Category: Relationships

Romance isn’t just about a box of chocolates on Valentine’s Day. A satisfying relationship can also make people feel happy and healthy. But keep in mind that successful relationships aren’t just about rainbows and butterflies-a healthy partnership requires communication, respect, and plenty of good habits from both people. So when dating that special someone, avoid stalking their ex on Facebook, keeping feelings bottled up, and splitting the double cheeseburger every night . These (and 17 other) bad habits could make a great relationship take a turn for the worse.

Trying to improve him/her: News flash: There’s no such thing as a perfect person, so don’t expect unrealistic changes. Reminding him or her to make the bed is one thing, but trying to radically change shyness or anxiety is another—and could be ignoring the underlying causes for those issues in the first place.

Finding faults with the fam: The ’rents may be harder to handle than your significant other. But even if there’s some clashing of heads, don’t focus on the family’s faults. Getting criticism from family members can make people feel depressed and hostile—which means some tense holiday dinners. Besides, the situation can’t be worse than what Gaylord went through.

Engaging in constant PDA: Getting it on in public can not only make bystanders uncomfortable, it may also compensate for a lack of real communication. Stick to hand-holding and quick kisses, and save the rest for the bedroom (or the cell phone?).

Fighting in public: As if PDA weren’t bad enough, arguing in public can embarrass the couple and make everyone around feel awkward, too. Talk it out in private, please.

Avoiding fighting: Love isn’t all good, all the time. Disagreements are bound to happen, and arguments can be a healthy part of a relationship. Never having conflict may make compromise impossible. Just don’t make fighting an all-day affair.

Not talking it out: If something is wrong, the other person probably can’t read your mind. When a problem comes up, speak up at the right time. One study suggests young couples are less stressed when they talk out their issues than when they keep their feelings bottled up. And don’t forget to say, “I love you.” Expressing emotions—positive and negative—can benefit that bond .

Forgetting to forgive: People make mistakes, and holding on to grudges may not only hurt a relationship—it could also cause unwanted stress and anxiety. Sympathy may be easier to give if we realize it will benefit our health .

Timing discussions badly: Conversations about important issues, like relationship expectations and financial blunders, all have their time and place. Don’t bring up serious topics when someone’s stressed, like at the end of the workday or right before hosting a party. Set up a time to talk when both people are relaxed.

Keeping score: Sure, relationships should be about give and take, but don’t keep track of every little detail (For example: I paid for the last six dinners, and you only paid for five!). It can cause unnecessary tension.

Being melodramatic: No relationship is perfect. So don’t create unnecessary drama in every scenario. If a mate forgets to take out the garbage, there’s no need for a scene. Take a few breaths and address the problem calmly.

Spying: When two people want to make it work, trust is key . Have confidence in your mate and respect their privacy: Don’t snoop through texts, emails, or bedroom drawers. (Definitely don’t use this!)

Allowing jealousy to take over: Doubting your partner may be a symptom of a larger problem: relationship insecurity. And women who feel insecure in their relationships may be at greater risk for health issues like a weakened immune system . Some advice for reducing envy, at least temporarily? Stay off Facebook and other social networking sites .

Letting go: Sometimes when partners feel too secure with each other, they end up putting on a few pounds, possibly because they’re less physically active. Try being a power couple to stay both happy and healthy.

Constantly comparing: Forget the ex and stop comparing a current partner with a person from the past. This could lead to unrealistic expectations.

Doing everything together: Everyone needs some alone time (yep, even hopelessly devoted couples). Solitude may even enhance relationships, making time together more valuable.

Lying: Little white lies can add up and ruin a relationship that should be built on honesty. There is wiggle room, of course: “Sweetie, that homemade dinner tasted great…”

Not being honest with yourself: Don’t just be honest with a companion. Stay real about what you need in order to stay satisfied. Is a long distance relationship really worth the work? Is it okay that they’re working all the time?

Lacking self-confidence: Not feeling confident in a relationship can really do some damage: Low self-esteem is sometimes linked to low sex drive, which could make things less heated in the bedroom. Getting active, setting goals, and even smiling can improve self-confidence. But don’t forget that an unhealthy relationship can actually cause low-self esteem, so steer clear of someone who makes you feel less than great.

