The Nation Newspaper

Category: Weekend Treat

  • I’m having tiny boil-like things on my vaginal lip

    Dear Mrs. Adeola, I am a girl of 13 and I have 3 questions to ask. I started my menses January/February this year. My blood smelt like urine for four days. Second, there are tiny boil-like things on my vaginal lip. Please is it an infection? Third, there are white fluids always discharged from my vaginal. Please if this is an infections what is the cure?

    Dear Teenager, you may or may not have an infection, but when cases like this come up, my first reaction is always that you seek medical attention. In the case of infection for instance, different cases sometimes have similar symptoms and only laboratory analysis can detect the real cause of such symptoms. Boils on vagina skin or lips can be caused by a number of factors, including: poor hygiene, poor diet, being overweight, or an immune disorder. Most commonly they are caused by ingrown hairs that develop as a result of shaving your vagina. They can also be caused by friction, created by wearing underthings that are too tight or that are made of synthetic materials that don’t allow the groin to get enough air. Finally, if you are a regular exerciser, moisture can get trapped between your workout clothes and your skin, allowing bacteria to grow into vaginal boils.

    How To Treat Them: Treating vaginal boils requires that you keep the area as dry and free from friction as possible. Switch to cotton panties if you don’t already wear them, and be sure to change them frequently -at least once a day and more if you are sweating or working out. If you use pads or liners during your monthly period, be sure you are changing them frequently throughout the day to prevent moisture and bacteria from building up. If you shave, add daily exfoliation to your routine. A dry brush swiped several times over the shaved area will keep dead skin cells sloughed off and prevent ingrown hairs.

    Getting Relief From The Symptoms: Let’s face it – there isn’t much you can do to avoid a little friction in this area, and your skin is probably hyper-sensitive if you are suffering an outbreak of vaginal boils. First, get a homeopathic spray that contains hepar sulphar.

    This all-natural ingredient helps to calm skin sensitivity, and reduces pain and swelling. Next, apply a warm compress to the area several times a day. This should help you bring the infection to a head. Remember, this is a highly contagious infection, and you need to be extremely careful when it starts to drain. Use antibacterial wipes to clean the drained fluid away, and then swap the area with hydrogen peroxide.

  • The Chinua Achebe I knew

    The Chinua Achebe I knew

    Captain Elechi Amadi is the author of the widely acclaimed The Concubine among other literary works, a former Commissioner for Land and Housing, former Commissioner for Education and currently  Chairman, Rivers State Scholarship Board. In this interview with Precious Dikewoha in his home at Aluu community in Ikwerre Local Government of Rivers State, he says Achebe can never be replaced. He also speaks about his school days with Achebe, his experience in the den of kidnappers, and a host of other issues.     

    How did you meet Chinua Achebe?

    I got to know Achebe in 1948 at Government College, Umuahia when we were both students. We were not only in the same school we were in the same house – Niger House. At one point we were in fact in the same dormitory and he was the prefect. He was three years ahead of me.

    He was soft-spoken, diligent, and hardworking and like most boys from that school, reliable and honest. Even in those days one habit of his became noticeable – he always carried a book. Even when he was marking out portions for our grass-cutting chores on Saturdays, he would have a machete in his right hand and a book in his left, with his forefinger buried in it to mark where he had stopped. This picture is particularly vivid in my mind. After school days, we went our different ways, but whenever we met, the passage of time will make no difference. We would recall incidents during our school days and laugh endlessly. He had an honest and rather infectious kind of laughter.

    When he convened a meeting of authors at the University of Nigeria, Nsukka for the formation of the Association of Nigeria Authors, Chinua was his usual humble and unassuming self. Humorously he said he had convened the meeting not necessarily to form an association but for us to debate whether writers who are known to be half-mad and individualistic could in fact come together to form an association. His humble and relaxed approach fired our resolve to form an association, and ANA was born.

    In 1954, Ekwensi published People of the City. I was thrilled that a Nigerian could write a novel. Then in 1958 came Achebe’s Things Fall Apart which received instant global acclaim. A novel written by my own schoolmate and friend! Wow! I rushed for a copy and did not put it down until I finished it. I have no doubt at all that I drew much of my inspiration to write from Ekwensi and Achebe.

    Some critics refer to writers who published novels after Things Fall Apart as “Achebe’s children”. Well, Yes and No. Yes, in the sense that I and some others drew inspiration and the courage to write from him. No, in the sense that while there may be common features like proverbs for instance in his work and mine, my style and orientation are quite different. There are no white men in my books, and gods and the supernatural play a more powerful role than in Achebe’s books. Again, while Achebe deeply explores colonial politics, I am preoccupied with the intricacies of our people’s culture. As the general editor of the African Writers Series, Achebe described The Concubine when it was published as ‘an unusually successful first novel’. I could not have had a better encouragement than that.

    I believe the Civil War affected Achebe very deeply and probably robbed him of the Nobel Prize. Between A Man of the People (1966) and Anthills of the Savannah (1987), Achebe’s creativity had a lull of twenty years which dealt a fatal blow to any Nobel Prize ambitions. But that apart, I am convinced that Achebe deserved the prize for his enormous impact on African Literature. When I met Chinua in January 1989, he gave me a copy of Anthills of the Savannah in which he wrote: ‘To Elechi with admiration, Chinua’. This book is one of my treasured possessions. This great literary icon admired my writings, so critics beware! I will always remember Chinua as a giant in African Literature, a literary role model, a consummate craftsman and above all, a friend.

    Why is it that when people die, even those who disagree with their ideas and ideologies while alive would express appreciation and honour to them?

    Well, that is because people don’t want to speak ill about the dead. When they know you are dead even your enemy will try to speak good about you. I will miss him, his death reminds me of the good days in Government Collage, Umuahia, but he is gone and his work will immortalise him. That is one joy of a writer. When you no longer exist, your work exists and speaks volume of you, but only when your work is good which can be determined by the readers.

    The Concubine is more than 40 years yet people still ask for it, which means the work is good. Generation replaces generation, but Achebe will not be replaced by any one, but we can have people who want to be like him and people who are good in doing what he was doing but no replacement.

    As a two-time commissioner and now Chairman, Rivers State Scholarship Board, you have no mansions, no expensive cars. You even deny yourself of lavish life style. Are you hiding your money somewhere?

    (Prolong laughter) No, no, that is how I choose to live my life; it was the kind of life I was brought up with when I was in Government College, Umuahia. It is part of me and I cannot change it. There is nothing in this life that could make me live extravagant life. What makes people live above their means is that they want to have everything in the world which is still impossible. Before now I only have one Volkswagen car, but one day during the meeting of elder statesmen, Governor Chibuike Rotimi Amaechi decided to give each of us a gift of Jeep. That is the jeep I am using today.

    Even when it was given to me I did not make use of it for a long time until my driver and family started complaining that I should make use of it. In my philosophy you can’t live in two houses or sleep in two beds at the same time. All one needs in life is to live a simple life. Nigeria is not progressing because one man has decided to accumulate the resource that could change the lives of ten communities while pretending to be serving the people. But philosophically when I analyse life, I thought it is a waste of time being busy taking what does not belong to you. Why not use that time to do other things that could benefit society? I mean the time you want to spend thinking on how to get 40 houses in Nigeria and abroad, use that time to think on how to create a positive impact on your environment and society at large, especially in touching lives of the less privileged.

    You love your village so much and prefer going to work in Port Harcourt from your village. What is your relationship with your people?

