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Category: Relationships

  • How to rebuild trust in your relationship

    How to rebuild trust in your relationship

    Relationship with Rois Ola

    The fact is that trust is an essential part of a strong relationship, but it doesn’t happen quickly. And once it’s broken, it’s extremely hard to rebuild.

    It is normal for most people to think cheating alone is what makes people to lose trust, but I can tell you with all confidence that this is not the case. There are so many other reasons to lose trust in your partner which include a pattern of going back on your word or breaking promises, not being there for your partner in a time of need, withholding, or keeping something back ,lying or manipulation, a pattern of not sharing feelings openly. Each of them create very high possibility of destroying trust over time.

    What can you say trust means in a relationship?

    Before going over how to rebuild trust, it’s important to understand what trust is, exactly.

    To start, it might be helpful to think of trust as a choice that someone has to make. You can’t make someone trust you. You might not choose to trust someone until they show that they’re worthy of it.

    Signs of trust in a relationship

    Trust can mean different things to different people. In a romantic relationship, trust might mean:

    You feel committed to the relationship and to your partner.

    You feel safe with your partner and know they’ll respect physical and emotional boundaries.

    You know your partner listens when you communicate your needs and feelings.

    You don’t feel the need to hide things from your partner.

    You and your partner respect each other.

    You can be vulnerable together.

    You support each other.

    It’s also very crucial to know what trust isn’t.

    In a relationship, for example, trust doesn’t necessarily mean you tell your partner every single thing that crosses your mind. It’s totally normal to have personal thoughts you keep to yourself.

    Trust also doesn’t mean giving each other access to:

    bank accounts (unless it’s a shared one)

    personal computers

    cell phones

    social media accounts

    You may not mind sharing this information, especially in case of an emergency. But the presence of trust in a relationship generally means you don’t need to check up on your partner. You have faith in them and feel able to talk about any concerns you might have.

    Rebuilding trust when you’ve been betrayed

    Having someone break your trust can leave you feeling hurt, shocked, and even physically sick. It might prompt you to consider your relationship — and your partner — in a different way.

    If you want to attempt to rebuild trust, here are some good starting points, they may not work an immediate magic , but they can help you on the right path

    Consider the reason behind the lie or betrayal

    When you’ve been lied to, you might not care much about the reasons behind it.

    But people do sometimes lie when they simply don’t know what else to do. This doesn’t make their choice right, but it can help to consider how you might have reacted in their position.

    Sure, your partner may have betrayed you to protect themselves, but they may have had a different motive. Were they trying to protect you from bad news? Make the best of a bad money situation? Help a family member?

    Maybe the betrayal of trust resulted from miscommunication or misunderstanding.

    Whatever happened, it’s important to make it clear that what they did wasn’t OK. But knowing the reasons behind their actions may help you decide whether you’re able to begin rebuilding the trust you once shared.

    Communicate, communicate, communicate

    It might be painful or uncomfortable, but one of the biggest aspects of rebuilding trust after betrayal is talking to you partner about the situation.

    Set aside some time to clearly tell them: how you feel about the situation why the betrayal of trust hurt you and its implication what you need from them to start rebuilding trust to make the situation better.

    Give them a chance to talk, but pay attention to their sincerity. Do they apologize and seem truly regretful? Or are they defensive and unwilling to own up to their betrayal?

    You may feel emotional or upset during this conversation. These feelings are completely valid. If you feel yourself getting too upset to continue communicating in a productive way, take a break and come back to the topic later.

    Talking about what happened is just the beginning. It’s perfectly fine, and entirely normal, if you can’t work through everything in just a night or two.

     Learn to practise forgiveness

    If you want to repair a relationship after a betrayal, forgiveness is key. Not only will you need to forgive your partner, but you also may need to forgive yourself.

    Blaming yourself in some way for what happened can keep you stuck in self-doubt. That can hurt the chances of your relationship’s recovery.

    Depending on the betrayal, it might be hard to forgive your partner and move forward. But try to remember that forgiving your partner isn’t saying that what they did was OK.

    Rather, you’re empowering yourself to come to terms with what happened and leave it in the past. You’re also giving your partner a chance to learn and grow from their mistakes.

    Avoid dwelling on the past

    Once you’ve fully discussed the betrayal, it’s generally best to put the issue to bed. This means you don’t want to bring it up in future arguments.it will only keep hurting you

    You’ll also want to go easy on constantly checking in on your partner to make sure they aren’t lying to you again.

    This isn’t always easy, especially at first. You might have a hard time letting go of the betrayal and find it difficult to start trusting your partner, especially if you’re worried about another betrayal.

    But when you decide to give the relationship a second chance, you’re also deciding to trust your partner again. Maybe you can’t completely trust them right away, but you’re implying you’ll give trust a chance to regrow.

    If you can’t keep thinking about what happened or have misgivings about your partner’s future honesty or faithfulness, couples counseling can help. But these signs could also indicate you may not be ready to work on the relationship.

    Nothing hurts more than feeling betrayed by someone you love and trust. Betrayal can come in many forms, such as dishonesty, disloyalty, unfaithfulness, or withholding. Each of these feels like a moral violation that cuts to the core of your emotional soul and plunges you into a place of deep psychological distress. Trust is the glue that holds relationships together. It is what allows you to feel safe so that you can be vulnerable enough to emotionally connect with another person. When relationships first begin, trust is often given early as part of an unspoken code of honor. People we choose to engage with socially are generally assumed to be trustworthy until proven otherwise. Over time, as we get to know someone, that trust grows and deepens. When we break this trust it is not just with the other person, but often with ourselves. You question not only what the other person did, but how you let the betrayal happen. For a relationship to move forward after a betrayal, it is important that trust is re-established, not only with the other person but, perhaps even more importantly, with yourself.

    Below are some steps for how to forgive and trust again once you’ve been hurt.

     Forgive yourself, forgive the other person, trust yourself and trust the other person

    If you can follow these simple rules. Hopefully with commitment and resolution to make things work, Love will find you again. I wish you all the best!

