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Category: Relationships

  • The truth about lying in your relationship (1)

    BIMPE (not real name) needed to get to a party over the weekend, and had no idea how she would escape from her spouse. So she cooked up an excuse for her husband, Soji. “Sweetheart, our company has organized a training and I was selected as one of the participants.” Soji agreed and was ready to take care of the kids, though he was a man who lacked exposure and didn’t allow his wife go for “owambe”, which is the reason why Bimpe decided to tell a lie. And yes she went for the party nothing happened because Soji didn’t know the true story. I am not saying all women are like this. This is just an example of lie being told to a spouse. There are many more examples of various lies people tell in their relationships.  Over time as we mature, there are certain things we shouldn’t tolerate in any relationship. Our lives are complicated with the problems we face in our economy relating to our careers, family, friends, in-laws, enemies and even ‘frienemies’, sometimes it is all too much to handle. Then we now add a new relationship to the mix, or managing an existing one and you have one more issue with which you have to deal with called LIES!

    If you discover that your partner has lied to you, should you stay with such a person?  It all depends on you as a person. How much are you willing to put up with it and how much time are you willing to spend with such a person whom you have now identified as a liar.

    The key ingredient in any relationship to survive is trust, especially as we grow older. This is very important because if there is no trust, the centre cannot and will not hold, no matter how beautiful, handsome, sexy, great in bed and rich this person may be. Coupled with respect and love, trust is an ingredient that gives you a strong basis as a couple or in any relationship such as colleague at work, business partner etc. While trust is a bond, it is also a tenuous one, easily broken, if one of the partners constantly lies. A partner may tolerate it first, second and third time, but after a while they will eventually get tired of tolerating. LIES about your financial level e.g how much you make or have in your account are also trust breakers, it’s a hard pill to swallow but the fact remains not everyone likes to come clean on exactly how much they are worth

    There are also some lies we don’t want to hear (no one likes any sort of lies really). Lies such as, “I didn’t call because my cell phone battery was low or died.” Or,” I was at work”. For anyone who consistently lies the reality is that this person feels lies are acceptable, and will always have reasons why he or she should lie. He or she may lie about the reason they came home late or say they did something that needed to be done but in reality didn’t do it.  The thing with lies is that, it may start small and you may keep getting away with it, they may not be major lies, but gradually they will progress into major ones and become uncontrollable, it may not mean you are committing adultery or hiding money from your spouse, but a pattern is being established where lying becomes second nature to the truth, when your lies become a truth to you, it has now become a habit and difficult to stop.

    As mature individuals you may have to stop making excuses for the person who lies to you over and over again and face the reality of the situation that your spouse is a LIAR. That person is not going to change and you can’t expect him or her to be truthful, they will lose track of the lies as one lie leads to another lie, then another lie and yet another lie, till it becomes a web they cannot be free from.

    Relationships are made up of many important parts. People are willing to put up with various behaviour with their spouses just for the sake of keeping “hope” alive or maintain an appearance that all is well when in reality all is NOT well.

    Signals that your partner is a liar

    Unfortunately, it is not all the time you can tell when you are being lied to in a relationship. Nonetheless, when a partner’s actions seem shady and unexplainable, or when you cannot connect the dots, it might signify dishonesty. These signs are listed and discussed below.

    1. Change of tempo in your spouse’s voice

    If you’re the type who talks a lot with your spouse, you practically become used to his/her voice. When your partner is lying, you notice a slight change of tone in their voice, either going higher or lower. To others, it might not be noticeable, but to you who has held several conversations with your partner and knows them well, especially if you have been together for a while, then that change is detected immediately, even if it is subconscious. Your mind will speak to you, showing you that all is not well. Unless you want to deceive yourself, you will see the signs.

    1. Change in eye contact

    When having a conversation with your spouse, he/she who was previously looking directly into your eyes while talking suddenly answers a question looking away from you or quickly finding something else to look at, that may be a sign of dishonesty. It is either the person is embarrassed about telling a lie that the guilt forces the person to look away from the other’s eyes. Or be that the spouse is trying to organize their thoughts in order to flow with the lie being told, remember we said one lie leads to another and another and another, trust me it is hard work. When your spouse avoids looking into your eyes or in your direction when answering a question of yours, it could be a sign that something is wrong. A lot of betrayals happen in this way; the eyes are window to a mans soul.

