The Nation Newspaper

Category: Weekend Treat

  • Bleeding in the triangle

    And I would do anything for love

    I’d run right into hell and back

    I would do anything for love

    I’d never lie to you and that’s a fact

    But I’ll never forget the way you feel right now

    Oh no, no way

    And I would do anything for love

    Oh I would do anything for love

    I would do anything for love, but I won’t do that

    No, I won’t do that – Jim Steinma

     

    I will do anything for Love. This is certainly a familiar love song and it goes on and on talking about the things lovebirds would do for the heart they cherish and want to keep forever like diamonds. The song which has been recorded by different artistes overtime points to the promises, love heights and the other side that remind us all about love’s reality zone.

    So many lovebirds are willing to do everything and anything for the heart that they love. The stakes are higher when it is reciprocated and everyone is happy and intoxicated by the love environment.

    Unfortunately, the love season differs. It changes with emotional chameleon taking charge of the stage at different phases of the game. When some set out to betray the love process from the onset, others simply get carried away midway and forget the sweet promises and vows of sticking to one another till death do them apart.

    When the chips are down, those who have hearts as strong as the lion learn to move on without causing a stir. However, not everyone gives up so easily. Those in this category would fight as well as take back a pound of flesh, or even more. A recent video of a battered widow beaten to a state of coma by a jealous wife and her sister comes to mind here.

    The images naturally bring tears to the eyes and you cannot help but pity the woman at the receiving end. As a widow, she must have been a lonely heart and that vacuum obviously led her to trouble. Perhaps, she didn’t even give the man her consent. Or she may not even know that he was ‘happily’ married.

    Whatever transpired between the twosome is a personal secret. We are not in their shoes and cannot make any assumptions here. They would be able to tell their story; that is if it is something they want to go viral like the video in question.

    Next, your mind goes to the woman at the centre of the emotional scandal, the wife. Naturally, she would have been nursing emotional wounds overtime. Sadly, that is the story in a cheating game. Someone must be at the lower end and the emotional trauma would someday give way to what happened or even worse. Nights of pain, crying in the dark, waking up to curse the day they met, how she is going to pay them back and subsequently unleash emotional terror. Unfortunately, you don’t have to take the law into your hand to vindicate yourself. Also wrapped in the love triangle is a sister who has also gone through tough emotional times.

    Guilty? Yes. You can’t take the laws (emotional) into your hands, without fully understanding what’s going on in the space. You just cannot be the victim, the prosecutor and the jury. When in a deep emotional mess, the wise thing to do would be to step aside and allow other people to come in and find answers and solutions for you.

    Jungle justice won’t work. This is certainly crude and it would only get you into more trouble. As a matter of fact, it may actually mess up the whole process and you will end up losing what you set out to save in the first place.  To survive, it is better to have a great strategy that would definitely make you smarter, wiser and you would be able to recover, repossess and realign your ‘loot’ without stress.

    Interestingly, sometimes the emotional space can be unfair to the real victims. Some things are not visible and there are no arguments that would justify that you have been robbed in the emotional transaction. Here, the best thing perhaps would be to let go of the loot instead of fighting over a heart that has already been repositioned.

    Everyone is part of the emotional jury here and you can give your verdict depending on what side of the emotional coin that you are on. We would all have something to say. It’s tough judging a desperate housewife flogging a helpless rival in despair.

    The crux of the matter is that they wear the shoes, they know where and how it pinches and you cannot pass a verdict except you have been down that corridor yourself. If you have, then simply do a flashback and recall the things that went on in your mind. Thank God, you didn’t carry out your plans. Imagine what would have happened if you had done what you wanted to do then. God forbid!

  • 16 faults destroying relationships (2)

    1. PUBLIC display of affection. I am a great supporter of showing love and affection, but please spare people around you the discomfort of watching you getting it on in public. Our culture is opening up to people getting more expressive, but it is disrespectful when you go all out to get it on in full view, without considering the feelings of others. Some people may also embarrass you while you’re at it. Try and maintain some decency.

    ACTION PLAN: First of all, be sure your partner is open to such an act. There’s nothing worse than attempting this and getting the cold shoulder. Stick to hand holding, maybe even quick kisses (not loud slurps please) save the extras for your bedroom.  It gives people the impression you have no control and decency, and may be a pointer to real communication issues you have with your partner.

    1. Always avoiding an argument

    “I just don’t want his wahala again”, my friend told me a while ago. She never ever wanted to argue with her partner. WHY? You may ask, because she wanted to live in a fantasy world where there would be no argument. You can agree to disagree. Arguments are healthy in a relationship, because we all have different backgrounds, upbringing and views to life, so yes you must argue, NEVER having an argument means someone is compromising, we are not saying keep arguing and fighting from dusk to dawn, but we are saying argue if the need arises and if it is necessary, but just don’t let it get out of hand. Love isn’t all good, all the time.