  • Art of self-love for a healthy relationship

    Art of self-love for a healthy relationship

    With Rois Ola

     

    WHEN it comes to what is necessary to have healthy, thriving, passionate, intimate and trusting relationships, we are all looking for answers. Can it really be something as simple as self-love?

    We are all looking for the secret ingredient to the perfect relationship recipe that will fix all of our problems with our significant others. We are obsessed with how to love properly, how to express it in the right way and what we can fix about ourselves in order to do so.

    It’s all about you

    While this might seem a bit obvious – that the answer lies within – it’s the realist, harshest and most overwhelming/intimidating truth out there.

    Accepting yourself as you are is the answer to how to create the healthiest romantic relationship possible.

    Definitely not an easy road

    Self-love isn’t all about body positivity and incorporating new self-care routine (although those are important). At first, it is actually much more difficult.

    Self-love is staring your inner demons in the face until they cease to exist.

    It is facing your traumas, your insecurities, your mistakes, and your flaws, and overcoming them all.

    It is forgiving yourself for being imperfect.

    It is forgiving those that have hurt you – no matter how badly – and releasing those resentments for your own good.

    It is addressing where you have been toxic to yourself and to other people, and doing the work it takes to change it.

    It requires a lot of honesty with yourself, which can be a very difficult thing to do. However, once achieved, turns into something truly amazing.

    It will transform you

    While you once looked in the mirror with loathing and disgust, you now look in the mirror and see your best friend staring back at you.

    While you once were going to extreme lengths to change your outward appearance, you now only work on doing what is best for your optimal health.

    While you once settled, you now have raised standards.

    While some may state that this is conceited, it is extremely necessary that self-love and self-care become daily practices.

    Being single should not be scary

    If you are single, then self-love is your highest priority. It is easy to fall into the trap of constantly questioning why everyone around you is seemingly able to find love, while you are always struggling with it. It can cause you to find faults within yourself and highlight insecurities instead of provoking love for who you are.

    Try not to let it make you look desperate

    It can cause you to settle for the first person to come along that shows interest. The first spark that you feel with someone else can feel like potential for a serious relationship. Sometimes, however, a spark is just that – a spark. It burns brightly for a split second, then it dies.

    Read Also: Ways to save struggling relationship

     

    We want to believe so badly that that spark is what we have been looking for, so we try to force a connection with someone who may not be a good fit for us at all.

    It’s like we try to squeeze this person into a mold of what we want them to be, but no matter how hard we force it, they will never fit. The fear of being single is so strong that we would rather settle for a once brightly lit spark that died out fast and is now nothing but a cold pile of ash.

    This is because we don’t love ourselves enough to turn down those that aren’t a good fit for us.

    What you really are missing from your life is you

    We have this notion that being alone is a negative thing. Yes, humans are social beings and are not meant to live alone forever. However, being comfortable alone is how to find love with someone else that you so desperately crave.

    When we are happy alone, we stop settling

    The fear of being single can be overcome when we genuinely enjoy being with ourselves. We have the confidence that someone else will eventually come along because, hell, we’re a catch. We are the complete package and anyone would be lucky to date us.

    We will eventually find someone who is compatible, who speaks a complementary love language, and that treats us how we deserve to be treated.

    Self-love teaches us that we can’t imagine settling for a spark when we deserve an eternal flame.

    It is one of the foundations for fulfilling relationships, alongside feeling safe with your significant other.

    The love that you feel like you have been missing your whole life isn’t the love you receive from a relationship, but the love you give and receive yourself. Then, when somebody else comes along they only add to the existing love you already have.

    When you treat yourself without respect or love, you basically give others permission to do the same. So set high standards for yourself. Be able to stand up for yourself and say “I’m better than this. I’m not going to tolerate this happening to me.”

    If you don’t love yourself first, you’re not going to have any standard as to how others should treat you. When you have that unconditional self-love, it’s a lot easier to recognize when people are giving you less than you deserve.

    You’ll notice that as you grow in your self-love journey, you’ll cut ties with certain people because you realize they don’t make you feel good, they don’t uplift you, and they don’t help you grow. Yeah, it can be hard, and can even hurt.

    However, as your self-love increases, your tolerance for negativity, and disrespect decreases, and these toxic relationships just won’t be worth your time and energy anymore.

    Depending on other people to make you feel loved can result in unhealthy relationships not only with others, but with yourself. Honestly, if you don’t have a loving relationship with yourself, you can’t reflect love very well in your relationships with others anyway.

    At least not in the way that you could if you loved yourself first. This is the same concept as “you can’t pour from an empty cup” when we’re talking about self-care. Know your true, genuine self, and let your light shine. That way, whoever you attract is loving you for you, and not some sort of compromised version of you.

    So in a nutshell, self-love is healthy in a relationship. It is the art of  learning how to enjoy your space,  learning how to enjoy you, being happy with who you are even with your flaws and seeking to be better than who you were yesterday. I wish you all the best.

  • Relationship problems all couples experience

    Relationship problems all couples experience

    With Rois Ola

     

    IT pretty much goes without saying that no one really wants to fight with their partner, but the reality is that arguing from time to time in a relationship is inevitable.

    Even if you love your partner and are content overall in your relationship, there are some common relationship problems that all couples face.

    However, not only is it ok for you and your partner to fight, it’s actually essential for your growth as a couple-as long as you’re arguing in a productive way, that is. But what exactly does it mean to have a productive fight in a relationship?

    The  bottomline? So long as you’re able to communicate in a mature, effective way, any issues that arise during the course of your relationship will be no biggie.

    Of course, there’s no way to predict exactly what issues might pop up — but if you want a general idea, here are nine relationship problems that are universal to pretty much all couples that you can be on the lookout for in your own relationship.

    1. Going through a dry spell

    There are so many reasons a dry spell can happen — mismatched libidos, health problems, general stress, a lack of free time — that it’s almost inevitable for a long-term couple not to go through at least one. But it’s not the end of the world, and it’s also totally possible to get out of a sex rut.