    It gives me joy that I can live among my people; it would have been something else if I was living in the town then sneaking to the village every month or once a year. I wouldn’t have been comfortable because it is like living in exile. Why should you be running away from your people? Don’t forget I was brought up from the village and I enjoy walking in the forest. I like the atmosphere of the environment. For more than twelve years I stayed in the village, I know my people and they know me. Each morning I will open my gate for free movement. I have no security or body guard. Before now I don’t have wall in my compound. It was when I was kidnapped that my friends said no you must fence your compound. That was how I fenced it. If not, I prefer the type that my neighbour can walk into my house from any corner to see me.

    Look, your best protection is the good will of your people and not just arming yourself. It is very difficult for anybody to hurt you when you are good with your people. Your people are your best protection. I enjoy the village so much, though there is this challenge that the villagers believe because I am working with the government there is enough money in my house. So, every day you will see some school children coming to my house, asking for help. Some of the requests by the children are minor and I try by the grace of God to attend to their needs. And every market day, the widows will come knocking asking for money to buy fish and I also attend to them. Maybe because I attend to them that is why they feel I am harmless, of course I am, (laughter).

    Wouldn’t you consider that it is because of lack of security around you that made the kidnapers to abduct you; could you tell us your experience when you were kidnapped?

    No, it was not because I had no body guard or security apparatus that made the boys to kidnap me, because even those who surrounded themselves with military armour are being kidnapped. The fact is that the people who did this to me were small boys from my community who went to hire gunmen to kidnap me. They are three in number and none of them is finding peace because the community did not support them. One of them is dead, the other one jumped bail and the last one has been running from one place to the other. The parents came begging me to plead with the police to forget about the case. But I said no if I didn’t prosecute intelligently I may end up encouraging kidnapping in the community. But that did not scare me because as I earlier said, I am a village man. I was brought up in the village and I love the village. If not my experience as a village man I would have suffered so much finding my way out from the forest when I was released by my abductors.

    I was kidnapped at 8pm and blindfolded to unknown destination within the community, as they drove me to the forest I didn’t know when it was morning. Even when they bought fast food and water for me I did not know. It was later when I requested for water that they gave me but I could not eat the food because I did not know what they gave me. Though the water I drank helped me a lot, it gave me the strength to walk for two hours in the forest to get to the village. The kidnappers were not ready to harm me but only interested that I should tell government to bring money. When they asked for ransom I told them that I don’t have money and they said they know I don’t have money but I should tell the government to bring money, though at the end I was allowed to go. But what I am trying to say is that if I was not brought up in the village it would have been hell for me to direct my steps out of the forest.

    As scholarship board chairman, how do you cope with desperate politicians and individuals who want the names of their children to appear on the scholarship list?

    Everybody knows I am methodical. I don’t give scholarship. I am only the board chairman. What we do is that when we receive allocation, we advertise and people will apply, those who applied will be handed over to a competent examination body. It is the body that examines candidates and submmit the list of successful ones to us. Some times people will come to my office pleading for assistance to ensure that the names of their children came out but I always tell them that it is unethical to change somebody’s name for someone else’s name. If your child did not make it this year let he or she wait for another opportunity. The process of application is transparent. For now, we don’t have money to send people for study. We have 154 overseas scholarships but they have since been reduced because some are graduating. Three hundred local scholarship beneficiaries receive N250,000 annually while their counterparts abroad receive N5m due to the courses they are studying over there. By the grace of God some of the students will be graduating late this year and by 2014 more will also graduate.

    How do you cope with your wives and children, managing to maintain peace among them?

    I have three wives and they are all doing well. I try as much I can to look after them. Things I can do I tell them, the ones I cannot do I also tell them. Yes, I have more than one wife but they are living in peace with one another and the secret is that I am honest and open to them. What I give to one I try as much as possible to give it to the other. I have also made them comfortable in a way that they could take care of themselves and their children. All I need is to relax and they pass food for me to eat.

    Are we expecting any literary work soon?

    Yes, very soon it will be unveiled to the public. It is a collection of science fiction titled: When God Came and the Song of the Vanquished.

  • I enjoyed a lot of respect being married to TOS, a cabinet member then – Opral Benson

    I enjoyed a lot of respect being married to TOS, a cabinet member then – Opral Benson

    At over 77, Chief Mrs. Opral Benson still radiates beauty and charm. She came out of her consulate office with air of officialdom to usher us in. And from her carriage and the countless number of awards and other laurels that abounded the place, it was much easier to understand why the then Oba of Lagos, Oba Oyekan bestowed on her the title of The Iya Oge of Lagos in 1973, few years after she arrived Nigeria.

    With a privilege background, of being born into the home of Honourable Johnson Boto Mason and Lilly Melissa Mason in Monrovia, Liberia, Opral Mason as she was then known, grew up knowing how to live a charm life. And when she was through with her early education, Opral left Monrovia for United State of America.

    There she obtained a B.Sc. degree in Education from Morris Brown College, in Atlanta, Georgia, USA in 1958, and a Master of Arts Degree in Education from Atlanta University, Atlanta, Georgia, USA. She obtained a Diploma in Administration from Pittsburgh University in 1961 and a Certificate in Communications from Michigan University in 1961.

    When she returned to Liberia, she did so as a celebrity, with a top job in government. Sooner, she met a Nigerian Minister, Theophilus Owolabi Shobowale Benson, who was attending a conference in Liberia along with the then Nigerian Prime Minister Tafawa Balewa. It was love at first sight with reception held in Lagos, Monrovia and London. In this interview with Paul Ukpabio, she shares the attraction of her marriage and her new appointment as Consular of the Republic of Liberia. Enjoy

     

    Congratulations on your recent appointment as the Consular for the Republic of Liberia. Can you tell us how you came about the appointment and how have you enjoyed it so faring the office?

    Her Excellency, Ellen Johnson Sirleaf, President of the Republic of Liberia, told me that Liberia does have an embassy in Abuja but nothing in Lagos and being that Lagos is the economic heart of Nigeria, the President said they will like to have representation here too. She thought I was the best person to play that role. So that is how I got about being the Consular.

    But when it comes to how I have enjoyed it so far, I would say that I do not think it’s something for enjoyment. Actually, I think it is an appointment that calls for sitting down and making some contributions for a country like Liberia. That is why I think and believe that I was appointed. And in that regard, I think we have started, we have put up an office at least, we have that in a good location in the city, with staff to support it.

    I, along with others are committed to it and our main concentration is to take advantage of the commercial aspect and centre of Lagos to see what we can develop and use to move forward both countries in the consulate assignment. We have started with making enquiries and making contacts with such needed people. Some people have also contacted us, so we are trying to see what we can do and achieve, by getting people together.

    We are also trying to see to the development and growth of Nigeria and Liberia Forum, get people who are interested in that country and also get those who are interested in this country together, to rub minds, to see how best two countries like ours, can work best. That is the whole idea.

    How settled will you say Liberia is presently to attract such interest and investment that you anticipate?

    I think Liberia is very settled actually, we have gone through political problems like most other countries in and out of Africa, and I think we have settled down. The current president has made quite an impact on the country. We are moving forward. So I would say that Liberia is in a good position presently, to work with other countries.

    What kind of businesses do you think could fit into the developmental expectations of present day Liberia?

    I may not want to start here with listing out all the kind of businesses that could fit in, rather, I would leave that to the people who would want to do the business themselves. People who are here and would love to do business in Liberia, I expect, would make the necessary research and then we can give them the necessary assistance if they are truly interested. I think it should start from this side, rather than I insisting that this should be it, because that won’t be exactly, what we are trying to achieve.

    With a settled Liberia, as confirmed by you, are you saying, it is okay for Liberians who have been seeking refuge in Nigeria to go back home?