    ACTION PLAN: If you are displeased argue your point with love and as logically as possible, don’t always try to make a point, because it’s better to win in love, than win an argument. Disagreements are bound to happen, be calm and loving about it. You don’t necessarily have to have the last say or win an argument.

    1. Keeping malice

    This is an outright NO-NO, if something is wrong, say it the other person cannot read your thoughts. speaking up at the right time is key, it is not healthy to be upset with your partner and start spiting them or keeping malice. keeping your feelings bottled up causes stress, makes you unhealthy, sometimes makes you react badly to others. There is no way you can be happy if you are busy keeping malice it’s a toxic behavior

    ACTION PLAN: Simply stop it, and start talking so that you can live long. It causes major health issues as well. No point living a life of bitterness because that’s what keeping malice will do to you.

    1. Wrong timing for discussions

    Your partner comes back from work, stressed, tired, disoriented and BOOM, you drop the bombshell of his favourite uncle’s death, even before he gets to pull of his work clothes, eat and cool down. The information is so juicy, you just had to share the moment he walked in. Learning how to pick topics of conversations about important issues, like relationship needs, financial obligations, life changing information all have their time and place. Please do not discuss serious topics when someone’s stressed, like at the end of the workday or right before hosting a party. Sometimes you may end up getting a very shocking response.

    ACTION PLAN: Watch your partner’s mood, be observant, allow them calm down or settle down, don’t drop the bomb at once, take it slowly, watch how they react which will guide on the next words to say. Wisdom is very important, be sensitive enough to know the repercussion of your words, if not properly timed. select an ideal place or location.

    1. Unforgiving attitude

    Holding on to grudges from the past and even present is not a good habit. If your partner makes a mistake LET GO, yes it is not easy to let go, but there is nothing that is exactly easy in life. This attitude will hurt the relationship, cause stress, unnecessary anxiety, bitterness and resentment on all sides. Holding on to issues for a long period of time will not benefit your health, rather it will only cause more harm than good. It builds anger towards your spouse and is a higher level of keeping malice.

    ACTION PLAN: Let it go, give sympathy to your spouse and forgive the wrong doing, you will be unable to move on to achieve great things if you hold on to unforgiveness. People make mistakes.

    1. Let’s sweep it under the rug attitude

    Many people have things that they may not be able to tolerate, or find irritating. This majorly deals with partner’s habit that you do not like, so instead of sweeping it under the rug, bring it up and iron it out. If not attended to, it will build up gradually into a big issue. Small things matter!

    ACTION PLAN:   People in relationships need to be open to each other. You need to explain those tiny things that may seem like nothing. If you can communicate effectively in love, you and partner will be happy at the end of the day. Discuss constructively, remember what we said earlier? RIGHT PLACE AND RIGHT TIME. Please don’t be selfish when trying to explain yourself. Reduce how many times you keep saying “me, me. me” it’s not only about you.

    1. Drama king or queen attitude

    Some couples exist only for drama; they create drama everywhere they go. When a partner whom you may have corrected in the past to always drop dirty clothes in the laundry basket, and for some reason they forget to do so continuously, don’t cause a scene, or count how many times in one week they keep repeating this habit. Couples rarely have the same character, while one person is calm, the other may be hot in character. Study your partner and know how to pass a message across without berating them or making a scene.

    ACTION PLAN: Take a few minutes after calming down to address the issue logically and calmly. Explain to your partner how you are displeased in clear and calm tones, without making a scene, preferably do this in private. No raised voices please.

  • Is jealousy an act of love?

    WE are told that love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself; love is not puffed up; love does not behave rudely; love bears all things; love believes all things.

    Jealousy, according to Steven Vaughn, is simply insecurity. In the on-line dictionary, jealousy is defined as resentment against a rival, a person or enjoying success and advantage, or against another’s success or advantages itself. That is, jealousy in the working place area.

    The second type of jealousy relating to relationship is mental uneasiness from suspicion or fear of rivalry, unfaithfulness and so on as in love. Jealousy is a true sign of insecurity, not an act of love, only doubt on yourself and the significant other. No one can really define jealousy by its true meaning because it is different from one individual to the other giving their insight opinions on jealousy.

    When two people really care for or love each other, there should be no doubt. They truly love each other and if they leave you, then it wasn’t love in the first place and not worth the time spent. Jealousy is no sign of love but everything related to insecurity. Many people get jealous but no one can have the perfect relationship. You must love and know yourself before you can consider loving someone else. Jealousy is one of a human’s weaknesses, no one is perfect.