    1. Feeling bored in relationship

    When you’re dating the same person for a long period of time, of course things might start to feel a little stale eventually. If you feel bored in your relationship, work together to find ways you can add some fun, spontaneity, and excitement back into the day-to-day.

    1. Dealing with feelings of jealousy

    Some people are certainly more jealous in relationships than others, but we’re all human and have the capacity to feel insecure — and, as a result, almost every couple will experience bouts of jealousy from time to time.

    “It’s natural to get jealous when you’re in a relationship,” Bennett says. “All couples go through it to a degree. The key to overcome it is to communicate and build trust so that you can rationally work through what can ultimately be irrational feelings.”

    1. Not fully listening to one another

    To make a relationship last, having good communication skills is so important. One of the biggest no-nos? Not being an active and thoughtful listener in your relationship.

    1. Fighting about chores

    It might not be fun, but doing chores and errands is essential to making a household run smoothly — after all, someone has to take out the garbage. Particularly if you live with a partner whose definition of ‘clean’ is different than yours, fighting about the division of chores in your relationship is super normal.

    1. Experiencing doubts in relationship

    One of the things no one tells you about long-term relationships? Even if you’re happy, it’s normal to have doubts about your partner occasionally — as long as you’re able to communicate about them, that is.

    “Doubts in a relationship are normal. It’s human nature to question things in life. If you’re happy in a relationship, try not to dwell on the doubts. Instead, focus on the positive aspects of your relationship that make you feel that you are right for each other.”

    1. Getting too busy and spending less time together

    When you’re in a serious relationship, it’s typical to make each other a top priority. But everyone has their own individual commitments, too — and sometimes life gets in the way, and we spend less time with our partners than we once did.

    “This can be frustrating and cause resentment in a relationship, even though it’s nobody’s fault,” “Sometimes it’s worthwhile for couples to cut back on work or other commitments to devote more time to their relationship.”

    1. Disagreeing about money

    Unfortunately, money makes the world go ‘round, which means that arguing about money with your partner is pretty much inevitable, especially if you have or plan to combine your finances.

  • Regular problems in relationships

    Regular problems in relationships

    With Rois Ola

    It pretty much goes without saying that no one really ‘wants’ to fight with their partner, but the reality is that arguing from time to time in a relationship is inevitable. Even if you love your partner and are content overall in your relationship, there are some common relationship problems that all couples face. However, not only is it okay for you and your partner to fight, it’s actually essential for your growth as a couple — as long as you’re arguing in a productive way, that is. But what exactly does it mean to have a productive fight in a relationship?

    The bottom line? So long as you’re able to communicate in a mature, effective way, any issues that arise during the course of your relationship will be no biggie. Of course, there’s no way to predict exactly what issues might pop up — but if you want a general idea, here are nine relationship problems that are universal to pretty much all couples that you can be on the lookout for in your own relationship.

    1. Going through a dry spell

    There are so many reasons a dry spell can happen — mismatched libidos, health problems, general stress, a lack of free time — that it’s almost inevitable for a long-term couple not to go through at least one. But it’s not the end of the world, and it’s also totally possible to get out of a sex rut.

    1. Feeling bored in the relationship

    When you’re dating the same person for a long period of time, of course things might start to feel a little stale eventually. If you feel bored in your relationship, work together to find ways you can add some fun, spontaneity, and excitement back into the day-to-day.

    1. Dealing with feelings of jealousy

    Some people are certainly more jealous in relationships than others, but we’re all human and have the capacity to feel insecure — and, as a result, almost every couple will experience bouts of jealousy from time to time.

    “It’s natural to get jealous when you’re in a relationship,” Bennett says. “All couples go through it to a degree. The key to overcome it is to communicate and build trust so that you can rationally work through what can ultimately be irrational feelings.”

    1. Not fully listening to one another

    To make a relationship last, having good communication skills is so important. One of the biggest no-nos? Not being an active and thoughtful listener in your relationship.

    1. Fighting about chores

    It might not be fun, but doing chores and errands is essential to making a household run smoothly — after all, someone has to take out the garbage. Particularly if you live with a partner whose definition of ‘clean’ is different than yours, fighting about the division of chores in your relationship is super normal.

    1. Experiencing doubts in the relationship

    One of the things no one tells you about long-term relationships? Even if you’re happy, it’s normal to have doubts about your partner occasionally — as long as you’re able to communicate about them, that is.

    “Doubts in a relationship are normal. It’s human nature to question things in life. If you’re happy in a relationship, try not to dwell on the doubts. Instead, focus on the positive aspects of your relationship that make you feel that you are right for each other.”

    1. Getting too busy & spending less time together

    When you’re in a serious relationship, it’s typical to make each other a top priority. But everyone has their own individual commitments, too — and sometimes life gets in the way, and we spend less time with our partners than we once did.

    “This can be frustrating and cause resentment in a relationship, even though it’s nobody’s fault,” “Sometimes it’s worthwhile for couples to cut back on work or other commitments to devote more time to their relationship.”

    1. Disagreeing about money

    Unfortunately, money makes the world go ‘round, which means that arguing about money with your partner is pretty much inevitable, especially if you have or plan to combine your finances.”

  • How to deal with shyness

    How to deal with shyness

    With Rois Ola

     

    TO be shy is not a sin and is not something to be ashamed of. Some people have acquired the skill to be bold in everything, some are not so lucky, being shy doesn’t equate to be stupid, it just means you are more reserved in expressing yourself. Many people often struggle with shyness when experiencing their first relationship.

    Shyness is something that can develop with a plethora of reasons. The truth is that once both partners are comfortable with each other, shyness will gradually disappear.

    Stress can be attached to the beginning of any relationship which may become shameful to either of the people involved. Shyness can be overcome. It just takes practice and patience and finding someone willing to commit and understand you.

