A mother of two has taken to social media to lament how her husband takes care of his mother than their children.
She said:
I don’t know if i am the one taking this issue so important, I have been married for four years now with two kids, now this is the issue…when i met my husband, we court for two years before we got married, when we just met, I noticed he doesn’t use to go see his parent, I asked him why, he said his mom’s wahala is too much, I told him his mother would always remain his mom and i took him back home and he reunited with his family.
Since we got married i now understand why my husband ran away from his mom, my Mother in-law use to consume money like hubby is plucking it on the tree, my hubby use to take care of his mom, dad, and siblings very well that he bought a trailer for his dad for 7million naira, he paid 2m and they said he should be paying d rest instalmentally ,so my FIL flew away with this for good 2yrs wen their agreement is that he should be working with this trailer and be giving this people the money gradually and still feed d home without them disturbing their son for money again.
my mother inlaw works, and she is collecting salary ,but if their cooking gas got finished, they will call hubby to come fill it, he is the one paying their rent, paying two siblings school fee at d university ,now I don’t enjoy my husband’s money, he gives to his mom than me and my kids. i have called him severally abt this thatt where those he expect me to get money from to take care of the kids,d home nd myself,he still gives us money but not compared to how his mom use to collect huge amount from him every week, i sold some of my belongings recently because my husband was so broke and he said after he gets money he will get them back for me. my husband is owing me close to 1m wen i was working, now he is not talking about d money which is not even my own issue but ds tins i sold are important to me cos my wedding ring is part of it, two days ago, my husband sent his mom 200k wen my own things have gone, like i dnt get,i asked him ,he said he has to sort his mom first like i dont get o. This s woman can’t borrow herson 10k wen we had problems, this woman didn’t come to check her son at d cell for good 11days he was at d police custody for a case he doesnt knw anytin abt ,myself and my own family stood up for him ,spent money and my mother in law said she doesnt av any money.
A Nigerian lady who pleaded anonymity has taken to Instagram to share how she lost her relationship due to ”sincerity”.
According to her, she told her boyfriend who she met last year about an ugly past of hers because he claimed to love her for she was and not what she had been through.
The lady revealed to her boyfriend how she was raped by her cousin as a teenager.
She said: “I met a guy last year and he wanted getting married to me this year because he had already started visiting my house.
“I decided to be sincere with him and not hide anything from him.
“This year I told him about my past which no one else knows apart from my family (I was raped by my cousin when I was a teenager and I had a baby through that)
“Immediately I told him, at first he had no problem with it because he claimed he loves who I am not what I am.
“Eventually, he told his siblings and uncles about it. They refused our being together saying that I committed a taboo and that I am cursed and needs cleansing etc.
“My boyfriend agreed with his people and couldn’t fight for us.
“He broke up with me and stopped chatting or even calling.
“I call him he won’t pick up. I once knelt done to beg him but he gave me a deaf ear saying his uncles refused and that he cannot do anything about that.
“Please, I need advice on what to do. I’m I really cursed?’”
THIS is a question that a lot of ladies are actually going to struggle in especially when they find themselves in the early stages of a young relationship. How does your man really feel about being with you?
Sure, things might be going really well between the two of you for the moment, but that doesn’t mean that you aren’t going to be keeping this question at the back of your mind. Just because you’re really enjoying the time that you spend together doesn’t automatically mean that you know that your man is in love with you. So, how can you know for sure short of trying to force him out of him?
Well, it’s all in the way he acts whenever he’s around you. You just have to make sure that you are looking in all of the right places.
Keep in mind that verbal communication isn’t traditionally going to be a man’s strong suit. He isn’t always going to find it easy to talk about his feelings for you even when he starts getting really comfortable in the relationship. And that might be a problem for you if you want to know how he feels but you don’t know how to read body language signs.
Well, that’s what this article is going to try to help you out with. You don’t have to be completely clueless about whether a man is in love with you or not. You just need to keep an eagle eye on your relationship and fish out all of the probable signs that point to him being in love with you.
If he does a lot of the things that are listed here, then you must be happy to know that you have a man who is really in love with you.
He makes plans in the relationship
He isn’t going to just wait around for you to do a lot of the heavy lifting in the relationship. He’s also going to do his part in taking the initiative to strengthen your relationship even more.
