Even just bringing your partner a chocolate bar or a novel you think he or she will enjoy can mean a great deal, because it shows you care.

    Women in particular often need small but frequent gestures of love.

    9. Greet Your Partner Happily. Smile at your mate when you greet him or her. It will make your spouse feel appreciated and loved. Even if you’re in a bad mood, be sure to flash that grin. It’s a small investment that can go a long way.

    10. Respect Your Spouse’s Privacy. Don’t go through your partner’s things out of curiosity or in an effort to make them look neater. Privacy is a fundamental need all humans have, so be sure to respect it.

    Similarly, make it a habit not to repeat your spouse’s words to others. You never know what your mate wants kept secret.