    Your body language should be open:

    Keeping your legs and arms uncrossed is a great way to be at ease with yourself. People who like folding or crossing their arms or legs may be intimidated by a stranger or visitor.

    When your partner is communicating with you, ensure that maximum attention is given to them. It helps you to become comfortable and confident to reply to them. Another great approach is by making eye contact. It will help your partner convey simple and direct communication skills to you in return.

    Understand the difference between self-esteem and shyness:

    Self-esteem is your personality and strength both at home and social gatherings. Shyness may be caused as a result of not being confident over certain issues or activities.

    Shyness often grows if you allow it. For this reason, it is a good idea to determine the basic difference between self-esteem and shyness. Once you can attack shyness from a standpoint of strength, it will eventually disappear.

    Lean forward when communicating:

    Leaning forward is a position that most confident people take when communicating. When you show a forward position, it may eventually intimidate the other party. Taking this position will always make you look and confident in any relationship.

    Read Also: What to do to make your relationship stronger

    When your partner is try to put something across your direction, use the tactics of forward leaning to counter the action. It will even make them to step back and respect your stance.

    Asking questions:

    Some do not have a good idea to run a relationship from the standpoint of asking questions. If you are shy to communicate with your partner, then always try to ask questions.

    Asking questions will help you to be part of the discussion. It can help to get rid of the fear of making mistake in the next step. Ensure to ask questions on the topics your partner is currently discussing.

    It shows that you understand what they are saying and wants to be a part of the discussion.

    Introduce new love stories:

    One of the best things that can help make a relationship stronger is being engaged. If you want to overcome shyness, then plan loved stories upfront. Ensure that the stories are unleashed immediately when you start talking to your partner.

    It will help to keep you engaged in the process of overcoming shyness. Another thing you should know is making your stories streamlined to your current relationship.

    It helps to put the other partner in a rat race of respect. If you really want to show your partner true confidence, then bring loved stories that will advance the partnership. Using this method will help to build strength, confidence and natural ability to get rid of fear.

    Understand the difference between shyness and low self-esteem :[1]Plenty of shy people are very comfortable and happy with themselves, and have healthy levels of self-confidence. Don’t think that just because you’re shy, there’s something wrong with you.

    Your partner chose you because they liked your personality, and your shyness is part of that. Even if it’s something you want to work on for your own sake in the relationship, never forget that you can be confident and powerful even if you’re shy.

    • Never apologize for being shy. Explain why you’re reacting the way you are, say that you’re working on it because you want to, but never give anyone the impression that you owe them extroversion

    Be up front about your shyness from the beginning: Studies have shown that discussing your shyness-related anxiety can lessen the effects of it, and experts suggest that showing vulnerability is actually a good way to increase trust and intimacy between partners.

    Especially in new relationships, it’s very important to have a conversation about your shyness at the outset; this will pave the way for easier conversations down the road that will make your relationship a lasting one.

    There’s certainly nothing to be ashamed of, so be open and honest about how you’re feeling when you feel yourself tensing up.

    • Don’t bottle up your nervous feelings to deal with them later.
    • Tell your partner how you’re feeling in real time.
    • Don’t dwell on your shyness; get it out in the open, then move on to another subject when the feeling passes.
    • Let your partner comfort you if they try.

    Plan out important conversations ahead of time:

    • When getting to know someone, you sometimes have to have very personal conversations that can be difficult. For example, you have to open up about your hopes and dreams, your fears and shames, and how you feel about your partner when you’re first getting to know each other.Plan out the big conversations that you think you’ll probably have with your partner ahead of time, so that you’ll be ready for them when they come up. Having a sort of script prepared in your head will make it much easier for you to open up.
    • Make lists of your fears, hopes, and other important feelings.
    • If you need to have an argument, outline the rationale behind your side of the argument. Anticipate what your partner will say, as well.The better prepared you are for all possible routes of conversation, the more open and effective you’ll be as a communicator.

    Allow your significant other to talk as much as they like: If your significant other wants to talk, then let them and just practice being a good listener.

    This will allow you to learn more about your significant other and it will help to deepen the connection between the two of you. It will also take some of the pressure to talk and come up with interesting things to say off of you.

    This is not to say that all mentioned above are the only formula but they can go a long way. I wish you all the best.

  • What to do to make your relationship stronger (2)

    What to do to make your relationship stronger (2)

    1. Go to the gym together.
      Going to the gym together means staying healthy and sharing great moments together. Inspire each other to stay fit.
    2. Cook together

    While you can go to a fancy restaurant, you can cook together at home and have a great bonding moment. Cook your favorite pasta. Even buying the ingredients would surely be fun.

    1. Adopt a pet

    While it comes with responsibilities, adopting a pet will make you two develop a strong and totally different bond.

    1. Surprise your partner every once in a while

    Never forget to spend some time to surprise your partner even in the littlest of things. This keeps the spark alive.

    1. Give him/ her a massage

    Give your partner a massage especially after a tiring day at work. He/she will certainly be longing for it.

    1. Express how beautiful she is

    Your partner has to know and feel how attracted you are to him/her. No matter how long you’ve been together, never fail to express how beautiful your partner is.

    1. Kiss a lot

    Kiss on the forehead, kiss on the lips, kiss on the neck. Kiss a lot to show that level of affection you have for each other.

    1. Keep things more intimate

    As mentioned, physical contact is important, so make this part of the relationship as healthy as it should be.

    1. Love yourself

    Don’t forget to love yourself because that gives you the capacity to love your partner more.

    1. Be yourself
      One secret of a strong relationship is to just be yourself. Your partner will love you for being you.

    Read Also: What to do to make your relationship stronger

    1. Embrace your imperfections

    You don’t have to be perfect to deserve your partner. Embrace your imperfections because he/she will also do so if he/she really loves you.

    1. Seek for self-improvement

    While you embrace your imperfections, don’t stop seeking for self-improvement. That’s for your own growth.

    1. Stay independent

    Remember that staying independent while you’re committed to your partner is a sign of a healthy and strong relationship.