He always treats you with respect
He always makes it a point to treat you with respect. He never really does or says anything that demeans or belittles you. He never wants you to feel like you are less of a person than you really are.
He makes an effort to listen to you
Whenever you express a desire to talk to him, he really makes sure to listen to you. He pays attention to whatever you might have to say. He always wants you to feel safe in how you express yourself.
He moves his schedule around for you
He really tries to move his schedule around so that he can accommodate you into his life. He never wants to come off as unapproachable or inaccessible to you. He wants to be as available to you as possible.
He takes a genuine interest in your life
He doesn’t stop asking you questions about your life. He is always making a real effort to get to know you better. And he isn’t just settling for the shallow stuff either.
He always stays honest and true with you
He always stays honest and true with you. He never wants to be anyone other than who he really is when it comes to you. He always wants you to know that you can trust him to keep things real and sincere with you at all times.
He encourages you to pursue your goals and dreams
He makes it clear to you that you can always pursue your goals and dreams even if you’re in a relationship together. He never wants to serve as a kind of barrier between you and everything that you want in life.
He apologizes whenever he screws up
He is humble enough to acknowledge that he makes mistakes and he shows the mindfulness to actually apologize for hurting you or being a disservice to you. And he also makes an effort to learn from his mistakes.
He makes an effort to merge social circles with you
He really makes it a point to merge your social circles. He does this because he understands just how important it is to you that he becomes close with the people who are closest to your heart.
He opens up to you about his fears and insecurities
He really opens up to you about things that he wouldn’t really open up to other people about. He tells you about all of his deepest fears and insecurities without fear or shame.
He shows a willingness to make compromises with you
He shows a real willingness to compromise with you. He wants to prove to you that he’s willing to make adjustments so that he can meet you halfway and keep you in his life.
He places his trust in you
He places his trust in you at all times. He never wants you to feel like he has to control or manage you.
The months leading to a wedding can be really exciting. Couples enjoy the bliss of falling in love and agree to get married to each other for a moment it can make them see each other as being perfect.
Nevertheless, being a newly wedded bride or groom can be very unraveling. You discover a lot of things that you didn’t even know were in existence. Couples make a lot of silly mistakes and the boss of them all is that they forget to plan life after wedding.
As newly wedded couples there are certain criteria you need to take if you want a successful and peaceful marriage and true getting there it can be tough.
No marriage is perfect, there would be good times and bad times but they are all part of the marriage process.
Here are some newly wedded couples should avoid:
· Irrecoverable debts. Most couples spend in excess during preparations of their wedding that managing bills and debts put a strain to their new marriage.
To avoid this, couples during preparations of their wedding should cut their cloth according to their size, prepare a budget, stay on the budget and get your finances proper and you will probably fight less.
· Operation spouse changer. One of the greatest mistakes spouse make is trying to change their partners. Often, one spouse thinks a marriage certificate will prompt a sudden change. Then why did you get married to him/her hoping they will change?
Frankly, most adults don’t drastically change. Therefore your best bet is that you should willingly accept your spouse the way they are, basically him/her is unique and different in their ways.
Not bonding with each other. Most marriages have failed because they lack the basic necessities for a relationship to grow such as quality time, attention, adequate care and concern. Not spending a lot of time with your spouse. All these can cause a great damage to the marriage.
Acting like you are still single. Some couples are yet to adapt to the marriage due to the fact that they just got married.
Well, while you want to cling to your old single lifestyle and habits such as hanging out with friends, going to club and staying late outside, you have to realise that you are no longer alone.
Now you “ll need to plan how much time you will spend with friends and how to maintain your friendship while balancing it up with your marriage.
· Ignoring important discussions. Many couples have been trying to avoid confrontation, hence avoiding important discussions.
Now that you are married, however you really need to discuss the key issues in the marriage together. Be an adult and talk about the issue in harmony and settle up the differences.
Getting jealous. Jealousy is a poisonous instrument that should be avoided in marriages to make the relationship grow. Trust your spouse no matter the situation and let the marriage grow peaceful.
“My wife suddenly just fired my driver and gate man without informing me about it, I came home and she told me that they insulted her.