    Merriam Webster defines jealousy as ‘disposition, attitude or feeling’. Where the word ‘jealousy’ means intolerant of rivalry or unfaithfulness disposed to suspend rivalry of unfaithfulness, hostile toward a rival or one believed to enjoy an advantage, and vigilance in guarding a possession’.

    Jealousy people are unhappy, bitter and angry people who believe that someone is trying to take or has taken something or someone they love away from them. We all at one time or the other experience jealousy to one extent or another. It is human to feel possessive about the one you love or guard what you’ve worked so hard to attain, but it becomes a problem when it becomes a problem the motivating factor for how we respond to situations.

    There is need to pause and take a close look at ourselves. Jealousy, like a lot of other human emotions, is noted in fear, mostly in the fear of losing something or someone you love. So if you’re letting that fear rule you to the point that you are obsessed and paralyzed , there is a huge problem.

    I have witnessed throw of tantrums when a lover discovers that his or her partner is in anyway cheating on him or her. I have read about men pouring acid on a female just because she has decided to end the relationship. I have heard and seen women vow that over their dead bodies would they allow their lover go or leave them without a fight. I have listened to phrases like ‘if I can’t have him or her, nobody else will. A good acquaintance of mine had once sent me a text message, claiming that her husband locked her out of her matrimonial home just because she got home later that 9:30pm which was supposed to be her ‘deadline’ for getting home. This friend of mine even after five kids into the marriage can still be mistaken for a young spinster. Her colleagues, friends and bosses in her office look at her each morning she gets to work looking all cute and they say to her. Your husband must be a lucky man. People thought to themselves this paragon of beauty must surely be an asset to her man and her kids. My acquaintance was not only beautiful on the exterior but she also had a good heart. She was willing to help at every slight opportunity she had.

    People simply loved and adored her a hardworking lady, with five kids, a good job and does other businesses on the side, just to keep body and soul together. When she sent me the text message, my first reaction was why on earth would any sane man lock his wife out of their matrimonial home at such an hour? I was puzzled. In a bid to get to the root of what was up, I quickly rushed out of the house to recharge my phone. Thereafter, I put a call through to her. The reason she gave for her husband’s act was that he suspected her of cheating on him!

    The reason he gave for his obvious show of jealousy was that the wife closes for work by 6:30pm. He opined that two or three hours was enough to get her home. He had earlier vowed that anytime she got home later than 9:30pm, it would mean trouble for her. Can you beat that?

    I also have a married male friend of mine, who will call you as often as he finds the time to do so but as soon as he is closed for the day’s work and is headed home, right before he gets home, he would put a call through to all his female friends and plead and plead, did I say plead? He would warn that nobody should call him for whatever reason because the wife hates to hear him receiving calls from any female friend. Some women at whatever levels of their lives have been seen to fight furiously over the man or a man they claim to love. Ironical, isn’t it? I feel it ironical to beat up, threaten or fight or even attempt to blackmail someone you profess to love.

    Is love not supposed to be a beautiful thing? Do love and jealousy actually go hand-in-hand? Shouldn’t love be nurtured, cherished and valued? And if a partner decides to stop loving us or decides to move on, must we die for that individual?

    From my experience, it is okay to fall in love, love is not forced, it happens naturally. it is also okay to fall out of love. Yes, it is true people do fall out of love, but not for the married ones. For married ones, the love must last till the end of time. Remember, you have signed. Anyway, back to earlier question, when you exhibit jealousy, is it your way of showing your love for your spouse?

  • Nigeria’s most eligible celeb BACHELORS

    CELEBRITIES circle is where you find the best dressed, the finest and even the ‘baddest’ males. But that also is where you find the hottest, freshest and the most eligible bachelors! From handsome blokes to super-gorgeous gentlemen, these actors, singers, on-air personalities and models all have a few significant things in common: they are hot, single, searching and ready to mingle.

    Jim Iyke

    Nollywood actor, entrepreneur and master of sublime and action-packed lover boy roles, Jim is gorgeous, dashing and super talented. His strength? His piercing eyes and well buffed body. Two-word description: smooth operator.

    Don Jazzy

    Michael Collins Ajereh, better known as Don Jazzy, is a Nigerian music producer, singer, songwriter and entrepreneur. He’s spiritedly handsome in that pleasant mummy’s boy kind of way, and that perhaps explains why he’s everyone darling. The founder of Mavin Records prefers to keep his relationships low-key but he likes to say that he is searching. Two words: Disarmingly friendly.

    Alex Ekubo

    Multi-talented Nigerian actor Alex was first runner up at the 2010 Mr Nigeria contest. He won the Best Actor in a Supporting Role award at the 2013 Best of Nollywood Awards for his role in Weekend Getaway. His strengths? He is gorgeous almost to a fault and quite handsome. One word: beautiful.

