Category: Hearts

Hi Adeola, I’m 19 and an undergraduate. I’m dating a guy who truly loves me although 7 years older than me but he happens to be to jealous whenever he sees guys’ calls on my phone although he does not receive lady’s call the way I do. I hope his jealousy cannot lead to a breakup.

Put yourself in your guy’s shoes and let’s see if you would be happy to see him receiving regular calls from other girls. The future of this relationship depends on you. If your man is unhappy about your constant frolicking with other men, stop it. Have friends he knows about. These should be friends who ask after him when they call and who may even want to say hello to him. If you allow flippant calls to be the bane this good relationship, you would be shocked that none of these other guys would give you the kind of love you just lost. Be wise.

Good day ma, I’m a reader of your column. Please advise me. I’m in love with a man I really love but my mum told me to quit the relationship. She gave two reasons – He already a child of out of wedlock and we are not from the same state. All these do not bother me but she insisted.

I wonder what your mum would say if you were the one who had a child out of wedlock and a man wanted to marry you. Sure she would bless the man and jump at the idea of him marrying you without delay. If she had a son who had a child out of wedlock, she would cajole a good girl to marry him and take him as he is.

Well, I don’t know how much power your mum wields in your family, so I wouldn’t know how you can make her see reason and go for the one you love. So far it doesn’t bother you, I see no reason why it should bother her.

In these times and days when people inter-marry everyday, I see nothing wrong in you marrying a man from another state. I’m a true Nigerian and I see us all as one.

I used to have a colleague and friend named Benny. I have been searching for her since about six years now and I pray I find her in peace. I remember Benny today because it’s a few days to Christmas and seven days after that, it would be New Year. Benny used to feel downcast back then around this time of the year because that was when she took stock of her life. She used to ponder more on the things that were not working for her, and she was always in trepidation of the coming year, wondering if it would usher in her dreams. To make it worse, the dryness of the Harmattan breeze, the hot sun and the general mood of the season used to annoy her, making her feel lost.

I remember Benny today because like her, I’m taking stock. This year alone, I lost a sister, a dear cousin-in-law, a very dear friend and an acquaintance.  But this same year, I have only visited the hospital for routine checks – nothing serious. I have food to eat and maybe something extra to share. This year alone, I have experienced the death of loved ones the same way I have celebrated the arrival of new dreams and new lives. And at this time of the year, I can type with

joy knowing that somebody somewhere is going to be happy just reading this.

I have many reasons to be merry and thankful to the One who knows my tomorrow. Even if you do not have enough to buy a new cloth for the season and maybe not enough to buy the chicken you would have loved to share, we can look around at all those faces that stare back at us with love. We can then put our hopes in God and happily wish each other a very Merry Christmas.

Below is a Christmas joke for you to enjoy.

The Savior must have been a docile Gentleman by Emily Dickinson

The Savior must have been

A docile Gentleman—

To come so far so cold a Day

For little Fellowmen—

The Road to Bethlehem

Since He and I were Boys

Was leveled, but for that ’twould be

A rugged Billion Miles—

Men, like women, have certain emotional and physical needs. Women tend to believe the primary thing on a man’s mind is sex. Sex is very important to men, but it is not the most important thing. Men crave worship and want to be seen as the center of their mate’s life. Follow these tips to make your man feel like a king every day of the year.

Support him. Always back your man in front of family and friends and never allow anyone to say anything negative about him. Also, don’t challenge him in front of other people.

Guard personal information. Keep your secrets to yourself and don’t run to your friends or family every time something happens. Men feel very insecure when woman share intimate details about their relationship.

Encourage him. Men need to feel that they are successful in life. Support him when he has a new idea and lift him up when he feels like a failure. Tell him how proud you are of him on a regular basis.

Tell him how sexy he is. Just like women, men like to hear that they are attractive. Let him know that he is a good lover and that he is the only man for you. Tell him how much you love his eyes, biceps, legs… whatever you find irresistible about him.

Keep your appearance up. It’s a known fact that men are attracted by sight. Wear sexy clothes for him on your date night. Surprise him with a new hairstyle that you know he would like. Be spontaneous and don’t be afraid to try new looks.

Make love regularly. Men crave sex and intimacy for several reasons, namely physical pleasure and affirmation. The act of sex makes a man feel like the king of his castle. Try to have some sort of physical contact with your man at least once each day.

I’m female and my female friend wants us to do sexual things together Good morning ma. My name is Sophia, I’m SS2. I have a friend we have been friends for three months now she’s okay but when we are talking she treats me like her girlfriend and we are both girls and she tries to have sex with me but she talks about education she’s always calling

me to read. Is she a good friend?

My dear, your friend is either a lesbian or a bi-sexual. You don’t need sexual relationships at this stage in your life and certainly not with a person of same sex. You have to put your feet down and let your friend know that if she wants you to continue to study together; she has to stop all these talks about sex and lesbianism. It is ungodly and you don’t need it.