    1. Learn from your fights

    Learn from every fight you have. Don’t do the same mistakes. It’s through those fights that you can strengthen the foundation of your relationship.

    1. Don’t be hysterical and historical

    When you’re at the peak of your emotions, you can get hysterical and historical. Avoid it so as not to worsen your fights.

    1. Notice the little things

    You may say you know your partner too well. However, make sure you notice the little things that make him/her happy or get mad.

    1. Stay up late if necessary

    Your partner has to feel that you’re willing to wait for him/her until he/she gets home safely.

    1. Make little sacrifices

    Don’t hesitate to make little sacrifices. That’s not an issue when you truly love your partner.

    Indeed, being in a relationship is not easy. It can get really really hard. However, the list above cannot be exhausted, it also shows that there are realistic things you can do to make your relationship stronger. They may look simple, they may look hard but it’s your intention, sincerity, and effort that will matter. It also takes a choice and strong level of commitment to see it true! I wish you all the best.

    1. Stay up late if necessary

    Your partner has to feel that you’re willing to wait for him/her until he/she gets home safely.

    1. Make little sacrifices

    Don’t hesitate to make little sacrifices. That’s not an issue when you truly love your partner.

    Indeed, being in a relationship is not easy. It can get really really hard. However, the list above cannot be exhausted, it also shows that there are realistic things you can do to make your relationship stronger. They may look simple, they may look hard but it’s your intention, sincerity, and effort that will matter. It also takes a choice and strong level of commitment to see it true! I wish you all the best.

  • What to do to make your relationship stronger

    What to do to make your relationship stronger

    With Rois Ola

     

    BEING in a relationship is both exciting and challenging, exciting because of the feelings involved, challenging because of the down time and other sacrifices one will have to make.  As a couple, you will experience highs and lows, this is very normal and not peculiar to one person.

    However, you can stay strong and even make the relationship stronger if you take constant efforts, sacrifices, and countless ways to show how sincere and committed you are with each other. You don’t always have to do something grand though to make a relationship work. Simple things can work and attention to little details can make a difference.

    Here are just a few I would like to share with you below:

    Eat together

    No matter how busy you are, make sure you spend some time and eat together.  A couple that eats together stays together.

    Be appreciative

    You might be too used to seeing your partner being extra caring to you, but he/she has to feel that you appreciate his/her efforts- small or big.

    Share a good laugh

    Throw each other some jokes. Share your funny childhood experiences. Laughing together is one secret of a lasting relationship.

    Do silly stuff together

    Doing silly stuff together can spice up your relationship, so don’t hesitate to show that crazy yet lovable side of you.

    Say the magic words

    While the words seem overused, don’t forget to express your love. Say “I love you” to your partner, and, of course, mean it.

    Speak your mind

    Speak up if something is bothering you or if you find something wrong in the relationship. Solving a relationship problem starts with making each other aware that there is a problem.

    Be constructive

    Choose your words when talking to your partner. Be constructive to avoid any further misunderstanding.

    Listen to each other

    While you can always voice out your concerns, take the time to listen to your partner for you to understand his/her side.

    Compromise

    One way to fix relationship problems is coming up with a compromise. Talk about what you can do for each other. Find a middle ground.

    Say sorry

    While it’s hard to set aside your pride, learn to say these words when you know you’re the one at fault.

    Be honest to your partner

    Don’t praise your partner when he/she is not supposed to be praised. Tell him/her what you see as mistakes. Be honest because it’s the right thing to do.

    Be loyal and faithful

    Trust and loyalty go hand in hand. Be loyal and faithful to your partner for you to deserve the trust he/she is giving you.

    Believe in yourself

    This might not be too simple to others, but you just have to believe and trust yourself for you to be capable of trusting your partner.

    Believe in what your partner says

    Trusting your partner means you believe in what he/she says. Only doubt when there’s an explicit reason to do so.

    Trust your love for each other

    Remember that your love for each other is greater than any other temptations. Hence, have faith in your love.

    Be there during the dark times

    Your partner might be depressed right now. Be that someone who he/she can lean on.

    Let your partner vent out

    Let your partner vent out if he or she’s too stressed at work. He/she needs someone to listen to him/her, and he wants that someone to be you.

    Give pieces of advice

    Whenever your partner is going through something, don’t hesitate to give your pieces of advice. That’s you showing how much you care about him/her.

    Be a partner and a best friend

    Don’t just be  a partner; be his/her best friend. You will surely strengthen the foundation of your relationship.

    Respect your differences

    You may have different personalities, but the key is to respect each other’s differences.

    Listen to your partner’s sensible points

    You may have different preferences in things, but this won’t be a problem if you listen to and accept your partner’s sensible points.

    Respect your partner’s values and principles

    It’s expected that you will have differences in terms of values and principles. The key is not forcing each other to believe in your principles. The key word is again respect.

    Put yourself into your partner’s shoe

    In order for you to easily understand your partner’s actions and choices, put yourself into your partner’s shoe.

    Be patient with each other

    Learn to be patient with each other. Give each other as well as the relationship time to grow.

    Accept each other’s imperfections

    Remember that he/she is your perfectly imperfect partner. ‘Embrace each others flaws.

     Don’t forget your cuddling moments

    Make ample time for cuddling. It doesn’t always have to lead to sex, but remember that physical contact is one important language of love.

     Binge watch together

    Spend your night by binge watching your favorite series. You will certainly share laughter, fear, and anger while watching the shows.

     Have a dinner date at home

    You don’t always have to go out just to spend quality time with each other. Set up an intimate dinner at home and enjoy each other’s company.

     Go to museums together

    Are you the artsy type of couple? Go to museums together, appreciate the beauty of art, and create more wonderful memories together.

  • Why relationships fail

    Why relationships fail

    With Rois Ola

    GOING into a relationship is easy. You meet someone, you two get to know each other, fall in love, then commit to special partnership wherein your lives become intertwined with each other.