    1. Change in recollection of events

    Remember we mentioned earlier that telling lies is connected and hard work to create a perfect lie. Making the lie to suit certain events that have already happened could be complicated if not done well. The liar himself could divulge a lie by himself/herself.

  • 4 steps to saving your marriage after an affair

    Your marriage doesn’t have to end if you or your spouse were caught cheating. But you will have to work hard. Even newlyweds have cheated, says Janis Abrahms Spring, a clinical psychologist in private practice in Westport, Conn. and author of ‘After the Affair: Healing the Pain and Rebuilding the Trust When a Partner Has Been Unfaithful’ . If one of you has cheated, you can still save your marriage. Here are tips for saving your marriage after an affair –

    •End the affair – The unfaithful spouse must have a funeral for the extramarital relationship, says Spring. Essentially, he or she must kill the affair by ending it in no uncertain terms. In other words, the cheating spouse must agree to never contact or accept contact from his or her lover again.

    •Understand why the affair happened -“The affair tells a story that must be understood,” says Spring. “Otherwise, why wouldn’t it happen again?” There are many reasons why people cheat. A few examples of the type who might cheat include someone who always followed the rules and never deviated from the pack, someone who felt his parent’s favored his siblings and seeks attention, and someone who is jealous of the time and affection his wife is now sharing with their children. The point is, however, that you have to get to the bottom of what led your spouse to cheat and try to address whatever needs addressing internally and in your relationship.

    •Turn to each other – After an affair, couples might have a lot of anger and resentment toward one another. They should not dwell on those emotions. Instead, they should look to the future. “Treat each other they way you would like to feel and not the way you actually feel at the moment,” says Spring. “Treat each other with respect, tenderness, and care.” Don’t take each other for granted either. “The after glow wears off, and people lose consciousness of how they treat each other,” says Spring.

    •Re-build trust – Those who have cheated must earn the trust of their spouses again. You’re starting from scratch, so it won’t be easy. Spring suggests you regularly check in, commit to therapy and working on the relationship, answer phone calls from your spouse, be where you say you are going to be, and tell the truth. If you lie or seem like you’re hiding something, your spouse will be brought back to the affair and your behavior during that time. Honesty could save your marriage.

    Those who heal after adversity focus on finding a solution to the problem instead of focusing on the problem. In other words, if you are someone who can’t let go of the idea that your spouse was unfaithful you will have a harder time healing.

    If you are someone who focuses on rebuilding the lost trust and stay open minded about finding solutions you are more likely to save your marriage and heal. The good news is, we can all be solution oriented folks. We can all develop the insight needed to work through marital infidelity and either save a marriage or move on to rebuild and be productive in life.

    The first place to start is with empathy for yourself and your spouse. I truly believe that the first step to healing from any kind of betrayal is an understanding of not only our own feelings but the feelings of the one who betrayed us.

    People who are empathetic are sensitive to their experiences and the experiences of others. You’ve heard the old saying, “walk a mile in my shoes?” This can’t be truer than when attempting to find solutions to marital problems that damage the trust we have in a partner.

    So, I urge you to not only be gentle with yourself but to put effort toward empathizing with the spouse who has hurt you. Doing so leaves little room for anger to take hold, anger that can keep you focused on the problem instead of solutions to the problem.

     

  • How to have a better relationship

    Can you spot a good relationship? Of course, nobody knows what really goes on between any couple, but decades of scientific research into love, sex and relationships have taught us that some behaviour can predict when a couple is on solid ground or headed for troubled waters. Good relationships don’t happen overnight. They take commitment, compromise, forgiveness and most of all — effort. Keep reading for the latest in relationship science, fun quizzes and helpful tips to help you build a stronger bond with your partner.

    Love and romance

    Falling in love is the easy part. The challenge for couples is how to rekindle the fires of romance from time to time and cultivate the mature, trusting love that is the hallmark of a lasting relationship.

    What’s your love style?

