The Nation Newspaper

Category: Weekend Treat

Hair of many colours
By Kehinde Oluleye

Do you know the hair hue that’s in vogue? It’s no other than these sassy hair of many colours, shapes and sizes. Gone are the days when tinted hair either as wigs, weave-ons or coloured hair used to be un-African.

These days coloured hair is the rave and our Nigerian sisters are sporting them like they invented the line. Walk anywhere in Lagos, Abuja, Jos or Port Harcourt and you are bound to run into someone with this style in vibrant hue.

This is now so popular that many A-list stars –artistes, actresses, actors and OAPs wear it like permanent headgear.

Even men aren’t left out. It is common to see young men with tinted hair or colourful weaves, all in a bid to standout in any crowd.

Whether you want to add sass to long hair like DJ Cuppy or striving for that Nancy Isime short look, unusual coloured hair has become a symbol of beauty and unique style.

Below are some of our favourite celebs who caught the coloured hair bug and are looking fabulous with it.

As we can see in the photos, blonde is the ultimate colour that most are sporting right now.

Linda Osifo
- Linda Osifo also made rocking peach look effortless.
  Linda Osifo
  
  Aisien
  - Idia Aisien’s lighter wine shade of hair hue is a proof that celebs are experimenting with diverse hue this season.
Idia Aisien

Empress Njamah
- Rocking unusual colour is almost hard for anyone, but Empress Njamah has been rocking it steady
  Empress Njamah
Adakarl
- Adakarl opted for a dye blonde and she looks elegant!
  Adakarl
Benita Onyiuke
- For Benita Onyiuke blonde looks classic.
  Benita Onyiuke
Iheme Nancy
- Iheme Nancy thrills in this wine gaurdo
  Iheme Nancy
Mercy Aigbe
- Mercy Aigbe is rocking a shoulder length with fuscia pink highlight.
  Mercy Aigbe
Veezeebaybeh
- Frozen hair like Veezeebaybeh is the look and beauty fans are loving it right now!
  Veezeebaybeh
Tonto Dike
- Tonto Dike went all out in a sparkling white ensemble. Her stoned cold blonde hair is hotter that fire!
  Tonto Dike
Halima Abubakar
- Halima Abubakar certainly looks charming in deep blonde tones hair with brown closure.
Halima Abubakar
June 13, 2020
NASS probe of NDDC’s IMC beyond oversight function- Ndukwe

Obiaruko Christiane Ndukwe, founder and President of the Citizen Quest for Truth Initiative, a Non Governmental Organization, has been in the forefront of the clamour to sanitize the NDDC, in this interview with selected journalists in Abuja, she disclosed that there is more to the probe of the Interim Management Committee of the NDDC by the NASS than the façade of oversight function and other sundry issues, OKODILI NDIDI was there. Excerpts

The Interim Management Committee of the NDDC has alleged that the NASS is prosecuting it because it refused to pay some lawmakers for fake contracts. Do you think this is the case?

The reason for the probe of the IMC by the National Assembly on the surface can be attributed to an oversight function which is constitutional. But beyond the veil and just as the IMC has alleged, it is suspicious particularly when there is an ongoing probe of a 19-year period, since the creation of NDDC and suddenly, the Lawmakers in the National Assembly want to commence a probe. What is the rush in doing that? Which is more important now, the probe of a 19-year period or that of a 6-month period? I am surprised that these Lawmakers have given prominence to their own probe above that which the President has ordered.

It’s not enough to hear from our Lawmakers, we must also hear out the Interim Management Committee of the NDDC, and the supervising Minister. Incidentally, the Minister and one member of the IMC are also members of the Senate and the House, respectively. If the IMC says they are being witch-hunted for not approving some suspicious and fraudulent payments for some Lawmakers, then, it is a serious matter and must be investigated. Who else can do that, if not the Forensic Auditors?

It’s obvious that some persons want the Forensic Audit in principle but they do not want it in practice. I have been privileged to see some of the documents purportedly showing that there are demands for contracts not executed. The money is too huge to be ignored. Am surprised that the Niger Delta people and in fact, Nigerians are not lending their voices. It is clear that politics has blinded our ability to speak up against this deliberate rape of the economy through the NDDC. When a child is crying and pointing his finger at a particular direction, it’s either his mother or father is there or in most cases, a scary masquerade is in that place. In this case, the IMC has spotted a scary masquerade and that needs to be checked out.

The IMC has been accused of flouting the Procurement Act under the watch of the Minister of Niger Delta Affairs, what is your take on that.

We are in a pandemic and the law is very clear that at such times, the Commission with the approval of the Minister can award certain contracts for intervention, that may not have any budgetary provision and them later on, send the details for the President to approve. The problem is that people are not reading nor doing some research.

First what does the Constitution say about such situations?

Permit me to put it out here; Public Procurement Act 2007 No.14.

42—(1) A procuring entity may carry out any emergency procurement where; (a) goods, works or services are only available from a particular supplier or contractor, or if a particular supplier or contractor has exclusive rights in respect of the goods, works or services and no reasonable alternative or substitute exits. (b) there is an urgent need for the goods , works or services and engaging in tender proceedings or any other method of procurement is impractical due to unforeseen circumstances giving rise to the urgency which is not the result of dilatory conduct on the part of the procuring entity;(c) owing to a catastrophic event, there is an urgent need for the goods, works or services making it impractical to use other methods of procurement because of the time involved in using these methods.

Now read further: 43—(1) A procuring entity may for the purpose of this Act, carry out an emergency procurement where; (a) the country is either seriously threatened by or actually confronted with a disaster, catastrophe, war, insurrection or Act of God. And finally, this: 43—(2). In an emergency situation, a procuring entity may engage in direct contracting of goods, works and services.