“Fast forward to one year later, I mistakenly cheated with her kid sister and she found out, I begged and begged my soul out, the only thing that I did not give her was my life but she kept saying she was fine when I knew she was not.
“So recently, I called her into the room and went on my knees, as usual, to beg and beg again. I was even crying.
“All she did was laugh so loud, I felt it was getting to her and she was losing her mind then I held her hands and hugged her so tight, do you know what she told me as I hugged her, she said that , Baby do you know why I fired our former gateman and driver, I nodded my head and she said, it was because I Slept with them .
I AM 16 years old. I desperately need your advice. I am not living with my parents due to some circumstances.
My problem is masturbation, and I have been doing this for two or three years now. This act is affecting me seriously. All I think is sex. My concentration has dropped drastically and my academic work is suffering.
I use to be very intelligent, but not anymore. I have resorted to examination malpractices which I feel so bad about.
Please, I need your help urgently. I am ashamed of myself.
Name withheld.
Realising the fact that you need help is good. We must commend your courage for sharing your problem with us. It takes a lot of strength to summon such courage to do so, bearing in mind that masturbation is a secret habit that victims are ashamed of talking about freely.
Most teenagers, males or females, are confronted with the same challenge, but they find it difficult to open up. The reason is that at the stage of adolescence which starts from the age of 13 to 19 years young boys start going through changes in their bodies. Physically and emotionally, this is also applicable to girls as well due to the hormonal changes.
Feelings come to play when a young boy or girl starts thinking that he or she is in love with a particular girl whereas in the actual sense, it is just mere infatuation or crush. Now a child that does not understand why he or she is feeling in a certain way might go the wrong way because of lack of proper information from home to start with at an early stage.
Masturbation can be described as self-stimulation of one’s genital to the point of orgasm. This is one widespread struggle of adolescence which some see as a joke. Some silently talk about it among friends, while some are so ashamed to be related with the act.
The issue of masturbation is not only centred on males. Some females are also involved in the act as well, but the difference is that the ratio of boys that masturbate is more than the girls.
Teenage stage is a remarkable period of physical and emotional changes in a person’s life. Therefore, the sudden changes all teenagers experience often surprise and confuse them because of little or no information given. They are most times not adequately equipped to understand and tackle the sex urges as the play up which is natural due to their current stage in life.
In addressing the issue at hand which is masturbation, it will be proper for us to list out the possible reasons why teenage boys, for example, masturbate.
Physiological changes: This is as a result of the hormonal changes that take place at this period. Feelings start driving wide, so lack of the right information on how to deal with such feelings can actually lead to masturbation which, if not addressed, can affect other aspects of the person’s life.
Next is lack of proper sex education. This is a situation whereby a child is not properly informed about the changes that will occur in his body both externally and internally at a certain age, that is, what to expect and how to go about it. Once there’s a gap, the child, in the process of seeking answers or solutions, might be guided wrongly into masturbation.
However, some adults have this notion that talking to children about sexuality, sex and relationship is actually encouraging them to put the act into practice, forgetting that knowledge is power. On the other hand, some children to view any awareness of their bodies particularly sexuality as bad. This simply leaves some children unprepared for sexual urges and surges they encounter as adolescence.
Other factors are the company they keep: The type of friends they keep and what they do (peer pressure).Rumours and secrecy can also lead a teenager into the act of masturbation. Masturbation is like a drug addict hungry for his next fix when to address.
Harriet Ogbobine is a counsellor and a motivational speaker.
Send your questions and suggestions to her blog; www.liwh.com.ng, text messages only 08054682598 or bineharriet@gmail.com. You can follow her on twitter: @bineharrietj and instagram: harrietogbobine.
Blind date can be so unnerving even for the confident ones. Basically, you just want to hook up with the person you haven’t met before.
Few things strike terror into the hearts of men so much. What is the person going to look like? Are you both going vibe together? What if it’s a total disaster?
Here are some few pointers on how you can survive a blind date,
START WITH A PHONE CALL
Before going on a blind date, it is important to talk to your date on phone, listen to her voice, get more details about your date, make plans about the date, ask her about her background and what interests her so much, so when you go on that first date, though it’s blind, it’s not in the dark
BE POSITIVE
Nobody like a curmudgeon, stay positive. Set your expectations to be neutral. Don’t be too negative or assume you are about to embark on a worst case scenario. If you keep thinking then the outcome would surely turn up to be a bad one, so when going for a blind date has a positive mindset.