    When you say “I love you,” what do you mean?

    Terry Hatkoff, a California State University sociologist, has created a love scale that identifies six distinct types of love found in our closest relationships.

    • Romantic: Based on passion and sexual attraction
    • Best Friends: Fondness and deep affection
    • Logical: Practical feelings based on shared values, financial goals, religion and so on
    • Playful: Feelings evoked by flirtation or feeling challenged
    • Possessive: Jealousy and obsession
    • Unselfish: Nurturing, kindness, and sacrifice

    Researchers have found that the love we feel in our most committed relationships is typically a combination of two or three different forms of love. But often, two people in the same relationship can have very different versions of how they define love. Dr. Hatkoff gives the example of a man and woman having dinner. The waiter flirts with the woman, but the husband doesn’t seem to notice, and talks about changing the oil in her car. The wife is upset her husband isn’t jealous. The husband feels his extra work isn’t appreciated.

    What does this have to do with love? The man and woman each define love differently. For him, love is practical, and is best shown by supportive gestures like car maintenance. For her, love is possessive, and a jealous response by her husband makes her feel valued.

    Understanding what makes your partner feel loved can help you navigate conflict and put romance back into your relationship. You and your partner can take the Love Style quiz from Dr. Hatkoff and find out how each of you defines love. If you learn your partner tends toward jealousy, make sure you notice when someone is flirting with him or her. If your partner is practical in love, notice the many small ways he or she shows love by taking care of everyday needs.

    Reignite romance

    Romantic love has been called a “natural addiction” because it activates the brain’s reward centre, notably the dopamine pathways associated with drug addiction, alcohol and gambling. But those same pathways are also associated with novelty, energy, focus, learning, motivation, ecstasy and craving. No wonder we feel so energized and motivated when we fall in love!

    Individuals in the early stage of intense romantic love show many symptoms of substance and non-substance.

    But we all know that romantic, passionate love fades a bit over time, and (we hope) matures into a more contented form of committed love. Even so, many couples long to rekindle the sparks of early courtship. But is it possible?

    The relationship researcher Arthur Aron, a psychology professor who directs the Interpersonal Relationships Laboratory at the State University of New York at Stony Brook, has found a way. The secret? Do something new and different — and make sure you do it together. New experiences activate the brain’s reward system, flooding it with dopamine and norepinephrine. These are the same brain circuits that are ignited in early romantic love. Whether you take a pottery class or go on a white-water rafting trip, activating your dopamine systems while you are together can help bring back the excitement you felt on your first date. In studies of couples, Dr. Aron has found that partners who regularly share new experiences report greater boosts in marital happiness than those who simply share pleasant but familiar experiences.

    Diagnose your passion level

    The psychology professor Elaine Hatfield has suggested that the love we feel early in a relationship is different than what we feel later. Early on, love is “passionate,” meaning we have feelings of intense longing for our mate. Longer-term relationships develop “companionate love,” which can be described as a deep affection, and strong feelings of commitment and intimacy.

    Where does your relationship land on the spectrum of love? The Passionate Love Scale, developed by Dr. Hatfield, of the University of Hawaii, and Susan Sprecher, a psychology and sociology professor at Illinois State University, can help you gauge the passion level of your relationship. Once you see where you stand, you can start working on injecting more passion into your partnership. Note that while the scale is widely used by relationship researchers who study love, the quiz is by no means the final word on the health of your relationship. Take it for fun and let the questions inspire you to talk to your partner about passion. After all, you never know where the conversation might lead.

    How deep is your love?

    A simple quiz to determine how you score on the passionate love scale.

    Sex

    For most couples, the more sex they have, the happier the relationship.

    How much sex are you having?

    Let’s start with the good news. Committed couples really do have more sex than everyone else. Don’t believe it? While it’s true that single people can regale you with stories of crazy sexual episodes, remember that single people also go through long dry spells. A March 2017 report found that 15 percent of men and 27 percent of women reported they hadn’t had sex in the past year. And 9 percent of men and 18 percent of women say they haven’t had sex in five years. The main factors associated with a sexless life are older age and not being married. So whether you’re having committed or married sex once a week, once a month or just six times a year, the fact is that there’s still someone out there having less sex than you. And if you’re one of those people NOT having sex, this will cheer you up: Americans who are not having sex are just as happy as their sexually-active counterparts.