So where has The IMC gone wrong? It’s a simple case of giving a dog a bad name in other to hang it.

How has your group, the Citizens Quest for Truth Initiative been fighting the sleaze in NDDC?

We are not a crime fighting group. Rather we are registered with the Corporate Affairs Commission as a Leadership group. We identify good leadership, encourage them and also train citizens to follow in that direction. And where there is bad leadership, we also identify them and speak up.

We started our advocacy with the NDDC few months before we became officially registered. It is on record that amongst all the groups which have pervaded the media space, we are the only NGO that has transverse the nooks and crannies of the 9 States of the NDDC, verifying the state of projects executed, interviewing citizens and putting out our findings in the media space. Although, as the case is in our country, it was difficult for us to access information on how much the Commission at that time received vis-à-vis projects executed.

But to a large extent, we were able to ascertain that NDDC was functional in very many communities albeit with several abandoned and substandard projects. But things are better today, because we have a responsive team that waits no time in granting us access to information on the activities of the NDDC. As a matter of fact, Citizens Quest For Truth Initiative is built on the foundation of search for the truth. We don’t believe in handouts rather, we try to verify and ascertain the veracity of the claims, allegations and counter allegations.

Ours is to put out our findings, lend our voice and let the authorities responsible rise up to the occasion.

The call for the scrapping of the NDDC is gathering momentum, do you subscribe to this?

I have not heard much about the call for a scrapping of the NDDC, but assuming without conceding that it is true, then, it validates the President’s order for a Forensic Audit. Before winding down the Commission and coming up with something new, we must find out where we made mistakes with a view at finding the solution before we can move forward. NDDC is a child of a necessity and you can’t throw away the baby with the bath water.

Do you think that the present funding structure for the NDDC is hampering its performance, especially with the difficulty in getting its budget passed by the NASS?

The issue of no budget or low performance of the budget only began with the 2016 Budget. The question is, what has happened from 2001 to 2015? And in any case, why would anyone or group of people choose to frustrate the Budget of an interventionist agency like the NDDC? The hidden but hard truth is that budgets are usually influenced by individuals who have the power over its funding and implementation.

As long as it has to do with Contracts, it must be either facilitated or hampered, drowning on those involved. Just as the President recently changed the laws and granted autonomy to the State Assemblies and the Judiciary, except something similar is done for such intervention agancies, it will be difficult to achieve maximum results in the implementation of the NDDC master plan.

Unfortunately, it seems that nobody is interested in the development of the region. Those who should ensure that the region that sustains the national economy are being fingered in the violation of the region.

For instance, the IMC through the Managing Director and the Executive Director, Projects have laid bare the truth on the violent looting of monies meant for meaningful development. Need I repeat same here? Sadly, no one cares. The Niger Delta youths have lost focus as many of them are given the crumbs from the loot, so they are satisfied rather than demand to know the identities of those who have held the region hostage.

The 2019 budget was passed only few weeks ago and it has elapsed. Surprisingly, the same Lawmakers who frustrated it’s passage and implantations are now asking for details of the performance of the same budget. Where does that happen? The sad reality is that the Lawmakers responsible can probe the actions of others under what they refer to as oversight function, but who will probe the Lawmakers for the deliberate delay of the passage of the budget? They have become untouchables. In the end, it will only mean that under the Change Government of President Buhari and the APC, no meaningful project was executed. There are no presidential legacy Projects after five years of Buhari on the saddle. Who is responsible for this mess and who gets punished?

Do you think the forensic audit will expose the big names behind the fraud in NDDC, or will it end up as previous investigations in Nigeria?

If the President is determined without being cowed by the same actors who plundered the region, then we should be prepared to be shocked by the big names behind the sleaze over the years.

The Forensic Audit will definitely open up a can of worms. We are already reading some of the preliminary findings and the names are not strange. Have you ever wondered why a particular state has produced the Chairman of the Senate Committee on NDDC for 20 years now? Do you think it is ordinary and do you expect that those involved in this organized scheme will fold their hands and watch anybody expose them? They have too much money to fight back and this is a typical example of “we are fighting corruption and corruption is fighting back.” We are seeing that already. They have what it takes to mobilize more stakeholders to join them in the fight against Akpabio and the IMC. The truth is that the fight is against the President who ordered for the Audit.

The Buhari I know will not backtrack on this Forensic Audit, no matter the blackmail by some people who are the big names behind the sleaze.

Apart from the NDDC, which other ways do you think the government can address the challenges of the Niger Delta region?

Very simple in principle but difficult in practice because of the importance of this region to the nation’s economy, it must be treated on the exclusive list where the President can override the National Assembly to engage in massive development. The bottlenecks experienced in the passage of the budget can be overcome if the Commission is treated like the NEMA.

The Ministry of Niger Delta Affairs should not only be seen as a supervisory body but must be empowered to influence decisions taken by the Board and Management of the Commission. It does not matter who the Minister is. Again, the Act establishing the Commission has to be amended considering that the initial master plan is supposed to end this year, 2020.

We have to go back to the drawing board and find out the way forward and that’s why the Forensic Audit is necessary. It’s not just to expose those who plundered the resources but to find a way to close the loopholes. The President can declare a state of emergency in the region and ensure that those who have hampered development in the region are not allowed access anymore.

The multinational companies in Oil and Gas can go into partnership with the Ministry to engage in more quality projects like the LNLNG is doing with Federal Government to construct the 39-km Bonny – Bodo Road with two mini bridges, cross culverts. Hospitals, Universities, dual carriage Roads and Bridges, Housing schemes can be built under a direct partnership with the Federal Government through the Ministry of the Niger Delta Affairs, instead of paying monies to the Central Bank which ends up in the pockets of a few professional hawks.

The Ministry of Niger Delta Affairs, has been dismissed as inefficient and irrelevant to the Niger Delta region, do you agree.