    Eyinna Nwigwe

    Nigerian actor and producer, Eyinna Nwigwe, is best known for his faultless interpretation of the lead role in blockbuster movie, The Wedding Party. Nwigwe is handsome, dashing super down to earth. Nwigwe began his career as a runway and print model before transitioning to acting. Two words: rugged simplicity.

    Iyanya

    That distinctive body is almost as cute as his smile. Iyanya is a Nigerian recording artist and performer. He rose to fame after winning the first season of Project Fame West Africa, and is best known for his hit single Kukere. Strengths? A body that will make most women drool.

    Ikechukwu

    Nigerian singer, rapper, and actor-Ikechukwu Onunaku, popularly known as Killz or IK is still on the singles market. One word: fun.

    Uti Nwachukwu

    Uti Nwachukwu is one of the few men alive who can rock Superman spandex and look damn sexy doing it. Sir Uti is a Nigerian Actor, model and OAP. Also, he was a winner of Big Brother Africa. Two words: royal freshness.

    Bryan Okwara

    What can we say? Bryan Okwara is super gorgeous and he knows it! Beautiful-man Bryan is a Nigerian actor and model who won the title of Mr. Nigeria in 2007 and reached the semi-finals in the Mister World 2007 competition. Three-word description: Too much ‘fineness’.

    Flavour

    Not only is he hot now and ruggedly handsome too. Chinedu Okoli, better known by his stage name Flavour, is a Nigerian singer, songwriter, multi-instrumentalist and performer. Flavour is single, but he has two daughters.Two words: fine bobo.

    Praiz

    R and B singer, songwriter and producer, Praise Ugbede Adejo, is super handsome and seems like a sweet guy. He is incredibly talented and creative, finishing as the runner-up at the maiden Project Fame show. One word: soulful.

    Timaya

    He’s not only nicely handsome and charming, Timaya is also an incredibly talented artist and he loves keeping it real, even on social media. He has never been married, but he has three children from previous relationships. One word: down-to-earth. Two? Teddy bear.lol

    Harrysong

    Hit maker, Harrison Tare Okiri is as talented as he is good-looking. Better known by his stage name Harrysong, he is a Nigerian singer, songwriter and instrumentalist who rose to fame after his tribute song to Nelson Mandela won the “Most Downloaded Callertune Award” at The Headies 2013. Strengths? His voice.

  • ENTER SUPER HOT, SINGLE FEMALE CELEBS

    TALENTED, pretty and super-smart, this week’s celebrities are some of the brightest stars in entertainment. In addition to these attributes, they are also single and, some are, searching.

    From ageless beauties to and super-gorgeous, these actresses, singers, OAPs, models; all have some things in common- they are all pretty and super single! So, we bring you the drop-dead gorgeous singles in Nollywood.

    Nancy Isime: She’s one of the hottest OAPs and actresses. The model is each and every man’s dream. As a model, she has worked with Ade Bakere, Adebayo Jones, Zizi Cardow, Shakara Couture and others.

    Beverly Naya: Beautiful from whatever angle you look at her, the British-Nigerian actress is one of Nollywood’s best.  She was the winner of the Most Promising Talent award at the 2010 Best of Nollywood Awards.

    Chika Ike: Actress, former model and businesswoman, Chika has remained coy about her relationship status since she filed for divorce due to domestic violence in 2013.

    Rita Dominic: Rita is one of Nigeria’s few screen goddesses. A superstar and one of the most beautiful women in Nollywood, she’s succeeded in keeping her private affairs away from the media.

    Rukky Sanda: Tally, leggy and beautiful Rukky marked her birthday last year with a daring jump from a plane. Although her wish was skydive from 30,000 feet, the occasionally controversial actress ended up doing it from 13,000 feet. Rukky who’s rumoured to have dated one of the US’ biggest music acts is single.

    Munachi Abi: Who wouldn’t know her? The ex-beauty queen is everything rolled into one: she’s an actress, rapper, singer, hip hop artist, model and songwriter.  Gorgeous and smart, she’s a past winner of the Most Beautiful Girl in Nigeria pageant.

    Chidinma: Sultry singer, Chindima is still doing her thing despite not giving us a hit in recent times. One time winner of Project Fame and established artiste, Chindima is pretty and very well talented. She has not been officially seen/linked with anyone in recent times.

    Seyi Shayi:Talented singer, songwriter and actress is notoriously private. But last year,she told a newspaper she was ready for marriage.

    Bimbo Akintola: She is certainly one of Nollywood’s most eligible bachelorettes. Bimbo is one of Nigeria’s longstanding movie stars whose career has cut across the stage, Nollywood and the Yoruba movie industry.