    Although sexual activity is commonly believed to be a key component of emotional well-being, little is known abo…

    But who’s counting?

    Even though most people keep their sex lives private, we do know quite a bit about people’s sex habits. The data come from a variety of sources, including the General Social Survey, which collects information on behaviour in the United States and the International Social Survey Programme, a similar study that collects international data, and additional studies from people who study sex like the famous Kinsey Institute. A recent trend is that sexual frequency is declining among millennials, likely because they are less likely than earlier generations to have steady partners.

    American adults had sex about nine fewer times per year in the early 2010s compared to the late 1990s.

    Based on that research, here’s some of what we know about sex:

    • The average adult has sex 54 times a year.
    • The average sexual encounter lasts about 30 minutes.
    • About 5 percent of people have sex at least three times a week.
    • People in their 20s have sex more than 80 times per year.
    • People in their 40s have sex about 60 times a year.
    • Sex drops to 20 times per year by age 65.
    • After the age of 25, sexual frequency declines 3.2 percent annually.
    • After controlling for age and time period, those born in the 1930s had sex the most often; people born in the 1990s (millennials) had sex the least often.
    • About 20 percent of people, most of them widows, have been celibate for at least a year.
    • The typical married person has sex an average of 51 times a year.
    • “Very Happy” couples have sex, on average, 74 times a year.
    • Married people under 30 have sex about 112 times a year; single people under 30 have sex about 69 times a year.
    • Married people in their 40s have sex 69 times a year; single people in their 40s have sex 50 times a year.
    • Active people have more sex.
    • People who drink alcohol have 20 percent more sex than teetotalers.
    • On average, extra education is associated with about a week’s worth of less sex each year.

    Early and often

    One of the best ways to make sure your sex life stays robust in a long relationship is to have a lot of sex early in the relationship. A University of Georgia study of more than 90,000 women in 19 countries in Asia, Africa and the Americas found that the longer a couple is married, the less often they have sex, but that the decline appears to be relative to how much sex they were having when they first coupled. Here’s a look at frequency of married sex comparing the first year of marriage with the 10th year of marriage.

    Why does sex decline in marriage? It’s a combination of factors — sometimes it’s a health issue, the presence of children, boredom or unhappiness in the relationship. But a major factor is age. One study found sexual frequency declines 3.2 percent a year after the age of 25. The good news is that what married couples lack in quantity they make up for in quality. Data from the National Health and Social Life Survey found that married couples have more fulfilling sex than single people.

    The no-sex marriage

    Why do some couples sizzle while others fizzle? Social scientists are studying no-sex marriages for clues about what can go wrong in relationships.

    It’s estimated that about 15 percent of married couples have not had sex with their spouse in the last six months to one year.  Some sexless marriages started out with very little sex. Others in sexless marriages say childbirth or an affair led to a slowing and eventually stopping of sex. People in sexless marriages are generally less happy and more likely to have considered divorce than those who have regular sex with their spouse or committed partner.

  • ‘My husband slapped me for asking him to wash plates’

    A mother of two who pleaded anonymity has taken to social media to ask members of the public whether it was wrong to ask her husband to do the dishes.

    According to her, her husband lost his business to scam and she has been the one catering for the family with the little she earns from her restaurant business.

    She said: “Truly, My husband was the one who opened the restaurant for me, I cook very well and I still do my cooking by myself as I only direct my staffs on what to do.

    “My husband lost his business to scam and since then it’s been me carrying the responsibilities, most of my staffs left because I could not pay them and at some point, all of them left and I had to do everything by myself.

    Read Also: Police arraign husband, pregnant concubine for assaulting wife

    “My husband is doing nothing yet, he just sits at home and maybe go pick the kids from school and all, so yesterday I had lots of customers in the shop, I was doing everything by myself, so as soon as my husband walked in, I asked him to help me rush to wash a few plates while I serve, and he looked at me in some strange way, I repeated myself and he slapped me in public, and walked out.