Those who allege are not well informed. The Ministry of Niger Delta Affairs has a signature project known as the East-West road which falls the critical projects to be handled by the Nigeria Sovereign Investment Authority, managers of the Sovereign Wealth Fund now known as the Presidential Infrastructural Development Fund, PIDF. The Ministry is merely a supervising body.

Those dismissing the Ministry are not even aware that the NSIA has refused to complete the East-West road, from the point where President Jonathan left it in 2015. My group has written them, no response. We took our advocacy to the Minister for Niger Delta Affairs and we have visited the Contractors handling the project.

Without wanting to take too much of your time, I will oblige you to give me space again to speak on our findings concerning the deliberate marginalization and underdevelopment of the region by agents of some politicians. It’s a full discourse on its own.

Some of the people who opposed to the forensic audit insist that the Minister of Niger Delta Affairs,

The last time I checked, Akpabio didn’t initiate the idea of a Forensic Audit. It was the Governors. The President merely accented to it and asked Akpabio as the supervising Minister to handle.

So how can anybody twist the truth, accusing Akpabio? Until we stop playing politics with development, we will remain in the dark while the rest of the world is moving on.

Others allege that he is one of the beneficiaries of the sleaze that bedevilled the Commission and therefore lacks the moral strength to champion the audit.

If Akpabio was a beneficiary of the sleaze, we will find out. Do you think that any reputable Forensic Auditor will trade their hard earned reputation for a cover up for a Minister? The more reason the Audit should be carried out. Akpabio ought to be the one frustrating the Audit if the allegation is true.

Those who allege should submit the evidence. It is not enough to throw tar at people without substantial evidence. The issues I mentioned about those in power who have hijacked jobs to themselves, got paid without executing them, I have the evidence.

June 7, 2020
A nation, democracy and its women

Roundtable with Nnedinso Ogaziechi

There is a very intriguing bent to the definition of democracy as a government of the people by the people and for the people. It is intriguing because there is no delineation of the voting demographics or gender, age or status. The people are just the people – an all-inclusive word. A nation on the other hand is defined as a ‘large body of people united by common descent, history, culture, or language, inhabiting a particular country or territory’.

So a nation chooses to practice democracy as a way of taking care of the people. By and large, democracy has been adjudged the best system of government when its best tenets are practiced because it gives each citizen a voice and to hold the leader to account.

However, it is curious that a country like Nigeria that has oscillated between civilian democracies and military rule seems to be tottering between democracy and pseudo democracy. The Round Table conversation feels that the nation might just be better off interrogating the brand of Nigerian democracy that seems to have largely excluded women and the youth population. Is it an accident of history or a well-orchestrated plan for gender exclusion?

Has the country fared better with the patriarchal dominance in politics? Why do we reference the legendary queens, Amina, Idia, Moremi, Ekpo, Ransome-Kuti etc.? Does it mean that leadership in the post-colonial Nigerian nation is gender-sensitive. Why is Nigeria lagging behind in gender parity in politics? Why are most women subtly and overtly discouraged from taking part in partisan politics and why are the very few women in politics often seen as threading in dangerous paths? Are most women waiting to be handed power or are there huddles too high for them to jump over?

Oscar Onwudiwe, a lawyer and a public affairs analyst is of the opinion that the real definition of nationhood keeps eluding the

Nigeria because the country is too neck deep in the struggle for tribal confidence. This can be seen in the struggle by the three major tribes to dominate since independence. Independence was equally gotten on a platter of tribal struggle for the leadership of the country.

According to Mr. Onwudiwe, because of the flawed struggle for domination pre and post-independence, real nationhood seem to have eluded the country. The overt and covert wars of tribal supremacy ushered in a sense of divided loyalty as tribal sentiment seemed to drown out the quest for nation-building. When there is divided loyalty, merit dies, equity suffers, and careers suffer.

In the milieu of tribal supremacy wars, women have no chance as wars are left to the men who assume the masculine role of political soldiers more or less. The country then got decorated on geographic bases of North East, South West, Middle-Belt, South East and South-South amongst others. There are undeclared territorial wars amongst the men of the geographic expressions. As they say, when elephants fight, the grass suffers. In this ‘political wars’, women suffer.

In the political history of Nigeria therefore, it becomes evident why women are not as included as to make much political impact. Even fellow women do not support women because the psyche seems to be sending the wrong signals like men being the ones created to fight successfully for territorial dominance. Mr. Onwudiwe points out that from the federal to ward elections, there is an ingrained nepotistic struggle. That is why we hear of zoning, of Christian, Muslim, of Northern or Southern President instead of just the best candidate.

Going back to history, he observed that Germany is flourishing under a woman, Angela Merkel, she dared not when Germany was at war.

Today Rwanda has the highest percentage of women in its parliament, a global record. Today Rwanda is a business and tourism hob in Africa, a phoenix that arose from the ashes of 1994 genocide.

Women in the country are flourishing because today Rwanda is a nation not segregated by tribal supremacy battles. He believes Nigerian women would bring in their technocratic, intellectual and business attributes ones the men see Nigeria as a nation. The people of Nigeria must first fight for a genuine nation before full development can be achieved with an all-inclusive female and youth population who are some of the best in the world.

Rt. Hon. Adetoun Adediran holds the record of the first Nigerian woman to be elected Deputy Speaker of a house of Assembly in Lagos state at the return of democracy in 1999, her journey in politics has been as challenging as it has been rewarding. According to her, Nigeria had just emerged from a long period of military rule and it seemed strange that a woman like her and of her age would ‘dare’ to enter the political space. But she was coming from a political family that set examples she vowed to not only follow but to surpass.