How are you all preparing for Christmas? I pray the real reason for the season is reflected in our lives.

 And it would be fun to know how a lot of you took that special date 12-12-12. I began to see paid adverts about three days before that date asking people to fast and pray.  Honestly,

I must confess that I took it as any other day. You know why? In the past, people have celebrated such other special numbers and still, most of them are still the same today. Nothing has changed.

God is awesome and I have come to realize that He will do what He will do whether you pray on such special dates or not. He will bless those whom He will bless. So what did I do to on that day? I spread around a little love amongst my friends. We ate together and generally had some fun. To me, every waking day of my life is a special day. From that gardener next door who brings me fresh pawpaw straight from the tree, to the smile of my miaguard who doesn’t even know about dates to the birds that come to greet me in the morning to wake me up, every day is special to me. May God make all days special for us.

Dear Adeola, I love reading your page a lot. I am particularly fascinated by the edition of 24th November 2012. I like the way you answered the issue raised by the 16 year old girl. Without reading your reply, I felt very bad about what the girl wrote. Your answer drew my respect for you as a mother. You were truthful in what you said. I want you in future to chastise such girls and go a step forward to reprimand parents under whose carelessness such things happen.

At 16, such girls should be tied to their mothers’ apron learning how to sweep, how to prepare food and should be made to carry bibles on their heads while going to church.

On the issues of love discussed, you did well. But can you say something about girls who are due for marriage but despise men so much and think that by shunning men, they will get a suitor. Can you please write on the right attitude expected of a girl of 30 who hopes to marry in life.

I would have told the attitude of a particular girl, but I do not want to taint your thinking with my bias. Please let us be educated again as usual. Is this attitude of ‘I must drag it with him’ right from a lady? Is festering every issue a positive attribute from a lady? Thank you. – Ifeoluwa

Dear Ifeoluwa, when girls are advanced in age, it is easy for men to think that they are easy conquests. What men do not know however is that the more advanced a woman is in age, the wiser about men she is. Do not forget that at a certain age, a smart woman can smell a serious guy from a distance and would rather remain single than dabble into a relationship that will break her already broken heart (not in all cases are the hearts broken). So in order not to start a relationship that is doomed from the beginning, a woman might withdraw from you no matter how nice you may be.

Women know what they want in a man. Do not forget that marriage is not a one-time thing. So, a smart woman would want a man she can be proud of long after the wedding ceremonies. It may not be enough that a guy is good-looking or that he has a good job. There are other factors women look out for before giving you the come-on signs. There may be something about your personality that she may not be too comfortable with and she may think you and her cannot have lasting companionship.

At a particular stage in a woman’s life, especially if she’s really confident, she has to feel that she’s perfectly attracted to you. Yes, you may not be physically perfect but she’s looking for a man that

will balance her out in the future. She may not be looking anymore for a hot stud who is smart, athletic, funny and successful. She may be looking for a soul mate, a real partner, a father for her unborn children and so, she’s looking for a real man who will play the roles well.

For instance, if you have earrings in your ears and she’s already climbing the ladder in her profession, you will not be a good match.

If you do not have manners and she’s at that stage when she’s taking lessons in etiquette then you’re off the radar as far as she’s concerned. And if tattoos and she just got promoted to the management team, you don’t even stand a chance.  In fact, you are totally incompatible in qualities.

Always keep in mind that the fact that a girl is advanced in age doesn’t mean she doesn’t know what she wants. A woman desirous of a long and happy marriage knows that she has waited enough, so she’s ready to wait for the right guy. When she meets a guy who gives her the most excitement and the biggest soul connection, she won’t dare despise that kind of guy. I bet, she will look for ways to encourage him.

Having said that, this is to all ladies out there who are good but advanced in age, check out the tips below and catch for yourselves good gusy: Confidence, independence, an inviting smile, a sense of humor. The important thing for every woman is to be approachable. Your body language says everything when wanting to attract a man. If you go out at night with your girlfriends and you spend the entire evening as part of a pack, how is a guy supposed to come over and strike up a conversation?

Alternatively, how is a guy going to take you seriously if you are all over him and fondling him in a public place?

It may sound like a no-brainer, but if you’re the kind of girl who really likes sports, go to a game or a sports bar to find your man. But if you’re also smart and looking for a guy who can keep up, wear a sweatshirt from your university. You may run into a sports-loving guy from your alma mater. Being true to yourself is the best way to find a guy who will be true to you too. Don’t go to trendy club looking to find a match if your real idea of a good time is going to a book club.

Doing this you will discover a man who shares your interests, and most importantly, appreciates you for you.

When it’s all said and done, patience is always the key to attracting the kind of man that you want. Never settling, never getting discouraged and taking your time is going to make finding your perfect man all the sweeter.