    Of course, I would want to encourage our people to go back home. But that also depends on the reason they are here. If they feel they have been here for some years and they want to relocate to Nigeria and they have had a good time here, it is then not my responsibility to tell them that they must go back home. But if they are passing through a hard time one way or another, and they are wishing to go back home, then I would say that Liberia is a land of opportunity for them, they should go back home. So I think going back home for them, should depend on their situation here in the first place.

    With the on-going success of the present female president of Liberia, what would you say about women and leadership role in Africa?

    I think we have said that over and over again in Africa. Women have an important role to play in the leadership of this continent and of other countries outside this continent. This is because there is no difference between being a man and being a woman, it just depends on who you are, what kind of training you have, what kind of orientation you have and not about your sex. So I think women have important role to play and they should not just sit down and say, I am a woman; if you are a woman, so what? You have to go further than that.

    It is not out of place that any visitor coming into your office should be intimidated by your laurels that are struggling for space on your walls and on available spaces on your tables. At over 77, how do you feel when you look back?

    I think I have done a lot in Nigeria, and I also think that I am being rightly rewarded by the personalities that I have worked with, along with the governments that I have worked with. I feel that I have been appreciated and I also feel that I have made the right contributions. I have two National Awards from Nigeria, Member of the Order of the Niger, and Officer of the Order of The Niger.

    Even before I left Liberia, I had what they call the CSA, Commander of The South Africa, from the President of Liberia way back in those years, I am a person that likes to give the best of myself wherever I am, even at this present stage of my life. So that is what you see on the walls when you come to my office. It is a good thing to see that you have contributed and that people have appreciated you too. I feel very happy about it.

    Wherever I go, I meet people who are very appreciative, they are nice to me, they are kind to me, I think this is what anyone should aspire to and expect in life. It shows that you have made some contributions and it shows that those you contributed to, have appreciated what you have done.

    What motivated you to marry a Nigerian?

    I married this Nigerian (points to the framed picture of Late Chief TOS Benson on the wall) 50 years ago, last December made it 50 years and when he passed on, we had been married for 46 years. I think it was a case of two people who met and fell in love and decided that they wanted to live together.

    And that is what marriage is all about. We met in Liberia. Before then, I had never thought of coming to live in Nigeria. He was in Liberia with the Prime Minister Tafawa Balewa for a conference. I met him at that conference. I had just returned from the United State of America where I had gone to get education. I was in the conference where he saw me and proposed. We went on like that for a year until we finally decided to get married. So it wasn’t because he was from Nigeria that we got married. It was because the two of us believed in each other and we made a go of it.

    Prior to meeting him, had marriage been on your mind?

    At that time I had not given a thought to who I would marry. I was not thinking about marriage at that time as a matter of fact. Like I said, I had just been trained and returned from the United State of America and started working. I wasn’t thinking whether I would marry a Nigerian, French, Liberian, Polish, Danish or English. I was just doing a job and when the issue of marriage came up, it was a case of I see you, I like you and I want to marry you. So at that time, I wasn’t sitting down to think and bother about who I would marry and where he would be from.

    What was your first impression of Nigeria when you got to Lagos?

    I was very impressed with the people of Nigeria and the size of the country and the idea of deciding where to live. My husband happened to have been a member of the cabinet at the time so of course working in the cabinet in Nigeria meant that you had lots of respect, I think a lot of people respected me and I was impressed when I arrived Nigeria, I stayed (laughs).

    You were honored as the Iya Oge of Lagos which meant you were in the eye of celebrity, style, fashion, in the country’s capital city, which was the heart of the country. What did that mean to you?

    I was made the Iya Oge of Lagos by the Late Oba Oyekan of Lagos in 1973. I think it was because of my love for beauty and fashion. First of all, when I came to Nigeria, I worked at the University of Lagos for many years. I was appointed Registrar for Students Affairs. I worked there for ten years with staff and students, and I’m proud to say that many of the students I worked with are today the daddy’s and mamas of Nigeria.

    They are now in big positions, but I knew them way back in the school then. But throughout the time I worked at the University of Lagos, I was all the time thinking of the beauty industry because; it is something I like and something that I appreciate. So after those years in the University, I decided to leave to open a beauty spa for facials and all other types of beauty care.

    It was at that time that the Oba of Lagos at the time, considered it fit to honor me with a chieftaincy title. They called me and told me that is what the Oba wants to do. I didn’t know much about it at the time, and I didn’t know that being an Iya Oge of Lagos would be something that I would merit.

    But later I found that everybody seemed to like it and feel that it suits me. I have been in the beauty industry since then, giving beauty care to many women and advising them too. I also decided to start a beauty school. This is the eight year we have had that, and we have graduated many students from The Opral Benson Beauty Training Institute, some of them are all over this country, while some are working outside this country.

    I think that it has been a way of making my contributions towards the development of the industry and to also say to the Oba that I appreciate that honor he gave to me way back 1973. It was after I got that honor that I decided I should make it worth it, instead of just sitting down on it. Since the honor was for that industry, I thought that I also ought to work in that industry.

    Between fashion and beauty, which one do you tilt more towards?

    I don’t tilt at all. I keep fashion and beauty together because I think that the two go hand in hand. I don’t tilt at all. I have a beauty school but I think that fashion and beauty are two brothers or two sisters. I don’t stay in their middle; I put the two together because I think that both are very essential.

    Simply said, what is beauty to you?

    Beauty is making people feel nice and happy about themselves, look nice, the kind of things you do to yourself and to others. It is putting on something that says much about you because there is something that comes from within, it is something from the outside and something that is general.

    It should not be confused however, because there is something that is inner beauty and another outward beauty. I appreciate beauty and many Nigerians that I have met in and outside the industry appreciate beauty. That also means that it is something that is important because, when I started, many people thought that this was not a place for educated people. People then thought that it was a place for those who didn’t have education. But I told them that beauty has to do with how you feel to yourself and for others.

    When is a woman fashionable and when should she be fashionable?

    I guess that is for the individual to decide. When a woman is fashionable depends on what she wears, how she carries herself, what her outfit looks like, how she impresses herself, how she impresses others and how she feels about it. A fashionable woman is what others see and how she feels. It is very difficult to say just like that, that a woman is fashionable until all these are in place.

    What is your style?

    My style is how I feel like presenting myself. Its difficult for me to pick one word and say this is my style. Style is how you carry yourself. It is how you feel and present yourself. You are how you make yourself from the inside and how people see you outwardly and appreciate you. So my style is presentable to myself and to others.

    I wear all kinds of attires, African, English and so on. It depends on where I am going, what I am doing and how I feel about myself. I appreciate all kinds of attires, fabrics, foreign and local. In saying local, I mean traditional attires.

    What would you say about our society events against the background that people are criticizing the growing cost of having simple celebrations?

    I cannot speak for what people are spending, I don’t know, but I think everybody should spend according to their pocket and what they can afford. I am not one who insists that this is the amount you must spend on yourself. I think it should be about what you have to spend, how you feel and how you want to dispose of it.

    Having had a successful marriage to a Nigerian, would you advise women from foreign countries to marry Nigerian men?

    I have no problem with foreign marriages or marrying a foreigner. I think everybody should marry according to their heart desires and what they want to do because, whether it is a foreigner or not, it is still about two people that have met and coming to live together, and how they feel about each other.

    I also don’t think that anyone should tell the other that he or she should not marry this person because he or she is a foreigner. It should be about individual feeling, how you feel about that person and how the person feels about you and whether the person wants you too. And also whether he wants to live with you and marry you.