Her personal ambition of impacting on her community was the inspiration she needed to surmount all the barricades on her way. She recalled being told by some men to jettison her ambition and be nominated for a post latter. She refused and decided to fight it out with the men who hounded her endlessly for daring to thread the ‘male’ exclusive political path. She recalls having entered the political space at the time with about twelve other women and remembers that only two of them succeeded in winning their elections. She won to represent Surulere Constituency 1 made up then of six wards on the platform of the Alliance for Democracy (AD).

She encountered many huddles like having to attend the deliberate nocturnal meeting that is a culture of Nigerian politicians. She was often threatened physically but she believed that leadership has never been gender sensitive. According to her she knew that in a free and fair election, she would win having campaigned extensively from door to door even selling her programmes to her opposition’s constituents.

Hon. Toun as she is popularly called feels that women must not wait to be handed power as that is a mirage. They must learn the political strategies and dare the men. To her no man could beat her campaign strategies at the time. She beat them in their game and was able to endear herself to the electorate while swiftly maneuvering all the huddles placed by the men who felt that politics was their exclusive turf.

Being elected the first female deputy speaker shot her into political reckoning as she grew to become the immediate past South West Women Leader of her political party the APC. She was not just a token at the assembly as the few bills she sponsored today stand in her name. Her impact on her constituency and beyond has encouraged her to mentor more women to participate actively in politics.

In her words, “competent women must get out to take their rightful places in politics as I detest the idea of requesting the 35% affirmative action for women” . Women must be focused and pursue their ambitions without fear of male intimidation or financial constraints as the voters often support women who are qualified and ready without the financial muscle that men often flaunt. She advises women to start from their communities and rise to the top.

Between Oscar and Hon. Toun’s realities, The Round Table believes that these conversations might provide a valid roadmap for a better nation with enduring leadership. The women might just meet the men at the barricades for the good of the nation for generations to come.

The dialogue continues…

June 6, 2020
Eight tips to have a healthy relationship

By Fasanmi Abiola

Every relationship is unique. Individuals go into relationships for various reasons, some for fun and others for marriage and mutual connection. Regardless of these reasons, individuals who get included, want a relationship where they are companions with their accomplices.

Building a healthy relationship is like cooking. If you don’t include a traditional and necessary ingredient, it can change the taste of the meal.

The following are the steps to take to build a healthy relationship:

* Communication

The first step in building your relationship is to ensure that you are on the same page. Make sure you understand each other, your needs and expectations. In a relationship, you have to learn to communicate well with your partner as this helps you to understand who you are dealing with. Make your message clear and be sure your partner understands it.

It isn’t just for you to talk but also listen. Listening is an effective communication skill that will help your partner open up and be more honest. When you really listen, you’ll hear the subtle intonations in your partner’s voice that will tell you if something is amiss. It doesn’t mean changing your opinion but can help you resolve the conflict by looking at a common point of view.

* Trust

Trust is a key component of a healthy relationship and the glue that binds relationships. Without trust, there is a probability that your relationship won’t last long. If you don’t trust the process, chances are you won’t be totally involved in the relationship. While it is true that some battle with trusting others, it is something that they have to embrace and learn to do especially with themselves first. Whether it is friendship or relationship, all bonds are built on trust.

On issues surrounding trust, there are people who are not comfortable with the idea of a long-distance relationship. These set are of the opinion that this type of relationship can erode trust. However, there are success stories of people who were engaged in long-distance relationships. Learn to build yourself up with trust, it doesn’t matter if it’s a long-distance or close relationship. A relationship without trust is a time bomb. Trust means you can entrust your life with someone without looking back.

* Compromise

In a relationship, conflicts are unavoidable. However, you can come to an agreement in resolving it via compromise.. It helps balance you and your partner needs by considering both positions. Healthy compromise helps you and your partner grow together as a team. It shows you have a common goal in mind. Compromise isn’t selfish.

*Peace

While people assume peace is an abstract term, it is something that many do not realise comes from within and is their willingness to allow it reign in a relationship. Apologies, admitting when you are wrong, making an effort to change and respecting your partner are key in a healthy relationship. If you want to have peace in your relationship, it starts with you.

*Love

Love isn’t a feeling, it’s a choice. The decision to stay in love or out of love lies with you. That stated, a relationship needs continual love. You can demonstrate it by giving out gifts, creating time for each other, shopping. Contrary to popular opinion, to win in love, it has to be a give and take situation. It is not only the responsibility of a guy but both genders can contribute to it and express love the way you can.

A popular quote states, “ Actions speaks better than words.” You can start with things you know your partner or spouse would love and do it with a positive mindset and not out of obligation to him or her. You can express it by cooking a meal, doing the laundry, among others.

*Gifts

You can pick out a lovely present for your partner, that is meaningful.

* Physical touch

Nothing is more impactful than the physical touch of your partner. Some partners feel more connected and safe in a relationship by holding hands, hugging and kissing.

Quality Time:

This love language is about undivided attention. You need to dedicate your time to your partner without distractions.

June 5, 2020
Girls, premarital sex can massacre your destiny (II)
With Temilolu Okeowo, E-mail: temiloluokeowo@gmail.com. 07086620576 (sms only)

Dear Sister Temilolu, I always look forward to reading your column every weekend and would always give my daughter to read your articles and I believe the impact on her is greatly manifesting and I’m certain other girls are benefitting from your fount of wisdom as well. However, I’d like to advise you to make reference to both Holy books i.e. the Holy Bible and Quran to guide them though I know you are not a Muslim but for the sake of Muslims reading your column. My daughter usually asks me whether I want her to be reading the bible or start going to church since the column always refers to the Holy bible and I advised her to follow the content that will be useful to her now and in future. It’s my wish to teach her sex education in her early years, but I am limited in that field. May God almighty continue to bless and reward you abundantly for this great job you’re doing for our children.