Forgetting why you’re in it: Remember to ask yourself why you two are dating, and what you want out of it. Does a partner want to put a ring on it while you want to remain casual? Being with someone for the wrong reasons is one slippery slope!

Taking him or her for granted: Always remember why you love that special someone. Showing gratitude and paying attention to that good person by your side will only make the relationship stronger.

• Source:www.greatist.com

New Year’s resolutions tend to get a bad rap for being, well, fruitless. But making resolutions with a partner can help you stick to your promises and can also strengthen your relationship. This list of resolutions-for-two will help you ring the New Year in right, and keep your relationship strong all year long.

1. Do good things together (and not just around the holidays)

Everyone feels generous around the holidays, and in December soup kitchens get so many volunteers that they have to turn helpers away. These organizations need volunteers desperately at other times of the year, so you and your sweetie will make a huge impact if you skip the Christmas day goodness and volunteer year-round instead. If you’re a Christmas lover, do your good deeds on the 25th of each month. It’s the gift that keeps on giving.

2. Eat mindfully

When you’re coupled, it’s easy to cozy up on the couch and shovel down Chinese food while watching Netflix. Not only does this habit pack on the pounds, but it skips the fun and intimacy that can come with preparing and sharing food, too. Choose healthy recipes, and make your date nights special by cooking and eating together. Better than an overpriced restaurant any day!

3. Sweat together

If you’re part of a tubby tandem and serious about ditching extra pounds, enlist your partner as a workout buddy. If you’re not overweight, exercising with your partner is still a great way to improve your overall health. And everyone knows that the rosy cheeks and heavy breathing exercise brings reminds us of other things that involve rosy cheeks and heavy breathing. Speaking of which…

4. Make sex a priority

When we’re busy, sex can get lost in the shuffle, but it’s too good for your relationship, your health and your mood to skip. Make time to reconnect with your partner in the sack by scheduling a weekend “staycation.” If the sex has become lackluster, put some energy into figuring out how to make it exciting again. Try a new position, a new toy, or just a straight-up change of venue (kitchen, anyone?).

5. Stop fighting over little things

If you have a serious beef with your partner, it’s important to bring it up, but try to avoid petty arguments and insults. One nitpicky fight isn’t a big deal, but over time, small backbiting comments can erode the foundation of your relationship. Pick your battles. When you sense a fight on the horizon, try to calm yourself momentarily and ask “Is this worth disturbing the peace for?”

6. Strive for emotional honesty

Even the bluntest among us has avoided explaining feelings to a lover at one time or another. It’s hard to share with your partner (especially if you’re experiencing a thorny, irrational emotion like jealousy), but it’s important that you keep your mate in the loop so that he can act appropriately. Saying “I feel” instead of “you made me feel” will help you and your partner stay focused on resolving the negative emotions without it turning into a blamefest.

7. Stop multitasking with technology

When you’re spending time with your sweetie, banish buzzes, bleeps and chirps from your computer and phone. Don’t scroll through your texts while your partner is talking to you or message a friend while you’re supposed to be planning dinner. You may think you can do two things at once, but when you do, you’re sending your partner the message that they’re not worth your full attention. If you both have things you must do on your phone or computer, set a block of time aside to accomplish the tasks, and then move on with your evening (and don’t even think of counting your tech time together as a “date”).

8. Treat your partner as well as you treat your friends

It’s easy to take your romantic partner for granted, and sometimes we don’t treat our lovers as well as we should. Like family, we assume that they’re in it for the long haul and when we’re stressed, our romantic relationships that take extra abuse. Ask yourself if you say or do things to your partner that you wouldn’t do to your best friend, and if you discover that you do, adjust your behavior accordingly. And, remember, it takes practice to change a habit; don’t give up if you don’t change overnight.

9. Listen

Don’t nod automatically as he talks. Don’t wait for your turn to speak. Don’t do the dishes while he tells you about his day. Sit down, look him in the eye, pay attention to what he says and ask follow-up questions. This is one of the best things you can do for your relationship. Active listening is a skill that you have to hone with time and effort, but it’s incredibly important. Work at it.