    The same goes for marrying into other tribes within a country, whether, Ibo, Hausa, Yoruba, Kanuri and so on, all that does not follow, it is still about the two individuals that are going to come together to live with each other. I don’t think barriers such as this should be in the way of two people who like each other, who want to live with each other and have agreed and decided on what their future should be together. Anyway, I say all this because I didn’t follow or allow a barrier come between my husband and I.

    What does wealth means to you?

    When I get wealthy, I will find out! Right now, I’m still trying to find out what wealth means (laughs).

  • The contract: Readers’ reactions

    We have been getting lots of feedback from readers on the stories published on this page. Due to space constraints we can’t publish all here but we hope to publish more at a later date.

    Re: The Contract

    What a touching life story! The concluding part is not yet known though. Please we will like to know what happened when Bennie returned from his business trip. Did Amanda serve him with divorce papers and what happened to the marriage?

    • 081519819**

    Amanda did not do the right thing because she made a vow on her wedding day that she will stick to her husband for better for worse. In my own opinion, the fact that your husband is acting strange does not mean he doesn’t love you or care for you.

    Remember, prayer is the master key, the key to all closed doors, the key to all marital problems. Stay true to your marriage despite all obstacles. Don’t leave him. Don’t say because Max is caring and loving, then you will get married to him. You don’t know if he has good or bad intentions.

    •080817101**

    I think that is the right thing to do – ending that kind of marriage and having peace of mind is the best for Amanda.

    •From Esther- 080672697**

    Amazing story! Amanda tried to eat her cake and still have it cooling in the fridge- a serious act of folly. She finally acted right. It’s better late than never. There are no real shortcuts in life; slow and steady wins the race.

    •Victor, 070678017**

    Bennie may likely be into occultism so it was better Amanda put an end to the marriage

    •Reuben Ogunsipe, from Kaduna, 080230790**

    Bennie is a cultist. You may die if you marry Max.

    •080657999**

    Of course she did the right thing! Money is the root of all evil but love is everything. Settle for it.

    •080237922**

    That is the wise action to take as the man might be in secret cult. The lady has now realized her mistake. I wish you luck.

    •Azeez Musiliu from Ikorodu, Lagos, 080297762**

    Amanda has done absolutely well by deciding to dump Bennie, his fortune and his hard line posture. Who knows whether he has any other diabolical plan in the offing. Amanda should just go ahead to divorce him and marry Max.

    •From Seye, Akure (080338944**)

    If you can’t withstand the heat, then don’t enter the kitchen. Amanda got what she wished for, so she can never be right in every sense of the word. This will serve as a bitter lesson to every other young lady out there who still thinks that money is everything in life.

    •(Sent via email)

    Amanda I must say you did the right thing.

    •Chikito Nwa from Aba,

    081621546**

    Amanda could plunge herself into problems by marrying Bennie because she doesn’t know his motive for such a marriage. What if he’s using her for rituals? Is the money she’s getting more valuable than her life?

    •070825762**

    Amanda, ending that will be for your own best interest but you need to seek divine intervention first from God because this might not be an ordinary contract- your life might be at stake here

    •070395336**

    Since she did not seek advice before getting married to him, she must go ahead and finish what she started because there is no going back. What kind of wealth will one have without romance, sex and children?

    That’s bull**it and not true love. Real love gives without condition and has compassion without hesitation. My advice to her is that she must not think or try to play dangerous games. If she tries it, then law of karma awaits her.

    •Amb. Chime Sunny Elison from Uyo, Akwa Ibom State. 080635387**

    Amanda, your husband is not man enough, so go ahead with your plan.

    •081360626**

    Re: Star of destiny

    Yes, Alex should forgive Muna and take her back because in the game of love, forgiveness is a vital tool.

    •Jacob Feyisola Felix, University of Abuja (0802321326**)

    Alex should forget Muna forever because if he takes her back she will do something worse, moreso that she is more famous than Alex.

    •From Seye, Akure (080338944**)

    If Alex foolishly takes Muna back, he will live to regret it as she does not and will never love him. He has no business going to that hospital as it seems he also wants her back. He should look around and be a real man and find another woman for himself.

    •Ogholi Sylvester (080331677**)

    Objectively speaking, it would be so improper for Alex to forgive Muna as she has not changed. And she will never change. I’m not a cynic but if Alex forgives her, he will soon regret it. Muna is permanently infected with deep-seated and obsessive greed. She wants to have it all. If she claims to have true love for James, she would have accommodated him despite his ‘madness’. She just wants to eat her cake and have it and that is absolutely impossible. Alex should be careful before he becomes as irrelevant as James too.

    •080332507**

    What a beautiful story ‘Star of destiny’ but sad ending for Muna. She saw it coming but failed to take the necessary measures. Even the good advice of her friend Debi did not help matters. There is this proverb, ‘those who the gods want to kill, they first make mad’. She has learnt her lesson the hard way.

    •070631213**

    We will also like to inform our esteemed and loyal readers that this column will be going on a short break. Please bear with us.

    •Send comments/suggestions to psaduwa@yahoo.com or 08023201831.

  • Women can have great sex and look good after menopause!

    An older friend of ours who is widowed visited us this past Monday. We had so much fun as we talked about so many things and we didn’t want the night to end, but of course, he needed to go back home. That was when it occurred to me to ask him what he would be doing for the rest of the night – probably watch some football games on TV before retiring to bed?

    With a sly smile, he said he would have wanted his ‘little girl’ to keep him company, but there was no chance that was going to happen since one of his sons was around and he wouldn’t like to lose the young man’s respect.

    “How old is this little girl?” I asked.

    “Well, I’m not too sure; you know they grow fast these days. Give or take, she can’t be more than 28.”

    28 years old! That alarmed me. Having been close to his family even when his wife was alive, I have a rough idea of how old his children are. The last of them couldn’t be less than 25 and she’s a girl. So, this little girl couldn’t be more than three years older than his daughter.

    I asked him in all honesty if he would be pleased to be having a man as old as he is as a son-in-law.

    There was that uncomfortable silence before he said, “My children are all well brought up and I doubt if any of them would want to marry a man my age, except for love of course. You know most of these young girls who date older men are looking for comfort, money and security. I can bet that the love they have for us is not genuine love. They care and profess love just so that their pockets would be full and their lifestyles change for the better.”

    “Since you don’t trust the love of these young girls, why don’t you go for an older woman, who would not only complement you but one whose love you can be sure of?” I asked.

    “Adeola, that’s the problem. I have been close to this beautiful woman in my church for some time now. This woman is charming and would certainly complement me. But I love sex and my fear is that at her age, she may have reached menopause and I hear menopausal women don’t enjoy sex. Some men even joke that women who have reached menopause are so dry that they give you bruises and kill your sex drive ultimately. This woman I’m talking about retired from an oil company and she lives a very comfortable life. She’s the type of woman I can do many things with and be happy, but I doubt if sex is one thing I will get satisfaction with if I go for her and I wouldn’t like to marry her and be cheating on her”, he replied.

    “Uncle, hadn’t your wife reached menopause before she died?”

    “Ha! Adeola, you can ask questions!” He almost screamed.

    “It’s nothing to be uncomfortable about. I should know because my next questions are: if she had reached menopause before she died, were you no longer enjoying sex with her and did you cheat on her?”

    He sighed and responded, “It’s a lot easier for you to accept sex the way it is with a woman you have stayed with for a long time because menopause or no menopause, you have attained a comfortable level of regular sex with her and you can get her to be wet because you know her well. On cheating, most men cheat at some point or the other anyway even with young and hot wives; so if I cheated on my late wife, it wasn’t because of her menopausal state.”