Busari R.O.

Dear Mr. Busari,

Many thanks for writing me sir! You’ve advised your daughter appropriately! May God bless and make her VERY GREAT in Jesus name!

My darling, precious, glorious, dignified, world-famous and heavenly celebrated Nigerian sisters,

A few weeks ago, I began discussing reasons why premarital sex could be very destructive to anyone’s destiny especially with the devil holding the reins of such life! Here are more reasons!
1. Premarital sex enforces evil family patterns
A family pattern can be described as a particular set of traits or characteristics in a bloodline or family that runs from generation to generation.

It comes directly from one’s ancestry and it’s an integral part of humanity. The bad traits which form an evil family pattern could be promiscuity, polygamy, anger, domestic violence, marital mis-match, divorce, unstable marriages, having children out of wedlock, terminal diseases, untimely deaths etc.

It is a very wide topic but I’ll just discuss my major point which is premarital sex enforcing it and suffocating the much-needed power to fight it! Now I’m talking about the “like mother, like daughter” syndrome!

Believe me, I have seen this natural phenomenon topple so many lives and brought about fatal distraction, pain, shame and regret instead of glory because the victim didn’t have enough fire to fight! WHY WOULD ANYONE WANT TO SUFFER THE PAIN HIS/HER PARENTS SUFFERED AND EVEN IN A WORSE MANNER? I know of a woman who had 2 children for 2 different men and her daughter had 4 children for 4 different men before she was age 30- not properly educated and penniless! This was a very bright student until she went to write an examination in Ogbomosho and all hell went loose! She had her first pregnancy at 16+ and all four fathers left her to her fate refusing to take care of their children. She can barely feed them least of all send them to proper schools.

She looks malnourished and worn out- looking 15 years older and trading in home-made liquid wash which can barely feed them daily! What a waste! This is someone who had very tall dreams as a child.

If her mother especially (because her father was never involved in her upbringing) had firmly resisted her pattern repeating itself in her life right from her impressionable years, I’m sure she would have conquered! Now she’s not only “uncooked,” she has to deal with raising her four children all by herself and also deal with the battles that come from their diverse ancestries! Haaaa…..what a huge distraction!!!

Girls…girls…girls, am I making some sense? Why would you allow some guy mess up your glorious future? A wondrous, fairy-tale like future you can create yourself and have sex every single day when you’d have the world at your feet haven secured the best of things in life with your glorious virtues and potentials! Hmm…is it any wonder King Solomon said “Remember now your Creator in the days of your youth, Before the difficult days come, And the years draw near when you say “I have no pleasure in them….” Ecclesiastes 12:1 Hmm….STOP PLAYING WITH FIRE!

You need to be strong in the Lord, you need to be enveloped and saturated in His spirit otherwise your flesh would control your destiny! Life may seem very unpleasurable now but if God opened your eyes to see your future, NO ONE WOULD TEACH YOU TO TAME YOUR FLESH! May God empower you and may He mercifully visit you tonight and show you a glorious vision which would convince you to keep yourself pure till your wedding night!
- To be continued!
I invite you to follow me on Facebook –TEMILOLU OKEOWO Instagram @ Okeowo Temilolu.
May 31, 2020
How to be happy without being in a relationship
With Rois Ola

Being married is not a do-or-die affair. You do not need a woman to complete you or a man to complete you. You need to be able to complete yourself.

This concept is also known or called self-love. Something many of us do not know how to do because of religion and our culture.

It takes a while to get used to in some cases, especially if you are the type that enjoys being around people, or the type that won’t be happy if you have no one to talk to.

There are many wonderful things that come with singleness. However, there are also many reasons why being alone can make us lonely.

Unfortunately, for many of us, loneliness becomes the centre of our attention instead of the good things that are worthy to celebrate. The magic is understanding why you are lonely, learning to deal with it and knowing how to handle it.

Do you know that happy people attract healthy, happy and confident people? Somehow you radiate joy to all those around you and find people getting attracted to your shine.

They won’t be able to help it .Being single allows you to be able to do things without having to consult someone or not needing to consider how your actions and decisions would affect your husband and child.

You see, there are many reasons to enjoy the now, if only we learn to live for now. But more often than not, we focus on what we don´t have.

If you have great difficulty learning how to live a life of singlehood, these are tips that can help you attract what you deserve provided you personally do not have unattractive characteristics or bad habits.

Smile

Have you ever noticed that when you are angry and it shows all over your body, you find it more difficult getting over the anger? According to several scientific researches, one in particular was led by clinical psychologist James Laird in 1960 which triggered further clinical studies, forcing yourself to smile has direct effect on your feeling of happiness.

When you force yourself to smile, you feel happier.

If you frown, you feel significantly angrier. Your thoughts wander to things that make you angry.

Therefore, if you want to be happy, smile as often as you can. Make it a habit. Do it a few minutes every day. It may seem strange at first, but the more you try, the better you become.

Always try to keep a smile on your face. Trust me, if you try it after a week, you will see the difference.

Enjoy your walk or exercise

I`m a runner and a walker. I love taking long walks too sometimes, right from my university days when my husband and I trekked for survival. It became a part of us, and for me, it became therapeutic. I walk when I am angry or upset, and I see it helps quite a number of people too.

A few months ago, I was hitting a daily target of 12,000 to 16,000 steps in a day. Oh yes. Better to walk than speak in anger. By the time I get back to my destination, there is no energy left in me to scream or shout. Words are sensitive. Once you drop them, that is the end.

At first, it took me conscious efforts to be aware of the way I walked and to remind myself of the way I should walk in order to feel happier.

In a matter of four weeks, I was able to change the way I walk. I now walk straight and take long steps. I smile and bounce and I enjoy swinging my arms. I often think of myself silly, but I couldn´t stop smiling to myself until I reach my destination.