Give yourself and you’re a chance to have fun and enjoy each others’ company .Even if the date doesn’t end up in a romantic relationship, the both of you might end becoming tight friends which is also a good thing.
DON’T BE TOO ANXIOUS
Don’t be too full of disquietude when going for a blind date, Anxiety kills your self- esteem and questions might begin to pop up in your mind which can lead to negativity. It is okay if you are nervous or anxious but it should be at a minimal level. Build up confidence and set out for your date. The outcome result would be positive.
WEAR SOMETHING SMART AND LOOK MODERATE
Remember, you’re meeting someone you don’t know or seen before. If you’re overdressed or under-dressed, you’ll make him or her feel uncomfortable. What you should target is that your date should notice you that you’ve made effort to look presentable.
If you’re a woman, don’t go for any outfit that makes you feel conscious. That means skip the 6-inches which might make you stumble or prevent you from taking a comfortable walk alongside your date as well as the tiny dress that you need to pull down and adjust every few minutes.
If you’re a guy, avoid overly causal clothes. You can still wear something that looks great and feels comfortable without going the t-shirt and thongs route. The most important thing is that you wear something appropriate for a first date.
BE YOURSELF, DON’T FORM WHAT YOU ARE NOT
If you find your date very attractive, there’s no need to form be yourself don’t embellish any stories about yourself or even brag about yourself just so you can impress him or her. Fine you want your date to find you appealing in return but being fake or feeling arrogant isn’t the way to do that.
This might just cause your date to feel intimidated or see you as someone who is proud and up yourself.be warm and interesting but above all adopt the code which states “BE YOURSElf”
It’s good to talk about your accomplishments or success in life, in as much as it is appropriate to the conversation and was not brought up to brag about yourself.
CHOOSE A SUITABLE PLACE FOR THE DATE
This is a blind date and so you don’t want to be stuck in an upscale restaurant for a full course dinner with someone who might turn out to be not your type.
If your taste is not the coffee shops and parks, arrange to meet in a place where you’re sure you will have a swell good time. That way, it can be by the sea shore, or anywhere that is pleasant.
You don’t know the kind of person you want to meet but it is advisable that you take your own cash when going for a blind date to be on a safer side. Who knows your partner might fuck up and just escape and leave you alone to sort the bills. Just play safe.
LISTEN ADEQUATELTY AND CAREFULLY;
Some people just want to talk about yourselves. Use this opportunity to learn about your date if he/she is worthy to be in a relationship with. Every person has a story to tell. You may be missing an epic tale if you’re too busy talking about yourself. In the case of you listening you might not understand something so just ask questions to be clear about it.
CREATE A SENSE OF HUMOR
Laughter is the best medicine for a blind date, just make the place lively. Say things that are funny but not stupid. Ensure the date is not a dull one, make the date a memorable that he/she would even want to request for a second time.
PREPARE YOUR OPEN-ENDED QUESTIONS:
You don’t want to appear like you’re cross- examining your date. If you’re a naturally curious person, then stick to open-ended questions. That way, you’re leaving the door open for your date to tell you more about himself/herself.
AVOID BEING JUDGEMENTAL
Love, at first sight, is great but don’t be too quick to dismiss someone if you don’t feel an instant connection.
You may find that your impression of your date a second time around is quite different to the first, and much better. Try to keep an open mind and don’t be too critical.
The importance of sex in a relationship cannot be over-emphasised. The point of being in a relationship is to make each other happy. Sex is fun, so I commend you for sharing your concern, and requesting for a solution. I will tell you to just relax and enjoy it. You do not need an excuse in order to engage or not engage in intercourse. The fact that it makes your spouse happy is all the reason that you need. I guess whoever came up with the slogan “Make love, not war” was certainly a smart person.
To understand its importance we need to ask and answer the question: Why do we have sex?