    “Uncle, that’s the point! If you date and later marry an older woman you are in love with, getting to know each other’s bodies would be a gradual process but it would get to a level where both of you are very comfortable with each other. Each person has his or her own sexual plus or minus and these are things you can work on. You cannot pretend to be as active as you were in your younger days, and if there are drugs you take to help you address your weak points, what that means is, if this woman is dry, there are lubricants to tackle that.”

    After some more lively banters and educative talks about sex and the menopausal women, I decided to do justice to the subject matter for the sake of most men who have held on to some wrong beliefs about it.

    I may still be very far from menopause myself, but it will eventually come someday. One thing I know is that menopause is a process and not an event. It is something that happens gradually and not suddenly. With the gentle exercises I do to take care of my posture and the good food and fruits and good health I’m enjoying now, it won’t catch me sexless and if won’t catch me looking drab.

    Common, aunties and younger women who have reached menopause, follow me on the myths on menopause below and take the hints in looking good.

  • 10 myths about sex, menopause, aging

    It’s dangerous to generalize about sex and menopause. There are women who feel sexy during and after menopause, and then there are women who don’t. But there are a few hoary myths about sex menopause and aging we’d like to confront head on.

    It’s normal not to want sex after menopause

    Women are affected by menopause in many different ways.  While some feel less turned on sexually because of symptoms like vaginal dryness or night sweats, others feel “Grandma’s still got it” – and experience a new sense of release and zest when free from PMS, and monthly menstruation.

    They enjoy new-found freedom and independence and say sex is better than ever. The best indicator of whether you will enjoy sex after menopause is whether you enjoyed it before menopause.

    Sex is painful after menopause

    The thinning of the vaginal wall as women age can cause extra sensitivity, and lack of lubrication may require a natural cream to ease movement, but these are both issues that should not stop a woman from enjoying a healthy sex life.

    Once you turn 60 you’re past being sexy

    Sexuality is not age bound.  According to a survey by the National Council of Aging 70 per cent of sexually active women over 60 reported being as satisfied, or more satisfied with their sex lives than they were in the 40s.

    Another study found 84 per cent of older females in 106 cultures studied were sexually active, leading the researchers to conclude cultural factors as much as biological ones determined  whether older people were sexually active or not.

    My sex drive dies after menopause

    Researchers have discovered when a menopausal women enters a new relationship she can be as horny as her 20 year old self.   It seems it is her relationship rather than her gonads which determines how much she wants sex.

    Although sexual drive may be lower, sexual desire may remain strong, depending on whether you have a partner you want to be intimate with and an appreciation that “I can still feel passionate about love at any age, if the circumstances are right.” (Eda LeShan in I Want More of Everything, New York, Newmarket Press 1994)

    As hormones decline, so does libido

    A woman’s libido is not driven by her hormones. Libido is determined more by physical and emotional health, and the availability of a desirable partner.

    Declining hormone levels can always be safely supplemented by bio identical hormones or a natural hormonal regime if necessary. Estrogen creams may be an option – check with a doctor who specialises in this area, rather than relying on your GP for advice.  A locally applied estrogen cream taken in specific doses and for specific periods of time to thicken vaginal walls and restore vaginal secretions.

    However note that vaginally applied estrogen cream should not be used as a lubricant and should not be applied before heterosexual sex, as estrogen absorbed through the penis has been associated with tumor growth in men. Condom use is sometimes suggested for full protection in such cases.

    Too much sex can worsen vaginal dryness

    Doctors who specialize in sexual health are strongly of the view that sex at this stage and age is very much a “use it or lose it” proposition. Having sex regularly actually helps increase blood flow to the vaginal wall, increasing your ability to lubricate during sexual arousal and improving your overall sexual health.

    My slower response is a turn off

    Psychology Today reports men’s and women’s sexual needs tend to converge after 50, with men valuing the emotional aspects of sex – the feeling close to someone – more as they age. Assuming both are in good health, older men and women may be more sexually compatible than ever.

    You may have to work harder to reach orgasm, says Dorree Lynn, PhD, a psychologist and sex educator says,  ”Fifty isn’t the new 20, its being 50 and loving every aspect of who you are and your breadth of experience.”

    There’s nothing you can do for vaginal dryness

    Vaginal dryness happens to almost every woman, according to Sari Locker, a sex expert and author of The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Amazing Sex. But there are plenty of personal lubricants available which can help solve this issue with no fuss.

    Choose one that is personally acceptable to you. Water based solutions are recommended. Some therapists recommend regular massage with a natural cream to improve elasticity.

    No one will fancy my aging body

    Sex drive and function are key ingredients in a healthy sex life. Exercise regularly, maintain good muscle tone, eat healthily, don’t abuse alcohol and keep smiling!

    If you keep yourself fit and active the changes in your body will not be particularly noticeable. And your partner is just as likely to feel insecure about his physical image as he ages. A sense of humour and good communication can quickly dispel doubts over flagging self-esteem.

    And just to reassure you, your vagina will not shrivel up like a prune. While the loss of estrogen does cause some change, it is mostly undetectable to the eye. “Many women don’t notice the changes at all,” says Hope Ricciotti, MD, a gynecologist who teaches at Harvard Medical School.

    I don’t need to worry about sexually transmitted disease

    It’s an unfortunate reality that sexually transmitted diseases are on the rise in the over 50s. Unless you have been married to your partner for years, take care and insist on condoms with new partners.

  • Achebe’s death and dearth of a reading culture

    He spent most of his life creating magic with the written word. So, it’s no surprise that the death of literary luminary Prof. Chinua Achebe last week, has been marked by copious amount of the written word by many including his legions of admirers, readers of his works and others not just in Nigeria but all over the world who are mourning his passage.

    All well and good for the late writer is one man who deserves whatever accolades is coming his way even in death. But what is the point of so many beautiful things being written and said about him when most of it will not be read by a vast proportion of his compatriots? Besides, how many of those mourning him and saying so many nice things about him including top government officials have actually read his works? How many have even seen or read his most famous book, Things Fall Apart, the novel that put him on the world’s literary map and which has been translated into more than 50 languages and sold more than 10 million copies worldwide?

    The answer is obvious- not very many considering our huge population. The reading culture in the country has been on a decline for years and today, it’s on an all time low. Most Nigerians including many among the educated elite, don’t read and that’s the truth. If they read at all, it’s to pass exams and once that’s done, it’s goodbye to books forever! How sad! For books are not just for acquiring knowledge for academic purposes alone, they help make one a better human being. Books are great repositories of knowledge which open a window to a world hitherto obscured by ignorance. You can learn great life lessons from reading which can enrich your life.

    Some observers of this dearth of a reading culture in the country have attributed it to the harsh economic situation in the country. Many people, they argue are too busy struggling to make ends meet to afford the luxury of reading books. No doubt about that. Things are really tough in the country and many families are struggling.

    But that is not the sole reason. Some who claim they don’t have money to buy books will think nothing of spending thousands buying recharge cards for their various mobile phones each month. So, what is really the problem? Is it due to the low level of education among the majority of the populace as some say? But that can’t be the reason for many among the educated elite don’t read as well. How many of our leaders, top public officials and others who hold the nation’s destiny in their hands actually peruse books? I can bet you, not many! That could be responsible for the dearth of fresh ideas among them, their lack of beliefs, values, philosophy and driving force. They have no idea on how to move this country forward and all many of them think about is how to stuff their already bloated bank accounts with more of the nation’s resources.

    Maybe it’s something to do with our backgrounds as a people. A child who comes from a home where the parents never read books, magazines or newspapers, might not see the importance of reading as a way of improving the mind.