Read Also: How to break free of your past relationship

Stop your negative thoughts

One of the reasons why many people hate being alone is that being alone triggers negative thoughts. Once their partners aren´t around and the curtains are down, their negative thoughts start to act action films in their heads.

The disadvantage in negative thinking is that it destroys you gradually, self-esteem and everything including confidence. How are you going to battle against such terrible thoughts that are too effective in putting you down?

Once you stop believing those negative thoughts, you will be happier alone. In fact, you will appreciate more being with yourself. This is why you have to learn to love yourself.

Happy talk

Did you know that you can talk to yourself and make yourself feel happier? Have you ever tried it? I am not referring to mental instability kind of talk. I mean self-talk from within.

I guess you´ve tried more talking to yourself and making yourself feel worse.

There is this critical, unforgiving side of yourself who tells you, “you´re ugly”, “you´re stupid”, “you´re not good enough”, “you´re a loser”, “you´re worthless”, and so on.

But there´s a way to be proactive. You can reinforce positivity by talking to yourself positively and giving yourself positive affirmations.

Some Christians raise objections to positive affirmations because they claim that these urge us to focus on ourselves and not God. But as a good Christian, you can learn to find the right balance.

Here are some examples on how to talk to yourself happily. It will feel odd at first, but with practice, it will come naturally.
- I feel surprisingly good about myself today.
- I am beautiful. I´m a beautiful creature of God.
- I think that I can make a success of things.
- There is no replica of me anywhere because I am unique
- I am loved by myself
- I can do better
Cultivate friendship with others

If someone so special to you, especially your partner (suddenly) gets a new boyfriend, girlfriend or gets married, it will affect your relationship. You will start missing on your girls/boys` night outs or weekend get-togethers.

So, take advantage of this time to make new friendships with other single ladies or other single guys. Make friends, make friends, make friends.

Who knows? You may be the next to get a boyfriend or girlfriend as the case may be. Human beings are social beings.

We need people to thrive, maybe not on the same level. But at some point, you will find out you can’t exist alone. So, married or not, you need a close circle, but choose wisely. Happiness is a choice not a circumstance. I wish you all the best.
May 30, 2020
Art of self-love for a healthy relationship

By Rois Ola

When it comes to what is necessary to have healthy, thriving, passionate, intimate and trusting relationships, we are all looking for answers. Can it really be something as simple as self-love?

We are all looking for the secret ingredient to the perfect relationship recipe that will fix all of our problems with our significant others. We are obsessed with how to love properly, how to express it in the right way and what we can fix about ourselves in order to do so.

It’s all about you

While this might seem a bit obvious – that the answer lies within – it’s the realist, harshest and most overwhelming and intimidating truth out there.

Accepting yourself as you are is the answer to how to create the healthiest romantic relationship possible.

Definitely not an easy road

Self-love isn’t all about body positivity and incorporating new self-care routine (although those are important). At first, it is actually much more difficult.

Self-love is staring your inner demons in the face until they cease to exist.

It is facing your traumas, your insecurities, your mistakes, and your flaws, and overcoming them all.

It is forgiving yourself for being imperfect.

It is forgiving those that have hurt you – no matter how badly – and releasing those resentments for your own good.

It is addressing where you have been toxic to yourself and to other people, and doing the work it takes to change it.

It requires a lot of honesty with yourself, which can be a very difficult thing to do. However, once achieved, turns into something truly amazing.

It will transform you

While you once looked in the mirror with loathing and disgust, you now look in the mirror and see your best friend staring back at you.

While you once were going to extreme lengths to change your outward appearance, you now only work on doing what is best for your optimal health.

While you once settled, you now have raised standards.

While some may state that this is conceited, it is extremely necessary that self-love and self-care become daily practices.

Being single should not be scary

If you are single, then self-love is your highest priority. It is easy to fall into the trap of constantly questioning why everyone around you is seemingly able to find love, while you are always struggling with it. It can cause you to find faults within yourself and highlight insecurities instead of provoking love for who you are.

Try not to let it make you look desperate

It can cause you to settle for the first person to come along that shows interest. The first spark that you feel with someone else can feel like potential for a serious relationship. Sometimes, however, a spark is just that – a spark. It burns brightly for a split second, then it dies.

We want to believe so badly that spark is what we have been looking for, so we try to force a connection with someone who may not be a good fit for us at all.

It’s like we try to squeeze this person into a mold of what we want them to be, but no matter how hard we force it, they will never fit. The fear of being single is so strong that we would rather settle for a once brightly lit spark that died out fast and is now nothing but a cold pile of ash.

This is because we don’t love ourselves enough to turn down those that aren’t a good fit for us.

What you really are missing from your life is you

We have this notion that being alone is a negative thing. Yes, humans are social beings and are not meant to live alone forever. However, being comfortable alone is how to find love with someone else that you so desperately crave.

When we are happy alone, we stop settling

The fear of being single can be overcome when we genuinely enjoy being with ourselves. We have the confidence that someone else will eventually come along because, hell, we’re a catch. We are the complete package and anyone would be lucky to date us.

We will eventually find someone who is compatible, who speaks a complementary love language, and that treats us how we deserve to be treated.

Self-love teaches us that we can’t imagine settling for a spark when we deserve an eternal flame.

It is one of the foundations for fulfilling relationships, alongside feeling safe with your significant other.

The love that you feel like you have been missing your whole life isn’t the love you receive from a relationship, but the love you give and receive yourself. Then, when somebody else comes along they only add to the existing love you already have.