    Waje: Singer, philanthropist and mother of one, Waje, is one lady who is gorgeous inside out. She has one of the best voices around. Her vocals helped to power hits like ‘Do me’ from the defunct PSquare and M.I’s ‘One Naira’.

    Geneneive Nnaji: Popular actress and mother of one, Genny is the Nollywood crush of thousands of men and the good news? She is stylishly still single! She is certainly one of Nollywood’s most eligible bachelorettes.

    Tiwa Savage: Since her very public break-up with Tunji “Tee Billz” Balogun, Tiwa has kept her relationships under-the-radar although she was linked with Wizkid at a time.

    Kate Henshaw: Artist and mother of one, Kate has a lot going on. She also happens to be one of the most beautiful and keep-fit ladies in Nollywood. Single since her split from Rod Nuttal, in 2011.

    Ini Edo: Ini tends to keep her love life out of the public eye but has been single since her split with ex-hussy.

    Others include:  Kemi Adetiba- she is a Nigerian music video director, filmmaker and television director; Empress Njamah- Nigerian actress; Ebube Nwagbo- Nigerian actress, model, television personality and a philanthropist; Weird MC- Nigerian rapper, songwriter and producer; Bisola Aiyeola- everyone’s darling and reality TV star, Bisola is one of the hardest working artistes around. She sings, acts and presents.  She was the first runner up of Big Brother Naija and won the AMVCA Trailblazer Award at the 2018 Africa Magic Viewers Choice Awards. She is a beautiful soul with a personality that keeps her fan base growing by the day.

    Others are: Niyola- Nigerian singer and songwriter. Born Eniola Akinbo but known more by her stage name, Niyola, the pretty singer and songwriter, has not be quite active in recent years; Eniola Badmus- Nollywood plus-size actress Eniola is as real as they come. Ever since she was launched into our consciousness by her role in Funke Akindele’s flick ‘Omo Ghetto’, she has grown into one of the biggest stars in Nollywood; Cossy Ojiakor- Busty Nollywood actress and video vixen;

    Yemi Alade is sexy, smart and highly talented; Eva Alordiah- Eva is fit, hot and talented.

  • Cry of abused child (2)

    Neglect sign: Some parents fail to meet up with a child’s basic needs. These needs are education, health care, supervision, clothing, nutrition, housing, as well as physical, emotional, social and safety needs According to the 2014 Nigeria Violence Against Children (VAC) survey by the National Population Commission, UNICEF and the US Centres for Disease Control and Prevention, six out of 10 Nigerian children experienced at least one form of violence before they reach 18. Neglect of a child is any serious act – or failure to act – by someone who has care of the child that fails to provide the conditions for their healthy physical and emotional development.

    Signs that a young child or baby may be experiencing neglect include:

    • having a relationship with their caregiver which is not close
    • being particularly nervous around people
    • being aggressive which is always the case with any type of abuse
    • being inappropriately affectionate to strangers

    For older children, signs include the following:

    • the children will act as though they are much younger or older than their age
    • they are unable to socialise well or be part of a social group
    • they are unable to control very strong emotions
    • they are experiencing or experience malnutrition or hoarding food

    A child who is being neglected may have poor hygiene, matted hair or untreated medical conditions. They may also be at home alone.

    • being scared of his/her parent and afraid to go home
    • wearing long sleeves or trousers in hot weather to hide their level of malnutrition or infections/disesase.

    The earlier an abused child gets help , the greater chance they have to heal, While physical abuse might be the most visible, other types of abuse, such as emotional abuse and neglect, also leave deep, lasting scars on children.

    What should or can I do if I notice signs of abuse to a child?

    If we can be observant in our environment, which in turn will lead us to asking some very important questions:

    What are the warning signs observed?

    Be alert, if you think you are seeing signs such as the ones listed and explained above. Watch what the child does, as well as what they say and how they act, do not take any detail for granted or assume. Take written notes if you have any concerns,so that you can refer back to them at any other point in time coherently.

    Will the situation of child abuse just go away?

    No! It will not, if not addressed quickly. In fact, it will only get worse as the offender will get more confidence to inflict more harm to the helpless child.

    Should I speak with the child about it?

    Depending on the situation and circumstance, you may decide to have a calm conversation with the child, letting them know what you have observed, and about their unusual behaviour (for example, they may seem sad or unwell). The child may tell you something about what they are experiencing. Listen attentively without interrupting till they are done, but don’t judge them and don’t pressure the child or say words you want them to say, more like don’t put words into their mouth. It’s important that the words are theirs. Let them know that you are there to listen to them at any time and they will freely come to you. It’s basically about getting their trust

    If the child tells you about any abuse, remain calm and listen rather than trying to investigate. Any brash decision may harm the child. It is not your job to try and find out more or to counsel the child. Thank the child for telling you; let them know you believe them and want to help. Tell the child they are not in trouble and that they have done the right thing. Don’t promise to keep it a secret because you will need to report it.