    Whatever the reason for our people’s indifference to books, Achebe’s death should be the right time to have a rethink on this anomaly. For a nation can’t make progress without thinking minds. And this comes about mostly through reading. Luckily, technology has made reading easier now as you can get books on your iPads, smartphones, laptops and other gadgets. So no more excuses. Let’s prove wrong, the white man’s assertion that ‘if you want to hide something from a black man, put it in a book.’

    And one way we can show appreciation and honour for the life of this great African wordsmith, a genuine, shining star who has made all of us proud to be Nigerians, is to start reading his books today. Go out and get copies of any of Achebe’s works and other top writers and peruse them. You say you don’t have money? Make some sacrifices. Use the money you would have spent recharging your two phones to buy books. You will be amazed at some of the things you will learn from books which can even change your life and your perception of life and the world. Happy reading!

  • Appear younger in days

    Some things we do take days, hours, weeks and even months to help us appear younger looking. Then there are certain things some of us go out of our way to do to ourselves that make us look older. Here are some of those things and how to correct them:

    Avoid having an oily face:

    When dressing to go out of the house here’s how to keep your skin moist while wearing make-up, and make your skin appear younger, too.

    1. Cleanse face and neck and use an astringent to remove all oils and any residual make-up.

    2. Apply a good moisturizer.

    3. Apply any make-up your normal way.

    4. “Powder down” to blend makeup colors and “take off the shine.” Make sure you press the powder “down onto the skin” instead of “wiping” the powder across the skin. The powder actually locks in the moisture and helps protect and keep it from escaping during the day. This also helps to protect your skin from the sun’s rays. You now have the advantage of treating the skin while looking younger at the same time. TRY THIS TEST: Before you apply powder, stand sideways to a window while looking in a mirror and study your face. Apply powder. Return to the window with the mirror to see the difference. If you see no difference, you are very young with no lines!!

    Make your eyes come alive: No matter what shape or size eyes you have, with the proper make-up, they will look more youthful and beautiful. Remember, your eyes should steal the show…not the eye shadow. Here are some simple rules: 1. Wear natural colors. My favorite is a soft off- white or light tone eye shadow on the lids and a brown or gray shade above the lids and a little above the bone . (The off-white mostly blends into the eyelid skin after a short time to give a natural look.) 2. Wear eyeliner to bring out the eyes….never wear black – dark brown looks almost like black yet gives a much softer look. 3. Wear mascara – black or brown is fine. if you don’t have long thick lashes of your own – try artificial eyelashes – brown only – no black. (You will need to trim them down both in width and length and don’t buy the thick ones, they will be too much when applied.) If not overdone, these lashes can give a soft youthful look. Can you tell that I wear them most of the time?? Even my manicurist of 3 years didn’t know it until I told her.

    Poor posture ages you: Never underestimate the beauty and health benefits of good posture. Often poor posture is just a bad habit that is easily corrected. Poor posture not only makes you look older, but could be the first step toward dowager’s hump, double chin, potbelly, and swayback as well as some internal problems too.

    To correct poor posture we must be aware of our posture all of our waking hours for a few days or weeks. Make a point to stand straight with shoulders back, chin up not down. Now you are on your way to that glamorous, healthy youthful look!

    Ask your best friend, your kids or husband to keep an eye on your posture and to let you know when you are not standing straight.

    This can help you get out of a bad habit. This may also help others in your life want to correct their posture too.

  • I was miserable during Yar’Adua sickness saga

    I was miserable during Yar’Adua sickness saga

    As Director General of the National Agency for Food Drug Administration and Control (NAFDAC), Professor Dora Akunyili was celebrated as a heroine willing to risk her life to tackle the cabals behind the fake drugs business in Nigeria. Her tour of duty as Minister of Information and Communications was, however, more controversial and turbulent.  In this interview with RITA OHAI, she discusses a public career and political journey marked with unexpected twists and turns.

    You were clearly enthusiastic about your job as Director General of NAFDAC. What didn’t you like about the role?

    I did not like the threats and the tension I was going through. I also didn’t like all the abuse that came from my own people who felt that I was spoiling their business; all they wanted was to make money through the sale of counterfeit drugs.

    But what nearly affected me was the assassination attempt on my life. After that incident, I felt really traumatised for a long time – even though I tried to keep a bold face so I would not look defeated, or else it would have meant jubilation for the criminals.

    NAFDAC gave me the exposure and the opportunity to put in my best in my area of core competence. But it was because of the pressure that my husband announced during my fourth year anniversary at NAFDAC that I would not have a second tenure in public office.

    I agreed with him because my entire family was counting the days until I quit. Besides, five years is a long time for somebody to constantly be under tension. Then President Olusegun Obasanjo called my husband and spoke to him asking him to support me, while reassuring him that everything would be put in place for my protection.

    The normal practice is for the outgoing DG to write for an extension of their tenure about three months to the end of the current tenure but I did not write until one year after my first tenure had ended. It was not until my board chairman, Dr. Andy Andem, a thorough gentleman, told me that if I did not write for my second tenure, somebody could say that everything I had been signing for the past one year was illegal.

    So I reluctantly wrote in for it. If not for the invitation President Obasanjo gave my husband, I do not think I would have gone for a second tenure.

    The suspects who tried to assassinate you are still walking freely around the country. How do you feel about that?

    It is my greatest pain. It is because of the botched court case against these people that my book did not come out earlier than it did. I kept hoping and praying for the proper conclusion of that case for it to be published.

    One of the suspects has been released and it pains me dearly but I still trust God. The case is still on and my prayer is that it will be concluded in my life time.

    First, we went to the High Court in Abuja and after a long time of adjournments and stories, the judge said he had no jurisdiction. The question is, ‘did he not know he had no jurisdiction until after one year?’

    We went to the Appeal Courts and they asked him to go and hear the case but the suspects went to the Supreme Court and brought up all kinds of appeal. I keep telling my children that I thank God I did not die because this is how the case would have fizzled out.

    During the shooting, five of the six assassins they sent were killed by the police. The star witness who escaped is still alive. And after the shooting the next morning, they went to the University of Nigeria Teaching Hospital to look for me.

    They went to Dr. Mbadiwe and told him they were sent by their boss at the police station in Awka to come and take care of me – which was a lie. The doctor told them I was not there and they left which shows that they really wanted to finish it up.

    We had evidence of these people planning their attack. The drug barons paid them N10 million to do the job and while they were fighting over that money, they got angry and went to report to the police. So even the police knew because one of them confessed that they hired guns from Nigerian Army 82 Division, Enugu.

    I reported this to the National Security Adviser, the Police Commissioner and they all did nothing. If we had the correct system, this case would not have lasted this long but I have not lost hope.

    With your background in pharmacy, how did you qualify to become the Minister of Information?

    I would like to say that ministerial positions are not based on profession because it is a position of management. That is why the Minister of Works is not always an Engineer. The degrees I have had, the exposure and the managerial positions I have held put me in a position to run any ministry. What matters is that we have technical people around us.

    I never expected that I would become the Minister of Information because I see myself as a change agent. I like a critical ministry that I would go to and there would be visible change in six months. But in Nigeria, it is after the person is sworn-in that portfolios are given. If portfolios were given before my swearing-in, I would have declined.

    However, another thing happened. After the swearing-in ceremony, and I was given the Minister of Information and Communications, I was in shock and you should have seen my face. It would have been silly for me to get up and say I was no longer doing it or for me to say I was going back to NAFDAC.

    My mother-in-law and daughter were with me and I went to the bathroom and cried out my eyes. But my daughter while trying to pacify my said that the ministry was the image-maker of the economy. My mother-in-law also told me that nothing happens without God’s approval.