I can tell you that sexual motives go far beyond the ‘big three’ – love, pleasure, and making babies. There are more reasons why we have sex and it includes: Physical reasons -pleasure, stress relief, exercise, sexual curiosity, or attraction to a person. Goal-based reasons – to make a baby, improve social status (for example, to become popular), or seek revenge. It is also for emotional reasons – love, commitment, or gratitude. For insecurity reasons – to boost self-esteem, or keep a partner from seeking sex elsewhere, or feeling a sense of duty or pressure (for example, a partner insisting on having sex). Or for commercial reasons or what some called ashawo but now known as agbelepawo in Yoruba.
For this particular situation you shared here, we have to look at it from a male point of view, and that may be hard at times. While women need the romance, the passion, and the chemistry to get the assurance and re-assurance that the love is alive and well, just as they need to be loved and cherished, and this is often through verbal signs of affection; men, on the other hand, are very straightforward and almost primal in their needs. They need to have sex in a relationship because it shows strength, agility and unity.
So, I will say sex is a physical, emotional, relational and a spiritual need. Sex is very important in a relationship as lack of sex or inadequate sex can lead to a breakdown in a relationship. The demand on you as you put it can actually be that it is a healthy release of your husband’s affection to you. When you’re in love with someone, you can’t get enough of them. You want to show them how much they mean to you, which is hard to do. That’s why sex is a great way to release the emotions and show how much love one have.
Sex with you helps him get to know you better. When you have sex with someone, they are letting you see a side of them that not many people have seen. That means you are special. Having sex helps him learn what makes you as his partner happy, and will let him know you better than anyone else does.
Sex reduces pain. A headache is not a reason to refuse sex. In fact, that is the reason why you should have it. When our emotional and happy hormones join forces during sex, pain has no other option but to run away. So, the next time your partner says he has something to take the pain away, you better believe it is true. Yes, headache or that feigned pain is an excuse not to get some sex, but please, let us not be petty.
Another reason is that it improves sleep. Are you sure he is not having trouble getting a good night’s sleep? Well, all you need to do is have an exciting round of sex, and both of you will be snoozing in no time. Orgasming releases a chemical in your body that relaxes you, which means it will be super easy to fall asleep in your lover’s arms.
Sex helps people stay smart as it increases blood flow to the brain, which means that, both of you will be more alert. If you have a lot of work to do, especially you as a caterer, having sex beforehand could actually help you. It will make your brain sharper.
You yourself will benefit as it will help in your bladder control. Having sex works out your pelvic muscles. So if you’re guilty of having to run to the toilet every five minutes, having sex can be the cure you have been looking for. The more orgasms you have, the stronger your pelvic muscles will become.
Sex causes healthier skin. If you are unhappy with your complexion, sex could help. A hormone called DHEA is produced during intercourse, which helps with a variety of things, including your skin. So skip the dermatologist or toning creams and hop into bed.
As I mentioned earlier sex is an emotional process. Yes, it is a physical activity but most men and women agree that there is much more to it than just seeing stars and losing calories as a bonus. You see, there is a good reason why ‘having sex’ is often replaced with ‘being intimate with somebody’. Sex starts with romance and ends with romance because both genders feel the need to cuddle after it. Furthermore, healthy sex life is a confidence boost for both genders – it proves that partners are still very much interested in all aspects of their relationship.
Did you know, for example, that couples who have sex often, demonstrate more feelings? They feel the need to touch, kiss and hug more often and have fewer problems with demonstrating this loving- lovely behaviour in public. You know why? It is because sex makes the body produce more oxytocin, a hormone that makes us feels the need to love and trust somebody.
The challenge we have in this part of the world is that we don’t talk about sex, freely. Women are embarrassed to talk about sex with their husbands so they are not seen as ‘whores’ or being unfaithful.
The truth of the matter is if you want to have a good relationship, sex must be discussed- i.e. what you want and how you want it. When sex is discussed in the home it gives room for intimacy, the moment a couple can discuss sex freely, they will be able to talk about anything and everything. If the man is satisfied sexually it is unlikely that he will go out to seek extramarital affairs. Even though there are other things to be considered in this aspect.
To address the issue at hand, sex demand by your husband on you could be a stress relief for him. A real mood lifting activity for him. It will help him to forget all those problems; he will fall asleep like a baby and will have enough energy to face the next day feeling happy and rejuvenated.
Sex helps you too to live longer. Sex rejuvenates and heals wounds, makes him more flexible and less prone to various illnesses. It is a metabolism and immunity booster as it reduces the risk of stroke and fights the ageing process too. It is a perfect anti-aging method no lab could ever produce, bottle or sell.