    However, while choosing to be committed to someone can be done in a jiffy, maintaining it is an entirely different matter.

    As you can see, keeping a relationship alive requires hard work, determination and inspiration. It’s more than simply staying attracted or feeling the spark between you and your partner because you have made a promise to each other – the promise to explore life and its atrocities together.

    But why do a lot of relationships easily fail these days? This is a common question we’ve all been asking, given that relationships come and go as quickly than you expected.

    Of course, we all yearn to achieve that thing called “forever” with our partner, and the first step to achieve that is by knowing the key reasons most relationships fail.

    So, what are these top reasons that can turn your relationship into another break-up story?

    1. Having too much of each other

    Let this article give you a refresher. Back in the early days of your relationship, you and your special someone just can’t have enough of each other, right? You go out and watch a movie, talk to each other for hours on the phone, text and chat, take a myriad of couple selfies, and dream of things wild and grand like you’re going to conquer the world together.

    And there were also times when you two are happy to just cuddle up in each other’s arms and spend the rest of the day doing just that.

    However, there are also days when you feel like you’re having too much of each other, to the point that you become heavily dependent on each other’s approval in order to make even the littlest of decisions, or seeing each other’s faces in just about everywhere.

    This is when the relationship becomes unhealthy, as its concept starts to consume both you and your partner. As a result, either one of you begins to find reasons not to stick together by spending time with friends, focusing on other activities, or worse, meeting new people.

    You can actually prevent this from taking place, though. And to do this, you two should come to realize the true value of respecting each other’s individualities.

    It is because even if you chose to be together, you are still both living individual, separate lives. You should then acknowledge that your partner has his or her own life too-own set of friends, own family members, own beliefs, and own aspirations.

    At the same time, you should realize that you have your own life to live too, and not just the relationship. By having this established on both each other’s understanding, the lower is the risk of your relationship going kaput, simply because you give each other respect.

    1. You two don’t communicate

    When two people are in love, they do their best to protect each other. And sometimes, they hide some bitter truths just to keep each other from getting hurt. And you know what, hiding things-or more like, not communicating, is a key reason most relationships fail.

    Not communicating doesn’t simply refer to not talking to each other. It is more about not being honest with what you want to say.

    Yes, it is difficult to tell your partner the truth, especially when you know that it would hurt him or her. But wouldn’t it be better if you are honest instead of sugarcoating the issues you know you two need to resolve? After all, the truth always sets you free from emotional baggage which your relationship doesn’t deserve.

    1. You’re not listening

    Communicating also refers to listening to each other’s thoughts without being opinionated. Sometimes, your significant other just wants you to listen to what he or she is saying, without the need of speaking out your own take on things.

    Listening requires patience, as you may not agree with your partner’s viewpoints all the time. You must understand that venting is a way for some people to set their emotions aside in order to accommodate sound reason and come up with a good decision. So yes, it is a must that you are able to listen, as this is an essential way to maintain healthy and lasting relationship.

    1. You’re not meeting each other’s expectations

    You entered into a relationship with your partner because you both wanted to. It’s a choice. But have you thought about what you want to do with your relationship now that you’re in it?

    Your partner may be thinking about going on long-term, while you’re just enjoying the moment. You may be looking forward to getting married and having kids in the next five years, but your partner wants to invest on making memories together first as a couple.

    Most of the time however, you are expecting more from your partner, and when they come with less, you feel angry and frustrated.

    You know this shouldn’t be the case, and perhaps it’s time to think about why you entered this relationship. By agreeing to be together, you also accept your partner’s capacities and limitations, regardless of how these do not meet your aspirations. It’s because that’s what you have loved about that person in the first place, the main reason you committed to being in a relationship.

    Commitment is a two-way street. You give and take, and so does your partner. You can’t always expect to receive, nor be always the one to give, and vice versa. But if there’s one thing you both can do, it’s to be each other’s inspiration to dream, believe, and survive whatever obstacle that will come your way.

    1. You tend to count whenever an argument arises

    There are people who are so obsessed with being in a relationship, they only focus on the perks they get from it. These may include superficial things such as couple shots, wearing couple shirts, celebrating “monthsaries,” or to efforts such as having someone to run errands on their behalf.

    And yes, whenever they get into an argument, they tend to count the littlest things they have done for each other, just to prove on who exerted the most to make the relationship work.

    Needless to say, this is a major no-no in any relationship. Regardless of the weight of the argument, there’s no reason for you to aggravate the situation by listing down what you’ve done because it won’t in any way help resolve the main issue. Rather, you may want to focus on how to fix the problem together, and move forward together.

    1. You evade the real issue

    Another solid reason relationships fail is when either of you starts avoiding real problems. Instead of sitting down and talking about them until you’ve come up with a solution, you opt for a quick fix.

    For example, your girlfriend is starting to ask about long-term plans like marriage, but you feel like you’re not ready for it yet. But rather than confronting her about your feelings on the subject, you look for diversions, such as treating her out or giving a present, just for her to forget about it.

    But you see, this topic will be brought up again and again in the future, and unless you don’t have resolve for it, its impact will only grow worse and may damage your relationship.

    1. You are not supportive of each other’s individual goals

    Admit it: you do not agree with most of your partner’s life choices. These include fashion preferences, dream jobs, and even places to live in, as well as other heavier decisions. But since you two are in a relationship, you may want to adjust and start supporting each other’s individual goals.

    Being supportive means you are giving maximum tolerance on your partner’s decisions and not getting in his or her way to achieve the goal. You can’t always have things only your way since your partner has a life to live too. You may not know it, but his or her decisions are for your benefit in the long run.

    1. You want to be the centre of your partner’s attention

    There are times when you easily get jealous of the other things your partner puts attention too. This doesn’t necessarily pertain to a possible third party, but more like on his or her hobbies, choosing to spend time with friends, and even dedicating more time on work and other obligations outside your relationship.