    I then remembered that my elder sister, Mrs. Okpala, called me six months before that time and told me she dreamt that I was made Minister of Information and I said ‘God forbid, you must have malaria’.

    After our meeting with President Yar’Adua, I went to him and knelt down. Before I could say ‘Your Excellency’ he told me to calm down because Nigeria had image problems and we needed to fix them. And he said I should go and do the job well.

    When I got there, almost nothing was working. There was no website. Can you imagine a Ministry of Information without a website? I worked really hard and it made me happy that journalists that said I was not one of them started writing that they wanted me back and I started enjoying the place.

    You received a lot of backlash on your ‘Naija’ and rebranding Nigeria project. Did you feel the criticism was fair or did you consider it politically motivated?

    The Ministry of Information is very political. I saw most of the bashing as part of the job. People kept asking what we were rebranding since there was no light and water and I kept wondering whether I was the one to provide the light and water.

    Some of my relations would call me and ask why I was not doing anything for anybody after announcing plenty billions of naira on television. When people see you speaking for government, you become the government they know.

    It was more of bitterness against leaders and not against the minister but the minister could not wriggle out of it because she was the spokesperson.

    It was very tough and it is not that I really loved the place, but I decided to make the best of the situation. I know that I would have done better in ministries like Agriculture where you could easily measure success with physical yardsticks.

    Some young people came to show me things they did and it was filled with ‘Naija’ and I thought about it that the word was something that should be used in a light mood, and not when making a formal presentation. Another thing that people had problems with was when I said they should not sing the national anthem with various tones.

    And then you plunged into politics fully – running for the senate. That didn’t end too well. Do you accept that you lost fair and square or do you think you were rigged out of the senatorial seat?

    Oh clearly! This was why the case was never concluded. I have enough honour, and I say this with all humility, that if there was clear voting and counting, I would congratulate that person. In an election, one person must win. Nothing says that it must be a particular person that must win. I am a professional in politics and not a professional politician.

    I have come out of the things that happened in that election emotionally but I still cannot believe the things that happen in the 21st century.

    I was part of the problem in a way because I never made use of a single thug. Young people came from time to time almost on a daily basis for me to enroll them in my campaign and I refused to do it because my son cannot be a thug and I cannot use somebody’s child as one.

    But on the day of election, thugs ran us out of the state. They made sure we did not see what was going on. My governor and I were playing it clean because he was supporting me.

    When the results were being compiled the thugs were in such a huge number that they did not let my car get to the center. On the day of the re-run, one Anaene went to a hotel and announced the result. This is the first time results are being announced from a hotel on cardboard paper. That same Anaene told a lawyer, Barrister Erike, who was in my campaign team to give him N10 million because he was under pressure to announce result. I felt that it was bribery and decided not to do it.

    The results that INEC had showed that I was leading by over 700 votes. Even during the re-run, we had more thugs than voters in places like Umunnachi. When we went to court, we did not present most of the ugly things that happened and relied on data. We were also naïve as we were rejoicing when we kept winning from one technicality to another and after 180 days the case expired.

    In an interview you gave, you were quoted as saying that you husband asked you to leave PDP to save your marriage. Apart from your husband’s intervention, why did you leave the party?

    I was misquoted and it is not true. We all know that the PDP in Anambra has always been having problems. Since Governor Peter Obi is very close to my family and we have known him for many years as a very stable and honest person, we felt he will not mislead me.

    He wanted to help me get another platform to serve our people. I do not regret leaving PDP and going to APGA to run an election. It is all part of life experiences.

    There has been a lot of confusion regarding the leadership of APGA. Who is the legitimate APGA chairman and what is your take on all the controversy surrounding the party?

    The issues in APGA are being sorted out and I believe that in no distant time, they will be resolved. The governor has even assured us that he will do the local government election before the gubernatorial elections.

    Before all of this takes place, APGA will hold its convention and ward congresses. I believe that APGA is just experiencing a family quarrel. Wherever you have human beings, there are bound to be misunderstandings as long as they are resolved amicably. Right now, we have an interim chairman who is Mr. Maxi Okwu, and he is the chairman until we do the convention.

    Will we see you in 2015 vying for any political position?

    Yes! I will run in 2015 if it is the will of God. It is a problem to be overconfident because when you are confident and sure you are going to win, your opponent will be trying to make sure that he wins by hook or crook. Nigerian politics is not a fair game. It is either you act like them or you prevent them from playing dirty games.

    You were the first person who officially revealed the state of health of late President Umaru Yar’Ardua during the period of his extended absence from the country. What pushed you to take the risk?

    It was not President Yar’Adua’s fault that he fell ill. But people around him, I call them ‘the cabal’, mismanaged his illness.

    When he was rushed out of the country, his spokesperson, Segun Adeniyi, did well to tell us he was sick. But from that time onwards, it became one story or the other. We all suspected he was in bad shape but nobody was 100 percent sure and we were fed with lies.

    As the Minister of Information, I was in a very bad shape because whatever story I was told, I had to announce. I suspected they were lies but you cannot depend on suspicion.

    When I confirmed that people around him were lying was when they went to get the National Assembly to get assent for a budget with a signature from him. I spoke to three different people that went on that trip and they all told me different stories of how he signed it.

    One of them said they were in a town far from where he was and they sent the documents to him and he signed. Another one said, they were downstairs in the hospital and they took the papers to him and he signed. One other person told me he actually went into the President’s room and watched him sign it. He also said they did not allow him to talk.

    When three people that went for the same mission were telling different stories, I concluded that they were lies. At that point, I started feeling miserable.

    We went for council meetings and they began their stories again about re-assuring Nigerians. That particular day, I made up my mind not to report this again in council. It was that same day that Michael Aondoakaa, the former Attorney General, took over my job and my face actually gave me up as I was sitting and looking at him in shock as he was reeling out lies.

    I was the most miserable human being during the Yar’ Adua saga and I was taking a lot of sedatives to sleep. Because of my position as Minister of Information, even if everybody knew they were lying, I was the person speaking to the public.

    Before I acted, I went to see three different ministers. In one of the minister’s house I saw Dr. Kalu Idika Kalu and I confided in him on why I came to see the minister. While talking to that minister, I let him know that if our democracy collapses, generations unborn will not forgive us. The man said he will never say anything. The two other ministers said the same thing.

    That Tuesday night, I wrote a memo, called my Special Adviser, Mr. Ugwumba, who proofread it and told me it was suicidal. I told him that if I die doing this, let me die. I was tired of the lies and went to council the next morning.

    I circulated it and some of the ministers read it. The Secretary to the Government said the memo must be withdrawn. Some people did not send back their own because they were angry with how ‘the cabal’ was handling this but they refused to speak up.

    I did not have any support. In a few minutes, the news was all over the place. My husband called me and asked why I made that kind of dangerous move without telling him and I let him know that if I had told him, he would not allow me because I was ready to leave the job.

    Many of the ministers supported me secretly but they only came out to speak when they saw that the National Assembly and other people had followed.

    Do you think members of the legislative and executive arms of government earn way too much in salaries and allowances?

    People in public service earn reasonable allowancesbecause if you are not corrupt and if you are not earning money from other places, I think it is good. A minister or director general of an agency needs to be comfortable to do the job well.

    What I think is that the civil service is over-populated. In the ministry, you see some rooms with six people and one small table and you ask youself how they can function well.

  • Dating your friend’s ex-boyfriend

    This past week was really busy for me. We had to move from one house to the other and that was a big deal for me considering the fact that there was much work to be done in the office. I had to juggle between packing, fixing things in the new home and generally settling in on one hand and getting some work done on the other hand.