You need to also understand that your man’s sexual demand on you could be that it makes him want it more each time. The more he has sex, the more he will want it. Doing this will increase your libido, which means that you will want to have sex more often with him, too. This occurs, because sex increases the blood flow and vaginal lubrication, which makes sex feel even better for you this time than it did the last time.
You should not be focused only on the benefits of sex for you, but for your partner as well. Sex reduces the risk of Prostate cancer. You might not have to worry about prostate cancer, but your partner does. If you want him to live a long, happy life then having sex with him can help make it happen.
Sex helps burns calories. Not only will your muscles become toned, but you could lose some weight. Losing 100 calories every half-hour or so doesn’t seem like much, but if you have sex multiple times a week, all of those calories will add up.
It is so unfortunate that some reasons why sex is not enjoyed in the family are based on hygiene and poor dressing from both sides even though it’s leaning more towards women. An example is body odour. It is so sad that a woman cannot tell the spouse about this because she feels it will offend him/her, whereas its offensive to him/her and it may not allow him/her to have erection/libido.
And again the way women dress at home, tying wrapper up and down or a man in funny looking attires kills the desire. Neglecting an appearance plays a negative role on sexual feeling. How can a woman leave the house in the morning without using roll on/perfume? Or want to sleep at night and won’t bath nor freshen up? These are the little things that will make the men to go out and have affairs.
Couple In Bed With Relationship Difficulties
When sex is discussed, it will allow the couple to know if there is a problem where they need to seek help. For example, if the woman is always having pain during sex it might require seeing a doctor to establish the underlying cause/s. The man also may have erectile dysfunction (ED). There are some medical reasons why sex is not enjoyed and in this case the couple will have to see a therapist.
If you do not have enough sex in your marriage but both the partners love each other and are intimate with each other, the marriage lasts longer. But if you have enough sex but little intimacy or very little love and respect, your marriage may not withstand the test of time.
Some people just don’t have desire to have sex. It is important to understand this in a relationship. The question to ask is whether it is a medical issue or a relationship issue.
In cases where there are medical issues like infertility or diabetes, the couple will need to see a therapist to discuss how they can enjoy sex. Talking to a therapist is still a new thing in our society and this is the way to go. Sex is to be enjoyed not endured. Talk to a therapist today.
But there is more to life than sex. It is established that sex in indeed a very important part of one’s marriage. But yes, there is much more to life and a relationship than just sex. Marriage is about closeness, commitment and caring. Sex is important but not the most important or the only important thing.
But if both the partners value sex and need it more than anything else then yes, it becomes very important in the marriage.
Thus, importance of sex depends on the individual requirements of both the partners in the marriage. For some, sex forms the basis of the relationship while for some it is simply like any other factor. There are couples who are happily married even when being in a sex-less marriage. Especially the couples who are in their mid fifties and those who are busy following their hearts such as busy with their ambitious projects or embarking on a spiritual journey.
In final words, sex is the vital component in a functioning relationship, but it doesn’t have to be incredibly frequent. A couple just needs to know they have those moments of intimacy which only they share, and which binds them together.
YOU’VE planned, organised, analysed your spreadsheets, worked with your coordinator, finalised details and checked off your list.
The big day is almost here. Are you ready to make sure you soak it all into the fullest? You’ve heard it before, but it really is true it’ll fly by! We’ve got a few tips to make sure all your planning and hard work is put to good use and you enjoy every moment of your big day.
Leave your phone behind. You’ve hired a professional photographer, everyone you love is there with you leave the digital distraction in your hotel room!
Remember to eat and hydrate. Don’t forget to have a small snack and lots of water, especially if you’re getting married outdoors in the heat and/or plan on drinking later in the evening.
Hire (at least) a day-of coordinator. Don’t want to worry about the caterer showing up late, or where that 18th table arrangement has gotten to? While were huge advocates of hiring a full coordination planner for the entire wedding planning process, if you haven’t done so already, invest in a day of coordinator. Trust us, it’s worth the money!
Speaking of professionals, don’t micromanage them. You’ve hired your vendors for a reason. Trust they know what they’re doing, and will do their jobs well!