    Should I report it, if I don’t have absolute proof?

    Child abuse is an unacceptable act, regardless of any circumstance, cultural environment or ideology one may have on child upbringing.

    When there is a suspicion of abuse, it may be difficult to act, since you may feel you are disrupting a family or ruining another adult’s life. Most people don’t want to interfere. You may feel that you can’t speak out, if you don’t have clear proof about what is happening.  Silence even when there is a suspicion will not help the child, However, it’s best to report it even if you’re not totally sure abuse is taking place. Abuse is never the child’s fault. Acting on a suspicion could prevent any further abuse from happening and possibly save the child’s life.

    If you feel there are reasonable grounds that the abuse is taking place, ask yourself what someone else would think if they knew what you know. If the answer is that they would believe abuse is taking place, then you should report it. Ask yourself if it is your child, how would you feel? Please, don’t talk about it with the person you know or think may be abusing the child. You will only succeed in putting the child in more danger. This should be done by the police and/or a child protection department.

    Who do I report it to?

    Anyone who thinks that a child is being abused can report it to a child protection authority or the police. Each state or territory is responsible for child protection in its jurisdiction.

  • 16 faults destroying your relationships (1)

    Staying in a relationship is a decision that you make for so many reasons. Love is a choice we make, we need to realize that no one is perfect, so in relationships you “choose to love irrespective of faults and also choose to stay if you feel or believe you can tolerate the faults”. Sometimes people ask me what are the reasons or things that break relationships/marriages.

    Truth is a bitter pill to swallow, but it has to be said not to criticize the negative aspects only, but to open our consciousness to actions and attitudes that expose us to not only heart break, but destroying the things we love and those we love.

    There are so many reasons relationships fall apart, quite a number of people, even myself at a time, attributed breaks in relationships to money, sex, pride, lying and cheating. Of course, this is true, but, in my experience with hundreds of relationships for over two decades, I had an opportunity to share, listen and learn with close study of some “irrelevant” reasons that lead to separation, divorce, lack of romance and loss of interest in relationships. The word irrelevance is relative because what may seem relevant to one person may be irrelevant to another. Basically, what I am trying to bring out in the open here is “small things count”.

    Quite a number of bad attitude which we over look, lead to a steady or sometimes fast decline in a relationship. Romance isn’t a bed of roses or set of pearl earrings you get on your anniversary only, it takes hard work and conscious efforts to make things work

    Today we will analyze these problems and possible action plan we can apply to help achieve a better understanding between couples.

    Read Also: BBNaija 2019: Mercy speaks on relationship with Ike

    Physically fighting or arguing in public

    This is definitely not a good idea for anyone to try as an individual, not to even mention someone you call your partner. Anyone with some self-respect should not even try this at all. You end up disgracing yourself not just your partner only. You will make everyone feel uncomfortable and awkward around you. Some couples derive pleasure in screaming at their partner, or even hitting in public. Very wrong and should not be seen as normal or accepted by any standard.

    ACTION PLAN: Talk it out in private. There is a solution to every problem in life, if it’s not working, or you are having difficulty tolerating each other, better to walk away and let everyone have peace. If you feel there is still a chance, then seek  counsel to settle your differences. Communication in a mature manner is key. Keep your tempers in check, take a deep breath and start the conversation in low tones. Fighting, arguing and tearing each other’s clothes in public can never be a solution. It causes more harm than good. Get help, if this is your habit.

    Constant criticism of your partner’s family

    Since we all know that no human being on earth is perfect, don’t you think you can cut your in-laws or in-laws to be some slack? Your partner had no part in making a decision as to which family would bring them into this world. Of course, we get to meet some family members that are truly difficult to please. But constant words like “why is your elder sister behaving like she has no home training?” or “your father is so weird” will only worsen the situation and put them on the defensive. This puts your partner in a difficult situation having to always defend them and take sides either with you or their family, and when they take sides with their family, this will hurt you and make you resentful.

    ACTION PLAN: If you know what you are going to say is not nice and will hurt someone, don’t say it at all This goes especially to people who do not have the ability to practise diplomacy. It is not bad to voice your displeasure, if you are not getting the respect you deserve, but choose your words with wisdom, get an ally in your partner’s family who can help you understand how they think and function.

    Even if there’s some clashing of heads, don’t focus on the family’s faults. Getting criticism from family members can make your partner feel sad and defensive which not only makes everyone uncomfortable, but can turn family events into a showdown.

    The “see –finish” attitude

    People who have been in a relationship for years or married for years, often do this.