When you treat yourself without respect or love, you basically give others permission to do the same. So set high standards for yourself. Be able to stand up for yourself and say: “I’m better than this. I’m not going to tolerate this happening to me.” If you don’t love yourself first, you’re not going to have any standard as to how others should treat you. When you have that unconditional self-love, it’s a lot easier to recognize when people are giving you less than you deserve. You’ll notice that as you grow in your self-love journey, you’ll cut ties with certain people because you realize they don’t make you feel good, they don’t uplift you, and they don’t help you grow. Yeah, it can be hard, and can even hurt. However, as your self-love increases, your tolerance for negativity, and disrespect decreases, and these toxic relationships just won’t be worth your time and energy anymore.

Depending on other people to make you feel loved can result in unhealthy relationships not only with others, but with yourself. Honestly, if you don’t have a loving relationship with yourself, you can’t reflect love very well in your relationships with others anyway. At least not in the way that you could if you loved yourself first. This is the same concept as “you can’t pour from an empty cup” when we’re talking about self-care. Know your true, genuine self, and let your light shine. That way, whoever you attract is loving you for you, and not some sort of compromised version of you.

So in a nutshell, self-love is healthy in a relationship. It is the art of learning how to enjoy your space, learning how to enjoy you, being happy with who you are even with your flaws and seeking to be better than who you were yesterday. I wish you all the best.

May 23, 2020
Is sex still a big deal amongst teenagers?

By Vera Chidi-Maha

Sex is the world’s number one product, making it is the biggest and most profitable business. Everywhere one turns, it stares unblinking. Adverts are daily tailored in the way that messages are laced with sexual innuendoes to attract attention and patronage of the advertiser’s products.

Films, clothes, music and books – all celebrate the mystery and power of sex. Women are often portrayed as sex objects to be used and dumped at will. No musical video is complete without a skimpily dressed girls flaunting, to the delight of men, their feminine attributes. The Makos revolution perhaps underscored this fact more than ever.

Films with vivid sex scenes are aired these days without care that young minds may be present. Sex on the internet is as cheap and common as the air we breathe, so also are pornographic books and films. The result is the world that revels sex, especially teenagers who see it as a source of excitement. In the last couple of decades the African society, which treated the subject of sex as something sacred, has found itself grappling with the consequences of over exposure to sex. It has so permeated most societies that the subject has lost its aura of secrecy. It has evolved from being an adult thing to a child’s toy. Teenagers no longer see it has a big deal after all, the new technologies have elevated it to an open thing.

Unlike in the past when teenagers projected an angelic mien to disguise their premature knowledge of the subject, the teenagers of today have neglected such finesse. So blatant are they of their new found knowledge and the power that comes with it, that they tell anybody who cares to know in words or action what they know. Ironically, many parents, especially some mothers , pretend not to notice that their children have become sex addicts. While appreciating the fact that teenage years are usually traumatic for both children and parents, the truth reminds that today’s youths need assistance and support if the country’s tomorrow is to be safe – guarded. One of such ways is for parents to take advantage of the amount of information on sex by telling their children, especially the girls, about the fact of life. Assigning the role to another person is not the best. It is the joint responsibility of both parents to educate their children on sexuality. It is high time parents appreciated the fact that whether they acknowledge it or not, powerful chemicals called harmonies are causing havocs in the bodies of this young minds that makes them stray into the adult world.

No amount of pretence alter these facts. Many youths, out of ignorance and curiosity, have become premature adults because they lack information on what sex is all about. The consequence of this on the girls is more devastating as she becomes the exhibitor of the action of two ill – prepared persons. She not only jeopardize her chances of getting proper education but also calls to question the integrity of her parents particularly her mother who is then perceived by the society as a failure.

Studies have shown that most of these girls not only get pregnant on first attempt but go into it out of curiosity because of the image of something dirty and forbidden which parents wrap the subject of sex in, whereas, the generality of the society portray’s it on the ultimate in enjoyment.

Most mothers who are too shy to discuss sex as a natural concomitant of adulthood, paid the picture of dirt around it, a thing only indecent and depraved people do. Yet the children know better, they are fully aware that they are product of this supposedly dirty act. This is certainly a paradox difficult to reconcile. It should be appreciated that methods that worked for kids of yester – years will certainly not work for today’s kids who come from the moment they open their eyes in the maternity wards, come complete with hi – tech information on sex.

The best way to beat them at their game is to acknowledge their knowledge of the game. But being friends with them and earning their trust maybe panacea to the problem because they will tell you what they know and listen to your advice.

May 23, 2020
Girls, premarital sex can massacre your destiny!
By Temilolu Okeowo

DEAREST Ma, I just stumbled on your article again today in the newspaper after a few years of not looking out for your column in the papers and I must confess, your numerous write-ups on Secondary Virginity some years back gave me a second life and a reason to live again. Thank you Ma for putting a smile on my face and giving me a voice of my own. May God bless you real good!

Anuoluwapo, Ondo State

My darling, precious, glorious, dignified, world-famous and heavenly celebrated Nigerian sisters,

Hmmm….I’m sure some who are not even girls spotting the title of my article today would frown and say “this oversabi has come again…” (smiles).