    If you easily get annoyed by these, you better make some adjustments. Keep in mind that your partner has his or her own life to live too, and so do you. Feeling paranoid whenever these things arise means that you’re not only insecure, but also self-centered, and that you don’t want your relationship to prosper.

    1. It’s so hard for you to give full trust

    Do you easily get angry when your partner doesn’t come home on time? Do you feel betrayed when he or she goes out with friends without telling you first, or if they jump into impulsive decisions without asking for your opinion? If you often feel this way, then it’s a sign that you are having trust issues with your partner.

    You may want to sit down and talk this out together. It doesn’t really hurt to tell him or her your take on the issue, and why you are having trust issues. While he or she may not accept this initially, it is important that you convey your message and have them understand your side. If your partner truly loves you, he or she will be more than happy to help you in building a foundation of trust.

    1. You tend to forget about your limits

    There are certain limitations when you are in a relationship. Of course, you already have a shared yet exclusive space with your partner, and you two have to respect not only each other’s individualities, but also your shared commitment.

    When in a relationship, it is important that you know until when you can entertain people who express that they want more than just friendship. Yes, it’s time to stay away from people who flirt with you, and so should your partner. Sure, there are instances when you just have to be cordial with them, but to avoid suspicion and unnecessary fits of jealousy, better distance yourself from these people as early as possible.

    No relationship ever sails smoothly. Of course, you encounter problems, and all you have to do is resolve these together by means of love, respect, honesty, acceptance, and faith in each other. By keeping these in mind and in heart, it’s only a matter of time before you and your partner finally find the road to forever. I wish you all the best

  • Finding your soulmate

    Finding your soulmate

    Rois Ola

     

    SO many times, men and women have a had tough time trying to figure out who their soulmate is or if they will ever find one. SOME DO, SOME DON’T. Quite sad, but it is not enough reason not to live your life. You know you’ve found your soulmate when they come into your life and everything changes for the better.

    When you do find your soulmate, you will feel one hundred per cent certainty that you want to be with them and that it’s going to last forever. When you’re in their embrace you honestly feel like you could stay there forever. One look at their face and any sadness you might have felt that day is wiped away instantly. You could kiss them a million times a day and still want more. They have a scent you can’t get enough of. It’s the scent of home and it smells so sweet. You can feel an almost electric connection through their hands when they interlace with yours.

    Your soulmate will make you feel loved the way you have always felt you deserved to be loved. Their love will be exactly as deep as yours. It will be real, unconditional, balanced. You will finally sincerely understand that true love really does exist.

    They might not be what you expected or what you thought you were looking for but they will be everything you never knew you needed. They will far surpass your vision of a perfect partner.

    They will have as adventurous of a spirit as you do. They will be ready and willing to take on life with you. They’ll be down to do anything if it means seeing you smile. If you’re lucky, they’ll even do something crazy like quit their job to travel the country with you for an indefinite period of time.

    Your soulmate will be exactly like you in so many ways. They’ll share those weird quirks you never thought you would share with someone. You will share the same ideas about what’s important in life. At the same time, you will be different from each other in a way that will bring balance to your lives. You’ll build each other up. They will love and embrace all the things that make you insecure. They’ll always know how to make you laugh.

    You’ll feel more comfortable with this person than any person you’ve ever met. You can be one hundred percent your authentic self with this person. Your wall will come down easily. They’ll make sure of that. They will see and unconditionally love the real you. They won’t care about your social media persona or any image that’s been built. You won’t need to hide anything from this person. This will feel better than you can imagine.

    Your soulmate will always put you first, even when it doesn’t benefit them. They’ll trade beers with you if you don’t like the one you ordered. When you decide on the same meal at a restaurant and they have a weird thing about not ordering the same food as anyone else at the table, they’ll let you get it. They’ll share their fries when you’ve finished your own in record time.

    They will know you so well. They can tell exactly how you’re feeling just by looking at you, and not just because you have a wildly expressive face. They can always order for you if you’re going to be late. They’ll remember the things you say and the things you like because they genuinely care.

    When you’re passed out early because you can’t hang, you’ll always wake up to a glass of water next to you. When they go into the store, they don’t have to ask what you want and they’ll come back out

     

    Signs showing You may have found Your Soulmate

    1. You’ve split up — often unpredictably and unexpectedly. Soulmates rarely experience “happily ever after” right away, despite what media and culture tell us. Often the meeting is too intense to absorb immediately, and you have to separate for a while. You find your way back though.
    2. They’ve changed you for the better. The people who we are affected by the most are the ones who have changed us just by their presence in our lives overhauling everything we thought we knew and wanted. It’s not a bad thing, this is supposed to happen, usually.
    3. You recognize a family member in them. This sounds strange, but in my best friends and romantic partners, I can always tell they’re going to be someone to me upon first meeting because they instantly remind me of my mom or dad or sibling — not in a creepy way, in a passing, “oh, that’s funny…” kind of way.
    4. You may not have “just known” they were the one the moment you saw them, but in retrospect, you realize you did. There’s a lot of overwhelming pressure to be absolutely certain that someone is meant for you forever and ever and ever so much so that while you’re still getting to know them, and maybe can’t even decipher that much, you end up misjudging because you think you need a verdict. All in all though, you look back and realize yeah — they’re it.
    5. Your worst self has come out with them, and to only them. The truest soulmates are a direct reflection of you — so they inevitably show you everything that is unhealed.
    6. You recognize each other almost as though you’ve known each other before. Because you most likely have.
    7. Uncanny connections between major dates (such as your births, your meeting, etc.) You were born exactly 9 months apart, you met on your brother’s birthday… there tends to be some weird synchronicity surrounding dates upon your meeting a soulmate.
    8. You’ve had weird, cryptic dreams about each other prior to meeting, even if you couldn’t identify an exact face or person.
    9. Or at least you’ve had an inner, gut knowing that they were coming. From a young age you were only really concerned with finding that “one person for you.” You weren’t interested in dating around like your peers, you just wanted to find that one and call it a day.
    10. You met while you were young, and reunited when you were older either in actual years or just spiritual and mental maturity.
    11. You recognize something when you look in their eyes and it’s basically undefinable but you don’t see it in anybody else.
    12. You feel what they feel, even if you aren’t naturally empathetic. You know when something’s not right, physically or otherwise. You can sense what they’re thinking and feeling without them even indicating anything to you.
    13. It’s more than just a feeling. Meeting them made you realize that romantic love — especially between soulmates — is so much more than just a fleeting, physical feeling. It’s really more of an inner, gut knowing that permeates your whole relationship, even when (and maybe especially when) you’re apart.
    14. You have an intense chemistry unlike you’ve ever experienced. You’re more compelled by them than anything else, and you never went through the phases of being interested in each other, going out, etc. you just kind of were together, as though you had never been apart.
    15. They’re your “home.” You realize that “home” is the person or place you always want to return to, and they’re it for you.
    16. Despite everything, you realize that it could be no other way — the choice has already been made. You may love other people in life. You could theoretically spend your life happily with a thousand other people, but you know you’re not supposed to. In this sense, it’s never a matter of forcing the relationship to work, but just letting it unfold as you know, even without physical evidence, it’s supposed to.