    I have been there too!! Being together for so many years sometimes makes you very comfortable, making you think you know all that there is and maybe more. Remember when you started dating him or her? How exciting it was at first? Get to know what they like, their best food, best colour, best hair-do, best football team, best movie actor or actress. We were all at that stage at some point. But after a while, the “see finish” spirit comes in and booms. You feel, “I know all there is to know.” There can’t be any more. Well, the thing is people change and this change comes for so many reasons, change in economy, change in financial capacity, accident, loss of a loved one and so on. Many variables can affect one’s behaviour and can lead to laxity or taking your partner for granted. You first of all start this bad habit by stopping the most important thing which is asking your partner questions and learning about them. The issue is when you stop asking these questions, you start losing interest and silence takes over.

    ACTION PLAN: To stay happy in a relationship, partners need to talk to each other every single day, and I mean every single day, regular phone calls, while at work, text messages, what’s app messages, video call, just communicate, even if it is for five minutes. You need to find time to talk. The issues of life are so much and can be overwhelming. Any relationship without a means of communication is a dead one. Don’t know what to talk about? Start with what you read on the news, the movie you would love to watch, football match, the home is also a good topic, children, colleagues at work or challenges at work, if there is any. The benefit of making an effort to ask questions helps you to know and understand your partner more just as if you started dating today. It helps keep the “fire” burning and gives better insights as to what they like and don’t like.

    Thinking your partner will change

    Most times, couples do everything possible to change their partner’s behaviour and way of life knowing fully well the character of their partner from the very beginning. There is no such thing as a perfect human being, which is why if you have an attitude of always reminding your partner about their shortcomings regularly. This is not an ideal way to get them to change. Of course, you can remind them about putting of the bathroom light, or dropping the toilet seat or placing the toothbrush upright. But trying to get them to stop snoring after five years of marriage? Well, your guess is as good as mine. It is a cross you must bear and bear with love.

    ACTION PLAN: Accept the fact that they are not perfect, the same way you are not perfect. Causing anxiety for them will make them want to defend their position and stop them from making effort to change. Don’t coerce or manipulate your partner. Change is a constant thing in life, but sometimes doesn’t happen overnight. You win some you lose some. Don’t beat up yourself about it, take life easy.

    PUBLIC DISPLAY OF AFFECTION

    I am a great supporter of showing love and affection, but please spare people around you the discomfort of watching you getting it on in public. Our culture is opening up to people getting more expressive, but it is disrespectful when you go all out to get it on in full view, without considering the feelings of others. Some people may also embarrass you while you’re at it. Try and maintain some decency.

    ACTION PLAN: First of all, be sure your partner is open to such an act. There’s nothing worse than attempting this and getting the cold shoulder. Stick to hand holding, maybe even quick kisses (not loud slurps please) save the extras for your bedroom.  It gives people the impression you have no control and decency, and may be a pointer to real communication issues you have with your partner.

  • Seven things money cannot buy

    When you think about it, money can’t buy everything. It’s a safe bet that most of us have had the “If I had enough money” daydream of personal fulfillment.”

    Most people have the mentality that once they get the money, own the money they can get everything they want falls at their fingertips.

    It is good to say money commands respect and instills fear. Money is a smooth operator but of what profit is it if you acquire all the wealth and still can find peace within your inner mind?

    If you think money makes growth generally maybe you should read this article with an open mind.

    · Money can’t buy happiness: Benjamin Franklin once said:

    “Money has never made man happy, nor will it; there is nothing in its nature to produce happiness. The more of it one has the more one wants.”

    It is true that money can buy things and make you happy but the real happiness does not come from the shiny material possessions that you buy. Money can only temporarily elevate your happiness but it cannot make you happy from within and happiness from within last longer.

    · Money can’t buy peace of mind

    There is always a place for money but it doesn’t give you peace of mind. Money won’t give you peace of mind. A lot of people think that when they are rich, they will be at peace because they don’t have to worry about paying their bills or buying foods for their families. This is a false assumption because money can’t solve your inner problems. Money can only solve your needs but not your inner peace.

    Read Also: Tips on how to identify fake naira notes

    · Money can’t buy time

    Yes, money can’t buy time, no matter what you do or how much money you have; you simply cannot buy or create more time. If you spend years working hard and pursue money without taking a day off, at the end, you may become rich, but you also lose something valuable, which is your time and you cannot turn back time.

    Choose to use your time wisely. Your time is your life. If you love life, don’t waste time for it is what life is made up of.

    · Money can’t buy wisdom

    Wisdom has a lot to do with experience. If you want to be wise, you have to learn through the process. There is no way you can skip the process and become wise even when you are rich. It is possible that you can learn something new or gain more knowledge with money, but the real wisdom comes from experience

    · Money can’t buy integrity

    Integrity does not come from money and you certainly cannot buy integrity. Integrity is a character that you need to practice. It is a virtue that many crave but something that most people lack. Be of good character.