    “I ignored the embarrassment and even most of my customers left, when I got home I noticed that he moved his things, I called his phone and he said he is in his friends place till he gets a job he will come home, that I should take care of the kids.

    “He cut the call I tried to call and the next he blocked me.

    “What did I do wrong, who is supposed to be upset? I just need to clear my conscience.”

     

     

     

    Source: BOM

  • Eight reasons to stay single

    There is always pressure on individuals who have attained the age to be in a romantic relationship.

    Sometimes this pressure comes from family, at other times from friends.

    However, there are compelling reasons to stay single! It’s worth thinking about those before rushing into a relationship.

    According to the Law of Attraction, it is better to be fully ready before getting into a romantic relationship.

    Check the reasons:

    1. Clichés about Single People Miss the Mark

    Firstly, some people assume that being single means you are unsociable, unattractive, selfish or immature.

    Consequently, you may feel pressured to be in a relationship, even if you don’t really want to be in one or haven’t really found a suitable partner.

    The reality is that single people can thrive, be deeply charismatic and entirely unselfish all while staying single.

    Try to let go of the idea that being single means you’re not successful.

    2. You May Not Love Yourself Yet

    It’s said a lot, but that’s because it’s true: You can’t truly love someone else until you’ve learned to love yourself.

    If you’re still working on your self-esteem or on getting to know yourself, it’s well worth putting off the formation of romantic relationships. This way, if or when you do decide to find a partner, you can go into it as a confident, self-aware individual who has a good sense of their own needs.

    3. You May Not Be Happy Yet

    On a related note, so many people rush into a relationship hoping that it will fix their problems or make them feel happy. Just as with self-esteem, you need to learn how to be happy on your own so that you don’t put this kind of burden on a relationship.

    Spend time figuring out what you want your life to look like! Plus, focus on finding pursuits that you can enjoy as a single person.

    4. Being Single Provides Freedom

    It’s also important to remember that there are pros and cons to being in a committed relationship.

    The spontaneity available to you as a single person is not to be taken for granted… You can spend your money as you like, live how you want, book last minute trips and plan solely according to what you want.

    Perhaps this is a time in your life when it’s important to simply enjoy that freedom, lest you resent giving it up too quickly.

    5. You May Be Carrying Too Much Baggage

    When you struggle to manifest something that you want, like love, it is often because you’re still holding too much negative emotion about that thing.

    If you stay single long enough to process your feelings and thoughts about past relationships, you can attract and fully commit to a loving, stable connection with a new person.

    6. Friendships Are Just As Valuable

    Yes, you can certainly maintain friendships while dating, but the more significant relationships you have (as well as other life commitments) the harder it is to keep up with them all.

    One reason for staying single is that you might be just as fulfilled by loving friendships as you would by romance. And, unlike romance, those friendships allow you complete autonomy over all your life choices.

    7. There Are Unhealthy Reasons To Want A Relationship

    Another reason why you might be better off single right now is that you may not be motivated by a genuine desire for love. Perhaps, instead, you want to make an ex-partner jealous, you struggle with your own company, or maybe you want to fit in with your social group.

    Whatever the underlying reason, until you are in a place where you want to pursue love for its own sake, you won’t be able to manifest the partnership that’s really right for you.

    8. Being Single Allows Exploration

    Whether you want the freedom to casually date without commitment or want more literal exploration

    This fosters personal development. It also reduces the risk of you feeling resentful if or when you do decide that you want to leave the single life behind.

  • 10 reasons women break up with men

    10 reasons women break up with men

    If you have often wondered why your girl broke up with you, maybe you need to retrospect upon the kind of relationship you shared with her. Take a look at some reasons, which are a complete turn off for women, leading to subsequent breakups.

    A successful relationship is plausible only with mutual acceptance of each other, in a complete manner.

    But if you make the following mistakes, chances are you’re still going to wind up single sooner or later.

    1. You don’t know how to treat or make a woman happy.

    2. You only Text. Texting is perfectly acceptable when you want to flirt or ask a quick question. But for conversations that take more than 30 characters, pick up the phone and call your girlfriend.

    3. You Never say “I’m Sorry”. Everyone likes to save face. But having too much pride to never apologize can be a really big problem.