10. Criticize less than you praise

When you spend a lot of time with someone, it becomes easy to overlook the things that are great about them. Instead of dwelling on his bad habits, remind yourself of the reasons you fell for him in the first place. Then remind him! Couples who have been together for a long time tend to forget to compliment one another. Try to dish out three compliments for every criticism, and don’t be shocked if he mirrors your actions. Shared appreciation breeds kindness and consideration, and what couple couldn’t use more of that?

11. Break a bad habit together

If you and your man share a habit that’s less-than-great for you, help one another break it instead of encouraging the behavior within your relationship. Instead of nudging one another outside for smoke breaks, make a pact to limit yourselves to a certain number of cigarettes a day. If you drink too much together, make a two-drink rule and try to stick to it.

12. Play together

One of the worst things about being an adult is the total lack of juice boxes, naptime and recess. (What’s up with that?) Thankfully, the dullness of the workday world doesn’t have to extend to your personal life. Infuse your partnership with a sense of play. Have pillow fights, talk in funny voices, and draw mustaches on the models in your ladymags. Do something creative together — take a guitar class, throw pottery, learn to roll sushi — whatever. Stepping outside of your routine can bring you and your partner closer, and it’ll ensure that things never get boring between you.

Source: www.yourtango.com

Spending New Year’s Eve at home with your family can be a fantastic opportunity to bond, have fun together and bring in the New Year with your loved ones. With all the possibilities for fun food, drinks, games and activities, spending New Year’s Eve at home can be a real treat.

Make a homemade meal. Considering that ordering out on New Year’s Eve often costs more (since prices are usually increased for the holiday), this is a good excuse to splurge a little and make a family meal at home. Pick out dinner food that everyone enjoys, but you don’t get a chance to have very often, like steak, chili, or lobster. This family meal can turn into a New Year’s Eve tradition.

You could also consider making a meal out of appetizers. This could lead to a more casual dinner setup, and the kids will like having the ability to pick and choose different kinds of food.

Cheese fondue is another fun dinner idea for New Year’s Eve. Eating cheese fondue with bits of bread and meats will require everyone to sit and eat together. You can take turns dipping your food into the cheese and tell stories from the past year as you eat.

Make fun snacks and desserts. Consider making cookies, toffee, or other desserts that you can make together as a family and eat throughout New Year’s Eve night. You can get even more in the New Year’s spirit by making New Year’s specific desserts. Lots of cultures have New Year’s Eve desserts like Vasilopita, a Greek New Year’s Eve cake baked with a coin hidden in the dough. Whoever gets the piece of cake with the coin will have good luck for the upcoming year.

Marshmallow countdown skewers are another fun dessert idea. Each marshmallow has two or three numbers drawn on with edible ink, and you can eat the marshmallows as you count down to midnight.

A fun idea for New Year’s Eve kid friendly drinks are milk and cookie toasts. The kids can join in on the New Year’s toasts by clinking their milk glasses together and eating their cookies as they toast.

Make some holiday drinks and mocktails. Kids will love having hot cocoa, fruity soda pop, and sparkling grape juice on New Year’s Eve. You can even make other mocktails like strawberry-kiwi spritzers, cranberry sparklers, and peppermint drinks. Be sure to use plastic champagne flutes or other plastic “adult” like glasses to make the kids feel really special. Adults can make their own specialty drinks, or stick with classic champagne.

If you or family members are starting to feel tired, consider making some fun coffee drinks with and without alcohol.

Have a family game night. Bring out board games, card games, and electronic games, and even group video games to play as you wait for the clock to strike midnight. You could make up game tournaments, or try to play all the games at least once during the night.

Have a movie night. Pop in a movie you already have at home or rent a movie that you all have been wanting to see. Watching a movie can be just one aspect of your New Year’s Eve plans, or you can turn it into a movie marathon. During this time you can eat and drink different snacks that you have prepared for the night.

You can also use this time to watch old home videos and reminisce on good times. Depending on how many home videos you have, you can make it a dinner time activity, or have them playing throughout the night.