    · Money can’t buy you contentment

    No matter what happens in a relationship, if you are not contented with all that you have: beauty, love, money, happiness, character, respect, whatsoever it is, it is a big issue. There is not enough money in the world that will satisfy you then.

    Just so you know that money isn’t going to be there forever and so you must learn to live above it. And of that is a problem you don’t see ending, then let your partner know. Fix yourself, not your money!

    · Money can’t buy love

    Love is an intimate emotion that money cannot create. Be it true love or just love, money can’t buy the chemistry of love .Find true love outside your money and its limited power.

    Once you get that true love try to spend all your time working for money on the family in order not to be a money slave and at the end, you will feel empty inside even when your bank is full of money.

  • How to prepare zobo drink

    It is interesting to learn about one of Nigeria’s popular drinks, family beverage and our very own local Chapman; Roselle drinks and also known as Hibiscus tea is popularly known as zobo in Nigeria.

    Zobo drink is one of Nigeria’s popular drinks made from dried Roselle plant flowers. The drink is also a Roselle drink. It is mostly prepared at home as family beverage drink and also as refreshment in parties and get-togethers.

    Ingredients for 5 litres of Zobo drink:

    You can get more with the same quantity of ingredients depending on the concentration you want. If you will be using artificial flavours, you might want to add more water.

    2 De Rica cups of dry Zobo leaves

    1 clove of garlic

    1 big piece of ginger

    1 big, very ripe pineapple

    Enough water

    Preparation:

    Zobo leaves are usually very dusty, so make sure you wash off the dust thoroughly. It will seem like all the flavours/colour of the zobo are being washed off but don’t worry, you would be impressed to find out that the leaves still have a lot of the colour intact when you start boiling it.

    Wash, peel and cut the pineapple into thin slices. Some people add the peel of the pineapple when making the zobo drink but I don’t do this, simply because I always think that dirt sticks to the peels of pineapples.

    Similarly, peel and cut the ginger and garlic into tiny pieces.

    DIRECTIONS

    1. Put the washed zobo leaves into a deep pot.
    2. Add the pineapples and pour enough hot water to consume the contents of the pot and then some garlic at this initial stage.
    3. Start cooking at medium to high heat and let it boil for about 5 minutes.
    4. Now, add the ginger and the garlic, more water and keep boiling for the next 30 minutes. This is the actual time it would take for the zobo leaves to be completely soft and the pineapples tender.
    5. Turn off the heat and set the pot aside to cool down completely.
    6. When cool, wring out the juice from the pineapples and zobo leaves, leaving only the zobo juice in the pot.
    7. Pour the juice through a sieve to take out the remaining large particles then pour it through a chiffon cloth to remove the tiniest particles.
    8. Add any artificial flavour of your choice at this time and stir.
    9. Pour into bottles and refrigerate. Your Roselle drinks is ready but remember that it is best-served chill.
    Finally, serve with ice and sliced fruits. Enjoy with any snack of your choice.

  • Things you should not do on your first date

    It is natural to be nervous especially when meeting a stranger for the first time and sometimes that stranger could end up becoming part of our lives.

    When going out for a date with someone we know nothing about,  a lot runs through our mind and most of the questions we ask ourselves without getting answers is ‘ Is he going to harm or rape me’? not bad to stress yourself with such questions because it’s good to be security conscious.

    Most of the times, you get carried away by your emotions on your first date and you won’t know when you will start pouring out secrets you are not supposed to reveal to the stranger.

    Read Also: 10 things a lady should do on her first date

    Do you know the person can easily figure out your weak points? it’s possible because most people read minds and with the character you display at that moment, the person will have it in mind that he or she can easily lure you with sweet romantic words.

    Below are things you should not do when going out on a first date:

     

    1. Don’t look scared

     

    1. Don’t be nervous

     

    1. Don’t talk about the nature of your father’s job

     

    1. Do not forget to ask questions

     

    1. Don’t dress like an irresponsible girl

     

    1. Don’t talk about when last you had sex

     

    1. Don’t go with friends if you are meeting in an open place

     

    1. Don’t look dull

     

    1. Don’t share your whole life story

     

    1. Don’t be rude to the waiters

     

    1. Don’t lie about yourself

     

    1. Don’t get drunk.

     

    1. Don’t order for many things

     

    1. Don’t boast about what you have or do

     

    1. Don’t talk about your past relationship

     

    1. Don’t take too many Phone calls, you can put your phone on silence

     

    1. Don’t forget to look directly to the person’s eyes when talking