    In the midst of all that, two of my friends were going for each other’s jugular over a big matter – boyfriend snatching. Not exactly like that, but something similar. Anyway, they wouldn’t let me concentrate on the tasks before me except I played the judge. Hmm…Let me try to put it straight. Madam A had this boyfriend she was not comfortable with because they were operating on different frequencies. To her, he was just a boyfriend-in-transit until she found somebody she considered to be a real man. It was easy to understand her non-committal stance then because in actual fact, she and the bobo (Mansur) were miles apart in the way they were doing things. She was brought up as an ajebutter – prim and proper. She is the kind of lady that would say ‘thank you’ for everything given to her even if the thing belongs to her. She would take an excuse to answer phone calls in the midst of a conversation and no matter how long you have known her as a friend, she wouldn’t open your fridge except you wanted her to.

    Meanwhile, Mansur on the other hand has always been a carefree person. He would try to open your door without knocking. He would go to your kitchen and dish out food without asking if he was permitted to do that. And the bit that I never liked in their relationship was the fact that he would take her money if he needed without asking. He once took some money that she was supposed to help me get some stuff with. He just assumed that it was hers and so, it was his. Of course, it wasn’t funny then because the stuff was urgent and had a timeframe and I was out of town.

    Our small circle of friends knew that the relationship was going to run its course and end and so, we encouraged her to take things easy as Mansur was not going to change.

    Now, Ms. B was one of our friends and although she was also well brought up, she could laugh in the midst of a storm. Ms. B has always taken things as they come and would shrug and move on if something she didn’t like happened.

    The difference between Madam A and Ms. B has been their attitudes towards matters. While Madam A would fret and sulk and withdraw into her shell, Ms. B would see the funny side of things and take them as they come.

    Well, Madam A soon found an ajebutter like herself and before we even got to meet the guy, they had fixed a wedding date. We all had important roles at the wedding and it was fun. Everybody soon forgot about Masur… or so we thought.

    Last week, it turned out that Mansur posted some new pictures on his Facebook page and it turned out that the new woman in his life is Ms. B! Somebody saw the pictures and alerted Madam A and Shakespeare’s quote on women and hell had to be re-quoted and debated “Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.”

    Madam A called Ms. B who confirmed the story and even went on to say a date has been fixed for their wedding. Madam A has been on the phone calling every one of us not to attend the wedding and of course, she wanted my verdict on the issue.

    The problem with me is that I have to be neutral. So, in order not to further damage an already bad situation, I sought help from my ever dependable site, iVillage and this is what I got about dating rules for one friend dating friend’s ex-boyfriends. Enjoy!

    Dating a friend’s ex-boyfriend isn’t just playing with fire – it’s a bomb that can implode your whole social circle. Your friendship may not survive, and if it does, it will never be the same.

    ‘That sounds so ominous, but your day-to-day dynamic and the context of what you share with each other will be different,’ says dating expert Natasha Burton, co-author of The Little Black Book of Big Red Flags. ‘I’d caution women to take stock of their friendship and ask ‘Is this guy really worth it?’’ Ask yourself, ‘Are you drawn to the excitement of plucking forbidden fruit? Or is there an authentic connection that you can see going the distance? ‘ There has to be more than the thrill of the drama because eventually that will fizzle out,’ says Lisa Paz, Ph.D., a marriage, family and sex therapist in Miami.

    Question his motives

    Even mind-blowing sex ultimately isn’t worth sacrificing a friendship, so make sure you and Mr. Ex both see the relationship heading in the same direction and that his motivations are on the up and up. After all, it’s one thing if he was your friend’s college flame and you bump into him 10 years later in an Italian cooking class and bond over lasagna. It’s quite another if he dumped her last weekend and wants to hook up with you now.

    ‘It’s a red flag if a guy wants to date you right after he broke up with your best friend, especially if they were serious,’ warns Burton. ‘If he’s flirting with you a few weeks later, it’s probably more to make her upset and show he can get a girl who’s supposed to be off-limits, than any genuine interest in you.’

    Take it slow!

    If your conscience gives you the green light to pursue Mr. Ex, still take things slow, even more slowly than you normally might with any other guy. Though the temptation will be incredibly strong, ‘don’t jump right into bed with this guy,’ counsels dating expert Hayley Quinn. ‘Build your relationship in a more public way, with daytime activities, coffee dates, lunches. That’s safer because you’re less likely to get carried away and end up in bed.

    Going slowly also gives you time to exit if it looks like it’s not going anywhere.’ (And, Quinn notes, if the relationship is a non-starter, you can easily explain away a few coffees and lunches, and no one needs to know a thing about it).

    ‘Fess up to your friend fast

    If you may have something special with Mr. Ex, your friend needs to know. And she needs to hear the news from you. Dating experts differ on when’s best to speak up. Burton thinks anything less than full-disclosure on first contact could be seen as ‘sneaky’.

    Others say wait unit there’s something to report. ‘Once you’ve had that first kiss and feel like your relationship could be more than casual, then you need to tell, and certainly if you’ve already been to bed,’ says relationship and dating expert Julie Spira, founder of Cyberdatingexpert.com.

    Since there’s no universe in which this will be a pleasant, or even easy, conversation to have, keep it short, simple and honest: I don’t want to hurt your feelings, but I don’t want to hide this from you either. I’ve been going out with Mr. Ex.

    Prepare for the backlash

    If telling your friend you’re dating her ex was hard, this next part may be harder. Once everything’s out in the open, you’ve got to sit still with your mouth shut and brace yourself for the emotional backlash.

    ‘Expect a very angry, jealous response,’ predicts Yahoo’s mental health expert Rob Dobrenski, Ph.D., author of Crazy: Notes On and Off the Couch.’Don’t go in with the idea of defending what you did because that says to your friend ‘You’re not allowed to feel what you’re feeling right now.’ But if you let your friend have her say, she may come around at some point.’

    Follow your friend’s lead

    As the wounded party in this situation, your pal (if she remains one) gets to set the tone for how friendly she wants to still be with you… and how much she wants to see and hear about you as a couple. ‘If you’re breaking this taboo, you’re going to have to acquiesce to your friend’s comfort level to try to salvage your friendship,’ says Paz.

    That said, the best way to show that you still want to be a friend is to spend time with her one-on-one and continue to include her in group gatherings even if her ex, your new beau, will be there, too. ‘She can always say she’s busy if she’s uncomfortable, but at least you’ve done the right thing by inviting her,’ says Spira. ‘I see too many women dumping friends for men and then if that relationship ends, they’ve lost a friend.’

     

    Be prepared to lose your friend

    If you date a friend’s ex, be prepared for her to wash her hands of you. ‘You’re going to feel sad, but you’re just going to have to deal with it,’ explains Dobrenski. Still, it’s possible that after some time has passed, you may be able to heal the rift.

    ‘I’ve had clients who’ve reconnected with friends, sometimes weeks, sometimes years, after the dust has settled.’ But you’re going to have to be patient. ‘Don’t push it. That’s doubly unfair to your friend who’s lost both her ex and you.’

    Don’t spread the news on Facebook

    Naturally, you want to tell everyone your new relationship status, but resist doing it on Facebook, cautions Dobrenski. Assuming you’re still Facebook friends with your pal, you should be especially sensitive about posting updates and photos that could potentially hurt her feelings.

    ‘You don’t know who will see that and it could lead to some nasty postings on your wall,’ he says. Instead, personally tell a few close friends and then let the grapevine do its work. ‘Depending on how your friend reacted to the news, I would say no posting pictures of the two of you on Facebook for six months to a year,’ says Paz. ‘Take the high road where your friend is concerned rather than trying to assert your new position as Girlfriend.’