    4. You are not romantic and you don’t know how to use words such as; sweetie, Angel, Sexy, My world, Treasure, My Queen etc. Women love to hear their praises.

    5. Some guys lie a lot believing that ladies fall in love when you tell them lies. It’s wrong because when she finds out the real you, she can quit the relationship.

    6. You don’t know her friends. Boxing out your partner’s friends is a relationship deal breaker. You don’t have to love her girlfriends, but you need to respect the bond she has with them.

    Read Also: ‘I mistakenly cheated on my wife with her kid sister’

    7. You don’t ask questions. Your silence says a lot. By not asking follow-up questions to her stories, you’re expressing that you’re not interested in her life,

    8. You have No Future Ambition (NFA). No woman wants a man that has no prospect.

    9. You’re never on time. You got stuck in traffic. You spilled a coffee as you walked out the door. You lost track of time. Whatever the excuse is, your girlfriend is sick of you consistently showing up 5 or 10 minutes late.

    10. You can’t stop gushing about your ex. A man who keeps talking about his ex-girlfriend all the time is heading towards a breakup, even before he realizes what’s hit him.

     

     

    Why did you break up with your Ex?

  • Nurturing your relationship (1)

    Dear reader, I welcome you to this wonderful month. It is my prayer that all that the month holds will be delivered to you speedily. In this teaching series for the month, I shall be exploring the topic: Nurturing Your Relationship.

    God instituted marriage so that man can enjoy the power of relationship. God saw that the first man – Adam, was in need of companionship. And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him (Genesis 2:18). God wanted it to be for man “as it is in heaven” (Matthew 6:10). So, He gave man the gift of relationship. This means that God believes in relationships and they are important to Him.

    Relationship means “to connect with someone else or to be in touch with someone.” But it is important for you to understand that although God initiated the idea of relationships, it is our duty to develop and sustain it. We sustain our relationship by nurturing it with all the right nutrients necessary for it to grow.

    To nurture means to care for, to look after and to take care of somebody or something. You nurture your relationship with your spouse, just as you nurture your baby to adulthood. You should learn to feed and care for your relationship, if it must be a success. Food here does not mean what we eat physically, but there are physical, spiritually and emotional nutrients you must give your marital relationship so that it can grow and be well-nourished.

    How to nurture and grow your relationship

    I will be sharing with you on certain factors that can help you nurture and grow your relationship with your husband, wife and family members.

    Commitment

    Any man or woman who is genuinely committed to God is bound to be committed to the success of his/her home, because he/she will endeavour to obey God. Someone once said that what the spinal cord is to the body is what relationship is to your marriage.

    The level of your commitment to your relationship with your husband, wife or family members will ultimately determine how heavenly your home will be. For you to be committed to your husband, wife and family members, first and foremost, you must be committed to God if commitment to your spouse will yield a positive result.For every house is builded by some man; but he that built all things is God(Hebrews 3:4).

    That means all your efforts to build a heavenly home will amount to nothing without the help of God.

    The Bible says, I am the vine, ye are the branches: He that abideth in me, and I in him, the same bringeth forth much fruit: for without me ye can do nothing (John 15:5).

    Let me say this to singles, before you marry any man or woman; ensure that he is genuinely committed to God, because if he or she is not, it will affect the success of the home.

    I remember my husband (then my fiancé) writing a paper titled “Sailing Under Sealed Orders.” One thing that struck me most in that vow of commitment to God was the phrase, “Christ is either Lord of all or not Lord at all…” I rejoiced when I read and even had to sign that I will allow him to serve God completely and unreservedly. That is why I am not surprised at his commitment to our home, because his commitment to God is unquestionable.

    However, commitment to God must find expression in your commitment to your spouse and family members. Commitment to God and to your spouse is like a bicycle. Each wheel represents these two levels of commitments.

    Commitment is what drives a man to love his wife despite how he feels or what she has done or failed to do; and it is also a driving force in a woman that is submissive to her husband. Any man you see who finds it difficult to love his wife or makes excuses for not loving her is not committed to making that marriage work.