Every girl wants to be engaged to a serious man and wish to get married, but what kind of man will want to engage a babe with status like – ‘Liquids loadin’, Elegushi loadin’, ‘Movida on point’, ‘Wine bar Abuja toh bad’, ‘6 bottles I gallant’, ‘Clubbing mode activated’, ‘Champaign rain’, “Missing my bed tonite’, ‘Off to Crystal Lounge’, “Am gonna party real hard 2nite’ ‘Owerri, Benin, Lagos, PH, Abuja, Asaba, Bayelsa on my mind’, ‘Painting Accra blue and red’, ‘Dubai n Italy tins’…

You wear skimpy cloths, almost naked, loud nails and paintings you call makeups and you put it as your DP (display picture). You put DPs that you took in different hotels, hotel bedrooms and bathrooms. You then put ‘Alhaji thank you’ or ‘Baby thank you’ as your bf (boyfriend) no get name). Or you put ‘Senator, God bless you’, ‘Hon. You’re too much’. You take pictures in different cars; are you a driver?

Ipad 3, Bold 5, Porsche as DP and your boyfriend dey use Curve 2. Brazilian hair. Romanian hair. Peruvian hair etc. Who is fooling who?…….

Some babes never ready!!! Or you think those men ain’t seeing them? You better have a rethink. Maybe when you are 33 years, you’ll change your status to ‘Church on ma mind’, ‘I love Jesus’, ‘Jesus saves’.

At 35 years you begin to say all men are evil.

At 37 you no go miss any church service or crusade again. By then you don expire comot for market.

Fresh adventurous babes full university dey roll out, then beef go start. You spend hours in your saloon gossiping about younger girls, other married girls and how bad men are.

I know say many girls go vex but sharing this might save a frustrated depressed girl before it’s too late. All good men & Women should please rebroadcast and save a frustrated girl.

Beauty attracts men, but wisdom keeps them. Elegance catches men’s attention but intelligence convinces them.

Nagging irritates men but constructive silence weakens them. The boy in every man pumps out occasionally, the ability to handle this is a woman’s truest maturity.

Men have secret struggles and silent pains, should you ever find them out, you have exhibited the greatest maturity. In the long run, your words matter more to a man than your ‘looks’ so invest in the right words.

Earn a man’s respect and he will consider you the yardstick for all his action. Learn to mould the moods of your man. Men will naturally give you their futures if they can recall your maturity in yesterday’s issues….

Women are everywhere but queens are scarce. Let the queen in you come alive and he will hold you in high esteem. Share this to any beautiful woman you know and also to any man who knows a beautiful woman.

Though I have two Facebook profiles with over 8,000 followership between the two and so many yet-to-be confirmed friends, but I’m not a die-hard Facebook person. Facebook for me is about keeping in touch with old friends and maintaining contact with fans and new friends. I must confess that I like learning from wise posts too and I never fail to visit the walls of those I have identified as reasonable and wise people.

I really can’t remember at what stage I began to notice Balogun OmoBaale DaleKatunsa, but somehow, he crept so much into my sub-conscious that I began to look out for his posts on the home page.

Before long, I was visiting his wall and even contributing to some of his posts. Yes, Balogin Danjuma is sometimes crazy and sometimes so hilarious that I find myself laughing out loud (LOL), but he could be sometimes wise and right on point.

That he writes about relationships some of the time has really endeared him to me. Balogun has a way of putting some things that I sometimes frown at, but that doesn’t take away the fact that he makes a whole lot of sense.

Other than the few times I have actually met him online and had interactions with him, I’ve never met Balogun. But at this stage in my life, I should encourage talents when I see it. Balogun is a raw talent and I’m embracing him. It takes a lot of sit down and write and draw up followership. So, when I see a young person making efforts to stand apart from the yahoo-yahoo guys of our days and make a difference, I want to hug that person.

I’m hugging you today Balogun Danjuma for the nice things you have written and published on Facebook. Thanks for granting me the permission to share some of them today on my page. Keep writing and please, compile some of these things you’ve written and do a book one day. I wish you the very best.

If a guy treats a lady like crap and she meets someone that treats her like a queen, of course she has to sever all ties with the crap-giving guy before frolicking with the new guy okay, when you are still in a relationship with someone and you have another lover on the side, it’s cheating my dear. The same applies for guys.

I’m sure you know there are people who have partners that treat them like goddesses or gods and yet they cheat! What do you call that?

Greed! It’s human nature.

If we don’t learn to be disciplined and positively or morally principled, what we face now in relationships and marital issues would be like child’s play in the nearest future. An individual cheats on a perfectly okay partner.

When I say perfectly okay, I mean, (using a male as an example) physically he’s an Adonis! Sexually he delivers pinpoint heavenly pleasure, he treats her like a queen, he’s an awesome father and possesses other laudable attributes, yet one day she cheats on him. It happens every day and when you ask the cheating partner, they cannot explain why they did it. Very funny, they blame the devil forgetting that we