Create a New Year’s Eve photo booth. Arrange an area of your home to be the photo booth stage. Find a wall or background that you can use as a backdrop, and decorate it with some holiday decorations or your written resolutions. You could even print out some masquerade type costume pieces, and have your very own photo props.

Play dress up. Bring out everyone’s best clothes and make everyone in the family feel like they are a part of a fancy New Year’s Eve party or ball. You could play music, dance, and everyone’s fancy outfits can make for some great photos.

Make countdown bags to open every hour. Fill small bags with different snacks and goodies to open up at every hour leading up to midnight. You can make as many bags as you want depending on how early you want to start opening the bags. Some ideas for bag fillers include:

Disposable cameras

Activity tags: watch a movie, eat ice cream, play a game, etc.

Craft kits.

Candy

Make your own New Year’s Eve decorations. Make your own party hats with some construction paper, string and decorating supplies. You can also make your own New Year’s Eve noisemakers by putting rice, confetti, and glitter inside empty water bottles. Simply twist on the cap and shake to loudly bring in the New Year. Consider making a balloon drop for when the clock strikes midnight:

Simply blow up balloons, and create netting around an overhead fan with some tape and wrapping paper or fabric.

Place all the balloons inside the netting, and release the balloons whenever you plan to ring in the New Year.

Reflect on the past year and make resolutions together. Around midnight or throughout the night in general, you and your family can gather together and reminisce over where the past year has taken each of you individually, and as whole family. After, make and share resolutions for the New Year and what you hope to achieve. You can even try to make a resolution as a family and be each other’s accountability partners.

Celebrate the New Year in a different time zone. If there are younger children, it may be hard for them to stay awake all the way until midnight. Consider celebrating the New Year with a different country’s midnight. For example, depending on where you are in the world, try bringing in the New Year with New York, Paris or Greenland. That way, the kids can still celebrate the festivities, but also get to sleep at an earlier hour.

To take it a step further, you can make whatever country’s New Year you’re celebrating the theme for the night. If you want to celebrate Paris’ New Year, have crepes, fondue, quiche, wine, and cheeses.

Sing, make toasts and celebrate. When the clock strikes midnight, everyone should have their drinks prepared to toast, embrace, and wish each other a Happy New Year. After midnight, you can all sing the song, “Auld Lang Syne” which is typically associated with ringing in the New Year. This is the time to bring out the homemade noisemakers and bang on some pots and pans.

If the weather permits, go outside and light sparklers and watch fireworks as you hoop and holler celebrating the New Year.

• Source: www.wikihow.com

Dating after divorce can be a minefield for the midlife woman. Perhaps even thornier than pondering what to wear on a date, where to go, who pays — not to mention how you even find people to date in this brave new world of Internet match-ups — is getting over your reluctance to take a stab at it. Why is it so hard?

“A divorced woman may feel very vulnerable at this stage, in part because she used to have a spouse to ‘protect’ her and now she has to go out into the world on her own,” says Diana Kirschner, PhD, author of Sealing the Deal: The Love Mentor’s Guide to Lasting Love. But it’s also tough, she adds, because once you’re on the dating scene you can feel like a teenager again, in that shaky, unconfident, not-sure-if-he’ll-call sort of way.

So how can you make post-divorce dating — whether you’re looking for a good time or a good (relationship-minded) man — less daunting? Read on for tips that will help you get back in Cupid’s good graces.

1 Figure out if you’re ready.

Whether it’s been one year or six since the divorce decree, you may never know with absolute clarity that you’re ready for another relationship. Instead, “it’s usually clear when you’re not ready,” says Susan Pease Gadoua, a therapist and author of Stronger Day by Day: Reflections for Healing and Rebuilding After Divorce. That is, when the very idea turns you off. But once the idea of going on a date comes into your mind and you don’t want to chase it out again, you’re at least ready to start, she says. If it’s truly awful,  you can take a step back and wait some more.

2).  Feel the fear — and do it anyway.

Contemplating the dating scene, many divorced women feel not just garden-variety nerves, but “actual terror,” says Dr. Kirschner. Just remember that your fears are normal — after all, you’re dealing with or have dealt with a major betrayal and upheaval — and that you don’t have to jump all the way in. “Dip a toe in at a time. Tell a few trusted friends that you’re interested in meeting people. Accept invitations to parties.”