Outsource the tips. While it’s never expected, it’s always appreciated to tip your vendors. Have the tips already arranged in labelled envelopes, and recruit someone trusted to hand them out as vendors arrive. You can also ask your coordinator to do this!
Take a few minutes with your new spouse. You’re officially married! Make sure to plan for a quick break with your new spouse maybe right after the ceremony, before you sign your license. Just sneak away for 10-15 and soak in your first moments together, alone.
Don’t over book. The morning of your wedding is inevitably chaotic don’t try to pack in more than you need to. There will be plenty of time to say hello to everyone later, and don’t plan to be finishing any DIY projects that morning. Schedule yourself a little more time than you think you need so you have a cushion, and can relax!
Stay in the moment. Easier said than done, but do your best to take a deep breath and stay in the moment. It really does go by ultra-quickly!
Don’t sweat the small stuff. Remember you can only control the controllable. If it starts raining, or a last minute delayed flight means your great aunt doesn’t make it in time, try to take it in stride. No large scale event goes off without a few small hiccups, and working yourself up into a fuss over something you have no power over won’t help anyone.
Have a glass of champagne. We are firm believers that a nice glass of champs improves everything!
Some men in the FCT said their reasons for delay in proposing marriages despite a long courtship with their partners stems from high bride price, traditions, pressure and influences.
Some of the residents who spoke to the News Agency of Nigeria (NAN) on Wednesday in Abuja said the delay had further increased the number of unmarried ladies, emotional pains, immoral behavior, single parenthood and pregnancy outside marriage.
Mr Emmanuel Chime, a businessman in Apo said the expenses incurred during marriages as demanded by some cultures, delayed marriage proposal, especially for low income earners.
“You will see a matured man or woman still single, not because they do not want to get married, but because of the finances involved for bride price and other traditional marriage rites.
“One doesn’t have to spend years saving up for marriage alone when there are other things to think and plan for, such as building a house, starting a business, education, and others,’’ he said.
Similarly, Mr Sunday Aboki, said some alien traditions as practiced in some cultures encouraged young couples to engage in immoral acts.
“ I never got married either in the traditional or religious way because of some traditional practices which forced me and my wife to cohabit and have children without going through the normal process of acquiring a wife,’’ he said.
Aboki, stressed the need for traditional leaders of every society to caution the people on appropriate demands for marriage rites to encourage inter marriages for low income earners to get married.
“When some rules are properly explained and made clear, it will encourage marriage for people from different cultural background,’’ he said.
Joy Micheal, a business woman said the high bride price demanded by some cultures had broken or ended relationship between engaged couples.
“I was engaged to be married, but some outrageous demands by my extended family as part of marriage rites caused a lot of problems for my ex-fiancé and his people,’’ she said.
Micheal said her former fiancé and his people felt frustrated by the demands, which affected their relationship and they had to suspend their marriage plans and later called it off.
On his own part, Mr Olu Adegoke, a civil servant in the FCT said marriage between a couple should be an avenue for both families to start a relationship that would last forever, not an avenue for making money through unnecessary demands.
“Marriage should be seen as an avenue for both families to start a relationship that will last forever, rather than an opportunity to make money.
“No matter how much a dowry or bride price cost, it can never pay for the amount spent in bringing up the proposed wife.
“ So rather than some cultures making it difficult for their children to get married, they should instead look at it from another angle, that they are starting a new relationship with another family and they will all benefit from the union,’’ he said.
Adegoke recounted that some requirement for marriage rites between some couples had left both extended family in a sour relationship that might even affect the marriage.
Similarly, a marriage Counselor, Mrs Naomi Danjuma, stressed the need for every culture to be concerned about inculcating good moral acts, upholding the cultural values of its people, as well as encourage inter-marriages between people of diverse cultures, rather than enforcing stringent laws and customs.
“Though, some of these marriage rites is very important and some people even face the consequences of engaging in marriage without the proper cultural rites.
“There is need for us to also encourage that some of these laws that prevent marriages should be looked into and an alternative be used to encourage marriage between people of diverse cultures,’’ she added.
Danjuma said inter-marriage between people of various cultures would strengthen the relationship of the people, promote, peace and unity, and address some of the security challenges prevalent in the society.