    If you are a stubborn and naughty wife who refuses to submit to her husband, your problem is simply lack of commitment! If you are committed to the success of your marriage, you will not need anyone to advise you, you will willingly and excitedly submit to your husband, and your husband will express his love for you.

    A lady once wrote me and said, “I started reading your article in one of the daily newspapers after I got born-again in November 1998. I gained a lot from most of what you discussed in the articles. I am married with four children and used to do many things that were not right to my husband. But as soon as I read your articles, I made a change. Whenever I want to fight my husband, I remember your article on how to be patient with our husbands, and I stop. You have taught me a lot about marriage, so I don’t miss that newspaper.” It is time to get committed if you desire a heavenly home.

    You need Jesus Christ to be committed and maintain commitment in marriage. If, peradventure, you are not born again and you want to accept Jesus as your Lord and personal Saviour, then say this prayer in faith: Dear Lord Jesus Christ, I come to You today. I am a sinner. Forgive me my sins and cleanse me with Your Blood. I accept You as my Lord and personal Saviour. Make me a child of God today. Thank You for delivering me from sin and satan to serve the living God and thank You for accepting me into Your Kingdom.

    Congratulations! If you prayed this simple prayer of faith with me, you are now born again and a child of God. He loves you and will never leave you. Read your Bible daily, obey God’s Word and seek Christian fellowship (John 14:21).

    With this, you are guaranteed all-round rest and peace in Jesus’ Name! Call or write to share your testimonies with me through contact@faithoyedepo.org, 07026385437 OR 08141320204.

    For more insight, these books authored by me are available at the Dominion Bookstores in all Living Faith Churches and other leading Christian bookstores: Marriage Covenant, Making Marriage Work, Building A Successful Home and Success in Marriage (Co-Authored)

  • 10 signs you may be in a toxic relationship

    In a time such as ours that oozes with the entitlement mentality, toxic relationships thrive. People are in relationships for the wrong reasons; people live in a country of me, me and me and enter into romantic relationships with same mentality. They end up dragging their partners in a downward spiral of hurt, pain and brokenness.

    The sad part however is that many do not even know they are in a toxic relationship. Here are ways to know you are in a toxic relationship:
    * You are always drained: Usually, a toxic relationship always leaves you drained of all energy. This could come from giving your all, constantly compromising, incessant quarrels and misunderstanding. In fact, you could find that you are the only one loving and trying to make the relationship work- there is simply little or no effort from your partner.

    *You always expect negative things: If you are in a relationship where you have gotten so used to criticism and verbal abuse that it has become normal for you, you should know you are in a toxic relationship.

    * You tread carefully: Relationships are meant to be a loving and blissful. Sure, there will be misunderstandings but when every single thing you do is seen as wrong such that you are careful of every word that comes out of your mouth, then you, my dear, are not in a relationship but a prison. In such case questions and statements become traps. Eg. “So you prefer to go out with your friends and leave me alone? ,“You have been smiling a lot at your phone today”.

    * You feel trapped: When you feel trapped but your partner uses manipulation to keep you in the relationship, beware. Sometimes, to keep you hooked to them, your partner will make sure to feed you a bit of positivity from time to time, overwhelming you with signs of adoration and love. In the end you stay put in the relationship with hopes that the relationship will get better even when the relationship is more of a negative one.

    *You feel unworthy: if you feel unworthy in a relationship and that your partner is doing you a favor by being in a relationship with you, that’s a bad sign. Also if you always seek constant acceptance from your partner, then that is a subtle signal of a toxic relationship.

    READ ALSO: How to deal with people with toxic behaviours

    *You are ALWAYS wrong: If you can never do anything right and are ALWAYS wrong, then there is a problem. If your partner is constantly pointing out wrong things you do making you apologize every time, then it gradually brings down your self-esteem. Such a relationship is likely toxic.

    *They never accept they are wrong: When even in the face of complete and glaring evidence that your partner is in the wrong yet they refuse to admit it but find a way to make you the culprit, then that relationship is highly toxic.

    *They hit you where it hurts: Having knowledge of your fears, insecurities and deep issues, a toxic partner may use this information to hurt you. Normally, your partner is to make you feel safe with your issues and make you never regret telling them. However, when you hear things like “that’s why your father abandoned you” or “you can never be a lawyer” then you should hit the road.