    Having successful relationships has no particular rule, because what works for one person may not work for another. In all the aim is to keep the faith, do all you can, keep love and Hope alive and leave your life for YOU.I wish you all the best.

  • How to heal a broken heart in a relationship (1)

    How to heal a broken heart in a relationship (1)

    Rois Ola

     

    HEARTBREAK is a universal experience that comes with intense emotional anguish and distress. “Grief is complicated.” The death of a loved one, job loss, changing careers, losing a close friend — all of these can leave you brokenhearted and feeling like your world will never be the same.

    There’s no way around it: healing a broken heart takes time. But there are things you can do to support yourself through the healing process and protect your emotional wellbeing.

     Self-care strategies

    It’s essential to look after your own needs after heartbreak, even if you don’t always feel like it.

    Give yourself permission to grieve

    Grief is not the same for everyone, says Palumbo, and the best thing you can do for yourself is to give yourself permission to feel all of your sadness, anger, loneliness, or guilt.

    “Sometimes by doing that, you unconsciously give those around you permission to feel their own grief, too, and you won’t feel like you’re alone in it anymore.” You just might find that a friend’s gone through similar pain and has some pointers for you.

    Take care of yourself

    When you’re in the midst of heartbreak, it’s easy to forget to take care of your personal needs. But grieving isn’t just an emotional experience, it also depletes you physically. Indeed, research has shown that physical and emotional pain travel along the same pathways in the brain.

    Deep breathing, meditation, and exercise can be great ways to preserve your energy. But don’t beat yourself up over it, either. Simply making an effort to eat and stay hydrated can go a long way. Take it slow, one day at a time.

    Lead the way in letting people know what you need

    Everyone copes with loss in their own way, being clear about whether you prefer to grieve privately, with the support of close friends or with a wide circle of people accessible through social networks.

    Getting your needs out there will save you from trying to think of something in the moment, says Carpenter, and will allow someone who wants to be supportive to help you and make your life easier by checking something off your list.

    Write down what you need (aka the ‘notecard method’)

    How it works:

    Sit down and make a list of what you need, including needs for tangible and emotional support. This could involve mowing the grass, grocery shopping, or simply talking on the phone.

    Get a stack of notecards and write down one item on each card.

    When people ask how they can help, hand them a note card or have them choose something they feel they can do. This relieves the pressure to articulate your needs on the spot when someone asks.

    Go outdoors

    Research has found that spending just 2 hours a week outdoors can improve your mental and physical health. If you can get out to some beautiful scenery, great. But even regular walks around the neighborhood can help.

    Read self-help books and listen to podcasts

    Knowing that others have gone through similar experiences and come out on the other side can may help you feel less alone.

    Reading a book or listening to a podcast about your particular loss can also provide you with validation and be a supportive way for you to process your emotions.

    Try a feel-good activity

    Set aside time every day for doing something that feels positive, whether that’s journaling, meeting up with a close friend, or watching a show that makes you laugh.

    Scheduling in moments that bring you joy is vital for healing a broken heart.

    Seek professional help

    It’s important to talk about your feelings with others and not numb yourself out. This is easier said than done, and it’s totally normal to need some extra help.

    If you find that your grief is too much to bear on your own, a mental health professional can help you work through painful emotions. Even just two or three sessions can help you develop some new coping tools.

    Habits to build

    After giving yourself some space to grieve and tending to your needs, start looking toward creating new routines and habits that can help you continue to process your loss.

    Don’t try to suppress the pain

    “Don’t waste energy on feeling ashamed or guilty about your feelings,” “invest that energy in making concrete efforts to feel better and to heal.”

    Consider giving yourself 10 to 15 minutes each day to acknowledge and feel your sadness. By giving it some dedicated attention, you may find it popping up less and less throughout your day.

    Practice self-compassion

    Self-compassion involves treating yourself with love and respect while not judging yourself.

    Think of how you would treat a close friend or family member going through a hard time. What would you say to them? What would you offer them? How would you show them you care? Take your answers and apply them to yourself.

    Create space in your schedule

    When you are going through a difficult time, it can be easy to distract yourself with activities. While this can be helpful, make sure you’re still leaving yourself some space to process your feelings and have some down time.

    Foster new traditions

    If you’ve ended a relationship or lost a loved one, you may feel like you’ve lost a lifetime of traditions and rituals. Holidays can be particularly hard.

    Allow friends and family to help you create new traditions and memories. Don’t hesitate to reach out for some extra support during major holidays.

    Write it down

    Once you’ve had some time to sit with your feelings, journaling can help you better organize them and give you a chance to unload any emotions that might be hard to share with others.

    Find a support system

    Regularly attending or engaging in in-person or online support groups can provide a safe environment to help you cope. It’s also healing to share your feelings and challenges with those in similar situations.

     

    To be continued next week