3).  Avoid negative thinking.

While it’s not unheard of for a woman wounded by a painful divorce to make statements like “all men are jerks” or “all the good ones are taken,” that’s obviously not a good mindset to have going into dating, says Dr. Kirschner. “That kind of thinking can tank your mood — and cause you to limit your chances of getting out there and finding love.” By forcing yourself to keep your negative thoughts in check, you’ll soon be in the habit of thinking optimistically, which will in turn make you more ready to date again.

4). Know there’s nothing wrong with you.

A divorcée may also feel that there’s something “wrong” with her since her marriage fell apart, says Dr. Kirschner. If that’s the case, start training yourself now to recognize self-sabotaging thoughts, and when self-doubts start to pop up, “visualize a giant red stop sign, or a voice yelling, ‘Stop!’” says Dr. Kirschner.

5).  Determine your dating intention.

You’ve decided to start dating — isn’t that your “intention” right there? Not completely, says Dr. Kirschner. “Sit down and craft a statement of what, exactly, you’re after. Is it a partner in life? A short-term liaison that might lead to something? Just some fun for now? The idea is that you should consciously decide how you want to proceed,” which will in turn inform how you go about meeting people.

6).  Rethink your definition of dating.

Gadoua, who runs dating workshops for women, asks them to free-associate words that come to mind when they think of “dating.” Not surprisingly, words like “awful” and “dreadful” come up. If you feel the same way, she offers this advice: “I suggest you try to reframe it as an adventure, or as an education,” she says. “Dating can be a way to sharpen your social skills too.” And, of course, a way to get out of the house and have some fun!

7).  Get online.

Possibly, the last time you dated there wasn’t even an Internet, much less Internet dating. But if you were thinking that searching for companionship online is strictly for losers or perverts, forget it — that’s as outmoded as dial-up. “Online dating is not only mainstream, it’s one of the best ways to widen your search, rather than just hoping that you’ll meet someone in the coffee shop,” says Dr. Kirschner. And these days, there’s a site for everyone, from eHarmony and Match to niche sites like JDate. Check out our Guide to Online Dating to learn the basics including setting up a profile to taking a relationship offline.

8).  Don’t drag out online contact.

Once you “meet” someone online, Dr. Kirschner says it’s easy to build up a fantasy of what he is like based on his profile and the emails you exchange. “My rule of thumb is to meet in person within two weeks of making online contact.” Might as well find out as soon as you can if the chemistry is virtual — or real. Of course, when you do meet, take basic safety precautions. “Tell a friend where you’ll be and when you expect to be home, and meet for coffee in a public place,” suggests Dr. Kirschner.

9).  Remember that dating is a numbers game.

“Four out of five men you go out with will disappear,” says Dr. Kirschner bluntly. It’s just the nature of the dating world. He may have seemed great, but loses interest, or is dating someone else, or has problems you will never know about. Don’t take it personally, and instead try to remember that if you’re meeting a lot of people, the number of bad apples will go up — but so will the odds that you’ll meet a few good apples too.

10).  Date around.

Dr. Kirschner recommends, to start by dating several guys at the same time. For a couple of reasons: First, you’re not putting all your eggs — or hopes — into one basket. Second, you can compare what you like and don’t like. Maybe one guy is very funny, but you enjoy another man’s intellectual stimulation. “You can see what

11).  But be honest.

While Dr. Kirschner fully supports seeing multiple people at one time when you first start dating, she does say there’s one caveat: making sure everyone knows. “Just say, ‘I’m enjoying dating you, but I want you to know that

12).  Don’t let your kids stop you.

Hopefully it’s obvious to you that if you have children at home, you shouldn’t bring dates around unless it’s somewhat serious. That said, don’t let a fear of your children being upset or disapproving stop you from getting out there if you feel ready to. “Too many women hide behind their kids as an excuse not to date,” says Gadoua. Be up-front and respectful, but don’t apologize for wanting to date. “Most children just want their parent to be happy, and may be less likely to object than you imagine,” she says.

Source: www.womansday.com