What’s my business with the stupid,bad devil?(Laughing now). Anyways…how’s your weekend going? On a more serious note, believe me, the devil has an upper hand in the life of anyone engaging in premarital sex/ungodly and is in fact carrying the reins of that life and chauffeuring it as it wishes! Such person is just like a yoyo! I would give you 6 very convincing reasons!
1. If you want to enjoy life and fulfill your glorious destiny, YOU NEED ENORMOUS SPIRITUAL POWER! And I tell you, how you live and what you do with your life in your teens is what would determine your success or failure in future! Sexual immorality quenches the fire/power of God in you as our bodies have been defined as the temple of the Holy Spirit (1 Cor.6:19).Moreso, we are told we shall receive power after the Holy Spirit has come upon us (Acts 1:8). I just wonder why anyone would want to trade the life of a real champ for a guy you may wake up tomorrow and wonder what you saw in him and how he ever gained entry into your spirit!A total stranger whose destiny/destination you know nothing about driving your soul and even bringing in evil baggages into your destiny! And, yes, your spirit my dear! You’d understand as you read on! THIS IS A VERY SERIOUS MATTER!
2. Sex as designed by God is very sweet and the day you get deflowered and begin to engage in it at a young age when you’re still battling to have a grip on your soul and spirituality in a highly depraved world, TAKE IT OR LEAVE IT, you will loose all sense of proportion unless God intervenes!You may never be able to get over the utter confusion that arises from your emotions and hormones- it could lead to just about anything, including a life you never planned for yourself! I don’t intend to make anyone feel bad, I’m only trying to protect those who haven’t dabbled into it yet, hoping they would find this to read!And because with God all things are possible, YOU CAN ALWAYS RETRACE YOUR STEPS AND ALIGN WITH GOD IF YOU’VE GONE THE WRONG WAY!
3. Sexual intercourse bonds two souls and multiple spirits together. Sexual intercourse is spiritual intercourse, spiritual exchange! When you engage in sexual intercourse you make a huge commitment which also carries a heavy weight in the supernatural realm.Whoever you sleep with has a very strong hold on your spirit because you deposited something into each other! Your spirit is the bedrock of your destiny! If the average youth understood the spiritual contract they’re getting into with sexual intercourse, they won’t be too quick to date.
4. You may also take it or leave it, the more you engage in sex outside marriage, the more you disintegrate your “original” and fragment yourself! Yes! You can’t imagine what goes into your life from multiple sexual partners your present partner has slept with and in particular WHAT GOES OUT OF YOUR LIFE during and after every intercourse!The transaction during sexual intercourse could be life-altering! It could break you into pieces and destroy your entire existence. On a more serious note, if a good number of guys/men took a piece of you with them, WHAT WOULD BE LEFT OF YOU? Hmm…hmm..hmm…may you not wake up completely emptied of what should make you shine in life by the time you are 21!
- To be continued!
I invite you to follow me on Facebook – TEMILOLU OKEOWO Instagram @ Okeowo Temilolu.
May 17, 2020
Must all kids look like their parents?

By Vera Chidi-Maha

Our Father in heaven, I thank you for giving us the knowledge of scientific research. I thank you because these days, there are ways to ascertain whether a child belongs to the parents; I thank you because there are ways daddies can now know whether a child is theirs or not.

Dearest Father ; I thank you for DNA and Lord; I must not forget to thank you for helping women to find their voices in their homes and the society at large.

I thank you that concerning the ‘Oyibo’ child that was once delivered to a Nigerian couple, the lady will not be put to shame; I believe you Lord that you will have a good explanation for any child that has no physical resemblance, whether light skinned or dark so that at the end, most women will be vindicated and you will take the glory and honour.

A few years back, a lovely white baby was born to the family of Ben and Angela Ihegboro a Nigerian couple based in United Kingdom. Of course it is rare; in fact it is unusual; and I am aware that as we continue to debate it, scientific researchers are at work.

Unusual it is; but is it unfortunate? I do not think so. I have followed the ceaseless debates some men have put up; heaping the entire blame on the women.

“It is only a woman that knows who the father of a child is, the men will say.” “Really?” I asked. “So, a man sows a seed into a woman, she gets pregnant, why won’t you know you have sown a seed; eh? Why?” You guys sometimes get me really upset by this” the child must look like the father thing.”

I recall a cousin in-law of mine; who dumped his three-year old child because a friend visited him and commented that his son did not look like him. Eventually a DNA showed that the child was without doubt his son. Light skinned men want to have light skinned babies why dark guys wants to have same .

what happens when child look like paternal uncle, aunty, or even grandparents? Of course I know it is wrong for a child to look like her father’s friend or neighbour or worst still the landlord! No; that will indeed be criminal and the lady will have to explain.

But seriously, I have seen very short couple give birth to very tall children. I have equally seen tall parents that have kids of average height. How does one explain that? Gene? Please think about it. I recall another ugly incident that occurred in the home of an uncle.

His job required regular travels. So, when his pretty wife became pregnant with their fourth baby; his reaction was odd. He told all who cared to listen that he was not responsible for the pregnancy.

Naturally, his wife became really upset; in fact to further express her annoyance, she picked up the other three kids and moved straight to her parents’ home. It was shocking to the father because the baby was a replica of its father.

You can then imagine how embarrassed the father felt after he had persistently denied the pregnancy claiming that due to his busy schedule he touched his wife only once. Please, tell me; is once not more than enough to impregnate a woman?

In fact “touching” a woman once can even result in a set of triplets! So, figure it out for yourself. Anyway, the most painful part of this child-parents look alike thing is that women are the guiltiest.

Check this out, a woman gives birth to a healthy baby and you pay her a visit; you pick the baby up and make a comment like ‘the child looks exactly like his father and immediately her face lightens up; she smiles and very quickly agrees with you.

The other comment you could make that will sink her morale is when you say something like “eh, this child looks just like you and not the father. For what it’s worth; comments like that would not only make her face drop but could ruin her mood.

Worse still, if she is the rude type, she could make you eat your words by saying, “really, that’s strange you are the only person that thinks like that; every other person says the baby looks like my husband”.

So here is the thing; when you visit a new mummy; be sure to say the baby looks just like the father even when it might not be so.

As for Nmachi, the miraculous white baby; she is no doubt a blessing that has come in a white package. And until the DNA result is released let us try to stop putting the blame of a child’s look on the women except you want me to sing you guys Akon’s song,

Even though the blame is on you

I will take the blame from you;

So you can put the blame on me’

Yes, if it makes you feel better; go right ahead, put the blame on us!

#takeresponsibility

May 16, 2020