    *They are controlling: If your partner has no consideration for your feelings and emotions but always wants to have his or her desire done no matter the costs, it is a glaring sign of a toxic relationship. They constantly check your phone, want to know everything you do and even up to what you are thinking. This is very unhealthy and not a sign of love. RUN.

    *They are violent: This is definitely a NO,NO! When it gets to the point where your partner physically abuses you then you should call it quits. No relationship is worth being abused physically or even verbally abused.

  • Ten ways to get a lady say yes to your proposal

    It is one thing to find that person you love and it is another thing to make that person say YES to your marriage proposal.

    It is the dream of every woman to hear this question from her man, will you marry me? Love is a strong word, feelings that brings two persons together to become one.

    Finding the perfect marriage proposal idea might be hard for some lovers especially when making plans to spent the rest of your life with the person you love.

    Below are proposal tips that can make you end up with your dream lover:

    Read Also: Why Nigerian men delay marriage proposals

    1. Propose by hiding the ring inside of a box of her favorite snacks.

    2. Propose by telling her it is over between the two of you.

    3. Propose by hiring a skywriter to write Will You Marry Me in the sky.

    4. Propose by attaching the engagement ring to your dog’s collar and letting him bring it to her.

    5. Propose by putting her ring in the bottom of her champagne glass at a restaurant.

    6. Propose by writing the message in Christmas lights.

    7. Propose by inviting her with another lady for a date.

    8. Propose by paying her a surprise visit to her office.

    9. Propose by arranging with the police to arrest you for a crime.

    10. Propose by having your child (or younger sibling or cousin) ask the question for you.

  • 10 ways to identify fake people

    By Praise Olowe

     

    It can be really difficult to determine the difference between someone who is genuinely nice and someone who is faking.

    Have you ever got the feeling that a person you were friends with or even dating had a hidden agenda or simply couldn’t care less about your thoughts and opinions?
    Pay attention to these tell-tales to know if your relationships are worth seriously investing in:

    * They’re quick to show off

    Being proud of your hard-earned accomplishments is one thing but showing off all of the time is a clear sign of a fake person. Genuine people are humble and most of the time, uninterested in constant bragging.

    *They’re only nice if there’s something in it for them

    A surefire sign of a fake person is one who only shows kindness when it benefits them. Genuine people are nice and helpful no matter the circumstances.

    * They only respect those in positions of power

    When it comes to respect, most would agree that everyone is deserving of this sentiment. Yet, fake people have a tendency to solely respect people in power. Watch out for people who aren’t respectful of everyone around them. If not, they may be faking it.

    *They are only around when it’s convenient for them

    You might never hear from that friend on the street again until they need something from you. They might call and ask you for a favour. They hardly go the extra mile for people.

    *They pretend not to be upset about things

    Anyone who says they never get mad or angry at anything or anyone is full of it. Of course, everyone gets mad at something. Fake people are deep under covers. Their plan is to make people think they are something they are not. Come on now, everyone gets mad sometimes.

    Read Also: 10 important tips for dating in your 30s

    *They put in extreme effort to build relationships

    While genuine people don’t have to put in extreme efforts to grow their circle of friends, fake people may try hard to earn the affection of others. Friendship and other kinds of relationships come naturally to those who are truly interested

    *They seek attention

    It’s okay to crave the spotlight every now and then, however, one sign of fake people is that they constantly seek attention. In comparison, an authentic person likely knows when to let others shine.

    *They gossip

    While a quick gossip session can be tempting from time to time, it’s one activity that can help you spot fake people. Honest people are more willing to openly share their opinions while fake people may keep their comments limited to a whisper.

    *They put others down to look good

    Only those who lack real merits feel the need to criticize others to keep up appearances. Sincere individuals would rather admire and compliment others, while fakers may be quick to put others down in name of making themselves look better.

    * They make promises they can’t keep

    A genuine person will do their best to live up to promises and commitments but a fake person may talk the talk without walking the walk. Fake people easily make commitments but rarely follow through on them.